Corpus of Modern Scottish Writing (CMSW) - www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/cmsw/ Document : 666 Title: The Philosophy of Courtship and Marriage Author(s): Anonymous THE BY Love is wisdom by a sweeter name. Montgomery's Messiah GLASGOW - FRANCIS ORR AND SONS,, EDINBURGH - WILLIAM WHYTE & Co: MDCCCXLIV. TO THE REV. ROBERT MONTGOMERY; B.A. OF LINCOLN COLLEGE, OXON. AUTHOR OF "THE OMNIPRESENCE OF THE DEITY," ETC., THE FOLLOWING PAGES ARE RESPECTFULLY INSCRIBED. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. PAGE Introductory, 1 CHAPTER II Touching the Age at which a man should Marry, CHAPTER III. Concerning the Requisites of a Wife, 16 CIIAPTER IV. Courtship, 31 CHAPTER V. Proposal and Marriage...........3 CHAPTER VI. The Economy and Duties of the Marriage State, . . . 41 CHAPTER VII. A few Words on Family Matters, 56, THE PHILOSOPHY OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTORY. TOUCHING the importance of the subject of this treatise, I presume no well founded doubt can exist. View it in whatever light you may, it is pregnant with matter of grave moment, affecting equally the interests of communities and of individuals. Considered in the former of these positions, marriage addresses itself in an especial manner to the attention of the philosophic politician, in as much as it is one of the primary bonds which holds society together, and is, invariably, the concomitant characteristic of civilization and refinement. 'Wherever the discoverer has lighted upon a country where it did not exist in some shape, he has ever found a community pre-eminently distinguished for rudeness and barbarism — and the first indication of a people's regeneration from "mere instinctive existence" (to borrow the expression of Hobbes of Malmsbury), has been a recognition of the matrimonial principle. • In point of fact, a race "Whose neck the pleasing yoke hath ne'er embraced," may, to a certain extent, be considered inferior to the brute creation, seeing that the nobler descriptions of animals do not cohabit indiscriminately, but associate in individual pairs. As Herbert sings, "Go, rover, to the woods — the lion there "Will read a lesson from his rocky lair ; "His royal mate he seeketh not to change, "Nor from-their mutual couch gregariously to range." Considered individually, the importance of the subject is no less striking and momentous. Marriage is either the greatest blessing or the deadliest curse of life. One of our old English writers, of the reign of Charles I., quaintly remarks : " Of all the paths which diversify the map of this our mortal pilgrimage, the most important is that which leadeth unto the matrimonial altar :— for of a verity the man who once taketh that journey will not return therefrom in the same condition as when he set forth. His cup of life will either be sweetened by the honey of pleasure, or imbittered by the gall and wormwood of abiding disappointment and regret— the more intolerable because unavailing." Indeed, I suspect that comparatively few weigh, with proper consideration, the importance of the matrimonial contract ; and that to this heedlessness is to be traced those multiform instances of uncongenial and unhappy unions which have furnished points to the shafts of the scoffer and the misanthropist. How many a one chooses a wife with no greater forethought or consideration than he would a horse or a dog — looking merely at her external points, and altogether neglecting to inquire whether her mental and moral qualifications are in unison with his own. The consequence is, that such marriages are little better than a lottery, which may turn up either a blank or a prize, the calculation of chances being mightily in favour of the former. Methinks, at this point of my discourse, I hear the advocate of what is mendaciously termed a " life of single blessedness" exclaim, "Now here, oh, Jew, I have thee on the hip!" If such perils attend the navigation, who would ever launch his bark on such a dangerous and deceitful sea ?" The objection is a mere fallacy, and it will require little argument to unfold and expose its flimsy meshes. Carry out our anti-unionist's theory to its full and legitimate extent, and what will be the consequences ? No father will choose a profession for his son because, forsooth, soldiers have turned out cowards, and clergymen profligates ; and it will be better for his boy to grow up in idleness and poverty, than run the risk of disgracing himself by some act unworthy of, or inconsistent with, his calling. The parent must study diligently and wisely the inclinations and capabilities of his child ; and in the same manner the prospective Benedict must set himself to the task of searching for a help-mate in whose society and intercourse he will have a rational prospect of happiness. Recklessness is all that I deprecate — caution and intelligent prudence is all I insist for. Foolish as the bird appears which rushes headlong into the unconcealed net of the fowler, it is not more deserving of our pity than the little fish, so beautifully fabled in that inimitable romance, the Fool of Quality, which, having received from heaven the power of guarding against unseen dangers, became at the last so ultra-cautious, that it perished from hunger—fearing that every fly which skimmed the surface of its native stream concealed a hook armed for its destruction. The thoughtless bridegroom is the bird, and our sneering friend is aptly represented by the fish. Which of them is the most foolish it is hard to say — they may settle the unenviable precedence between themselves. That more happiness results from the married than the single state, I think no one can fairly doubt — always assuming that it has been entered into deliberately and with open eyes. So long as youth and spirits remain, the bachelor may, for many years, at least imagine himself happy. Out-door amusements, such as the theatre, the ball-room, or the convivial board, may afford him a certain degree of gratification. But this does not last for ever. In many cases the accumulated mists of twenty years dim the brightest lustres, and lend an insipidity to the highest flavoured wine cup. The sound of mirth falls with diminished gust upon his palled ear, and having in his search after happiness, traversed the mountains of vanity and the valleys of dissipation, till each one of their landmarks is disgustingly familiar to his eye, he sits down with the Grecian monarch, and sighs for more worlds to explore. Wearied and jaded, he exclaims, that henceforth he will seek pleasure at home — Home ! Where is it ? — And the mocking echoes of his solitary lodging, answer — where ? He starts at the uncouth reverberation of his own voice, and, like the desolate St. Leon, he goes forth an unsympathizing and unsympathized wanderer on the face of the earth. What boots it that he has wealth and possessions — they may bring about him shoals of greedy and expecting heirs, but they cannot purchase a social friend. They may guarantee him from being left to draw his last breath in solitude and silence, but through the assumed sorrow of the faces which meet the sickly glance of his leaden and languid eye, he will read the expression of an ill-concealed wish that he should depart, so that the inheritance might be theirs. The footsteps which prowl about his bed will sound like the flapping of the wings of unclean vultures wheeling around the expiring victim, their each individual feather quivering with impatience for the moment, when the last beat of the pulse and the last inhalation of vital air will surrender the victim to their obscene orgies. Having contemplated this picture, let us now turn to another " counterfeit presentment." The man who marries judiciously or happily — for the terms are synonymous — never knows what it is to be lonely or solitary. " His home to him a kingdom is," and there he finds a zest for every pleasure, and a balmy consolation for every sorrow. If prosperous he ever knows where to find one who will rejoice with him—if the black ox of adversity hath trodden on his foot, there is one always ready to sympathize with and console him. Man is essentially a social being. The .only source of true philosophy, hath said " non est bonum esse hominem solum" — and experience hath ever shown that pleasure unshared loses half its relish, and no sorrow so deeply corrodes the heart as solitary sorrow. The wounded Edward would have perished had not his faithful wife " Sucked the foul venom from his festering wound." And many a man, returning home from 'Change, his brow black with the tidings of sunken ships or unsuccessful speculations, hath felt as if a weight of lead were cast from his breast. so soon as he met the consolations of one to whom he was dear in the sunshine of fortune —but dearer far in the darkness and clouds of adversity. Old age comes on. Beauty takes the wings of the morning and flies far away — the ruddy beacon of health waxes dim, and the gaunt and ghastly visage of disease is seen ever and anon glaring in from the window of his habitation, and the wild sough of the coming storm of death is fitfully heard in the far distance. The married man is prepared and fore-armed for these vicissitudes. — " He has comfort