Corpus of Modern Scottish Writing (CMSW) - www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/cmsw/ Document : 157 Title: The Vulgarities of Speech Corrected; With Elegant Expressions for Provincial and Vulgar English, Scots and Irish; For the Use of Those Who Are Unacquainted With Grammar Author(s): Anonymous THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED; WITH ELEGANT EXPRESSIONS FOR PROVINCIAL AND VULGAR ENGLISH, SCOTS, AND IRISH; FOR THE USE OF THOSE WHO ARE UNACQUAINTED WITH GRAMMAR. "Vulgar expressions imply either a very low turn of mind, or low education, and low company." LORD CHESTERFIELD. LONDON: PRINTED FOR JAMES BULLOCK, 163, STRAND , OLIVER AND BOYD, EDINBURGH; AND W. GRIFFIN, GLASGOW. 1826. Ready for the Press, to be Printed uniformly with this Volume, RULES OF POLITENESS, ETIQUETTE, AND GOOD-BREEDING. Adapted to Modern Fashionable Life, as well as to the Genteel Circles of the Middle Ranks; with an Exposure of the Awkward Manners of the Vulgar Genteel, and an Outline of the Principles of Honour, Insult, and Satisfaction. ALSO, (To be dedicated to the Princess Victoria of Kent, with a Portrait.) THE YOUNG LADY'S GRAMMAR Of the English Language, divested of difficult Terms. On a plan entirely new, and intended to correct Vulgarity, and promote Elegance of Conversation and Writing, by an easy method, for the Use of Governesses and Ladies Schools. CONTENTS. Utility of the Work 2 Vulgar-Genteel Errors, and Affected Speaking....8 Table of Vulgar-Genteel Pronunciation 14 Contracted Vulgarities, and the Contrary 21 Table of Examples in short Words 23 Table of Contracted Pronunciation 28 Table of Uncontracted Words 35 Table of Contracted Words 40 Miscellaneous Table 43 Awkward Vulgarities 47 Awkward Questions 51 Slovenly Vulgarities 59 Vulgar Bye-Words and Exclamations 64 Miscellaneous Table 92 Vulgarity of Swearing, and Imprecation 95 Vulgarity of Proverbs, and Proverbial Expressions ............................................104 Defence of Proverbs 105 Table of Useful Proverbs 108 Table of Vulgar Proverbs.........110 Table of Vulgar Proverbial Phrases 116 Vulgarity of Comparisons 120 Table of Vulgar Comparisons 124 Learned, Pedantic, and Professional Vulgarities........................................................................130 Table of Pedantic Phrases and Quotations 134 Table of Obsolete Expressions 138 Mercantile Pedantry 143 Legal Pedantry 146 Medical Pedantry 147 Naval Pedantry 148 Military Pedantry........149 Pedantry of Pronunciation 152 Grammatical Pedantry 157 Slang Vulgarities 158 Table of Slang, Cant, and Flash Phrases 163 Vulgarity of Mimickry, Jeering, and Punning 176 Vulgar Subjects of Conversation 186 Vulgarity of Egotism........187 Table of Vulgar Egotisms. 193 Indelicacy and Coarseness 196 Trifling Circumstances 198 Wandering and Digression.........200 Ungrammatical Vulgarities 203 Provincial Scotch Vulgarities 222 Scotch Accent and Pronunciation 223 Table of Scotticisms, or Scotch Phrases 234 Provincial Irish Vulgarities 243 Irish Accent, and Pronunciation. ib. Tables of Words Pronounced improperly 244 Irish Idioms, Words, and Expressions 249 Provincial English Vulgarities 253 Welsh Vulgarities of Pronunciation ib. North of England Vulgarities 254 London Vulgarities of Pronunciation, with Copious Corrected Tables.....................................255 London Vulgarities of Expression 262 THE VULGARITIES OF SPEECH CORRECTED. GOOD breeding and gentility are sooner discovered from the style of speaking, and the language employed in conversation, than from any other circumstance. You may dress in the first style of fashion — (that the tailor or the milliner can do for you), and you may, with a little attention, learn to imitate the lounge or swagger of those in high life; but if you have not attended to your manner of speaking, and the selection of your words, the moment you open your lips you will be discovered, like the daw in the fable, that was tricked out in peacock's feathers — to be the mere ape of gentility — assuming airs to which you have no right, and intruding into ranks where you cannot maintain your ground. This is a very common mistake among many who have, by industry or good fortune, risen above their original station and prospects, and therefore imagine, very mistakingly, that they are entitled to take their place with the well bred and well educated. They may do so, without doubt, on the influence of their money or property, but they will infallibly expose themselves to be laughed at and ridiculed, by those whose breeding and education enable them to see their low expressions, vulgar pronunciation, and continual blunders in grammar, every time they join in conversation. It is all very well for vulgar people of this description, who have risen in the world, to laugh among themselves at correct speaking, and to despise the knowledge of grammar because they have it not; but it is a known maxim in the affairs of the world, when a person is observed to talk with contempt of what is universally considered excellent, that he is eager to skreen his own obvious deficiency. In this way you may hear such people talk with contempt of learning French and Italian, and sneer at music; all which, there cannot be a doubt, they would be the first to praise, were they themselves proficients in the same; nay, the very contempt of such persons is the best praise that can be bestowed upon any accomplishment. "Knowledge," says a popular writer, "in any art or science being always the fruits of observation or practice, gives, in proportion to its extent and usefulness, the possessor a just claim to respect. We do, indeed, often see all the outward marks of respect bestowed upon people, merely because they are rich and powerful; but these, while they are bestowed with pain, are received without pleasure. They drop from the tongue, or beam from the features, but have no communication with the heart. They are not the voluntary offering of admiration, or of gratitude; because, dishonesty and perfidy are crimes. To entitle a man to respect, there must be something of his own doing beyond the bounds of his well known duties and obligations." Of the accomplishments which do entitle to respect, there are none, I am convinced, that rank higher than correct speaking, and the avoiding of vulgarities. To young people, in particular, and those who are rising in the world, this accomplishment will be of the most invaluable advantage, it being so very strong and obvious a mark of character, as I shall demonstrate while I proceed. In every station of life, in every employment, the same advantage will be apparent, and it cannot be too earnestly impressed on the attention of the young to attend most carefully to the directions which they will find in this little work, and which, with no very great study on their part, they may soon master. Young ladies require not to be informed how indispensible correct speaking is to them; for unless they possess this accomplishment, music, dancing, a fine carriage, or an elegant taste for dressing, will be all thrown into the shade. A vulgar expression will at once give evidence of a glaring deficiency, and fix a blot on their taste and their acquirements, which will not be easily effaced from the memory of an observer. A few hours careful study, with an attentive practice of our rules and examples, would not only prevent this, but would unfailingly produce ever after, a favourable impression of character and accomplishment. As the utility of this work, therefore, must be obvious to almost every class of the reading population, it would be superfluous to waste words in recommending it to the attention of families, and to the superintendants of schools. One remark, it may be important to make, with respect to some schools (we hope but few) where grammar is taught according to rule and system — namely, that the pupils are not required to practise their grammar by correct speaking, it being thought sufficient to apply the rules to the lesson only, and have done with them. In consequence of this very blameable carelessness on the part of the master or the governess, the pupils, though paid for at a high rate, enter into society with no more advantage, so far as correct speaking is concerned, than the children of the uneducated classes. In schools and academies, where this has hitherto been the practice, it is to be hoped this little work will soon effect a salutary reform. It is painful to think, that even at the highest seminaries of education in this country, correcor elegant speaking so far from being studied, is held unfashionable; and an unintelligible jargon is affected by those youths whose money and influence enable them to take the lead at Harrow and Eton, as well as at Oxford and Cambridge. To such misled young gentlemen, this book will afford direction and advice which they cannot readily forget, and for which they will be very thankful when they come to see their follies, on taking their station in the higher ranks of society, and on entering upon the duties of noblemen and gentlemen. It will be unnecessary for me to expatiate at greater length on the utility of this work, which, if the execution make any approach to the plan that has been sketched, cannot fail to become a constant companion for young persons of both sexes, while it will be also of advantage to those more advanced, for occasional reference and consultation. VULGAR-GENTEEL ERRORS, AND AFFECTED SPEAKING. Those who attempt to speak very fine, without a proper knowledge to direct them, are certain to make more mistakes, than if they were contented to speak plainly, without endeavouring to do what they are altogether unfit to accomplish, from deficiency of education. In order to sound words properly, it is indispensible that you hear some good speaker pronounce them, and this may not always be in your power ; nor are you probably a judge of correct pronunciation when you hear it. In the country, the only opportunities you may have, will be confined chiefly to those who are very seldom to be trusted to as correct models. Country fine-speakers, indeed, often furnish very strong examples of the vulgar-genteel, which I wish here to guard you against, as from their limited intercourse with polished society, they usually acquire a stiff, starched, precise way of speaking, and of mouthing and mincing their words, which is exactly the very character of the vulgar-genteel; and extremely different from the easy flow of polite conversation. You may easily avoid the glaring error of speaking in the vulgar-genteel style, by avoiding affectation, or endeavouring to speak finer than your associates. Let me be understood however: — I do not say you are not to try to speak as correctly as you can; but there is a very great difference between an easy correctness of language, and a mincing affectation of fine words, and fine pronunciation. The one will only bring you into ridicule, while the other will distinguish you as accomplished in an elegant acquirement. One rule for avoiding the error in question is, to step as little out of the common path as correctness will sanction, that you may not attract observation by singularity. For example, if a word is pronounced in two different ways by good speakers, such as the word "wind," — rather adopt the more usual than the more rare pronunciation, that you may not be pointed out as affecting to speak fine. In words of more difficult pronunciation, such as "miscellany," where there are also two methods of pronouncing — this rule will be of still greater importance. The word "revenue" is another of the words which exemplifies my rule. In some parts of the country, and in some circles, you may hear it pronounced with the force of the voice upon the "n," and in others upon the "v"; I advise you therefore to follow the practice of those with whom you chiefly associate; rather than endeavour to make yourself ridiculous by affected singularities. I may mention as another mark of the vulgar-genteel, the attempt to speak in familiar conversation in the same style of pronunciation, as if the speaker were reading a prayer or a grave discourse. This style of speaking is, and must be, always stiff and mouthy; yet it is by no means uncommon to hear it among those who affect to speak fine. I have often observed it appear extremely laughable, when the speaker had been taught to read with some singularities of pronunciation. As an example of this species of the vulgar-genteel I may instance the words "whole" and "above," which, several years ago, were taught, in a few schools, to be pronounced whoole and aboove, and you may still occasionally hear them thus pronounced in vulgar-genteel conversation. The mistake in the first instance arose from the words being similar in spelling to "who" and "whom." Another word of the same class is "gold," but the pronunciation of it is doubtful, being sometimes sounded to rhyme with "old," and at other times to be pronounced goold, of which I would disapprove. In "goldsmith," "goldfinch," and "gold-- beater," the irregular sound is fixed. The word "Rome" is another, still more doubtful, being pronounced "Rome" and "Roome" indifferently, by the best speakers, though the first is preferable. I may class also, as vulgar book-speaking, the words "business" and "busy," when pronounced as we sometimes hear them, as if spelt buzziness and buzzy, instead of "bizness" and "bizzy." The word "bury," pronounced beury or burry, instead of correctly "berry," is another of the same class, and sometimes we hear "sugar," sounded suggar, instead of "shoogar." I must not omit as belonging to the same kind, the words "move," "prove," "improve," "improvement," when the "ov" is sounded so as to rhyme with "love," instead of being sounded, as in "hooves." It is no less vulgar to sound "bull," "full," pull," "push," "bush," "put," "pudding," "pulpit," "pullet," "puss," "cushion," with the short sound of "u," as if rhyming with "dull," "cull," "rush," "but," "budding," &c. The proper sounds, are "bool," "pool," "poolpit," "cooshion," &c. These mistakes are in some degree peculiar to the North, and to Ireland. Among other mistakes into which those that speak by book are apt to fall, is the sounding of letters whose contraction is established in the language by invariable usage. A strong example of this might be adduced in the instance of sounding the "l" in the words "could," "would," and "should," but this "l" is never heard at present, except in some very remote provincial districts. We may frequently, however, hear the "t" vulgarly sounded in the words "castle," "bustle," "hustle," instead of "cassle," "bussle," "tussle," and in many other instances,. as shall be fully shown in the succeeding chapter. From the long sound of "u" being in many cases rather difficult to master, as in the words "suit," "suicide," "superfluous," "superabound," &c., which are, commonly, by the vulgar, sounded as if written soote, sooicide, sooperflooous, &c., those who would be fine speakers may be observed to dwell with peculiar force of voice upon what they imagine to be the correct sound of the "u." This we cannot hesitate to consider as an instance of the pedantic vulgar-genteel, and worse than either of the common vulgarities in pronouncing similar words, namely, soote, sooperflooous or shoote, shooperflous, the first of which is common in the South, and the second in the North. The correct sound of the "u" in all those cases is precisely the same as the word "you;" but it ought to be pronounced with an easy flow, and not with a stiff and formal mouthing of the letter. In some measure, misled by the authority of Walker, and other writers, we often hear book-speakers pronouncing stiffly and affectedly, the words in which "a" follows "c" and "g," by introducing "e" or "y" where they have no business. In opposition to this authority, I would bring the present example of our best speakers, who, with a very few exceptions, pronounce these words plainly according to the spelling. That it is a vulgar pronunciation, I have no doubt, from its being a common provincialism. In other words, where there is no "a," as in the words "county," "counter," "counsel," "account," "cows," &c., which are vulgarly sounded Kyounty, Kyounter, Kyounsel, Ackyount, Kyows, &c. Neither Mr. Walker, nor any other writer would defend this vulgarity, which is sometimes even affectdedly extended to "common" pronounced Kyimmon, "copy" pronounced Kyippy, and the like. The following table will exhibit the chief of these errors:- CORRECT. C VULGAR. Carr Kyar. Carabine Kyarebine. Carat Kyarat. Caraway Kyaraway. Carbuncle Kyarbuncle. Carcass Kyarcass. Card Kyard. Cardamum Kyardamum. Cardinal Kyardinal. Cargo Kyargo. Carmine Kyarmine. Carnage Kyarnage. Carnal Kyarnal. Carnation Kyarnation. Carnival Kyarnival. Carouse Kyarouse. Cart Kyart. Carpenter Kyarpenter. Carpet Kyarpet. Carriage Kyarriage. Carrion Kyarrion. Carrot Kyarrot. Carry Kyarry. Cart Kyart. Carve Kyarve. G Garb Ghyarb. Garbage Ghyarbage. Garble Ghyarble. Garden Ghyarden. Gargle Ghyargle. Garland Ghyarlan Garlick Ghyarlick Garment Ghyarment. Garnet Ghyarnet. Garnish Ghyarnish. Garter Ghyarter. Regard Reghyard, I am not even certain that "guard," "guardian," "disguise," "sky," "catechise," &c., should not be pronounced plainly, and not as Mr. Walker directs, ghyard, disghyise, sky-y, catekyise, &c. In all the short sounds, however, of "a" after "c" and "g," this pronunciation which we have been reprobating, is indispensible, as the words cannot be sounded in any other manner, as in "captain," "cannot," "candle," "cant," &c., which are correctly pronounced "kyaptain," "kyannot," "kyandle," "kyant," &c.; and "garret," "garrison," "gallop," "gambler," &c., correctly pronounced "ghyarret," "ghyarrison," "ghyallop," "ghyambler," &c. It is a very singular omission, that this pronunciation is not marked in any of our pronouncing Dictionaries; not even in Walker's. I must not omit to mention it as an indication of the vulgar-genteel, to affect hard terms and long sounding words, for unless the speaker is a very good scholar indeed, he will in many cases misapply them, and make himself ridiculous. The best rule in this case, is never to employ any word which you do not thoroughly understand, and with which you are not quite familiar. If you neglect