still." His children clustering like ivy around the aged trunk, shelter and defend it from the cold blast — an arm is ever ready for his support, a hand is never wanting to drug the cup or smooth the pillow. Gold can do much ; but all " the wealth of Ormus and of Ind" could not purchase comforts and consolations such as these to the solitary man. Gold might emblazon the costly escutcheon, but it could not purchase tears to wet the velvet of the coffin. Look, reader, upon this picture and the former — neither of them overcharged ; and, as a moral juryman; can you refuse a verdict in favour of matrimony ? CHAPTER II. TOUCHING THE AGE AT WHICH A MAN SHOULD MARRY. IT is generally considered a difficult query to solve, at what age a man ought to turn his attention to matrimony. Youth is proverbially thoughtless and unheeding, and is frequently apt to be led away by the prompting impulse of the moment ; but having all this in view, I am inclined, after mature deliberation, to recommend early marriages. My reasons for this conclusion I shall state as plainly and briefly as possible. I presume it will readily be conceded to me, that tastes are acquired and habits formed more easily in youth than in maturer age. The mind then is like the oak sapling, which the breeze of summer may bend or the hand of a child shape with ease ; but when years have rolled by, and the sapling hath shot up into a stalwart tree, the blast of the tornado thunders innoxious against it, and the might of a Titan cannot change its gnarled position. Now, it is extremely difficult to find two minds nearly alike — perhaps there never was a pair who did not differ essentially in many important points. Poets, indeed, have fabled a faultless assimilation of minds, but such a figuration is only one of those " Perfect monsters which the world ne'er saw." Each mind differs from another, even as one leaf hath some peculiarity which its neighbour shares not. Experience, however, teaches, that when parties associate constantly, as in the married state, there comes to an amalgamation of tastes and feelings, even as the tendril suits itself to the shape and direction of the tree around which it clings. And the mind, as I have stated before, being most ductile in youth, so I conclude, that when parties wed early, there is a greater chance of a harmonious unison of temper and habit. The first fresh ardour of affection makes the one avoid whatever may be disagreeable to the other, and that which, at first, required a little self-restraint, becomes, from repetition, a second nature so to speak. Another plea for early marriages is, that they tend, in no small degree, to guard a man from dissipation. The truth of this is so self-evident, that it requires but little illustration or enforcement. I will peril the case upon the decision of any bachelor between the years of eighteen and thirty-six. When once the leashes of parental authority have been slipped, a man, unless he be of a literary or scientific temperament, hath no place which he can truly esteem a home — where there is no wife in the case. Youthful excitement is a flame which is constantly craving fuel, and for want of a magnet to concentrate their affections on the fireside, thousands have plunged into the polluted stream of folly and vice, which increases in velocity the longer they wallow in its slimy waves, and where, if the grappling-irons of religion arrest not their progress, they must ultimately perish. Even when rescued, how frequently do they bear about with them lasting mementos of their sin in the shape of shattered frames and broken constitutions! Depraved indeed to a singular degree must be that man whom the thought of a young, loving, and beautiful wife would not draw from the wine cup ere the mercury had reached the point of excess. Miserably depraved as human nature is, I think better of my kind than to imagine that many could be found capable of callously resisting such an appeal. When I state that, in a prudential point of view, early marriages are advisable, I know I have many prejudices to combat. Pictures innumerable have been painted of love and poverty ; but from a careful observance of facts, I have come to the conclusion, that where there is not actual and literal poverty, a man is a gainer, even in the matter of pounds, shillings and pence, by "taking unto himself a wife." What I mean to imply, in speaking of poverty, is, that before a man ventures on changing his condition, he should have fairly commenced life—should have a house which he could call his own, and an occupation or profession sufficient, in the mean time to place him above the risk of actual want, and with a reasonable hope of increase. In a word, to borrow a homely expression, I would have him to be in " a well-doing way." I insist not for wealth, but for a well.founded prospect of his acquiring a competency by his talents and industry. When a man once sees his way before him, he may not only safely but advantageously marry, for by so doing, a spur will be given to his exertions more effectual and quickening than any abstract maxims of prudence, or even ambition itself, could supply. He will rise earlier in the morning, and sit later at night. He will pursue his calling with redoubled energy, because he hath more to provide for than when he was alone in the world ; and he will bring more prudence and circumspection to bear upon his speculations, because he is aware, that those whom he loveth dearer than himself would suffer by a reverse of fortune. " The hand of the diligent maketh rich" — a man, unless he be the bond-vassal of mammon, generally requireth some incentive to diligence even in money-making : wedlock furnishes the strongest conceivable incentive. These positions granted, the ergo is self-evident. In illustration of the practical truth of the above theory, I may mention, that the most prosperous of the young men of my acquaintance engaged in mercantile or professional pursuits are Benedicts ; and I would risk a trifle, that if on were to make an abstract of the bankruptcies in the Gazette for the last dozen years, the majority of the dyvers will be found to be unmarried. When people talk of the expenses of a married establishment, they seem to forget the fact, that there is no housekeeper equal to a wife. She is a man's best and most faithful steward ; and unless she have expensive tastes, or habits of extravagance, will make a pound go farther than five could do with a bachelor. I lately saw a case in point. A gentleman who, from mistaken motives of prudence, declines to change his condition, made lately, at my request, an abstract of his household expenditure for a year, and it exceeded considerably the outlay, for the same period, of another friend who is married, and who, in like manner, furnished me with the data I required. I may add, that both parties move in the same rank of life, and live in a manner becoming their condition. Men are proverbially bad managers — and even admitting that their domestics are faithful, still the motive for economy is awanting, and without a motive nothing effectual can be accomplished in this or in any other matter. While I thus recommend early unions, I would not be supposed to excommunicate from the altar of matrimony those "of riper years." It is never too late to do well ; and if marriage be essentially a good thing, it will advantage fifty as well as five-and-twenty. Only let it be borne in mind, that the man on whose head the frosts of time have begun to settle avoid mating with a person much his junior. As Shakspeare says, " Crabbed age and youth " Cannot live together :" nature and propriety alike forbid such banns. To this subject I shall have occasion to advert more fully in a subsequent chapter. One man reaches comparative maturity, so much sooner than another; that it is next to impossible to lay down any rifles indicating the proper marrying age. Cæteris paribus, however, I should say that from six to eight-and-twenty would be about the epoch. In most instances, by the latter at least of these periods; a man begins to " feel his ballast" if he have any — ,and is able to form a tolerably correct estimate of his ways and means. And I believe, that those who have paid some attention to the moral statistics of the subject agree, that the unions which are most felicitous in their results, are generally those formed about the period to which I have referred. CHAPTER III. CONCERNING THE REQUISITES OF A WIFE. IN whatever way it may be viewed, this is by far the most important part of our subject — comprising, as it Both, the whole pith and marrow of the matter. I shall endeavour to treat it in as practical a manner as possible, avoiding quaint theories, and striving to frame my observations so as to meet the cases of the great average of every-day life. I may premise that I write neither for the very highest or the lowest grades of society. In my brief limits it would be impossible to compass so extensive a circuit as this would imply. My remarks shall have reference to those who, in a mercantile community, are known by the designation of "the better classes" — to those who, while they have no pretensions to " write themselves down" of the aristocracy, are yet, from education and profession, entitled to take their place in what is conventionally styled " good society. "; 'While I deem this explanation necessary, however, I would not have it' imagined that my maxims and opinions can have no reference to any circle but what I have marked out. Human nature is the same in all ranks and in all conditions ; and though some of my dicta may not exactly bear reference to the case of the peer or plebeian, still the philosophy of the whole, if based on truth and experience, will be found of universal application. In choosing a wife, a man should take especial care that she is neither much above or below the rank of life in which he seems permanently fixed. An excess either way is pregnant with probable consequences equally pernicious, and opposed to a rational chance of happiness. In the former case, the husband runs no small risk of losing that moral authority which custom and nature alike agree in investing him with, Women are proverbially known to be the most inveterate aristocrats, and they will, in many cases, part with life itself sooner than abate any of the consequence to which they may consider themselves entitled. Even good sense and affection for the husband will not prevent an occasional reminiscence of pedigree or rank ; and I am aware of no subject so pregnant with disputes and heart-burnings. The most humble among us has a natural and instinctive desire to fan the flame of self-consequence — to such an extent, indeed, is this the case, that I have known a merchant exult more in the discovery that he could trace a dim and indistinct relationship with a Highland chief, or a Lowland baronet, than in a whole proud navy of ships, or the highest honours which civic suffrages could confer upon him. It can easily be imagined, therefore, that a most fruitful root of bitterness would be engendered in a conjunction such as I have hinted at. Let us suppose the case, that the lady was " M`Leishes ae daughter o' Clavers-ha-lee, " A pennyless lass wi' a lang pedigree !"— Every unit that was added to the sum total of her husband's bank account would, to a certain extent, mortify her vanity, by contrasting the penurity of mere birth with the fruitful cornucopia of trade. Her eye would rest with a painful unsatisfaction upon the silver gear of the table, even though she was mistress thereof, because in her paternal " castle" baser metals composed the corresponding articles — and, on the principle of self-- defence, she would ever and anon insinuate some odious little comparison between the stream of blood which for ages had flowed in heraldic and well-counted dignity, and that which had its source and fountain-head in the counting-room or cotton-mill. The husband, on the other hand, would not be awanting in this " war of words." — He would have his sneer touching " fraction-less fame," — his quotation of, " When Adam delved and Eve span, " Where was then the gentleman ?" and it is ten to one, that from being a good constitutional supporter of Church and King, the poor man would ultimately land in the meshes of democracy. I could point out more than one instance where, what ostensibly appeared a political conversion, was based on no higher foundation than wounded self-esteem. He who weds much below his station runs the risk of being exposed to a thousand disagreeable passages which he had not calculated upon. The poets aptly describe love as blind — it sees no flaw or imperfection in the object of its affection : — when illuminated by its bright sunbeam, the arid desert or barren moor assumes the richness and glory of a second paradise. But when the honey-moon wanes and waxes faint — when desire is palled, and the eye hath drunk its full of beauty, and puts on the spectacles of reality and every-day life, a host of flaws appear on the tablet which were before invisible or unobserved. What seemed wit now degenerates into coarseness — and simplicity is found to be a misnomer for gawkyish insipidity. The husband must claim kindred with people whom he had not previously dreamed of recognising ; and unless he means to cut off all communication with his newly-acquired relatives, he may be obliged to admit those to his table whom a year ago,he would have grudged standing-room in his hall. Strange outré-like apparitions, with sandy hair and moleskin small-clothes, call him " brother" or "cousin," and plague his existence with petitions for employment; and he almost dreads to take up a Newspaper or Police Report, lest he should stumble upon some tidings, not of the most flattering nature, connected with his new kith and kin. Nor is his wife in a much more enviable predicament. The forms of the society into which she is introduced, hang like "felon fetters" upon her enjoyments. Inexperienced in dancing, the ball-room is as unproductive of pleasure. as the treadmill. The dinner table is associated with all the horrors which carving presents to one who is comparatively ignorant of what Kitchiner styles " domestic anatomy" — and in general companies she sits silent (the most agonizing martyrdom which a female can be subjected to), because she fears, that if she "her mouth but ope,- "There straightway out will fly a trope," which will be rebuked by the frown of her husband, and the scornful titter of her guests. Where there is not perfect freedom there can be but imperfect enjoyment, and she will be ready to exclaim with the country mouse of Gay, " Give me again my hollow tree, " A crust of bread and liberty." And let it never be forgotten, that the man who, in wedding descends much, in a manner taboos himself from the society of his equals. A peer may marry an actress or an opera-dancer, and the lustre of his coronet will act as an open Sesame to the " at home" and the court — the dowlas of the wife will be expiated by the ermine of the husband. But it is different with a commoner in the middle ranks of life. There the ladies arc most ultra tenacious or their rank — the more so, perhaps, because some of them are aware that they hold it on a tenure not altogether unexceptionable), and are more strict than the Noroy King at Arms himself, in admitting any one to their set who has too suddenly clomb the ladder of life. The husband may keep up his bachelor acquaintances, but his wife being debarred from general society, he cannot, if he have becoming spirit, go where she is not admitted. They cannot live without society, and are consequently obliged to cultivate less exclusive circles, far below the husband's rank, and in which, at one time, he never anticipated to move. Some may think this picture overstrained and exaggerated, I admit that in this, as in every rule, there are exceptions, but the leading points are drawn from actual observation, and will be found to exist to a greater or less extent in most cases of the kind. Disparity of ages should ever be avoided in matrimony, and this remark applies equally to both sexes. Nothing is more repugnant than to see youth and age linked together. Such a match always reminds me of the monster described by old Lindsay of Pitscottie, which was in fact two human beings joined together in the manner of the Siamese Twins — and one of them having expired, the survivor exhibited the hideous spectacle of the quick and the dead in a loathsome and indissoluble union. I never see a young woman who marries a man who might be her father, without thinking of the above situation. The one is, if possible, more revolting and disgusting than the other. It is the worst and most degraded species of prostitution ; because, in the ordinary case, the harlot, while she sells her person for gold, can choose or change her paramour, but in the other, death, or what is worse, divorce, can alone rescue the victim who has been immolated upon the obscene altar of mammon. Alas for the frequency of such cases ! When will mothers cease to play the parts of shamelessly avaricious bawds. The term may sound harsh, but I have written it advisedly, and there it shall stand. In a matter of this kind, to palliate or soften were treason equally against nature and decency. But such unions carry their own punishment along with them. The richest dowery cannot purchase love — the person may be bartered, but there is no price-- current which contains the affections as saleable articles. The old man who weds a youthful bride, may, on his return from the nuptial tour, find his house "swept and garnished," but the devils of discord and jealousy will enter in along with him, and poison and pollute every source of pleasure ; nay, even murder itself hath been the product of the foul union, and hath waved its dark crimson wings over the accursed habitation. Let no one be tempted by gold or misled by ambition to soil the wings of their happiness and prospects in such broken and defiled cisterns. The only fitting response which youth can make to the matrimonial solicitations of age is anathema maranatha. While I am far from saying that a wife should be a species of drudge, or upper-servant, I would strongly urge upon all suitors, the importance of ascertaining whether the objects of their choice be given to domestic duties, so far as the management or regulation of a house is concerned. I would not ask her to compound a pudding, or