this caution, and eagerly endeavour to show off your supposed acquirements, by introducing every strange newfangled word which you may chance to hear in conversation, or meet with in books— you cannot fail to become a butt for the jests of all who observe your affectation of fine speaking. You may thus hear people say tremenduous, for "tremendous;" genus, for "genius" ; ingenuous, for "ingenious;" and many other blundering words of the same kind. It is no less vulgar to show a fondness for any particular word, and repeat it on all occasions, frequently, in the most inappropriate manner, as I shall have to advert to under the chapter on the vulgarity of bye-words. You may, for instance, observe that many persons will repeat the words mighty, vast, vastly, &c., in almost every sentence which they utter. Such persons will as readily say mighty small, as mighty large, and vastly little, as vastly great, though the expressions be not only vulgar but nonsensical. The words terrible, frightful, horrid, tremendous, and many others of a similar kind, are frequently applied in the same way by vulgar people (who imagine they are speaking very fine) to things which are the very reverse of terrible, frightful, horrid, tremendous, &c. The words "elegant" and "beautiful" are very commonly misapplied in a similar manner. "One of the first things," says a modern author, "which a stranger observes in Ireland, in the language of the street, is the very frequent repetition of the word "elegant" to things the most dissimilar. In the Irish market every thing you bargain for is elegant, from the basket of eggs up to the corpus of a fresh slain hog; and we have no doubt that many of the people there, would descant most warmly on an elegant dunghill or a pigstye*." In England the word "beautiful" is an equal favourite, particularly where it is most inapplicable, I mean in the flavour of eatables, for which you may every day hear it employed. Thus a plumb-pudding is said to be beautiful, * Art of Beauty, Page 350. not in reference to its appearance, how rich soever that may be; but solely because it tastes well and has a fine relish. The same will be said of a joint of pork, turtle soup, calf's head, or any other dish, as well as sauces, liquors, &c. "I once knew a tradesman at a fashionable watering-place, who had picked up the word "elegant," which he applied without distinction to every thing, and talked as often of elegant weather, an elegant morning, or an elegant day, as of an "elegant coach," to the no small amusement of many of his customers, who laughed heartily at his affectation*." "Every one," says Sir William Cornwallis, "is fitted by nature; whose fashion, if he likes not, but will choose rather to wear other men's cast clothes, — it is a pity the admiration he affects should not be turned into laughter. I have seen some silly creatures, that have had the extremity of this disease in words; but what has been the end? Alas! They have delivered prisoners that have turned traitors, and instantly betrayed them to derision. For my part, I think generally, this ought to be shunned; and if ever I were subject to affect, in which I have been so precise, that I have been * Duties of a Lady's Maid, p. 183. afraid to wear fashions until they have been well aired by a general use." The manner of speaking, also, with regard to the loudness or lowness of the voice, will, in many instances, serve to characterize the speaker as polite or vulgar. The affected whisper, which has lately become common, is the very extreme of the vulgar genteel; as loud bawling is the mark of .low breeding and vulgar manners. The affected whisper, however, and the mincing whine of religious cant, are more contemptible than the rudest bawling, as the latter wears something of the air of independence, while the former announces the speaker to be under the restraint of leading strings. In provincial districts, the vulgar genteel is frequently to be observed in the conversation of those who endeavour to avoid the provincialisms of the common people. In Scotland, and in Ireland, for example, the most laughable attempts are often made to find English expressions for the common Scotch and Irish, a thing which is in many cases impossible, from the want of equivalent expressions or synonymous words: dishes, for example, the cookery of which is unknown in England, and of course there cannot be any English word for them. As an instance, I may mention the common breakfast dish in Scotland, and in many parts of Ireland, which is called "parritch," or " porritch" in Scotch, and "stirabout" in Irish. Now, as there is no English word for this dish of oatmeal, the vulgar genteel are very much puzzled what to call it; and in their dilemma, lay hold of the English words which are nearest in sound; some calling it porridge, and others pottage, though it is neither the one nor the other. Sailors call it "bergoo," but that word would never do on shore. A few of the vulgar genteel think it better to call it hasty-- pudding, though in that case they are as far wrong as in using the word pottage. A similar mistake may sometimes be remarked in attempts to give the provincial words a correct sound, though these words are not English, and cannot in this manner be made so. I may take an example from the name of another Scotch dish, celebrated by the author of Waverley, I mean "crappit-heads," which is pronounced "heeds;" but the vulgar genteel in all cases pronounce heds, according, as they suppose, to the correct English. The old Northern festival in Winter, may be given as another very prominent instance. It is uniformly pronounced "yule," with the sound of the French "u;" but the vulgar genteel, aping the English mode, pronounce it as if written yool, which is unintelligible to the only people among whom the word is used or understood. A singular instance of erroneous speaking by book suggests itself here, from this word which was formerly written "zule," the "z" being pronounced like an initial "y." This pronunciation of the "z" being now lost, though it is retained in spelling some proper names, has occasioned a vulgar genteel change in their sound. Thus, "Dalzell," which was originally sounded "Dalyell," is now bookishly pronounced as it is written, and "Cockenzie," "Zuil," "Menzies," &c. the same. " Mackenzie" has long lost is original and proper sound, which would now appear quite vulgar and pedantic. I shall extend these remarks under the head of provincialisms. CONTRACTED VULGARITIES, AND THE CONTRARY. Perhaps it might have been more correct to have entitled this chapter the vulgarity of contractions; but about this we shall not dispute, if we once understand the meaning of the thing itself. You must have frequently remarked, that it is a common characteristic of the vulgar, to shorten or contract the words which they use, in such a manner as to alter them entirely. I readily admit, and request attention to the admission, that some forms of contraction are become from custom less vulgar than others; nay, have even crept into good society, and may be heard among the best speakers; but, in the first instance, these were decidedly vulgar, as will be seen from the examples which I shall give below. The most common example, perhaps, of contraction, is that where the word "not" follows "and, are, is, was, were, do, did, have, had, shall, will, should, would, nay, might, can, and could;" and as we have just remarked, some of these are much less vulgar than others, but not one of them could be admitted into correct and elegant conversation. In some of our older writers, we frequently find the contraction "I'n't it," or, "is n't it," which bears some appearance of the correct expression, though it is a contraction of a bad arrangement of the words, instead of the proper expression "Is it not?" But what shall we say to the vulgar form which this contraction has now so very commonly taken, and which is so offensive to a grammatical ear? I mean the expression, "a'n't it," which is, I believe, peculiar to England and the United States of America, and is decidedly the most vulgar and incorrect expression in common use. If you have got a habit, therefore, of using this expression a'n't, in any of its applications, you cannot be too careful in avoiding it, as you will never hear it employed by any well educated person, much less by correct or elegant speakers. In order to make you more perfect in avoiding this vulgarity, I shall'give you a few corrected examples of it. VULGAR. CORRECT. I a'n't a going. I am not going. You a'n't able to do it. You are not able to do it. A'n't she come yet? Is she not come yet? A'n't I very lucky? Am I not very lucky? He a'n't ready. He is not ready. They a'n't gone. They are not gone. Those a'n't pretty. Those are not pretty. A'n't they going? Are they not going? It a'n't fine. It is not fine. A'n't it a good one? Is it not a good one? He is very clever — a'n't Mr. Wilson? Is not Mr. Wilson very clever ? This flower is pretty — a'nt it? Is not this flower pretty? When you have mastered this easy lesson, you may then proceed to the other forms of contraction, which are by no means so bad as this vulgar a'n't, which I may remark is made worse by sounding, as is usual, the a long and open, like the word "faint," rather than short, like the word "and," as it ought to be when contracted for "am not," and "are not." The contraction of "is not," into isn't, does not sound quite so bad as a'n't, but this also ought to be avoided. The next class of contractions to be avoided are, wa'n't, wer'n't, won't, and the like, which, from their being more universally used, are not so vulgar as a'n't. To these I may add, don't, didn't, haven't, hadn't, sha'n't, shouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't, can't, mayn't, mightn't, and a few others of the same sort. There can be no doubt that it would be equally easy to use the correct expressions for these awkward contractions, and it is to be hoped that the circulation of this little work will tend to effect this desirable purpose among an extensive portion of the reading population. A short table of the contractions, with their corrected forms, may be useful to my younger readers. VULGAR. CORRECT. I wa'n't there. I was not there. Weren't they at home? Were they not at home? That won't do. That will not do. It don't indeed. It does not indeed. She don't sing She does not sing. You shan't go You shall not go. VULGAR. CORRECT. You mustn't indeed. You must not indeed. Haven't they gone ? Have they not gone? I hadn't it. I had it not. Shouldn't he do it? Should not he do it? They can't succeed. They cannot succeed. Mayn't I try this ? May I not try this? He don't affirm it. He does not affirm it. It mightn't be so. It might not be so. Wouldn't this fit? Would not this fit? Oughtn't he to go ? Ought not he to go? I may remark of the vulgar contraction don't, that when it follows the words "he," "she," or "it," or the name of an individual, it is much worse than any of the others just mentioned, as it involves in that case a grammatical error, and is as bad as the expressions he do, she do, it do, or Mr. B. do. In order, therefore, to avoid this gross mistake, it would be well never to use don't at all, even after "they" and "we," when, though it is vulgar, it is not ungrammatical. Among expressions of the same kind, I may mention, "this flower don't blow yet;" "it don' t rain now;" "that horse don't trot well;" "my tailor don't overcharge me;" "that lady don't look handsome." In all these cases, and hundreds of the same class, don't should be discarded being ungrammatical, and "does not" employed in its place. Another vulgar contraction (which was, however considered elegant about fifty years ago) is the leaving out of the "th" in the word "them." In conversation, this contraction is still very common, but ought to be avoided by correct speakers, whom we never hear saying "I got 'em from the country;" "She gave 'em to me as a present;" "The apples were very fine: I had 'em from America;" "Those books are prettily bound: Richards did 'em;" "The parcels are arrived: John brought 'em." In all these cases, and wherever this vulgar 'em occurs, "them" should always be substituted. To those who have got into the habit of using the contraction, this will at first be difficult, but a little attention will easily conquer it. T'other, for "the other," is a vulgar contraction of the same kind. I must not omit to notice another which is not quite so common as the preceding ; but is occasionally used when it would be better avoided, I mean the contraction of "one" into 'un, in such phrases as "It is a very good 'un; I would not have given you a bad 'un;" "That is the right 'un; the other 'un is not so large;" "He got a small 'un before, and he wants a smaller 'un now." In such cases, you should carefully sound the "w," which long custom has introduced in pronouncing "one," as if spelled "won." I now come to a very extensive class of contractions which have long obtained a footing, and become established in the best society, and to which, accordingly, the stain of vulgarity will not apply. On the contrary, it would be extremely vulgar, in most instances, to avoid the contractions. The great difficulty is to know in what cases these contractions are to be employed or to be avoided, and it is one of the greatest niceties in correct English speaking to know this well, and practise it properly. The contractions to which I refer, are those of the letter "e" before "n," "l," and "d," chiefly at the end of words, such as "loosen,'' "hazel,' and "passed," which are contracted, as if written "loos'n," "haz'l," and "pass'd." These contractions then are not vulgar, whereas it would be so to pronounce the "e" without contraction; but in such words as "sloven," "novel," and a few others, the contrary holds, as these ought never to be sounded slov'n, nov'l, &c. I shall, for the sake of perspicuity, give a short table of the principal words of these classes which are apt to be mistaken even by good speakers, and I recommend it to be attentively studied: — VULGAR. CORRECT, Chap'l Chapel Grav'l Gravel Flann'l EL Flannel Nov'l Novel Parc'l Parcel Quarr'l Quarrel A reb'l A rebel Swiv'l Swivel Trav'l Travel Trav'ller Traveller Trav'lled Travell'd Trav'lling Travelling Vess'l Vessel Drazel Draz'l Drivel Driv'l Gravel L Grav'1 Hazel Haz'l Navel Nav'l Ousel Ous'l Ravel Rav'l Rivel Riv'l Shekel Shek'l Shrivel Shriv'l Shovel Shov'l Weasel EN Weas'l Asp'n Aspen Chick'n Chicken Hyph'n Hyphen Jerk'n Jerken Kitch'n Kitchen Latt'n Latten Leav'n Leaven VULGAR, CORRECT. Mart'n Marten Mitt'ns Mittens Munch'n Munchen Pat'n Paten Plat'n Platen Slov'n Sloven Sudd'n Sudden Sudd'nly Suddenly Sudd'ness Suddenness Syr'n Syren Tick'n Ticken Wom'n Women Wooll'n Woollen Burdensome Burd'nsome Chasten Chast'n Birchen Birch'n Christen Christ'n Christening E Christ'ning Fallen Fall'n Fasten Fast'n Fastening Fast'ning Gardener Gard'ner Gardening Gard'ning Harden Hard'n Harken Hark'n Heaven Heav'n Heathen Heath'n Lessen Less'n Listen List'n Moisten Moist'n Often Oft'n Quicken Quick'n VULGAR. CORRECT. Raven Rav'n Stolen Stol'n Strengthen Strength'n Diapas'n Diapason Guerd'n Guerdon Horiz'n Horizon Milt'n Milton Unis'n Unison Advowson Advows'n Bacon Bac'n Bason Bas'n Beacon Beac'n Beckon Beck'n Benison Benis'n Blazon Blaz'n Button Butt'n Capon Cap'n Caparison Caparis'n Comparison Comparis'n Cotton Cott'n Crimson Crims'n Damson Dams'n Deacon Deac'n Denison Denis'n Falcon Falc'n Foison Fois'n Garrison Garris'n Glutton Glutt'n Herison Heris'n Lesson Less'n Mason Mas'n Melton Mowbray Melt'n Mowbra VULGAR. CORRECT. Milton Oysters Milt'n Oysters Mutton Mutt'n Oraison Orais'n Pardon Pard'n Parson Pars'n Person Pers'n Poison Pois'n Prison Pris'n Reason Reas'n Seton Set'n Stilton Stilt'n Treason Treas'n Wilton Wilt'n I may remark, after Mr. Walker, that "this suppression of the "o" must not be ranked among those careless contractions found only among the vulgar; but must be considered as one of those devious tendencies to brevity, which has worn itself into a currency in the language, and has at last become a part of it. To pronounce the "o" where it is supposed would give a singularity to the speaker, bordering nearly on the pedantic, and the attention given to this singularity by the hearer, would necessarily diminish his attention to the subject, and consequently deprive the speaker of something much more desirable." The "e" is not only contracted and suppressed in almost all words ending in "ed," where this can be easily done; but the "d" is also at the same time frequently softened down and sounded like "t." This, so far from being vulgar, is the usual rule of the language, according to the best speakers. Accordingly, the words "lov'd," "liv'd," "barr'd," "marr'd," are not to be pronounced loved, lived, barred, marred, as if they formed two syllables. Almost the only exception to this is when "t" or "d" goes before the ''ed," as in "handed," "landed," " wanted," "matted," &c. Another very singular exception may be mentioned in the instances of religious worship, and of reading the scriptures, or the prayer book, when all the "eds" are to be pronounced at full length, as in the verse, "Who hath believed our report, and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed." Again, "Whom he did predestinate, them he also called; and whom he called, them he also justified; and whom he justified, them he also glorified." There are also a few individual exceptions, which will be best pointed out by mentioning the words. In the word "blessed," for example, the "ed" is sounded in the phrases. "This is a blessed day." "That herb is called the blessed thistle;" but in poetry it is more usually contracted "blest," as "Blest in thy genius, in thy love too blest." The four words "learned," "cursed," "aged," and "winged," are in the same circumstances with "blessed;" for example, the "ed" is sounded full in the phrases "a learned man," "a cursed thing," "an aged woman," "a winged horse;" but is contracted in the phrases, "He learn'd to write," "he curs'd the day," "they wing'd their flight," "a full-aged horse," "a sheath-wing'd fowl." The following are also pronounced without contraction, namely "naked, wicked, picked, hooked, crooked, forked, tucked, tressed, wretched, crabbed, scabbed, chubbed, stubbed, shagged, snagged, ragged, dogged, rugged, hawked, jagged," &c. A good ear in such cases is the best guide, and is seldom at variance with the practice of elegant speakers. The following list of words, however, I think it necessary to give, as being sometimes mistaken from their similarity to others. — VULGAR. CORRECT. Forced Forc'd Forc'dly Forcedly Enforc'dly Enforcedly Veiled Veil'd Unveil'dly Unveiledly Deformed Deform'd Deform'dly Deformedly VULGAR. CORRECT. Feigned Feign'd Feign'dly Feignedly Discerned Discern'd Discern'dly Discernedly Resigned Resign'd Resign'dly Resignedly Prepared Prepar'd Prepar'dly Preparedly Assured Assur'd Assur'dly Assuredly Concerned Concern'd Concern'dly Concernedly Resolved Resolv'd Resolv'dly Resolvedly Deservedly Deserv'dly Deserved Deserv'd Amazed Amaz'd Amazedly Amaz'dly Amaz'dness Amazedness Fixed Fix'd Fix'dly Fixedly Fix'dness Fixedness Numbed Numb'd Numb'dness Numbedness It would not be difficult to extend this table to double the length; but I conceive that the specimens just given will easily enable the attentive reader to correct any vulgarity of a similar kind, in almost all cases. There is, however, a class of words very analogous to those just enumerated, which will require to be more particularly attended to, as the contractions are a little farther removed from the original sound, and are now so well established that the original sound would appear in almost every case vulgar and pedantic in conversation, though in a few cases, and in but a few, it might stand in writing. As this work, however, is chiefly intended as a guide to correct speaking rather than correct writing, it will be important to attend to the following class of words, which, from their contracted forms, have been called irregular by writers on grammar. VULGAR. CORRECT. He beated me. He beat me. The dog bited him. The dog bit him. I was bleeded. I was bled or blooded. I breeded it myself. I bred it myself. It bursted out. It burst out. He casted it away. He cast it away. She catched it as it fell. She caught it as it fell. I was chided for it, I was chid for it. He choosed this one. He chose this one. I cleaved that stick. I cleft or clove that stick. She comed home to day. She came home to day. It costed sixpence. It cost sixpence. The worm creeped out. The worm crept out. He cutted it in two. He cut it in two. He drawed it out. He drew it out. I drived it in. I drove it in. VULGAR. CORRECT. I drinked some of it. I drank some of it. He eated the whole. He ate the whole. It feeded well. It fed well. I feeled it plainly. I felt it plainly He fighted hard. He fought hard. I finded the money. I found the money. He fleed for his life. He fled for his life. I flinged it away. I flung it away. The bird flied high. The bird flew high. It has flied off. It has flown off. You forsaked her. You forsook her. You have forsaked her. You have forsaken her. It freezed last night. It froze last night. It has freezed to-day. It has frozen to-day. It was graved on the stone. It was graven on the stone. I gived it away. I gave it away. He grinded the knife. He ground the knife. He growed wheat He grew wheat. The corn has growed. The corn has grown. I hanged it up. I hung it up. He heared it. He heard it. She hided from me. She hid from me. It hitted him a blow. It hit him a blow. It holded a pint. It held a pint. It hurted me sore. It hurt me sore. I keeped it for you. I kept it for you. I knowed him I knew him. All that is knowed. All that is known. Heavy laded. Heavy laden. He leaded the horse. He led the horse. It was leaved behind. It was left behind. I have lended it. I have lent it. VULGATE. CORRECT. I have letted him do it. I have let him do it. He lied down to rest. He lay down to rest. He meeted out the corn. He met out the corn. The grass is mowed. The grass is mown. I readed the whole. I read the whole. It was rended in two. It was rent in two. You are well ridded of it. You are well rid of it. I rided a mile. I rode a mile. She ringed the hell. She rung the bell. He rised at six. He rose at six. It was rived in pieces. It was riven in pieces. I see'd it myself. I saw it myself. I have see'd it often. I have seen it often. He seeked for it. He sought for it. I selled three. I sold three. It was sended off. It was sent off'. The razor was setted. The razor was set. The fruit was shaked down. The fruit was shaken down. It was sheared. It was shorn. The deer had shedded its horns The deer had shed its horns. The horse was well shoed. The horse was well shod. He shooted it with a bow. He shot it with a bow. I shrinked back. I shrunk back. She shredded the onions. She shred the onions. He shutted it out. He shut it out. She has singed there. She has sung there. It is singed for ever. It is sunk for ever. I have sitted too long. I have sit too long. He slayed it. He slew it. It is now slayed. It is now slain. I have sleeped there. I have slept there. It slided down. It slid down. VULGAR. CORRECT. David slinged the stone. David slung the stone. He slinked off. He slunk off. He smiled me. He smote me. I was smited on the head. I was smitten on the head. He speeded fast. He sped fast. It is all spended. It is all spent. It spinned like a top. It spun like a top. It spitted at him. It spat at him. Splitted asunder. Split asunder. Spreaded all abroad. Spread all abroad. It springed very high. It sprung very high. It standed by itself. It stood by itself. It was stealed from me. It was stolen from me. He sticked in the mud. He stuck in the mud. The wasp stinged her. The wasp stung her. I strived to do it. I strove to do it. He has strived hard. He has striven hard. He sweared to it. He swore to it. It swimmed well. It swam well. He swinged about. He swung about. She teached me. She taught me. I was teached so. I was taught so. It was teared asunder. It was torn asunder. He telled it thus. He told it thus. She has thrived well. She has thriven well, It was throwed aside. It was thrown aside. He thrusted it through. He thrust it through. It was treaded down. It was trodden down. The shoes are weared. The shoes are worn. He weaved it well. He wove it well. It was weaved. It was woven. VULGAR. CORRECT. She weeped sore. She wept sore. She wetted it. She wet it. He winned it of me. He won it of me. The watch is winded up. The watch is wound up. Of this long list, it be may remarked, that some of the vulgarities are very glaring, and few persons above the rank of the lowest classes will readily mistake them; but the greater number we may hear every day among the careless, the thoughtless, and the half educated. I would recommend a careful perusal of the whole table, to fix the correct words in the memory. There is a remarkable contraction, or rather mispronunciation, of the syllable "ing" at the end of words, which I would also press on the attention of the reader, as it is extremely common in all parts of the empire. "Loving," for example, is pronounced lovin; "something," somethin; "nothing," nothin; "writing," writin; &c. In England, these words are often vulgarly pronounced with an error, the opposite of what I have just reprehended, the "g" being sounded too strongly, as if the words were written nothingg, somethingg, lovingg, writingg, &c. Frequently also we may hear the "g" changed into a "k," and then these same words will be sounded somethink, nothink, lovink, writink, &c. All of which common vulgarities are very different from the correct sound, in which the "g" should not be heard, except it mingles with the ringing nasal sound of the "n." Mr. Walker, who is a good authority in most cases, says, that the best speakers pronounce "singin," "bringin," "flingin," "wingin," to avoid the disagreeable repetition of the same sound. For the same reason, the most vulgar and incorrect omission will be in the words beginnin, pinnin, sinnin, &c. In a particular class of words, of which I shall next take notice, the letter "t," when it follows "s," is sunk in pronunciation, and the word is of course contracted. It will be the most useful way of exhibiting those words, to arrange them in a table. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Apostle. Apossle Bankruptcy. Bankrupcy. Bustle. Bussle. Bristle. Brissle. Castle. Cassle. Chasten. Chass'n. Chestnut. Chessnut. Christmas. Chrissmas. Currant. Curran. Currants. Currans. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Epistle. Epissle. Fasten. Fass'n. Glisten. Gliss'n. Gristle. Grissle. Hasten. Has'n. Jostle. Jossle. Justle. Jussle. Listen. Liss'n. Moisten. Moiss'n. Mortgage. Morgage Nestle. Nessle. Often. Off'n. Ostler. Ossler. Rustle. Russle. Thistle. Thissle. Throstle. Throssle. Trestle. Tressle. Whissle. Whissle. Wrestle. Wressle. Among vulgar contractions, I may perhaps be allowed to mention the word "genius," when pronounced as it sometimes is, genus. "Ordinary" is also vulgarly contracted into or'nary, and "extraordinary" into extr'or'nary. Mr. Walker says, the best speakers say "ord 'nary," and "extr'ord'nary." The word "superfluous" we often hear vulgarly sounded with the second "u" left out, as if written, superflous. The titles of civility, "ladyship," "madam," and "mistress," are very usually contracted in speaking, and the circumstances alone can determine upon the vulgarity or the correctness of this. There can be no doubt that it is as pedantic and vulgar to pronounce "mistress" at full length, as to say master instead of "mister." A servant may correctly talk of his "master" or his mistress;" but in the case of "Mr. and Mrs. White," it would be extremely vulgar not to pronounce "Mister and Missis White." In the North, and in Ireland, "Mrs." is therefore incorrectly pronounced mistress by almost every body. I think the contraction of "ladyship" into la'ship must be considered vulgar, and the contraction of "madam into ma'am also, in the case of ladies of rank or distinction, though it may be correctly used in speaking to females in the middle ranks of society. The mincing pronunciation of this contraction, however, as if it were written me'm, cannot in any case be permitted, and is very vulgar indeed. At the bar, the words "lord and "lordship," are vulgarly contracted into lu'dd and lu'ddship, or still worse la'dd and la'ddship. I shall here insert another short table of miscellaneous contractions, universally common in vulgar conversation, and necessary therefore to be carefully avoided. VULGAR. CORRECT. Ma, shall I tell Pa so? Mamma, shall I tell Papa so? I'd do it for him. I would do it for him. I've attended to that. I have attended to that. I'll go to-morrow. I shall go to-morrow. I'll not go there. I will not go there. I'm ready now. I am ready now. Thou'st said right. You have said right. Thou'rt quite wrong. You are quite wrong. Thou'dst not refuse me. You would not refuse me. Thou'lt have it then. You will have it then. She's gone. She is gone. He'll not come. He will not come. He'd he in danger. He would be in danger. It's frosty weather. It is frosty weather. 'Tis very cold. It is very cold. John's off to-day. John is off to-day. The Maid's arrived. The maid has arrived. I'm not i'th' vein. I am not in the vein. is't good, — that 'un? Is that a good one? May't answer you? May it answer you? There's one of 'em. There is one of them. Will't do, this 'un? Will this one do? I feel't sorely. I feel it sorely. Let's seek for him. Let us seek for him. All's in vain. All is in vain. That's what I want. That is what I want. The scar on's cheek. The scar on his cheek. How d' ye do? How do you do? D'ye go to-day. Do you go to-day? I'll come t'ye. I shall come to you. That is cur'ous• That is curious. 'T wouldn't do. It would not do. VULGAR. CORRECT. I insist on't. I insist on it. I have't here. I have it here. The castle stands upon't. The castle stands upon it. O'the rock, I mean. On the rock, I mean. What's that, i'th' name of wonder I wonder what that is. I knew't before. I knew it before. What's the price o't? What is the price of it. 'Twere better not. It were better not. He will do't himself. He will do it himself. An't please you. If it please you. They're still here. They are still here. They've done't now. They have done it now. They'd be wrong to do it. They would be wrong to do it. They'll come soon. They will come soon. You're not going. You are not going. You've mistaken. You have mistaken. You'll find it there. You will find it there. You'd be wrong. You would he wrong. We're all ready. We are all ready. We've been there. We have been there. We'll come to-morrow. We shall come to-morrow. We'd endeavour to be come. We would endeavour to come. There's life in't. There is life in it. He does not go p'rhaps. He does not go perhaps. I s'pose so. I suppose so. A very li'lle of it. A very little of it. The parson was there. The pars'n was there. The rule, in writing and printing, followed at present, is to employ no contractions which can be avoided; and the same rule is applicable, in a great measure, to speaking, or at least it is becoming every day more fashionable in the polite world to avoid all contractions. As the aim of this little work is correct speaking, not correct writing, the vulgarities which are reprobated are chiefly taken from those that occur in conversation; but the following very singular instance from a modern poet, usually distinguished for his elegance and precision of language, I think deserves notice: That's hallow'd ground, where, mourn'd, and miss'd, The lips repose our love has kiss'd; But where's their memory's mansion? Is't Yon church yard bowers? CAMPBELL. Mr. Horne Tooke, in his ingenious work, the DIVERSIONS OF PURLEY, has shown that the lazy habit of contracting words has infected all languages, and produced modifications of sounds exceedingly different from the original words. These, in process of time, become established, are used by the most polite speakers — by every body indeed who speaks the language, and consequently are no longer to be considered vulgar, in the same way as we have seen in several instances in the preceding pages. I shall here give a specimen of these "winged words," as the ingenious author, after Homer, denominates them. The word "if," then he says, is a contraction of "give," which in the old Saxon times was pronounced "gif," as it is at present in the North. "If," therefore means "grant" or "suppose," as in the phrase, "if I go, you must stay;" that is, "give, grant, or suppose I go, you must stay." "But," again, is a contraction for "be-out;" that is, "leave out," or "except," as in the phrase, "she is fair, but she is not handsome;" that is, "she is fair, be-out, (leaving out the circumstance of fairness) she is not handsome; "none but he," that is, "none be-out, or except him." "And," in the same way, is a contraction of the old Saxon word "anad;" which means to heap together or add; as in the phrase, "you and I may go;" that is, "you, add I, may go." "Through," is a contraction of the old word "thuruh;" meaning a door or passage, as in the phrase, "the eagle flies through the air;" that is, "the eagle flies, passage the air, or the air being the passage." "Till," is a contraction of "to while;" and is only employed to express time, as in the phrase, "tarry here till I return;" which means, "tarry here to while, or to the time I return." When "till" is otherwise employed, it is incorrect and vulgar, as "he went till London," instead of "he went to London;" "I intend till do it," for "I intend to do it." The word "until," which was formerly used for "till," is wearing out of fashion. The syllable "ly," at the end of words, is a contraction of "like," as, "prettily" means "pretty-like;" "darkly" means "dark-like;" and so of other cases. AWKWARD VULGARITIES. In this division, I shall take notice of a few singular forms of expression, the vulgarity of which is striking enough; but it would be difficult to characterise them in any other manner than by their being awkward, and they can be compared to nothing more appropriate than the stumbling gait of one who walks awkwardly. The first of this class which I shall mention, is a peculiarly awkward manner of bringing in the name of a person at the end of a sentence, with the words "is," "was," or "does," before it. This cannot be described more intelligibly except by an example, such as you may hear every day in all parts of England, as, "he is a worthy man, is Mr. Howard;" instead of saying correctly, "Mr. Howard is a worthy man." "She is a pretty woman, is Mrs. Howard;" instead of "Mrs. Howard is a pretty woman." "He was very fortunate, was Mr. Pitt;" instead of "Mr. Pitt was very fortunate." "He often comes here, does Mr. Grace;" instead of "Mr. Grace often comes here." The same awkward manner of speaking runs through other phrases; such as, "it is not quite what I want, that;" instead of "that is not quite what I want;" "it is exactly right, this book;" instead of "this book is exactly right;" "will it do, this one, at half-a-crown?" instead of "will this one, at half-a-crown, do?" "is it the very best, that dark blue one?" instead of "is that dark blue one the very best;" "shall I send it to you, the superfine one?" instead of "shall I send you the superfine one?" "He trots well, that horse does;" instead of "that horse trots well;" "it is neatly finished, that house is;" instead of "that house is neatly finished;" it has been newly arranged, the library has;" instead of "the library has been newly arranged;" "it is excellent, that is;" instead of "that is excellent;" "it looks towards the South, the garden does;" instead of "the garden looks towards the South;" "I am very fond of flowers, I am;" instead of "I am very fond of flowers." Another of those awkward modes of expression, which, besides, wears an air of affectation, and might have been properly enough mentioned in a preceding page, will be most conviently described by examples; for instance, "pass we now to another subject;" instead of plainly saying "let us pass," or "we shall now pass;" "return we then to the story;" instead of "let us return, or "we shall then return." This phraseology is particularly awkward, affected, and vulgar; as well as the similar expression, "true it is;"instead of "it is true." It would be easy to give a thousand examples of similar awkward vulgarities, but these will be sufficient to put the intelligent reader on