ready a steak with her own hands, but I would have her to know something of the nature of such operations, in order, that she might check carelessness, or instruct ignorance in the " help." I would deem it unreasonable to ask her to adjust the apparatus of the dinner table, but I should like to see her with an eye schooled to detect any irregularity or misplacement. It is a false and pitiful pride which would feel hurt by being supposed to have a knowledge of such matters. The captain of a seventy-four loses nothing of his dignity, because he can tell whether the buckets be properly cleaned, or the meanest rope sufficiently tightened. I know that I run no small risk of being accused of Spartan barbarism, when I assert that a knowledge of the ars culinaria should form part of every young lady's education. Half-a-century bath hardly elapsed since the cook-shop was as regularly visited, even by the daughters of the higher class of gentry, as the music academy — and I am free to assert, that the march of refinement in this instance, bath been rather retrogradish and crab-like. No female can be injured, and many may be essentially benefited by the study. An officer's wife for instance, who bath accompanied her husband to the seat of war, may greatly add to their mutual comfort in the absence of domestics. In a mercantile community, how many a man by a reverse of fortune is compelled as an emigrant to seek his fortune in some new and unpeopled country, and who will assert that his wife would be the worse of being able to dress the wild fowl, or venison, which her husband's rifle bad supplied ? In the back woods of Canada, a sauce-pan is worth a dozen pianos, and a whole legion of guitars. I do not say that you should teach a woman ropedancing, because she may possibly elope with the manager of a circus. But I would have her educated so as to meet all the probable exigencies and vicissitudes of life. It surely is not necessary for me to enlarge upon the surpassing importance of health, and a sound constitution. But while one would imagine that the mere mention of the thing was sufficient, I am sorry to say that there exists a paramount necessity for speaking strongly on the subject. In no period of our history did constitutional and hereditary diseases so much prevail as at the present day, and yet, there is a remissness and carelessness displayed on the part of both sexes, in the formation of unions which looks very much like a species of judicial infatuation. When health is awanting, there can be no certain or permanent happiness. The house becomes, so to speak, an infirmary, to which every succeeding birth adds a new patient — the pathway from the bed-chamber to the church-yard, is defined with fearful distinctness — and madness with his rattling chain, and gibbering idiocy with his cold and meaningless smile, are seldom far from the mansion. The only other requisite in a wife, which I shall touch upon in this place, is religion. It is solely on account of its vital importance that I have postponed it till now, in order, that being last read, it may be the better remembered and dwelt upon. I am aware, that in making this avowal, I lay myself open both to ridicule and censure. Many people laugh at the very name of religion, and others while they are ready enough to admit generally, that it is a good thing, yet profess themselves hostile to its being brought prominently forward in connexion with the general affairs of life. But convinced as I am that there is no system of sound morals which is not based on the rock of Revelation, I must e'en take my chance, both of the scorn of avowed, and the rebuke of .practical infidelity. Yes 1 distasteful as it may sound to the ears of some, the man who, admitting the evidences of our faith to be complete, yet disdains to take that faith as his guide and counsellor, is nothing better than a practical infidel. He is as absurdly inconsistent as the mariner, who having satisfied himself of the use of the compass, yet too proud to be indebted to its assistance locked it up in his chest so soon as he found himself in the open and shoreless sea. Religion gives us new natures. It controls the passions — directs inclinations and confines desires into proper and reasonable limits. It makes us conscious of our own errors and short-comings, and so enables us to bear with our neighbour's weaknesses and failings. It is the parent of every kind and graceful feeling — it restores us to the image of Him whose great characteristics are perfection and love. I therefore lay it down as an incontrovertible maxim, that no union can be permanently happy, where religion does not intervene. To deny this were to deny the scripture, which affirmeth that " every good and perfect gift cometh down from God." See what Christianity hath done for the female character. In every nation where it exists not, they hold a degraded and subordinate place in society. Mahomet made puppets and toys of the sex — Revelation raises them to the rank of companions and friends. Suppose yourself for a moment in the amphitheatre of Rome — the Rome of Jupiter and of Nero. A naked youth stands trembling and shrinking in the arena - casting in vain on the mighty assemblage an eye of supplication and terror. The trumpet sounds — a famished roar drowns the signal note, and in an instant what was breathing man, is now one figureless mass of bone and blood, quivering in new felt death. And on such a scene the Roman maid and matron gaze with satisfied and satiated complacency, and recall in their strangely unnatural gossip, every throe and struggle of expiring humanity. Take another picture. An aged sufferer is expiring in a hovel. Poverty and squalid wretchedness are the characteristics which surround the bed of straw. Disease and filth are the gloomy genii loci. The door opens — the rustling of silks is heard and rank and beauty wipes the clammy brow, and " commends" the medicated chalice to the parched lip. The Roman matron and the British lady are both daughters of her whose first disobedience brought sin and death into the world — both are partakers of one common and corrupt nature — both are subject to like passions and feelings — in nothing do they differ but in religion : — and if such be its fruits, where is he who will say, that it is a small matter whether the wife of his bosom, on whom so much of his happiness depends, be imbued with its benign and humanizing influences. In conclusion, let me urge the importance of the wife being of the same creed and religious profession with the husband. Where this is not the case, there never can be that reciprocation of feelings and affections which constitutes the το χαλον of the matrimonial state. A house divided against itself in so essential a matter, can have no abiding stability. CHAPTER IV. COURTSHIP. AN ancient author terms courtship " the concentration of the romance of life," — and truly, I do think that in looking back from the misty heights of age, on the land of existence, which we have journeyed through, there is no spot on which the setting sun of our days falls with a kindlier radiance. As master John Cleveland, singeth, "Sure, courtship is the fairy land of earth, "Its rivers murmur sweetest melody, "O'er channels paved with gems of lustrous hue : "Its skies are ever blue — no cynic storm "Ruffles the quiet of their azure sleep - "And the green velvet which o'er-swards its hills, "No noxious crawling thing doth e'er invade, "But turtles there do build their halcyon nests, "Lulled to soft slumber by the nightingale." When love hath fairly taken possession of a man, he to a certain extent ceaseth to be his own master. He views every thing through a gorgeously coloured medium, which is very apt to blind and obscure the grosser realities of life. The object of his affections is no longer a common mortal, subject to errors and failings — the imperfections of common humanity vanish like the absorption of mists in the sun, and " She walks abroad in beauty's might, " Commanding nature's homage." This being the state of the matter, it is the part of Philosophy, " That homely maid, bedight with kirtle grey," gently to put back, now and then, the rich-hued lens of amorous ideality, and call upon the suitor to look at things in their true light. Love, like fire, is a good servant, but a bad master ; and to follow, exclusively, its dictates, is as unsafe as to fetch a dangerous leap blindfolded. Whenever one begins to feel affection "tugging at his heart," therefore, he should put in exercise an extra proportion of caution and deliberation. A beautiful garden smiles before him, but if he rush headlong to banquet in its charms, he may perchance be overwhelmed in the bogs and quicksands which intervene, and die fair prospect vanish from his grasp, " Like the elfin bell in the mountain pool." This chapter, therefore, shall be mainly devoted to certain little matter-of-fact suggestions, to which the lover might as well take heed, ere he plunge into the Rubicon by popping the question. I may premise that I am not groping among the unknown paths of theory —my motto is " nothing if not practical"—and with the Trojan prince, I may say, in reference to the Matters I now treat of, "— Quæque ipse vidi " Et quorum pars magna fui —" I am happy to add that the " miserrima" would form no applicable part of the quotation in my case. But to proceed to business. I hold it to be an ascertained fact, that the great proportion of unmarried young ladies, are more or less actresses, whenever a suitor, real or imagined, is in the case. The mothers, wary and watchful by experience, and anxious to procure a settlement for their daughters, soon give them their "cue," to use a dramatic expression, and are ever present at the side scenes to prompt and give directions for the better enactment of the drama. In saying this, I would not be held as depreciating the moral standard of the sex ; — I freely acquit them of deliberate "falsehood, fraud, and wilful imposition" — they are merely following the dictates of nature — and he would be indeed a stern lexicographer, who would define " putting the best foot foremost" as a ramification of lying. But the matter standing as I have stated, it is the bounden duty of every prudent and far-seeing man, to be aware of it in choosing a wife. Before he commits himself in any degree, he should contemplate the lady whom he " affects" in every light, and in every shade. He should not content himself, with beholding her in the ball-room, or the theatre — there every passion is under lock and key — and the Catharine, or Juliana, has all the apparent timid amiability of a Juliet, or Desdemona. Call upon her suddenly, and without premonition when she may not be looking for visitors, and you will be able to form some estimate as to her every-day domestic neatness and habits. If she be engaged at the family tea table, affect not to be looking at her, and then you will be able to mark whether there be any latent peevishness, or ill nature, lurking under the fair surface. For I may notice, that there is nothing which more clearly develops a lady's temper, than the busy duties of the evening meal. This test may seem trifling, but it is easily tried, and let it be remembered, that the shaking of a straw presages the course of the coming hurricane. It is old Fuller, I think, who telleth a pleasant story of a certain honest gentleman, who being unable to make up his mind as to which of three sisters he should take to wife, invited them to a refection at which cheese was the leading viand. The eldest eat her portion without paring the rind — the second cut it off altogether — while the third carefully scraped her morsel clean before eating thereof. The result was, that the gentleman made the youngest a tender of his heart and hand, as considering that she was most to be preferred, who was neither wasteful nor slovenly. There is much practical wisdom in this legend, and the principle involved in it is capable of a thousand applications. For instance, if you wish to know the bent of her mind, so far as literature is concerned, let her accompany you to my friend Symington's Emporiums and request her to select from his store of tomes, a volume: which may be an appropriate present to your sister. This is a test which will be more effectual, because altogether unsuspected. In acted conversation she might dote upon Hannah More, but depend upon it she will select her namesake Tom, if she really prefer the one to the other. Probatum est. In like manner you may ascertain whether she be actuated by expensive habits of dress — a craving for a magnificent establishment, and so forth. Indeed, if you play your part skilfully, and with tact, you may strike out, so to speak, a window in her breast, through which you can contemplate pretty accurately, the composition and working of her mental machinery. I would also call in Phrenology, as the counsellor, of all others, the most to be depended on. Of course, I speak merely to those who are believers in the science, and to such I feel that no explanation or apology is due for the suggestion. A Xantippe, may rouge and pearlpowder her face, into the semblance of the meekly patient Griselda, but she cannot obliterate the organs of combativeness, and destructiveness. The fair infidel may play the outward devotee to perfection, but all her surface orisons will not fill up the fatal gap in the region of veneration. I sincerely pity the anti-phrenologist for many reasons, but for none more than this, that he throws away the best and most effectual guiding staff, through the quicksands of courtship. Combe and Cupid should ever be fellow-travellers — and by trusting to Gall you may eschew much wormwood. CHAPTER V. PROPOSAL AND MARRIAGE. I NOW assume, gentle reader, that you have satisfied yourself fully, as to the disposition and qualifications of the object of your affections, and that you have screwed up your courage to the asking point. A difference of opinion exists, as to whether an offer of marriage, should be made through the medium of a third party — in writing — or directly, and in person to the lady herself. If my advice were craved, I should at once recommend the latter of these courses, and for this reason, inter alia, that it will afford you an opportunity most effectually of judging of the true state of your sweetheart's affections. Supposing her views to be mercenary, it is the easiest thing imaginable for her to indite an answer, glowing with all the enthusiasm of a Heloise—but it is a much more difficult task, to enact or assume passion when face to face. In a personal interview, there are a thousand indescribable little landmarks which may guide you to a knowledge of the true state of matters. The eye then speaks with more verity than the tongue — you may read volumes in a single glance — and there is a free-masonry in the returned pressure of the hand, which is more pregnant with meaning, than a whole portfolio of letters. This ordeal satisfactorily passed, and the marriage finally arranged, there is much to do before the performance of the ultimate ceremony. In the first place, you must look out for a suitable house, and take measures for forming an establishment. And on this head, I cannot too strongly impress upon you, the importance of keeping within your means, both as respects the domicile, and its appointments. Never forget, that if you once get into debt at the commencement of your married life, the chances are ten to one, that it will hang for years like a mill-stone about your neck, and your difficulties increase with every succeeding year. When fairly settled in the world, with all your " wits about you," you may with some degree of safety, occasionally suffer your outlay, to exceed your income, but in the noviciateship of matrimony, such an occurrence is fraught with peculiar and surpassing peril. You are apt for a season to look upon yourself as still a bachelor, so far as expenditure is concerned — your mind so to speak, is in a state of hallucination, in which it is extremely difficult to reason " according to Cocker" in money matters — your sole desire is to gratify your wife, and every desire which she breathes, is to you a law, altogether independent of the prosaic restrictions of " ways and means." When a man acts with inconsideration in this respect, I know of no sight more terrific, than the cloud of bills which darken his table at the close of the first six months, from the date of marriage. Many a one hath thus gotten a drag chain attached to his heel, which increases in length and encumberment, every step taken in the journey of life. Debt is bad at all times, but more particularly are early debts to be shunned. The ball rolled from the highest summit of the Andes, will gather more snow than one which hath received its impetus nearer the base. If you would condescend to be guided by my advice, you would not trust yourself to make a single disbursement, without consulting a married friend, whose Benedictship is of two or three years standing. He who bath forded a dangerous river, is the best guide for others in a like predicament. Experience is the peculiar teacher of fools, and none but fools would seek to learn wisdom, exclusively in such a college. Let your establishment be rather under than above your means, so be that it is not glaringly inconsistent with your rank in society. You can with a much better grace increase, than diminish it. In the latter event, your pride, and credit, and comfort will be equally wounded. Never forget the striking parable of the too ambitious guest, who having taken his place at the upper end of the room, was obliged with shame to remove to a lower. As the Tinker of Bradford singeth, " He that is low need fear no fall.' A bachelor about to change his condition, must be very careful as to the selection of his friends and acquaintances. By selection I do not so much mean an enlargement, as a diminishing of the circle of his inmates, because he may have many "hail-fellow-wellmet" associates, whom it would be extremely improper to introduce to his married fireside. With this in your eye, be very cautious in your invitations, to your penult bachelor entertainments, as it is the general understanding, that whoever you ask to those bath a claim on your future intimacy. This is a rule, but too little attended to, and by disregarding it the consequences are often very mal àpropos. For some time before marriage, associate with none whom you