his guard against them. Such expressions indeed are not only extremely vulgar, but uncouth and harsh, and are more like the blunders of a foreigner than a person speaking in his mother-- tongue. A very similar vulgarity to the one mentioned, p.48, is usually prefaced by the word "that;" as in the phrases, "he is very miserly, that he is instead of simply saying, "he is very miserly;" or if more force is wished to he given to the expression, "he is very miserly indeed;" "she dances very well, that she does;" instead "she dances very well indeed;" "it would be very hard, that it would;" "instead of "it would be very hard indeed." expression is no less vulgar when it is used as a confirmation of any remark made by another person; as if Mr. A. would say, "It is a very ingenious plan," and Mr. B. would say, "That it is;" Mr, A. "The inventor will make a fortune by it," Mr. B. "That he will, I'll be bound." All such phrases beginning with that are awkward vulgarities, which correct speakers never employ. I must class among the awkward vulgarities the very common practice, particularly in England, of ending every sentence with a question, for the most part quite meaningless, as no answer is expected. For example, "it freezes hard to day, don't it?" the mild weather is now gone, a'n't it? and we are already in the midst of winter, a'n't we?" or, " you like plum-pudding, eh? a very good dish, a'n't it? Mrs. A. makes it excellent, don't she?" — I know nothing more offensive than this continued repetition of meaningless questions, which is one of the most common of the awkward vulgarities we hear in the South. To impress it the more strongly on the attention of the reader, as I think it of some importance, I shall give a short table with corrections:— VULGAR. CORRECT. I went very quick — didn't I? for I always do — don't I? I went very quick, as I always do. I could do it — couldn't I? I could do it. It is very easy — a'n't it? It is very easy. He is away now — a'n't he? He is away now. He is a worthy man — eh? He is a worthy man. That looks pretty — don't it? That looks pretty. She ought to do it — oughtn't she She ought to do it. For she was paid for it — wasn't she? For she was paid for it. We were lucky — weren't we? We were lucky. We have got over it now— haven't we? We have got over it now. It would never do — would it? It would never do. I'm ready to go — a'n't I? I am ready to go. Is it possible? You do not say so? I do not mean, by these remarks and examples, to insinuate that questions are never to be asked; I only wish to caution those who would speak correctly, to avoid the continual repetition of them, and most particularly those questions beginning with the vulgar contraction a'n't, which is greatly worse than don't and didn't, bad as these are. If you attend to the rule of never asking a question unnecessarily, or where you do not wish for, nor expect an answer, you will avoid this awkward practice. I have some hesitation in mentioning a very awkward species of phraseology which has lately become so common, that perhaps, can scarcely be reckoned vulgar, though stiffness, pedantry, and awkwardness be vulgar, I know not what else it can be called. The awkward phraseology to which I refer has been obviously introduced to avoid the repetition of names, and for the sake of variety; first, perhaps, in books, or more likely in public assemblies, where it appears to be the order of the day to avoid mentioning names as much. as possible. For example, when Mr. A. is alluded to, he is called that gentleman, instead of using the shorter and more legitimate words "he" or "him". This, however, is not so awkward, as when it is applied to the names of things, as will appear more strikingly by the following extract taken from a Medical Journal: "We have received a very pressing petition from the word "IT," begging that we would interpose our authority to prevent the said "IT" from having its legitimate place usurped in medical language, by the unlawful intrusion of "that," and "this," who have in pay a whole host of mercenary names, to keep "IT" from its legal rights. Amongst a thousand instances of the usurpation complained of, we find that the brain is called that viscus; the stomach, that bowel; the heart, this organ; the arm, this member; oxygen, that gaseous body; opium, that medicinal; water, that menstruum, &c. in all of which cases, and innumerable others of the same kind, the said "IT" maintains that it alone is, and should be used in classical and correct language, and that all innovations of this sort, are a corruption of style, not to be tolerated. — We think the petitioner is right, and shall endeavour to correct the abuse, both in ourselves, and in those who come before our tribunal." I recollect some book of travels in the East, that the author, wishing, no doubt, to write very sublimely, while speaking of a "tiger," in order to avoid both the common word tiger, and the little word "IT," calls it "that horrid object of man's detestation." This is precisely the same awkward, and round-about vulgarity as calling the stomach that bowel, or the intestines that tube, or a member of Parliament that gentleman. I could wish that all such awkward expressions were banished from the language; but I fear the last quoted instance, and a few others of the same class, are already established beyond repeal. It is a very common habit of awkward speakers to interlard what they say with ha and hm, and other unintelligible and foolish sounds. You may hear this every day, even among those whose education ought to have rendered them more polished. For example, "As I was — hm — passing Hyde Park corner — ha — my horse — hm — stumbled and a — a— nearly threw me." A very little more would render this absolute stuttering, and yet it is a common fault in speakers, who do not stutter in the usual sense of the term. It is a fault analogous to this, and even more common, particularly in England, where every other person seems to be infected, if I may say so, with the habit of repeating words twice or thrice, in the greater number of sentences which he utters. An example will show what I mean, and I shall take the one last given: — "As — as — I was — as I was passing Hyde Park corner — my — my horse — my horse stumbled, and nearly threw me." Some may imagine that this is caricature, but I venture to say, that if the reader observe attentively, he may hear every day this awkward vulgarity, as bad as in the preceding example, from persons who do not stutter. The words "I" and "my," are perhaps the most frequently repeated of any other, as in the example "I — I — I — intended to go; but my — my — my things did not arrive in time." There can scarcely be a more awkward manner of speaking than this, and I advise every Englishman, who reads this, to attend to his own speaking, and observe whether he has contracted this vulgar habit; and, if he has, to correct it as speedily as he can. I wish, however, to be distinctly understood not to mean in this case, a habit of stuttering ; for this is a repetition of entire words, and not of letters and syllables as stuttering usually is. It is so very common also, that it is seldom, I believe, remarked by the speaker himself, though it must always be disagreeably obvious to the hearer. I shall here introduce a few appropriate remarks on this subject from Lord Chesterfield's letters. "From your own observation," says he, "reflect what a disagreeable impression an awkward manner of speaking, whether stuttering, muttering, monotony, or drawling, make upon you at first sight, in a stranger, and how they prejudice you against him, though, for aught you know, he may have great intrinsic sense and merit. And reflect on the other hand, how much the opposites of all these things prepossess you at first sight, in favour of those who enjoy them. You wish to find all good qualities in them, and are in some degree disappointed if you do not. A thousand little things, not separately to be defined, conspire to form these graces that always please. A pretty person, genteel motions, a proper degree of dress, an harmonious voice, something open and cheerful in the countenance, but without laughing; a distinct and properly varied manner in speaking: all these things, and many others, are necessary ingredients in the composition of the art of pleasing manners, which every body feels, though nobody can describe. "Many people, at first from awkwardness, have got a very disagreeable and silly trick of laughing whenever they speak; and I know a man of very good parts Mr. Waller, who cannot say the commonest thing without laughing, which makes those who do not know him, to take him at first for a natural fool. This, and many other disagreeable habits, are owing to false shame at their first setting out in the world. They are ashamed in company, and so disconcerted, that they do not know what to do, and try a thousand tricks to keep themselves in countenance; which tricks afterwards grow habitual to them. Some put their fingers in their nose, others scratch their heads, others twirl their hats; in short, every awkward ill-- bred body has his trick. But the frequency does not justify the thing; all these vulgar habits and awkwardnesses, though not criminal, indeed, are most carefully to be guarded against, as they are great bars in the way of the art of pleasing; if a man has parts, he must know of what infinite consequence it is to him to have a graceful manner of speaking, and a genteel pleasing address; and he will cultivate and improve them to the utmost. "What is the constant and just observation to all actors upon the stage? Is it not that those who have the best sense always speak the best, though they may not happen to have the best voices? They will speak plainly, distinctly, and with the proper emphasis, be their voices ever so bad. Had Roscius spoken quick, thick, and ungracefully, Cicero would not have thought him worth the oration which he made in his favour. Words were given to us to communicate our ideas by; and there must be something inconceivably absurd, in such a manner, that people either cannot understand them, or will not desire to understand them. I tell you truly and sincerely, that I shall judge of your parts by your speaking gracefully or ungracefully. If you have parts, you will never be at rest till you have brought yourself to a habit of speaking most gracefully; for I aver, that it is in your power. Desire some friend that you may read aloud to him every day; and that he will interrupt and correct you every time that you read too fast, do not observe the proper stops, or lay a wrong emphasis. You will take care to open your teeth when you speak; to articulate every word distinctly; and beg of any friend you speak to, to remind and stop you, if ever you fall into the rapid and unintelligible mutter; read aloud to yourself, and tune your utterance to your own ear, and read at first much slower than you need to do, in order to correct yourself of shamefully speaking faster than you ought. If you think right, you will make it your business, your study, and your pleasure to speak well. The graces of the person, the countenance, and the way of speaking, contribute so much to this art of pleasing, that I am convinced the very same thing said by a genteel person, in an engaging way, and gracefully and distinctly spoken, would please; which would shock, if muttered out by an awkward figure, with a sullen serious countenance. The poets always represent Venus as attended by the three Graces, to intimate that even beauty will not do without. I think they should have given Minerva three also, for without them, I am sure, learning is very unattractive. Invoke them, then, distinctly, to accompany all your words and motions. Do not mistake me; I not only mean that you should speak elegantly with regard to style, and purity of language; but I mean that you should deliver and pronounce what you say gracefully and distinctly; for which purpose I will have you frequently read very loud to a friend, recite parts of orations, and speak passages of plays. For, without a graceful enunciation, all your elegancy of style in speaking will be of little avail." After this luminous exposure of the evils of awkward vulgarities in speaking, and the best means to avoid or remedy them by the great master of politeness, it will not be necessary for me to add another word on the subject. SLOVENLY VULGARITIES. As some are very careful, pedantickly precise, and affected in their speaking, so there are others who adopt the opposite mode of a careless and slovenly indifference. This is most observable in words which occur very frequently in conversation, and is, indeed, the vulgar error of contraction carried to the extreme. We hear in this manner the word "yes" pronounced with every shade of slovenly indistinctness from the 's, or half-hiss, as it may well be called, to the grating 'ns, pronounced with the teeth shut, as if it were too much trouble to open the mouth in speaking. One of the worst forms of this vulgarity is peculiar to, Ireland', consisting of the French u, or the Scotch u in "guse" before the s, as if written 'us, a sound which is extremely offensive to an English ear. All these sounds of "yes" are equally bad and vulgar with the broad sound yâs, which is by no means uncommon in England. The word "no" cannot be mangled in the same way; but slovenly speakers will hang upon the "n" in a drawling vulgar manner, as if were written n-no. Various sounds, altogether inexpressible by letters, are used by slovenly speakers instead of "yes." The only one of these which can be made intelligible on paper is hm or mm, a sound which no well bred person will ever use instead of yes, as it is, perhaps, even more vulgar than the slovenly custom of nodding or shaking the head, without deigning to speak at all. Several words, in common use, which end in "m" are mumbled in the same way, such as "them," which is sounded th'm, as in the phrases, "I sent th'm to 'm," for "I sent them to them;" "she has none of th'm," for she has none of them." The contraction of "madam" into "ma'am", is still farther vulgarized by slovenly speakers, as if it were written m'm. Among other vulgar habits of slovenly speakers, we may reckon the forgetting of names, or rather the carelessness of remembering them. You will hear vulgar people of this class talk of Mr. Thingum, or Mrs. What d'yecall-her, or How-do-you-call-her, without giving themselves the slightest trouble to recollect the names for which they use such offensively vulgar substitutes. Others refine, as they imagine, upon this, by using Mr. Thingumbob and Mr. Thingumie, instead of the shorter vulgarity Mr. Thingum; or any other strange sounding word which they can invent. This vulgarity is not confined to the names of persons, but is employed in every other case. Thus, steam engine or a printing press will be talked about as a thingumie, and a railroad or a patent lock as a what-d'ye-call-it. If the memory of people is so very treacherous and deficient that they cannot recollect names, it would be much better either to avoid speaking of them if possible, or to turn the sentence in such a manner as may allow of the name being omitted. A drawling indistinct manner of utterance may also be reckoned among the slovenly vulgarities, which ought to be carefully avoided by the correct and polished speaker; as it indicates an indifference to those who are spoken to, and this is directly contrary to all the rules of polite behaviour and respect for society. This, however, is not, I am glad to observe, so common a fault as many of the others which I have pointed out. I must not omit to mention among the slovenly vulgarities, the habit of not listening attentively to those who speak to you, in consequence of which, you are forced to ask them to repeat what they have been saying. In some persons, this slovenly habit has become so confirmed that they cry out "what?" or "eh?" or "sir?" to whatever is said to them, as if they were deaf, though the fault lies wholly in their slovenly habit of not listening. This habit of making every body who speaks to them repeat their words twice or thrice over, is not only vulgar, but extremely rude and insulting, as every species of inattention cannot fail to prove. This mode of causing a person to repeat what he has just been saying, is a different kind of vulgarity from that which I have reprobated in another place, of ending every sentence with a vulgar a'n't it? don't it? or some similar expression; for in that case an answer is seldom expected, while the continual what? or sir? or what do you say? are not expected to be answered. To begin a story, Lord Chesterfield well remarks, when you are not perfect in it, and cannot go through with it, but are probably forced in the middle of your narrative to say, "I have forgot the rest," is very slovenly and bungling; and it would have been much better if you had not begun it, than exposed yourself and tantalized your auditors. He adds, in conformity with what I have above said, that the voice and manner of speaking are not to be neglected: some people almost shut their mouths when they speak, and mutter and sputter so fast, that they are not to be understood; some always speak aloud as if they were speaking to deaf people, and others so low that one cannot hear them. All these habits are awkward, slovenly, and disagreeable, and are to be avoided by attention. They are the distinguishing marks of the vulgar who have had no care taken of their education. I shall mention only one other slovenly habit of speaking, which is so much the worse, that it is frequently affected for the purpose of showing off the independent indifference of the speaker, who wishes it to be understood that he is above the trouble of using all the words employed by other people in expressing himself. A person of this class, instead of saying, "I intend going to Paris at the end of the season, as the Winter is more gay there; than it is amidst the fogs of London;" will say in the style of slovenly affectation, — "Intend going to Paris — end of — season — winter— more gay — town monstrous foggy — dull place — is* town:" — a style of speaking derived most probably from the nursery, and ought not to be tolerated even in a child. I shall give another brief