would be chary in introducing your wife to at the promenade or assembly. — By so doing, you will materially consult both your comfort and respectability. Sequestrate yourself from all clubs of which you may be member, always excepting literary, scientific, or charitable associations. Your principal enjoyment henceforward must be at home, and it is a much easier matter to withdraw from such synods, before than after marriage. You may do it without remark or observation, in the former case, but in the latter, you will have a hard battle to fight, with ridicule and sarcasm. That which is the result of inclination, and a sense of duty, will be attributed to baser and less manly motives. You will be greeted with sundry sneering allusions to " petticoat government," "hen-pecked husbands," and so forth, and unless your organ of firmness be very fully developed, you will run no small risk of yielding to the " onslaught of little wits." Do not run the risk of such a result. The most appropriate prayer for poor weak human nature is " lead us not into temptation." It forms no part of my plan, to go into the minutiæ attending the marriage ceremony. The arrangements being made chiefly by third parties, who have had some 4;3 experience in such matters, there is little left in which the bridegroom bath much say or control. I would simply remark, that the less display or ostentation which occurs, the better. Vulgar and gross minds maybe flattered by a prominent exhibition of ribbons and favours, but true delicacy shrinks from such melodramatic exhibitions. I likewise record my protest, against any exuberant demonstration of festivity. Let it be always remembered, that the ceremony is one of deep solemnity, in a religious point of view, and of incalculable moment to the temporal interests of the contracting parties. I do not say that it is an occasion for gloom and sadness—I am not ascetic enough to demand that sack-cloth and ashes should supersede "rustling silks and blooming rose-wreaths," — but I would always like to see mirth, tempered with a becoming gravity — and congratulation (to use Bunyan's phrase) " attend in the sober russet gown of reflection." The laughter of fools nowhere bears such a marked resemblance to the crackling of ignited thorns, as at a marriage party. CHAPTER VI. THE ECONOMY AND DUTIES OF THE MARRIAGE STATE. IF your union would be permanently happy, endeavour, so far as in you lies, to deport yourself as if still a suitor. Love was the magnet which first drew you to the mistress, let love be the connecting chain which binds you to the wife. I do not mean that a husband should be continually enacting the lover, for this would justly lay you open to the charge of ultra-uxoriousness, and would even lower you in the eyes of your spouse, if a sensible woman, but I would have you ever bear in mind, that affection is the most delicate flower in the moral garden, and is apt to be blighted by the slighted contact with the frost of indifference. " A woman's heart," saith Ludovico Doke, " may be likened unto a tablet of wax — heat softeneth, cold hardeneth it." Never forget, what your wife hath sacrificed for your sake. She hath left father and mother, kith and kin, to share your fortunes. She hath bidden adieu to the home round which her earliest affections have entwined themselves — she hath parted with a brother's protection, and a sister's love, and all this for you. She bath thrown the casket of her happiness into your lap, and is it too much to ask, that you should be a considerate and kindly banker of the treasure ? Love bath no bounds or limits — there is no such thing as partial or calculating love. Your wife must be every thing to you — in her all your affections must concentrate, from her all your enjoyments must take their tone. Old Fuller says, " a half-heart is worse than no heart" — and truly I do hold that it were better for a woman to be assured once for all, that she had none of her husband's affections, than to endure the Tantalus-like torture of being perpetually cheated, when she imagined she was about to quaff a draught of love. A christian, should ever turn to the Scriptures of truth as the lexicon, which contains all that is needful for the proper fulfilment of the duties of life. On opening that infallible oracle, the following sentence presents itself in speaking prominence to the eye. "Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word; that be might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing." Alluding to this magnificent passage, an eloquent modern writer remarks, " Here is at once example and motive. What more could even an inspired man say, in order to form the husband to every thing affectionate, disinterested, sympathizing, and attentive to his wife, than this: 'Love her as Christ loved the church ?' He who understands Christianity — finds a volume in such a sentence. His mind instantly recurs to that astonishing instance of benevolence which his Redeemer exhibited, in giving himself up to sufferings and death, for our salvation — to that which he showed in sending forth ministers to preach the Gospel, to every creature' — to the tender attention which he pays, now he is in heaven, to all who receive this Gospel, taking care, that every thing be provided which is necessary to increase their faith, purify their hearts, administer to their consolation, support them in their conflicts, and cherish the hope which he has thus formed in them, of participating in the fulfilment of those gracious purposes to wards his church, which are to be consummated in heaven, and enjoyed to all eternity. This, says he, is my pattern. Such a friend as Christ was to his church, am I to be to my spouse. Am I part of that body of which he is such a Saviour? Then he gave himself for me. Let me imitate that affection of the fruits of which I humbly hope I am a partaker. I here find myself required to love my wife, though she is not without fault ; to interpose between her and danger ; to supply as far as within my power, every thing which can contribute to her comfort ; to seek not only her present, but everlasting happiness ; for thus did Christ love his church.' " I am sure it is unnecessary, to add a single word to this exposition, and enforcement of the dictum of Revelation. It may provoke the silly sneer of the infidel and sceptic, but till he can point out among his " broken cisterns," a source of greater love than this, we will e'en be content to put up with his sarcasm and ridicule. When the fool derides the Bible, the fitting rejoinder of the wise man is—show me any thing better or equal, and then I will bethink me of a change. But let us descend to particulars, and dwell for a brief season upon the detailed duties of the matrimonial state. The husband bearing in mind, that the woman is the weaker vessel, he should continually exercise the virtues of patience, and forbearance, towards her faults and failings. Let him not be too hasty to take offence at a petted or unguarded expression, or an inconsiderate and hasty act. It is very easy making a shrew of a wife. Thwart her in trifles and she will, ere long, learn to oppose your wishes in more important matters. A rough or angry word has not unfrequently nurtured a foible into a vice ; and a laugh at one time will do more to reform than force itself at a future period. Make a companion of her, in the fullest acceptation of the term, and do not consider it beneath your dignity, to suit your conversation to her tastes and intellect. The Price-Current may contain matter vastly pleasing to you, but it is very probable, that your young wife would as lief hear you discourse of other matters than the price of cotton or the texture of broad cloth. Study diligently the art of pleasing. Cultivate those thousand and one little nameless attentions, which are so much prized by the female sex, and learn to take an interest in whatever occupies her attention. Do not affect an air of listless tolerating condescension, when she is pointing out the progress of her embroidery, and shun the treason of a yawn as she dwells upon the little details of her domestic government. These hints may seem trifling, but the non-observance of them may be attended with the most perilous results. If we could anatomize the human mind, how frequently would we discover, that the seed from which the upas tree of estrangement hath sprung, is of a scarcely perceptible minuteness. Be as much at home as possible. A pregnant source of discomfort in the nuptial state is unsettled habits of the husband in this respect. Nothing can be more galling, or disheartening to a young wife, after the first few honey-months have passed, than the frequent absence of her spouse in the evenings. A suspicion is immediately excited in her mind, that the flame of affection begins to burn low, and that she bath lost the power of pleasing, and whenever this feeling occurs, the risk is great, that the wish to please will soon cease to exist. There is no rule without an exception, but in general, I would hold that a young husband should have few engagements of an evening, where his wife did not accompany him. It is most important to cultivate the habit of domestic sociality, and the fireside will never have