instance of this: instead of saying "I know the gentleman you mean; I met him in the steam-packet on Tuesday; he looks hearty and thrives fast in the world;" the slovenly speaker will say, — "know — gentleman you mean — met him in — steam-packet — Tuesday — looks hearty — thrives fast in — world." VULGAR BYE-WORDS AND EXCLAMATIONS. The writers of dramas and tales, the object of which is to delineate the various characters *See Page 43, above, under Awkward Vulgarities. and classes of society, almost uniformly distinguish their low and vulgar personages by the repetition of some favourite phrase or bye-- word; and the reader may remark, that this holds equally true in real life, as almost every ill-bred, ill-educated person, has some favourite word or expression, which is repeated on all occasions whether it be appropriate or not, in the same way as a parrot repeats the words it has been taught, without either aim or meaning. Every body laughs at Dominie Sampson, in the tale, for continually exclaiming prodigious! but many of those who laugh are themselves guilty of vulgarities of a similar kind, which, though they may not be aware of them, are, for the most part obvious enough to others. Some persons are fond of the words shocking! impossible! others of patience me! or my goodness! others of gracious! or indeed! or yes indeed! all of which are exceedingly vulgar, as every word is when made a bye-word and repeated on all occasions. Some of the dramatic characters are ever repeating — body o' me! or similar exclamations equally foolish, with the Irish botheration! the English pesteration! and the Scotch sorrow be on't! sorrow tak' ye! and sorrow-me-care! One class of those vulgar bye-words is usually commenced with the phrase, in the name of; for example, in the name of all that's good! — in the name of wonder! — the name of fortune!. and a multitude of other names, all equally to be avoided by the correct speaker as meaningless and vulgar. If you will take the trouble to consider one of those bye-words, you will at once see that it can have no possible signification. Take the phrase, "Why did you go into such low company, in the name of all that's gracious?" and tell me whether this name — bye-word, as I may well call it, adds any thing to the sentence except a clumsy vulgarity? Another very common and absurd bye-word, used by ill-educated people, is never to mention a sum of money simply, without adding the vulgar preface to the tune of. You will thus be told that a banker has left his widow something to the tune of 50,000l.; and "the Chancery suit cost him to the tune of 5000l., besides a cool hundred* or two in the King's Bench." It is scarcely possible to conceive how this jargon could ever be introduced, or. ever become so common as it now is; it is something near akin to slang, as we shall afterwards see. All bye-words, indeed, are a species * Why not a "warm hundred" as well of slang; for example, pester me! but I'll do it. I'll be soused if I don't! Every expression of this kind bears the strong stamp of vulgarity. Exclamations of O my! — O la! — La, ma'am! — Alack-a-day! — lack-a-daisy! — Is it possible? — You do not say so? — Figs and fiddlesticks! and hundreds of a similar description are no less vulgar than common among the half educated classes. I may also mention pooh! pooh! pish! pshaw! which the grammarians call interjections, or "words thrown in," as being seldom heard in polite conversation. At the same time, that I denounce those as for the most part vulgar, I must also say, that it is chiefly when they are very frequently repeated; FOR OCCASIONS MAY OCCUR when some of them may be used with propriety. As a proof that such exclamations are low and undignified, it may be stated that they are seldom, if ever, found in elegant composition, or in works on history, but are confined to plays, novels, and other light productions. I have taken notice in a preceding page of the affected repetition of the words Vast, mighty, immense, and a few others which may be considered vulgar bye-words, as well as the words monstrous, pretty, and confounded, when repeated in the same way without meaning; as in the phrases, monstrous good, confounded bad, pretty fair, confounded ugly, pretty much, monstrous little. In the same way the very lowest of the people use the abominable word "bloody," almost every time they speak, examples of the use of which would be too repulsive to be introduced here with propriety. Indeed I would scarcely have ventured to mention this hateful word (which never can be used, I hope, by any body who reads this work) had it not been to show the analogy between its use and that of bye-words which get into better society though they have a vulgar character. The words wretched and miserably are sometime used in the same way, as wretched small, miserably little, &c. The words curious, wonderful, singular strange, queer, and odd, are also very commonly bandied about where they have no business being produced either in form of solitary exclamations, or as words ready to be applied all things congruous or incongruous; as in the instances, "well, that is wonderful! it is curious, I never thought of it! but he is a strange man, and his wife is no less a queer woman; odd enough to be sure! but yet it is singular they should have done this." "How curious I feel after that queer accident!" "Important," and "great," are bye-words which naturally follow to be considered after those I have just discarded from good company. For example, a person who has fixed upon these as favourite bye-words, will exclaim, "that is great! a most important discovery, certainly! the very great importance of it must be self evident. It is important indeed to all; and again and again I say, it is great!" "I have no great opinion of his abilities. The words "odious," and "precious," will follow the same rule as those I have been proscribing; for example, "You odious creature, how could you bring here that precious friend of yours? A rare couple, you are, I know." Then there is that odious Mr. A. and the precious Mrs. B., they will be the death o'me!" "Famous" is a favourite bye-word with many, and is vulgarly introduced, like others of the same class, in the most incongruous manner. Thus, you may hear of "a famous good dinner," though nobody ever heard of it except the speaker. In the same way the word is hacknied by applying it to many things which neither have nor can have any "fame;" the only circumstance that renders anything "famous." The word "real," is another of the as same vulgar class, "real good;" "real excellent." This is a very low expression, as well as capital! "A capital good one," or "a real capital good one," which you may often hear said by vulgar people. The vulgar are in the universal habit of continually using such expressions as I know; — in all my life; — in my born days; — that beats Harry; — that beats the globe; — I never heard of such a thing, &c. To bring in expressions of this kind on all occasions, is the very height of vulgarity in speaking. For example, "I wo'nt go, I know;" "I never heard of such a thing in my life, I know; — it beats George hollow;" "'Fore George! it's shocking, I know; it beats all." If you wish to speak well and, correctly, all such phrases must be carefully avoided. The expression "I know," is by no means vulgar, however, when properly introduced at the beginning of a sentence: it is only so, when constantly repeated at the end of sentences, and without meaning, as in the examples just given. As this phrase "I know," is a vulgar bye-word at the end, on the same principle the phrase "I see," is vulgar at the beginning of sentences, or when often repeated by itself. This bye-word, I see, however, is extremely common with many, particularly in Ireland. The word "however," in the last sentence, puts me in mind, that though it is a very good, and polite word of itself, it is often vulgarly applied at the end of sentences, where it ought never to appear; and it is worthy of remark, that it cannot, in elegant speaking, either begin or end a sentence, but ought to stand near the beginning. I shall not, however, when standing first in a sentence, designate it as vulgar, though inelegant, but confine my reprobation to the word when used as a bye-word, at the end of a sentence; for example, "I shall not agree to that proposal, however;" "He intends to post to London with all speed, however;" "That is certainly a very singular and wonderful circumstance, however." All these "howevers," in this bye-word manner of using them, are unquestionably as vulgar as they are common, particularly in England. May be so, and it may so, are expressions very similarly abused by the vulgar. Many words and expressions similar to "however," "I see," and "I know," which are in themselves correct, and excellent when properly employed, become extremely vulgar as bye-words continually repeated. I may instance as examples of my meaning, the phrases "I think;" "I should think;" "I suppose;" "I should like to know;" "I should be glad to know;" "In my opinion;" "In my mind, &c." The last of these (in my mind) is the worst, and although the polished Lord Chesterfield repeats it in almost every page of his writings, I hesitate not to say it is an unpolished, and scarcely correct expression in itself, but when repeated as a bye-word on every occasion, as his Lordship employs it, there can be no question that it is vulgar. The mimic satirist, Mathews, might with a great effect expose the vulgarity of these very common bye-words, as he has done in his exquisite caricature of another vulgar bye-word - and all that sort of thing, which common expression is ungrammatical, as well as vulgar. The phrases just mentioned as bye-words, however, I think; I should think; I suppose; I should like to know; I should be glad to know; I should not wonder; In my opinion; &c. are not in the same circumstances, but are grammatically correct, and only become vulgar by continual repetition. When they are brought in at the end of sentences by way of finish, they come under the head of vulgar awkwardness, and are similar to many of those formerly stated. We laugh at our American brethren of the United States, for continually repeating, I guess, and I calculate; but we never reflect that our own phrases, I should think so, and In my mind, with many others, are no less unmeaning and vulgar when introduced in the same way. For example, "The mail is not yet arrived, I think; in consequence of the heavy roads, I suppose; and it will be at least, I should think, half an hour later to-day. I should be glad to know why they do not attend to the repairing of the roads, which, in my mind, are disgraceful to the country; that is my opinion." Any person whose conversation is interlarded, almost every time he speaks, with such phrases, may be assured that he can never, while he continues in this habit, speak with elegance or politeness. If we translate this into vulgar American, we shall, perhaps, see its absurdity more strikingly: "The steamer is not yet arrived, I guess, in consequence of some accident, I calculate:" and so of the other phrases. The word "perhaps," may be remarked as one of the same vulgar bye-words, particularly when employed to close a sentence, as in the example, "He may not be willing to comply, perhaps;" "I will not be able to undertake it, perhaps." In all similar cases, the word "perhaps" should stand first — not last — in the sentence. Another common and vulgar bye-word is, at all employed in every sort of meaningless way and is the successor of the old word withal, which was vulgarly employed in the same manner, about a century or more ago, and is occasionally still used by those who affect an antiquated stile. As instances of these two vulgarities, I may give the following examples "You cannot succeed in that scheme at all, you may be certain;" "I never heard any thing of what you have mentioned, at all;" "With respect to the circumstances in question, he would say nothing at all" I have done extremely little withal;" "I think he has not done much good withal." For the world, and in the world, are favourite vulgar bye-words with many, and like most others of the same class, have seldom any meaning in the way in which they are employed. "I would not do that for the world;" "Nothing in the world could induce me;" "I have no objections — not the least in the world." There are no doubt worse vulgarities than these; but when they are made constant bye-words, as the phrases in question usually are, we cannot hesitate to proscribe them from polished and correct speaking. In the north of England more particularly, though it occurs sometimes in other districts, the word Nay! is repeated on all occasions, and consequently is often used without meaning, in the same way as indeed, and yes indeed, become vulgar bye-words, by tiresome reiteration. In Ireland, they are not contented with one "indeed," but use two, as in the phrase, indeed and indeed now. The following, is an example of some of these Mr. A. "Indeed, and indeed now, you must accompany me, however." Mr. B. "Nay! I intended to go." Mr. A. "Indeed! it is the best thing you can do, in my mind." Mr. B. "Nay! I am convinced of it from what Mr. C. told me." Mr. A. "Yes indeed! his reasons could not be withstood, I'm sure." Mr. B. "Nay! I never dreamed of opposing them, I did'nt." I have introduced in the preceding example the expression "I'm sure," which every reader will immediately recognize as a bye-word, that consequently ought to be banished from polite speaking, except on rarer occasions when it may be sparingly admitted. Like the other phrases, the merits of which I have just been discussing, "I'm sure," becomes vulgar chiefly from continued repetition. Like similar expressions also, it becomes much worse at the close of a sentence, than at the beginning; and is much akin to, I know and you know, or I see, I think, &c. For example "Nobody understands that so well as you, I'm sure;" "The case is not in point, I'm sure;" "It is rather a singular instance, you must know and I do not remember any thing like it, I'm sure;" "Well, as I was saying, he called up Mr. A. you know, and it was a curious interview, to be sure." This last phrase "to be sure," is in such instances altogether without meaning, and decidedly vulgar. The phrase when contracted, as it often is, into 'sure is still worse; as "he is ready now, sure; and will use all despatch to arrive in time, for he has much at stake, sure." This is a very common Irish vulgarity, and is also occasionally heard in England. Surely, is a kindred word, that is likewise misapplied as a bye-word by the vulgar, as in the phrase, "That will never succeed surely; for it seems to be impossible I know; "Surely, surely! it is a mad scheme altogether." The phrase "As I was saying," reminds me of the very common vulgar bye-words, says I and says he, which are now confined, if I do not mistake, to the lower ranks of society, and when they at any time get into better company, they are usually transformed into said I, and said he, though these also bear the character of vulgarity, when reiterated. The expression says I, besides its vulgarity, is not grammatical, upon a principle which I shall show when I come to treat of ungrammatical expressions. Every body must have remarked the offensively stunning repetition of these expressions in the conversation of the lowest vulgar, and I need scarcely enjoin any of my readers to avoid their use. Among other common bye-words (and I wish it to be recollected that all bye-words are vulgar) I cannot pass by really, certainly, and undoubtedly, which though they are all good legitimate, and polite words when kept in their proper places, become degraded and vulgar, when incessantly reiterated as bye-words. Lady Morgan in one of her tales, caricatures the first of these with considerable humour, by introducing one of her characters, who every time he speaks, says "really now!" and "oh! really now, 'pon honour!" When the word, "really," is introduced as a question, which is as common a vulgarity in Ireland, as a'n't it, and do'n't it, are in England; it is equally reprehensible with the more universal use of it at the close of a sentence. For example, "I do not think so, really!" "You must endeavour to procure that for me, as I cannot do without it, really!" In the same way the words, "certainly," and "undoubtedly," are very often abused. As affirmations, more emphatic and pointed than a simple "yes," these two words may be correctly employed, but never in any case ought they to be introduced at the close of a sentence, as in the examples, "he intends to be a candidate, certainly;" "I shall try to give you all the assistance in my power, undoubtedly;" For certain is a similar but more vulgar phrase, as "he is off, for certain, and will not return again I know." This phrase, "for certain," is an incorrect and ungrammatical abridgement of "for a certainty," which is a harsh and stiff expression, and ought to be avoided, though it is correct in a grammatical point of view. I dare say, or as it is contracted in some parts of England, I d'r say, and in Scotland A dar' say, or without the "I" dare say," is an extremely common bye-word, and like all suck is frequently destitute of meaning. It is sometimes varied, for the purpose of greater effect, by I'll be bound to say, or I venture to affirm, which though very good and correct expressions in themselves, must often be ranked with vulgar bye-words, or with vulgar egotisms. "There will be no occasion for my assistance, I dare say;" "he has arrived long ago, I dare say;" "it is impossible, I will venture to affirm." The expression, "upon the whole," is only correct when not employed, as it most frequently is, in the form of a meaningless bye-- word. "I have no great opinion of him, upon the whole; "I am quite resolved not to do it, upon the whole;" "yet, upon the whole, it appears very singular, that he should have gone off in that kind of way too." This expression "in that kind of way," it will be remarked, is of the same class with "all that sort of thing," formerly reprobated. I could never understand the genuine meaning of the vulgar bye-word, for good and all, or as it is so often abridged, for good. I can understand well enough "they intend to go