any charms if they do not exist at the commencement of a union. Do not lay yourself out to keep much company. As I have remarked in a previous chapter, a newly married man is in great danger of running thoughtlessly into debt, and there is nothing which sooner makes a hiatus in the exchequer, than frequent parties. And the immediate and necessary outlay is not the least of the evil. The mind acquires a relish for bustle and gaiety, which militates greatly against the quiet enjoyments of domestic life. The husband becomes a moral cosmopolite, and the wife is greatly unfitted for the prudent and economical government of the household. I would neither have you to be a niggard nor an eremite—moderate hospitality is not only harmless, but becoming—yet ever keep in mind, that a taste for company, if too much indulged in, will sap the very foundations of the social edifice, making you hunt for pleasure every-where but in a quiet home. Be very particular as to the character of those whom you invite to your house. If you had a precious gem, would you not carefully encase it in a casquet, and guard its water even from the contamination of a breath. And if the treasures of Golconda, were concentrated in one jewel, would it compare for a moment, with the pricelessness of a wife's purity. Guard that as you would your heart's blood, or the apple of your eye. Put it not in the way of contamination — it is too costly a pearl to be exposed to the risk of being sullied. I am no advocate for peevish distrust — I can say with all the sincerity which Iago only feigned, " Oh my Lord, beware of jealousy," but I never can put out of view, that while there is nothing so beautiful, there is nothing so delicate as a woman's purity — an expression or an allusion which in a man would be forgotten, so soon as heard, will shake it to its centre like the heave of an earthquake. A married man who indiscriminately retains his bachelor acquaintances, acts as foolishly an inconsistent part as the chemist, who would fill the decanters at the social board with the poisonous liquids he had been analyzing in the laboratory. In the majority of the cases of seduction which have fallen under my notice, the betrayer has been the nominal friend of the husband, who thus like Byron's eagle, cherishes the feather which is fated to wing the arrow that stabs his happiness to the core. And oh, who can fathom the intensity of self-accusation, which will wring the soul of the victim, when he calls to recollection the beacons which should have warned him from the rocks on which his peace bath made so grievous a shipwreck—beacons which nothing but the most culpable negligence could have prevented hint from noting ! I am the more particular as to this matter, because I fear it is out too little attended to. "Evil communications corrupt good manners"—and how small soever the seed of sin and vice may be, it ever finds a genial soil in the depravity of human nature, to foster it up into a branching and spreading tree. Let there be an altar dedicated to God, in every house. Show me the family which wants it, and I will show you a community living, so to speak, without a motive. I will show you a husband who is affectionate to his wife, only by fits and starts, as mere instinct prompts — a wife, whose feelings may be warm to-day, and cold to-morrow, 'who prizes her husband as she would a new silk or trinket, and who, it is ten to one, will discard him in his turn, for some newer toy. Believing as I do, that the human mind is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked — that of ourselves we cannot think a good thought or do a good action — and that every perfect gift cometh down from God, I am bound, even at the risk of being deemed a fanatic, to insist on the paramount claims of religion in reference to the married state. I speak not to our modern philosophers or perfectibility theorists, who would, on mechanical principles, regulate the human mind, as they would the movements of a chronometer. To such "learned Thebans" my words must appear little better than "foolishness," and I am content to bear the full brunt of their scornful sneer. I address myself to the man who is not nominally, merely, but in reality a christian—who admits the evidences of our faith, and who has experimentally tested, by an analysis of his mind, the truth of the mental theory as developed by Revelation. To such a one I would say, even the infidel will scorn you, if holding as you -hold, and believing as you believe, you shut out practical religion from your household. You admit that an evil exists—you believe that there is a remedy for that evil; and yet you will not put forth your hand for the freely offered medicament. Had you been mortally stung by the fiery serpents of the wilderness, would you have doggedly refused to turn up your blood-shot eye to the life-giving symbol. Your moral case at this moment is as hopeless as the physical state of the Hebrew, and your cure is more certain, if I may so speak, for where he had but the type, you have the reality. Make it then a fixed resolution, that at the very threshold of matrimony, you will assign a certain portion of the day, morning and evening, to the worship of your Creator and Redeemer. If you leave it to chance and convenience, however good your intentions may be, you will find, ere long, that you have never opportunity or leisure. Every year that passes over your head, will bring you new occupations and new temporal duties — and you will soon feel inclined to answer the admonitions of conscience with —" not now — at a more convenient season I will listen to thee." To many many thousands so acting, that season never comes — the cares of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word—the thorns grow ranker and ranker, and the dream is only broken perchance by the final terror of the consuming crackling. The sober Christian, is not taught to expect that God will give him every temporal blessing, in answer to his prayers — our heavenly Father bestows upon us only what he considers best suited to our eternal welfare. But no one ever yet prayed for the spiritual graces of the mind, and had his suit rejected, if proffered in confiding and trustful faith. And these are the talismans which will render marriage a state of unmixed delight — these are the Sesames which will throw wide open the chambers of the affections — without them the dwelling is poor, as a lazar house, though paved with gold ; and if these are left, the merchant may see his last ship swallowed up in the tempest-opened tomb of the ocean, and exclaim with a sincerity which the worldling never can know — still, still am I rich! CHAPTER VII. A FEW WORDS ON FAMILY MATTERS. AN ancient author justly remarks, that, " children be the corner stones of the matrimonial edifice, inasmuch as they hold the two portions thereof (viz. the parents) together, and cement them into one structure." Among all nations and in all times, the truth of this axiom bath been acknowledged ; and, generally speaking, no misfortune is esteemed so severe as the want of offspring. It follows then, as a legitimate corollary, that the man who hath no love for children — who shrinks from their fondling embrace, and turns away with stolid apathy from their lisping prattle, is a species of lusus naturce, or social monster, who is greatly incapable to act a befitting part in the domestic drama. If you are cold and careless in this respect, be certain that there is something unsound at bottom — something " rotten" in your moral state, and you must strive against it as you would seek to counteract the spreading of some deadly and insidious poison. This narcotic feeling, if it grow upon you, will ere long denude home of half its attractions, and you will come to have all the inclinations of a bachelor, without the power and freedom of gratifying them. And in addition to all this, you will run no small risk of alienating from yourself the affections of your wife. A mother's love to her children is instinctively strong — it has neither bounds nor limits; and she looks with a jealous eye upon every thing which interferes with the current of her maternal devotion. Is it possible, then, that she can be unaffected by a demonstration of indifference in her husband to those, " the thread of whose destinies is wound around her heart ?" Coldness to them will be worse than coldness to herself, and it is contrary to the usual course of nature, if a corresponding change is not wrought in her temperament. The late William Cobbett, who, with all his faults, was a shrewd and accurate observer of nature, has some judicious remarks on this head. " It is an old saying (he says), praise the child and you will make love to the mother ; and it is surprising how far this will go. To a fond mother, you can do nothing so pleasing as to praise the baby, and the younger it is, the more she values the compliment. Say fine things to her, and take no notice of her baby, and she will despise you. I have often beheld this in many women with great admiration ; and it is a thing which no husband ought to overlook ; for if the wife wish her child to be admired by others, what must be the ardour of her wishes with regard to his admiration ? — There