to-morrow for good," to mean that they intend to go entirely or altogether, for custom has thus determined this signification to be the usual meaning; — yet the words "for good" do not appear to bear it out; and unless this expression, "for good" he considered to be a fragment of "for good, or for evil, for better or for worse," we must be content to remain ignorant of its import and origin. If this be its source then it would appe that, originally, it was not quite so unintelligible as it is in its present vulgar form. The introduction of words which are of use in explaining the thoughts of the speak must be considered out of place, incorrect, consequently vulgar. Of this I shall give examples of bye-words, that I am sorry to mark are rather common, being useless introductions of the words "matter," and "any," which are otherwise, I need scarcely say, very good words. The expressions to which I object as vulgar are subject-matter, and any the least. The first was pointed out many years ago by Dr. Armstrong, the poet, in his essay and at present it is seldom used, I believe, except by lawyers; but so long as the word "subject," is sufficiently expressive alone, the can be no use for idly adding to it the word matter. On the same principle any the least is uselessly redundant, as "the least," without "any is sufficiently expressive, not to mention that the phrase objected to is ungrammatical. If it were wished to render it emphatic, the proper expression would be "any — even the least." Apropos, a French phrase which originally means "to the purpose" is a common bye-- word with many people, so much so, that it may now be considered as naturalized in England; yet, as Lord Chesterfield well remarks, it is commonly used to introduce any other subject than that which is to the purpose. For example, if you are talking about the Park, though you give no hint about the statue, a vulgar person will interrupt you by saying "apropos of statues — what think you of the statue at Hyde Park corner," and if you, out of good nature, reply to the impertinent question, and give your reasons for thinking it Roman, and not Grecian, he will again catch at the word "Grecian," and say "Apropos of the Greeks, how is this deuced war of theirs likely to end?" and without even waiting for your answer will probably run on — "talking of war, I think the South Americans are very inferior in that important art*." The phrase talking of, or speaking of; and two other vulgarisms "by the bye" and "by the way," which are thus employed in the * See pages 52, 53 above. very same manner as "apropos," to bring in something not to the purpose, are vulgarisms which ought always to be avoided, were it for nothing more than a polite feeling of courtesy towards the person thus interrupted. A very common and vulgar English bye-- word is, "I know no more than the dead where he is;" or "I cannot tell what to say no more than the dead." This vulgarism might perhaps have been arranged under the chapter of comparisons, but I thought it would be more prominent here, and its universal occurrence makes it of moment to impress it upon the attention of the reader. In other parts of the country, a similar phrase is exemplified in the expression, "I am as ignorant of it as the child that was born yesterday;" or "he is as ignorant of it as a new born babe." The phrase to death is often employed as a vulgar bye-word, as in the expression, "I am teased to death;" "I am vexed to death;" "I am bored* to death;" "I am worried to death" "I was squeezed to death at the theatre tonight," and hundreds of other instances of the same kind, It is an illustration of the principle of exaggerating, the extensive influence of which will appear as we proceed. * See Slang Vulgarities below. The "eyes" appear to be very unfortunate in getting so frequently into bad company, as every body must have remarked the lowest vagabonds saying, "ah! that's all my eye," or "that's all my eye and Betty Martin;" a very few also of the more respectable classes, though far from being in the first ranks for politeness and education, foolishly try to soften down a very offensive vulgar phrase by saying, "dang my eyes," or sometimes blast my eyes! though this supposed improvement is scarcely a shade better than the original expression, and will always mark those who use it as coarse, vulgar, ill-bred, and uneducated, as well as wicked; it is of the same class with the sailors' phrase "split my timbers," meaning "limbs." Another vulgar bye-word is — "all alive and kicking," the very sound of which is indicative of low-bred phraseology. The word "all,'' indeed, enters very generally into vulgar expression, from the "all's right;" of the hackney-coachman to the "not for all the universe," of his employer. Express-ions of contempt are apt to become hackneyed bye-words, and usually contain or imply some contemptuous comparison; for example, "I do not care a pinch of snuff;" "I do not care that [snapping the fingers] for him;" "he does not value it a button ;" "I would not give a fig for him;" "that is dog cheap;" "it is what I call, as cheap as dirt;" "this is not worth a pin's head," "or not worth twopence;" "I care not a custard for it:" "It does not matter a single straw;" It cost some matter of an old song ;" "It does not signify a rush." "I shall put that in at a mere song ; "it is not worth. spittle;" "I care not a whit;" "I'll not give one fraction more, — not a single groat* — not much as the black before my nail." — This last expression is not only vulgar from being a bye-- word, but is rude from its allusion to the uncleanly habit of not brushing and washing the nails, which is as insufferable among the better ranks of society, as unwashed hands or uncombed hair. Vulgarity of expression (it may be inferred from this,) follows close upon dirty habits and low company. It is equally rude and vulgar, as Chesterfield well remarks, to support every trifling assertation with a bet or a wager, as "I'll bet you ,fifty to one of it;" "I would not mind betting a crown to a shilling that it is so;" "I'll lay you an wager that you are mistaken;" "A thousand to * Lord Chesterfield says "not one single groat;" but it is certainly vulgar. one! he will never arrive;" "I'll take you a rump and dozen of that;" "I'll take any bet that I am in the right;" "What will you lay upon that point?" and so on. The spirit of these expressions is as bad as the form; for they are always meant as direct and triumphant contradictions, and are consequently no less rude, unpolite, and ill-bred, than to say, "that must be false sir;" "I know you are wrong;" "that can't be true, I know;" "If what you say be true, you may call me rascal." This last expression reminds me of a whole class of vulgarities, in the form of bye-words, in which "call" usually occupies a prominent place. For example, a vulgar man will say, "If it is not so, call me coward;" or, "I give you leave to call me knave, if you do not find I am in the right;" "he says you may call him jack-- ass, if he do not attend to the order;" "it is true, upon my honour, call me cuckold else." This seems to be the origin of the exclamatory Vulgar bye-word, "Cuckold me! but I shall be revenged of* him." Another vulgarity of this class is marked by the phrase, is the word, introduced to accompany some other hackneyed expression, as in * see English Provincial Vulgarities. the example of a person enjoining secrecy who will say "snug! is the word;" or "mum! is the word." This is borrowed most probably from the military custom of appointing a password, and like all other professional phrases which make their way into common conversation, is out of place and vulgar. The affectation of military, naval, and other phraseology of this kind, will come to be considered more at length under the head of PEDANTIC VULGARITIES. I may make the same reference to details, which will be there introduced as vulgar bye-words taken from other languages such as pro bond publico, bonâ fide, in status quo, nolens volens, ne plus ultra, &c. from the Latin; — con amore, &c. from the Italian; — and sans ceremonie, Je ne sçais quoi, au fait, from the French. Many of these are pointed expressive, and intrinsically excellent; but when turned into English bye-words, and used as they often are, by those who are ignorant of their meaning, there can be no doubt of their decided vulgarity. I shall conclude this long chapter, which might have been easily extended, by a quotation with a few slight alterations from a recent publication of talent and merit — "THE REVELATIONS OF THE DEAD ALIVE," upon the incorrectness and absurdity of some bye-words, and hackneyed expressions not noticed above. I cannot well contemplate any thing more unmeaning and absurd, than the variety of unintelligible parts in the language of the present day. As, for instance, "How do you do?" — Shut your eyes, call home your powers of thinking, forget that you had ever heard this sentence before — and what idea does it convey to your mind? "What do you do?" would be intelligible, though a barbarous tautology; but "HOW-- do-you-do" — do what? — It is sheer nonsense*! The French "How do you carry yourself?" intended to express the same polite anxiety, is, if possible, more ridiculous. "I found myself" — in a desart, a forest, here or there, or any where, is no less common and absurd. To find, is to discover something which you had never possessed before, or which you had once possessed, and afterwards lost. It can be taken in no other sense. And may I not ask, how a grown man shall pick himself up for the first time, or after a week's * Lord Chesterfield has the same remark, "when he says," for instance, ''How do you do," is absolute nonsense, but is used by every body. What is the state of your health? for there are a thousand expressions of this kind in every language." — Letters, No. 104. absence? This reminds me of the parallel sentence: "I lost myself in a forest." If identity, be rather the mind than the matter of a man he might lose himself in a forest, by being devoured by a wild beast, or having his throat cut by robbers; and in such a case, his body (he) might subtly be said to lose its spirit (itself); but how body and mind shall part walking together in any given direction, or h he could lose himself, by only turning to the right or the left — is indeed a puzzle. Again, our neighbours, the French, apply their ("Je me trouvois,") I found myself, a still more extraordinary way. A gentleman who has been telling you he made an a pointment with a friend, adds, ("Je me trouvois") I found myself at the place agreed upon. Our absurd meaning for the phrase is limited to, "I entered or visited the place for the first time, or by chance;" but the Frenchman knew the place well; he had reconnoitred it often; yet he says, "he found himself there," as if by the merest accident. I was vexed with an acquaintance the other day, for a mis-statement of my motives, which he had made to others. I charged him with the fact, and he attempted to explain. The explanation did not at all satisfy me, and yet I detected myself muttering through my teeth, "no matter." But it was matter. The obvious contradiction between my words and my thoughts instantly struck me as very strange. I had said the opposite of what I felt, and, indeed, intended to say. But the phrase is used, indifferently, to denote what it means, and what it does not mean. "No matter," will serve for all occasions and characters: for the expression of contrary emotions, and no emotion at all. In the depths of despair, a ruined man will say, "I am done up — no matter." A waiting-maid asks her lady which gown, scarf, or ribbon, she will wear; and the lady answers, No matter. A gentleman in a crowd accidentally treads on your corn: after his polite apology, you try to simper out, No matter. Another hustles you in the street, and you still say, No matter. This is extremely inconsistent and absurd. "Let me alone," is only used to express a wish that some one or other would have the goodness not to continue tormenting you; but in this forced application the sentence is significant of no idea; nor, of itself, does it contain any, except a preposterous one. Obviously, it does not make the request intended by the speaker; that is, he does not thereby wish for a solitude; and the sole request that a man can strictly urge by it, is, "to be let," in a particular manner, like a house or farm. If an unsocial or misanthropic cottage or meadow could speak, either might say to its landlord, "let me alone;'' that is, apart and distinct from your other cottages or meadows. "Mr. A. enjoys good health;" or, "Mr. B enjoys bad health." Pleasure is enjoyed; pain is suffered; good health is pleasure; bad health is pain: assuredly, therefore, good health is enjoyed, and bad health suffered. Yet it is said "Alderman C. or Alderman D enjoys bad health," such as "Gout in the stomach." Now, I can easily conceive that I enjoyed the good things which conferred gout; the venison, the turtle, the dessert, the delicious wines; but an effect is not always pleasant as a cause; and we may affirm that the gout in the stomach is, perhaps, the only enjoyment that one Alderman does not envy another. A man is said to be "taken up" for debt, or treason, or any species of statute crime. Taken he may be; but what shall we say of the "up?" It is only a chance that his prison-chamber may be up, instead of down; that is, elevated above the street, on which he was taken, instead of being sunk below it. If his crime be murder, or any other of a heinous stamp, he must be content with the lowest dungeon the jail can afford; and when settled in it, he must certainly be taken down, and not up. Fancy him brought to a lock-up house, and secured in the strong barred room on the first floor, while his guard sits over his head, on the second floor. One of them would easily say, "he is locked up at last." Where is he locked up? — "Down stairs." This is also inconsistent. "Sit down," is a plain, good phrase. The body is lowered by sitting down. Indeed, "sit" would, of itself, express all we mean; and it often does so. "Sit, cousin Percy." But, "sit up" is a solecism as ridiculous as ever was committed in language. If "sit" possesses alone all the force of "sit down," "up" also possesses alone the whole force of "sit up:" so that when we use this phrase, we actually say, "Be good enough to sit and stand at one and the same moment." We have words and phrases that, by themselves, mean contraries, when opposed to each other, though, in union with other words, they mean the same things. Thus "in short — at length," are opposite expressions; yet, "in short he went to bed," and "at length, he went to bed," propose the same action. Height the very contrary of depth; yet "the height despair," and the depth of despair," convey precisely the same notions. I think the reader will find it useful to see the vulgarities of this chapter, together with few others which have not been discussed at length, arranged in the following TABLE OF VULGAR BYE-WORDS AND EXCLAMATIONS. He has caught a Tartar. It stands to reason. To raise the wind — (to procure money.) To box Harry — (to shift for money.) To sow wild oats. — (to act prodigally.) Not by any chance. More by token. At all events, that is a God-send. You are in for it, hollow. For the matter of that. In short, it is no matter. Au fait — Sans ceremonie. Bona fide — In statu quo. Mum, is the word. Upon my honour; call me coward else. I'll bet you fifty of it. I'll lay you any wager. Will you bet a thousand on him? Not one single groat. Not a fraction. That's what I call dog cheap. It does not matter a rush. Not worth a pin's head — or a straw. I care not a pinch of snuff. Some matter of a cheese-paring — or an old song. I do not value it a button, or a fig. I do not care a custard. Not for the universe. All alive and kicking. All my eye and Betty Martin. She is no chicken. It is no matter. Ignorant as a new-born babe. I know no more than the dead. Talking o f that, by the bye — Apropos — speaking of that — Any, the least. Subject-matter. Gone for good. In that kind of way. I dare say, or I'll be bound to say. Upon the whole it is no great shakes. [This is very vulgar.] For certain — or really now. I know. [At the end of a sentence.] I see — I think — I'm sure — to be sure. You know — you, must know. Says I — says he. Nay — indeed — yes indeed — however. Sure — or sure enough — perhaps. Nothing in the world. In my mind — or to my thinking. I should think — I suppose. I should be glad to know. I should not wonder. All that sort of thing. I should think so. I guess — I calculate. [American.] At all — Withal. May be so — or may be. It beats Harry — or beats all. I never heard of such a thing. 