was a drunken dog of a Norfolkman in our regiment, who came from Thetford, I recollect, who used to say that his wife would forgive him for spending all the pay and the washing-money into the bargain, if he would but kiss her ugly brat and say it was pretty.' — Now, though this was a very profligate fellow, he had philosophy in him ; and certain it is, that there is nothing worthy of the name of conjugal happiness, unless the husband clearly evince that he is fond of his children, and that too from their very birth." You cannot too early make companions of your children. Bring down your mind to the level of theirs — interest yourself in their little cares and amusements — teach them to feel that in you they have a counsellor, to whom nothing that concerns them is uninteresting or unimportant. Thus a bond of union will be formed between you, which every succeeding year will strengthen, and which will retain its adhesive power even when your children have attained the status of manhood. If your administration be that of a task-master, whose only stimulant is the threat of punishment, you must expect a very imperfect obedience — for fear is always accompanied with an inclination to deceive. Many parents make their children habitual liars, by an injudicious exercise of authority, such as curbing them in trifles, and putting an arbitrary veto upon particular amusements. The boy looks for a reason as well as the man ; and if it be not rendered him, he will look upon circumvention as no crime. I am not theorizing. While 1 write, I have in recollection many many cases where the most unhappy results have followed, from an ignorant disregard on the part of parents to the obvious laws which regulate the human mind. There is a work which, after the Bible, I would earnestly recommend to the attention and philosophical perusal of every father, whom Providence hath blessed with a family. I allude to the " Fool of Quality," by Henry Brooke, which, in addition to interest of the most intense and absorbing description, as a mere work of fiction, is replete with invaluable hints and maxims, for the healthy culture of the infant and juvenile mind. It argues little either for the taste or judgment of the age, that such a book bath gone out of fashion. It is worth a whole library of mere theoretical treatises, and being drawn directly from every-day life, is capable of universal application. You should systematically observe the dispositions and tastes of your children, in reference to their future profession. I fear there be but few parents who pay a proper attention to this. How frequently does a man destine a boy, even from the cradle, to the Church, the Bar, or the Army, and having made up his mind on the matter, shuts his eyes to a thousand indications of a genius for a contrary pursuit. I am firmly persuaded it is owing to such conduct, that there are so many common-place people in society. Whenever a child shows a marked interest in any occupation, carefully cultivate and foster it. Direct his mind to the rudiments of the particular art or science whatever it may be — make yourself master of its principles and details, and contrive to bring them frequently before him in a pleasing and amusing form. By following such a course, the youth, when he reaches the proper age, will embark upon his occupation with all the gusto and eagerness which he would show in joining a favourite game, in place (as is too frequently the case) of looking upon it as an abridgement of his pleasures and gratifications. And if a profession be embraced with hearty good will, even a moderate degree of talent will go far to ensure respectability and success. A prudent and judicious man will be particularly careful in suiting his style of living to the future prospects of his family. This rule is important to all, but is peculiarly applicable to the professional and mercantile man, whose prosperity is subject to a thousand contingencies, and whose incomes must, in most cases, cease with their lives. I have known not a few instances where a personable family of daughters have remained unmarried, for no other reason than that their parents lived in a showy and expensive style. They who otherwise might have been their suitors reason thus : " Our means are insufficient to support a corresponding style of life, and we cannot think of depriving a girl of comforts which she has been accustomed to from her youth upwards." And truly I could not accuse those who would argue in this manner of unreasonableness or caprice. Every one is naturally desirous of gratifying his wife; and if a man bath a sincere affection for a girl, in the same proportion will he shrink from the idea of placing her in a situation where she would chance to be uncomfortable or uneasy. It is always better to live a little under than above one's means ; and providing that you keep up an appearance decently befitting your rank in society, you will rather gain than lose by the impression that your outlay is within your income. In conclusion, I would advert to a matter which I suspect is but too little attended to — I mean the judicious selection of a family library, and I am sure, that nothing more than an allusion is necessary, in a case so apparent. It has been well observed, that books are either nutritious food or baneful poison ; and this remark is nowhere more applicable, than where a family is concerned. Be judicious in your selection, study to blend instruction with amusement, and sacrifice your own tastes and inclinations, rather than run the slightest risk of introducing even the seeds of contamination into your household. In the untoward soil of corrupt human nature,while vice spreads but too rankly, virtue and piety require the most sedulous and watchful culture, and the library is a garner which is plentifully supplied both with the wheat and the tares of moral husbandry. NEW AND POPULAR WORKS, PUBLISHED BY FRANCIS ORR & SONS, GLASGOW. Cloth, Gilt Edges, 1s., or Printed Cover, Gilt Edges, 9d., Stitched 6d. SCIENCE OF PHRENOLOGY. CONTENS.—History of the Science — Its Leading Principles — Classification and Description of the Organs — The Temperaments — Pathognomy, or the Natural Language of the Organs — Objections Stated and Considered — Practical Application of the Science. HINTS ON COMMERCIAL TRAVELLING, BY A VETERAN HIGHWAYMAN. CONTENTS. — The Importance of Commercial Travelling—On the Changes of the System — Education — Personal Requisites — Habits — The Commercial Room — Dinner — Servants and Fees — Modes of Conveyance. " We advise all young bagmen to possess themselves of this brochure; they will find its hints invaluable. We advise them to study the Hints of this " Veteran Highwayman" in order to be master of all the rules of the road." — Caledonian Mercury. " Whatever relates to the comforts, conveniences, and amenities of the road are hit off with much practical acumen and good taste." — Fife Herald. PHILOSOPHY OF MANNER; OR RULES FOR PROPRIETY OF PERSONAL DEPORTMENT. CONTENTS. — Affectation — Flattery — Self-Esteem — Envy — Vanity — Pride — Prudence — Cunning — Advice and Censure — Conversation, Scandal, and Slander — Company — Politeness and good Breeding — Impertinence — Dress — Address and General Deportment. " This is a judicious Sequel to the laws of Etiquette, and ought to he in the hands of all young persons who aspire to Elegance of Deportment, Refinement of Manners" — Kilmarnock Journal. "It contains Many excellent Hints for the Regulafion of Manners, and may be profitably studied even by the most polished."— Bolton Free Press. NEW WORKS PUBLISHED BY FRANCIS ORR AND SONS. HONOURS OF THE TABLE, WITH HINTS. ON CARVING, AND NUMEROUS ILLUSTRATIONS. BY TRUSSLER REDIVIVUS, Esq. CONTENTS. -- Introduction — Conduct to be observed at Table Rules for,Servants Waiting at Table — The Art of Carving PHILOSOPHY OF COURTSHIP & MARRIAGE. CONTENTS. — Introduction — Touching 'the Age at which a Man Should Marry — Concerning the Requisites of a Wife — Marriage. "ills instructions must be particularly useful to either the ignorant or the bashful."—Caledonian Mercury THE YOUNG WIFE'S BOOK. A SEQUEL TO COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE CONTENTS. — Introduction — The Duties of a Wife —Obligations of Married Life — Conduct to Relations — Morning Visits — Conduct to the Husband — Duties of a Step-Mother — Servants — Visitors The Bargain Buyer — The Domestic Lady — The Wife — Peevishness —Obstinacy. "An excellent Present for a Young Bride, from which, if she carefully peruse it, she may reap much advantage," Caledonian Mercury. THE MOTHER'S BOOK, BY MRS. CHILD. CONTENTS — On the Means of Developing the Bodily Senses in Earliest Infancy — Early Development of the Affections — Early Cultivation of Intellect — Management in Childhood — Amusements and Employments — Sunday — Religion — Views of Death — Supernatural Appearances—Advice Concerning Books — List of good Books for various Ages — Politeness — Beauty — Dress — Gentility Management during the Teens — Views of Matrimony. THE YOUNG LADY'S FRIEND, BY A LADY. CONTENTS. — Introduction — Improvement of Time — Domestic Economy — Dress — Behaviour to Gentlemen — Conduct in Public Dinner Parties — Evening Parties — Conversation — Visits.