'Fore George — it's shocking! In all my life — or in my born days. Wretched small — miserably little. A swingeing good sum. Monstrous little. Vastly small — or immensely trifling. O my! [Irish.] Figs and Fiddlesticks! Pester me! or Pesteration! Is it possible? you do not say so? To the tune of 50,000l. That picture was a fifty pounder. pounds.] Singular! — shocking! — curious! Famous! — capital! — odious! — precious! That is great. [Irish.] It will be the death o' me. He lost a cool hundred in a trice. In the name of wonder — of fortune — of all that's gracious! Goodness! — or gracious me! Bother me' — or botheration! [Irish.] Sorrow tak' me. [Scotch.] VULGARITY OF SWEARING AND IMPRECATION. The Scriptures say,"swear not at all;" but in open defiance of this precept, swearing was at one time reckoned fashionable, and nobody who had any pretensions to consequence, spoke without oaths and other coarse and offensive expressions. This time is happily no more, and swearing is now banished from all polished society, and confined to the lowest of the vulgar. Into the causes of this great and wonderful change, I shall not inquire; but of the fact there can be no doubt, and every day is diminishing the pernicious habit, which is at present extremely rare among the well-educated classes, and is only to be heard from the profane lips of some hoary disciple of the fashions of the last age. Although, however, what may be called gross swearing has almost disappeared from good society, many minor oaths, and offensive expressions maintain their ground, unshaken by the reformed taste of the day, of which I shall give a few examples. I must premise that, under swearing, I comprehend only such phrases, as are introduced with the words "by," or "upon," and all other phrases, which are usually considered as swearing, but want the words "by," or "upon," shall denominate offensive expressions. As examples of minor or mincing oaths, as they are sometimes called, I may mention the law! which is extremely common in the South of Ireland, so much so, as to become in many instances quite ludicrous. It is dead in the first instance, derived from a contraction of the word "Lord," and as such is very prehensible. I prove the derivation by a common vulgar addition to it, in the phrase "by the la' Harry!" or "by the lord Harry!" which must stand in the same scale of vulgarity as by George! and by Jingo! and I need say that nobody above the rank of a porter or a carman would now think of using either these. By Gemini! and O Gemini! are similar. One of those oaths, which has lingered longest in the politer circles is by heavens! but even that is fast losing ground, and I have no doubt, that in a short time it will only be found in the pages of a' play, or a novel. This is one of those oaths, which are expressly forbidden in the Scriptures:— "Swear not at all, neither by the heaven, for it is God's throne, nor by the earth, for it is his foot-stool." Frequently the "by" is left out, and the exclamation heavens! or good heavens! remains as a strong indication of the speaker's vulgarity, or what is much the same, his speaking without knowing what he says; for in such exclamations there is not a glimpse of sense or meaning, no more than in the usual exclamation, Good God! The only oath which I can recollect of lately meeting with, in circles that have any pretension to fashion, is by Jove! an old heathenish oath, which like the ancient Roman oaths "by Hercules" and "by Jupiter," are sometimes picked up at classical schools, or at the Universities. "By my stars!" more usually contracted "my stars!" is a vulgarism derived from Astrology; "by the powers!" is another. Queen Elizabeth, with all her pretensions to sanctity and religion, scrupled not to disgrace herself by a habit of swearing, which hence became fashionable at court, and spread rapidly as court fashions always do, through the country. The oaths employed by her Majesty were very coarse, and offensive to modern ears — those in most favour with her were God's wounds, and God's blood. As these became fashionable, the lazy habit of slovenly speaking soon contracted them into s'blood and 'swounds or 'zounds; expressions, which are still to be met with in plays and novels; the first sometimes with the addition of "thunder," as 'sblood and thunder! or without the "s" — Blood thunder! — S'death! is another vulgarity of the same class. I have no doubt that Egad, and 'gad, which are still very common in Ireland, though nearly obsolete in England, are derived some old expression, by a similar contraction as well as those most unmeaning, and vulgar exclamations, Gadzookers! Odzookers! Zooks! Ods bodikins! Ods my life! and many others, which formerly disgraced our language but have now happily almost disappeared. Whether the vulgar word Deuce is derived. from the Greek word "Zeus," or the Latin word "Deus," which both mean "Jupiter," or from the number two, which is so called in games of chance, I cannot tell; but it is most certain that it is commonly employed in conversation in a very unmeaning way. "Where the deuce is this?" for example, expresses more than "what is this?" and wherefore there it may well be asked, is deuce employed? most of these phrases, it would appear to be tended as a polite substitute for the coarse but not more vulgar word Devil, as in the phrases "the deuce is in it;""go to the deuce;" "deuce take me!" and perhaps even in the first example, "what the deuce!" This vulgarity is sometimes varied by the singularly unmeaning phrase, "what the dickens!" From these expressions or minced oaths have arisen two very vulgar bye-words, introduced in a similar manner with "prodigious," "vast," and others above noticed; I mean the offensive words deuced and devilish, as in the very common vulgar phrases "a deuced fine horse;" "a devilish pretty girl;" "a deuced hard case;" "devilish ill-luck," &c. From the same source we have the vulgar bye-words - He's the very devil;" "It will play the deuce with the whole concern;" "That circumstance has played the devil with them;" "It will play the very dickens with them;" These expressions require only to be put on paper to demonstrate their gross vulgarity. Even Lord Chesterfield, however, could say and write, "Where the devil did he pick up that?" Those, and many other expressions, which it is unnecessary, and would be improper to exemplify, are all what may be called minced oaths, or swearing by contraction, in order to skreen its glaring coarseness and vulgarity, not to mention it, as a crime of the deepest dye in a religious point of view. I shall next consider a few examples of what may be considered another class of oaths, in which the word "on" or "upon" is used instead of "by." The two most common oaths of this are, upon my word, and 'pon honour; or by way of greater force of expression, upon my word and honour. As these expressions are far from being so offensive as several of those which I have formerly exemplified, readers may think that I am refining too much in discarding them; but upon the principle that all repeated bye-words are vulgar, the vulgarity of the phrases in question must established beyond appeal. If I dared for a moment to compare a sacred injunction with law of politeness, I would say that such pressions must be prohibited both by the Scripture precept "swear not at all," and the code of polite conversation "never use a bye-word." There is another point of in which we may consider the oaths "upon my word," and "upon my honour;" — they add no force to a speaker's assertion, but the contrary, like the fruitman's call of cherries, "full weight!" — for it is a maxim well known in world, that nobody backs an assertion with an oath, unless he is aware that it is not very tenable. Besides, it is in a certain degree confessing to the possibility of uttering a falsehood, when it is thought necessary to enforce it with such an asseveration, as "upon my word and honour it is true;" — and nobody would hazard, after a moment's reflection, to give cause for such a suspicion. "If a man," says Chesterfield, "uses strong protestations or oaths, to make you believe a thing, which is of itself so likely and probable, that the bare saying of it would be sufficient, depend upon it he lies, and is highly interested in making you believe it, or else he would not take so much pains." These remarks apply to all oaths and emphatic asseverations, but particularly to those two expressions just considered, and are less applicable to the phrases, upon my conscience; or the contracted exclamation, conscience! and Upon my life, or upon my soul, which are much more coarse, offensive, and vulgar, not to say impious. These are more of the nature of exclamations than oaths, and from the very air and tone of the speakers who use them, we may easily infer that they are much more seldom employed as asseverations of the truth of what is said, though unmeaning vulgar bye-words, interlarded in their conversation to fill up a sentence for lack of better, and more polished expressions. The phrase, "upon my conscience," has sometimes, particularly in Ireland, the addition of upon my faith; in both are contracted into the vulgar exclamation, Faith and Conscience! This is varied by the vulgar word troth, a corruption of "truth," as in the Irish phrase, faith and troth and sometimes we meet with in troth and in faith, or i'faith, and also a most vulgar corruption of this, of which Lord Chesterfield has taken notice in the expression i'fackings. The expression "In good sooth," is another instance in point. The word "as," frequently introduces a form of expression, that has all the air of an oath, but it seldom sounds so very harsh as the preceding instances, though it is unquestionably vulgar. For example, a person say "all I have told you is true, as I am a Christian;'' or will assert, "as I am a living man, I saw it with my own eyes;" or in a stronger form, "as sure as God is in heaven, what I tell you is true;" or perhaps "as sure as death;" or "as true as you now stand there." Numberless forms are current of this sort of petty swearing, if it may be called, so but under every variation, I hesitate not to pronounce it vulgar, and it is frequently impious and wicked. Imprecations, and impious prayers are no less wicked (While they are even grosser in vulgarity,) than swearing. These often constitute, it pains me to say, more than a third part of the low conversation of seamen, carmen, and beggars. A beggar, and more particularly if a native of Ireland, will shower down a multitude of prayers or of imprecations upon you according to the humour of the moment. If you are liberal in your charity — it will be: God bless your good heart; or may all the blessings of heaven follow you;" or "I pray God, in heaven, to bless and reward you." On the contrary, should your charity be withheld, you may expect cursing instead of blessings, and imprecations instead of prayers: instances of the latter, would be no less unnecessary than improper. A few pages back, I gave two instances of vulgar imprecation — one very common, the other confined chiefly to seamen. Numerous other examples might easily be furnished; but it will only be requisite here, in accordance with the plan of this work, to exemplify such as from being not quite so glaring, are more apt to creep insidiously into good company, and produce a bad impression of those who may not be aware of their error. The first instance of this kind which occurs to me in the vulgar phrase, "out upon him for a slanderer!" "I do not believe it, souse me if I do." This "out upon him," or "out upon it," is both unmeaning, and sounds awkwardly; and the word souse is scarcely a grade better than blast. Another common vulgar imprecation, is "hang it," sometimes varied "dang it," and frequently, "hang me,". still more vulgarly, "choke me!" Some foolish persons task their ingenuity to invent new oaths and imprecations, or vary those which are common, by way of supposed embellishment. Should this page meet the eye of any of those who are so far misled, I beg leave to assure them, that leaving religion and common decency altogether out of consideration — they can only by such conduct acquire the character of vulgar, distinction to which few, I am persuaded would willingly aspire. VULGARITY OF PROVERBS AND PROVERBIAL EXPRESSIONS. A good proverb, well introduced, may sometimes appear elegant, and give to a sentence a very brilliant or pretty turn; but though this may occasionally happen, it is rare and seldom that proverbs and wise savings are thus happily brought in, while it is extremely common to hear them repeated, like the words which have been discarded in the preceding pages, in tiresome sameness and meaningless vulgarity. Even in the days of Chesterfield, they were confined to the lowest ranks, and nobody above a housemaid or a footman spoke in proverbs. This turn of fashion, however much it may be reprobated by those who take a pleasure in the study of proverbial wisdom and proverbial wit, has maintained its ground longer, perhaps, than ever any fashion did before; for now it is certain that proverbs are no less, and they may be more, vulgar in polite conversation, than they were in the days of Chesterfield. To stem this tide of fashion, Mr. Fielding, a recent collector of proverbs, has opposed as a barrier, their momentous influence on the affairs of life, and what is perhaps of more value in the argument — the fact of their having been once in high fashion among the courtiers at several splendid periods of history. "By the operation," says this author, "of some absurd impression, proverbs have for a long time been kept in the back ground in fashionable society. Lord Chesterfield said a man of fashion has never recourse to proverbs and vulgar aphorisms,' and they appear to have withered away under the ban of his anathema. But it is yielding too much to name, to proscribe the most valuable treasure that has been transmitted by former ages to the dictum of a courtier. Men of fashion in the days of Elizabeth, James, and Charles had recourse to proverbs and aphorisms; as in the splendid court of Louis XIV., the illustrations of popular adages formed the subject of dramatic entertainments; so far then, as fashion can confer authority, we are justified from the example of these periods, in their uses, but it may be demonstrated, that no other species of knowledge has such an influence on the affairs of life — on the conduct of individuals, and the history of nations. I will cite a few examples, for the purpose of illustration, of proverbs that have been the most influential in society, and which are constantly at work, either for great good, or great evil. "What the eye sees not, the heart feels not.'' How many men and women too, have been determined in a guilty course, from this simple sentence. Again, there is another saying. which has contributed not a little to people the world, and is a far more formidable antagonist of the doctrines of Malthus, than either Cobbett or Godwin. "God never sends mouths without meat." It has been the misfortune of many to find the contrary of this; but it still forms a cardinal point in the creed of the labouring classes, and I am sure it has been my fate, many hundred times, to hear it repeated by fruitful dames — and laugh at its absurdity. "Mortui non mordent," The dead do not bite. This fatal truth has sealed the doom of many an unhappy wretch, by determining the last resolve of the traitor, burglar, and assassin. We cannot look into the annals of crime, or the page of history, without meeting with examples of the deadly application of this proverb. It was applied by Stewart against the Earl of Morton, in Scotland, and subsequently to the Earl of Stratford and to Archbishop Laud, in England*." The author might have added, that the same proverb was applied either by Elizabeth, or some of her blood-thirsty counsellors, to the beautiful and unfortunate Mary Queen Of Scots. We may grant all this, however, and more to Mr. Fielding, and yet maintain with consist* Fielding's select Proverbs. Introduction. ency, that it is vulgar to hackney proverbs in conversation; and we conclude with D'Israell, that though proverbs embrace the wide sphere of human existence — take all the colours of life — are often exquisite strokes of genius, delighting us by their airy sarcasm or their caustic satire, by their luxuriance of the humour, the playfulness of their turn, and even by the elegance of their imagery and tenderness of sentiment; and though they give a deep insight into domestic life, and open for us the heart of man in all the various states he may occupy, and ought therefore to enter frequently into our reading as treasures of thought; YET PROVERBS CEASED TO BE THE ORNAMENTS OF CONVERSATION. Proverbs, and proverbial expressions, precisely similar to bye-words in respect to vulgarity of reiterating or hunting after them conversation; but I must allow them to be, in general, much superior in point of meaning, and I readily confess the influence which many. them have occasionally had upon my own mind. For example — He who does his best, will often do more*. * BURNS gives it thus — Faint heart ne'er won lady fair, But him that does the best, he can Will whiles do mair. A sleeping, fox catches no chickens. Never venture, never gain Honey catches more flies than vinegar. The more haste, the worse speed. Experience keeps a dear school, but it is the best. Hope is a good breakfast, but a bad supper. Good bargains are pick pockets. Out of debt, out of danger. To believe a thing impossible, is the way to make it so. All these, and hundreds which might be enumerated, are maxims drawn from experience; and there is no other objection to their use in conversation, than that it will always have the mark of vulgarity stampt upon it, and can never be accounted elegant or polished. Let those then use proverbial expressions who care not for the graces of elegance and politeness — and who would rather be distinguished for low wit and waggery, than for the accomplishments of good society; but whoever wishes to avoid the language of the uneducated and the unpolished, must entirely give up the use of proverbs. Notwithstanding, indeed, what Mr. Fielding has said of proverbs being formerly fashionable in polite courts, we are of opinion, that in their very nature they have an air of vulgarity. So thought the inimitable author of Don Quixote, when he made his hero speak in the lofty, though caricatured style of chivalric romance, and characterized his attendant, Sancho, by his proverbial speeches. It is the very same now; for whoever speaks in proverbs, will always be ranked with the vulgar. I hesitate to give a long enumeration of verbs, in order to point out their vulgarity more strongly and effectually; but it may not be unnecessary to give a few by way of example. These I shall not select from the very coarse and gross proverbs, which are only heard among the lowest ranks of society; but chiefly from the little volume of Mr. Fielding, who pretends to have gleaned only what seemed "worthy of modern taste and refinement." Again, must repeat, that many of these may be adapted for private reading and study, but a no less vulgar in polite conversation, than talking of abstruse Algebra, or of the Arabic language is pedantic. TABLE OF VULGAR PROVERBS. A drowning man will catch at a straw. Affairs, like salt fish, ought to be a good while soaking. A hand saw is a good thing, but not to shave with. A mad bull is not to be tied with pack-thread. A little pot is soon hot. All is not gold that glitters. A miss is as good as a mile. A new broom sweeps clean. A rolling stone gathers no moss. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. As good be out of the world, as out of the fashion. Beggars must not be choosers. Daughters and dead fish are not keeping ware. Either a man or a mouse. Every tub must stand on its own bottom. Every dog has his day. Fine feathers make fine birds. Give a dog an ill name, and he'll soon be hanged. Out of the frying, pan into the fire. Too many irons in the fire — some of them may cool. If wishes would bide, beggars would ride. If the sky falls, we shall catch larks. If you cannot bite, never show your teeth. I'll not buy a pig in a poke. It is good fishing in troubled waters. It is a long lane that has no turning. Look not a gift horse in the mouth. Love me, love my dog. Many a good cow has a bad calf. Neither fish, nor flesh, nor good red herring. No man cries — stinking fish. Oil and truth will get uppermost at last. One scabbed sheep infects the whole flock. Patience is a plaster for all sores. Pigs love that lie together. Plain dealing is dead, and died without issue. Pour not water on a drowned mouse. Set a beggar on horse-back, and he'll ride to the devil. Sharp stomachs make short graces. What will not make a pot, may make a pot-lid. The frying-pan said to the kettle, avaunt, black bones! The worst pig often gets the best pear. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The better day, the better deed. The crow thinks her own bird the whitest. The burnt child dreads the fire. There is something in it, quoth the fellow, when he drank dish-clout and all. There's reason in the roasting of eggs. Though the cat winks, she is not blind. Wanton kittens, may make sober cats. Well lathered, is half shaven. Welcome death, quoth the rat, when the trap fell. What is got over the devil's back, is spent under his belly. All cats are grey in the dark. When the shoulder of mutton is going, it is good to take a slice. When the fox preaches, beware of your geese. Who can help sickness? quoth the drunken wife, when she fell into the gutter. Wishes will never fill the sack. Aching teeth are ill tenants. You cannot make velvet of a sow's ear. You hare found a mare's nest, and laugh at the eggs. You cannot have more of the cat than the skin. Hell is pared with good intentions. Reynard is Reynard still, though he put on a surplice. Scandal will rub out, like dirt when it is dry. Steal a pig, and give the trotters for God's sake. King's chaff, is worth other men's corn. The king's cheese goes half away in parings. The mob is a many headed monster, but has no brains. Wars bring scars. A hog upon trust, grunts till he is paid for. A stitch in time, saves nine. A wager is a fool's argument. Care will kill a cat, but there is no living without it. Crows are never the whiter for washing themselves. Dirt is dirtiest upon clean white linen. Enough is as good as a feast. Fancy may bolt bran, and think it flour. He knows not a hawk from a hand-saw. He lights his candle at both ends. He knows on which side his bread is buttered. It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright. Keep something for a sore foot. Make hay while the sun shines. Never lose a hog for a halfpenny worth of tar. Poverty makes a man acquainted with strange, fellows. Fair words, butter no parsnips. When the pig is proffered, hold up the poke. He gazed at the moon, and fell in the gutter. Your trumpeter is dead, so you sound yourself. A barren sow was never good to pigs. It is a good horse that never stumbles. A nay say, is hay' a grant. The bitch, that I mean, is not a dog. Three women and a goose make a market. Children and chickens are always picking. Hungry dogs will eat dirty puddings. All goes down gutter lane. Grantham gruel, nine grits and a gallon of water Such are a fair specimen of the proverbs which Mr. Fielding thinks worthy of the tastes and refinement of modern times. Many others might have been selected from his pages mucg more vulgar, coarse, and even grossly indecent than these. I am convinced, that nobody who glances over the few which I have enumerated will have the least doubt of their vulgarity, or think that they can form any ornament in conversation, except among common porters or draymen. To have extended the preceding table, would have been useless in a work like the present. Those who wish to see a more copious catalogue will find it in Mr. Fielding's little book, though I must say that in its present unweeded state, it is very unfit for the perusal of young people: with a little pruning, it might be rendered so. It occurs to me, that all the useful knowledge which is embodied in proverbs, might, with a very little trouble, be stripped of the quaint and vulgar language in which it is expressed, and translated into polite and correct English. The coarse and vulgar ideas of pigs, hogs, dirt, and dunghills, can make no part of the wisdom which is so much lauded; but which, in its present form, must offend the taste of every polite and well educated mind. In Mr. Fielding's book, there are many proverbs which have been thus translated with great advantage, though he has spoiled others, particularly the Scots ones, from not understanding them. I would recommend it, therefore, to all who are fond of studying proverbs, to avoid quoting them in conversation, though they may, with great advantage, give the spirit of them in correct language, divested of quaintness, slang and vulgarity. In the chapter on bye-words, I have already noticed several of those expressions which may be called proverbial, and are similar in point of vulgarity to the wise sayings of our forefather; which I have now been examining, There are many words and expressions of this class, however, which I have thought will be more conveniently arranged under the present division. I do not intend to give all the local and provincial examples of this kind, which might easily be collected, but which are frequently changing according to the lapse of time and the occurrence of events. It will be sufficient for my purpose to select a few of the more common, and leave it to the good sense of the reader to discover and avoid, in conversation the proverbial expressions of the town or district where he happens to reside. TABLE OF VULGAR PROVERBIAL EXPRESSION It fits to a T. A blot in his escutcheon. He's in clover. (In easy circumstances.) A curtain lecture. A pretty kettle of fish. A Welch cousin. Cream pot love. (Such as young fellows pretend to dairy-maids, to get cream and other things from them.) A clinker, as the man said who drove a nail in the moon. To give one the go-by. A good fellow lights his candle at both ends. He has given him the bye-ball. To look like an owl in an ivy bush. To find a mare's nest. His brains are a wool-gathering. To come in pudding time. To make a mountain of a mole hill. Not a straw to draw between them. To nourish a viper in one's bosom. To pay one in one's own coin. To run a wild goose chace. To seek a needle in a bottle of hay. To leave no stone unturned. They are hand and glove. To take the wrong sow by the ear. The grey mare is the better horse. Touch pot, touch penny. To pocket an injury. Of all tame beasts, I hate sluts. Veal will be cheap, calves fall. Water bewitched. (Small beer.) That was laid with a trowel. (A great lie.) To lay it on thick. (Said of flattery.) To bear away the bell. To wash a blackamoor white. To come bluely off. He is true blue, and will never stain. To outrun the constable. There is a bone for you to pick. His bread is buttered on both sides. A chip of the old block. To carry coals to Newcastle. To burn day-light. To work for a dead horse. To play the dog in the manger, not eat yours nor let another eat. A dog's life, hunger and ease. To dine with Duke Humphry. To eat the calf in the cow's belly. Fair play is a jewel, don't pull my hair. He pins his faith on another man's sleeve. All is fish that comes in the net. I have other fish to fry. 'Tis a folly to fret, grief is no comfort. Go farther and fare worse. He cannot say bo to a goose. You halt before you are lame. All bring grist to your mill. To live from hand to mouth. To harp upon the same string. Too hasty to be a Parish clerk. Hobson's choice. By hook, or by crook. You measure every one's corn by your own. I can see as far into a millstone as another man. To rip up old sores. He is put to bed with a shovel. (Dead.) To rob Peter to pay Paul. To have rods in pickle for one. To make one a stalking horse. He is up to trap. I'll trust him no further than I can fling him. To kill two birds with one stone. To have two strings to one's bow. You cannot see wood for trees. She wears the breeches. The cream of the jest. "The same again," quoth Mark of Belgrave. Weaver's beef. (Sprats, or herrings.) A Cornish hug. French leave. A Scarborough warning. (A surprise.) To leave one not a leg to stand upon. Spick and span new. Brent new (Quite new.) To curry favour, and dance attendance. To pick a hole in one's coat. A mote in your marriage. Tell that to the marines, the sailors wo'nt believe it. A touch of the Bishop. (Said of what is singed or scorched.) These must be considered only as a small specimen indiscriminately arranged — but they will be sufficient, I think, to make my readers careful in avoiding all expressions of a similar character, with the phrases in the table, otherwise they can never speak with polite elegance and purity of language which mark out the well-bred, and the well-educated. It would be an easy task, I am aware, to endeavour, as Mr. Fielding has done, to defend the use of proverbs, by displaying their wisdom and their usefulness; but when come to try them by the laws of elegance and politeness, and observe that they are in use as ornaments of conversation among lower and uneducated orders of the people we cannot sanction their introduction into the conversation of the well educated and polished ranks of society. The rule is then — Never use a proverb, a proverbial expression, in polite conversation, for these, though they may be smart, wise, or humorous, are no less vulgar than bye-words and cant. VULGARITY OF COMPARISONS. Were I to commence this chapter with hackneyed proverb, that "comparisons are odious," I should commit a gross breach of the rules which I have just laid down. I shall therefore begin with a new version of it, and say that "comparisons are vulgar," at least those which I shall endeavour to exemplify; for good comparisons well introduced, as I have already said of proverbs, are among the highest beauties of elegant and polite language, and constitute a principal charm of both poetical and rhetorical style. The comparisons which I consider vulgar, consist of common, trite, and meaningless phrases, very similar in character to the bye-- words and the proverbs already discussed. Some persons have acquired the vulgar habit of seldom or never speaking without backing their assertions by trite comparisons, in the same way as those who have a habit of swearing do with oaths. The one habit is equally vulgar with the other, though, in some respects, it is not so reprehensible. A few examples will illustrate my meaning to those readers who may not at first comprehend the full signification of comparisons as indicating vulgarity of language. Instead, for instance, of saying a person is foolish, the man of comparisons will say, as mad as a March hare; or, instead of saying in plain language, that a portrait is like or unlike the person who sat for it, a vulgar speaker will say, it as like as two peas; or as unlike as chalk and cheese; and. that every body who looks at it will see as plain as a pike staff; or as the nose on your face; that he is right, like the man who wandered in the snow but found himself pat at his own chimney corner. If you ask a person, who delights to string comparisons in this manner — how he likes his patron or employer, Lord A—, he will say "Ah, I must take care what I say of him — as wary as a blind horse, is the word? you understand but under the rose, between ourselves, do you see me; I like him as a cat likes mustard, or as the devil likes holy water; for he is so niggardly, that he keeps me as hungry as a church mouse; and if I ask him for a trifle, he looks as grave as an old gate post, and as cold as charity; and though the old hunks is as rich as Crœsus he swears* that he is as poor as Job; so see I am just like the tailor who worked for nothing, and found thread." These examples, however, are superior in point and meaning, to many which you may hear every day employed by the vulgar, rather than forego the awkward trick, for it deserves no better name, the comparison frequently ends in something very different from what the speaker originally intended. For example, "The race was a first rate one, the Duke's colt flew like the very winds. * It is no less vulgar than false to use the word "swears for "says" or "asserts," as is so frequently done. Dash bolted past him, like-like-you have no idea." I recollect a person who had acquired this vulgar habit of making comparisons every time he spoke, attempted at table to describe the battle of Waterloo; and by way of a grand finish, he said, "the fields were streaming with blood, and the air was dark with smoke; for the artillery were thundering like thunder, and the bullets were flying like any thing!" This comparison like any thing, is no less common, than it is vulgar and meaningless; for it is unnecessary to say, that it can in no case whatever apply as a comparison. As salt, as salt's self; or as vain, as vanity itself, are expressions of the same kind. Lord Chesterfield very justly remarks, that such expressions are an indication of a bad education, and of having kept low company. Archbishop Laud, though in high reputation and a distinguished dignitary, injured his influence at Court by introducing a vulgar comparison in the star-chamber, saying, that "a man entered the church as a tinker and his bitch do an alehouse." Chesterfield remarks also, that the conversation of a low-bred man is filled with such trite and vulgar sayings; example, instead of observing that "tastes are different, and that most men have one peculiar to themselves," such a person will say, "every one to their liking, as the old woman said, when she kissed her cow; for, as the proverb has it, what is one man's meat is another man's poison." Having thus pointed out the nature of this class of vulgarities, it will only be necessary to subjoin a short table with a few more examples, in order to press it more strongly on the reader's mind. TABLE OF VULGAR COMPARISONS. As grey as a grannum's cat. As musty as my grandfather's wig. Waddling like a duck. As ugly as sin. As high as a church steeple. As lazy as Ludlam's dog, that rested his head on the wall to bark. As bare as a bodkin. As hungry as a hawk,. As dead as Adam. As dead as king Henry the Eighth. As merry as a cricket. As drunk as Blesus. As fat as a Michaelmas goose. As red as fire. As green as grass. As white as the driven snow. As nice as a Nun's hen. As giddy as a goose. As deep as the devil. As white as a ghost. As dark as pitch. Jumping, like a cock at a gooseberry. Hanging his ears like a drowned rat. As old as Methuselah. As secret as the grave. As weak as water. As fine as fi'pence. As deaf as a door post. Like grim death. As dumb as a dead man. As brisk as a bee in a tar pot. Running like a lamplighter. Strutting like a cock on a dunghill. Standing like a crow in a gutter. As black as a Bishop. As mum as a mouse in a mill. As flat as a flounder. As busy as a hen with one chicken. As kind as a kite. As hot as Tewkesbury mustard. As proud as a peacock. As white as innocence. As poor as Lazarus. As obstinate as a mule. Raging like the sea. As frightened as a hunted hare. As nimble as a cow in a cage. As blind as a beetle, or as a mole, or as a bat. As light as a feather. As sharp as a needle. As soft as a cushion. As silent as death. As old as the hills. As grey as an owl. As wanton as a kitten. Looking as if butter would not melt in your mouth. As fresh as a daisy. As wise as Waltham's calf that ran nine miles to suck a bull. As ugly as a toad. As proud as Lucifer. As cunning as a fox. As common as the street. As black as a crow. As bright as a guinea. As impudent as a dog. As grim as midnight, or as a ghost. As straight as a Maypole. As cross as a crab. As touchy as gun-powder. As pat as a potatoe. It would be easy to multiply such examples, but these, I hope, will be more than sufficient to establish the vulgarity of comparisons of a similar character. I cannot conclude, however, without again adverting to the principle upon which this reprehensible habit is founded — the principle of exaggeration, or what in more homely language is expressed by the phrase — "talking big." It is this most mistaken principle that originates and perpetuates such vulgar expressions, as "I am so miserable — you can't think" "You can have no notion, for the life of you, how he was served;” "As fast—slow—much—little—soon—late as possible;" this last phrase is correct enough, like many others, when not abused by perpetual reiteration, or when it can have little or no possible meaning; or if it have any meaning, it indicates that the speaker is stretching all his powers of expression to exaggerate some very common occurrence. To Frenchify the expression, and say, "I will do my possible to accomplish it," is greatly worse. It is this principle of stretching, whatever is said, beyond all just proportion, that will be found to run through many of the vulgarities, formerly noted, as in the instances of vast, mighty, immense, important, monstrous, tremendous, &c. There is another branch from the same root, which I shall now point out as being usually characterized by the words most, very, extremely, exceedingly. applied without discrimination by low-bred, and half educated persons to every thing and circumstance - appropriate and inappropriate, about which they speak. Every thing is the very best, the very worst; or the very first rate; and evert circumstance is most important, extremely interesting, or exceedingly ludicrous; a parrot is said to be "monstrously tame." This habit of stretching expressions beyond their proper bounds, reminds me of a person who always, when he speaks, bawls at the top of his voice, as if every body around him were deaf. An instance of the spirit of exaggerated comparison which is very common, but which is seldom remarked, generally includes, or is introduced by the words "No," or "Nothing.". You may frequently remark this vulgarity is young or unpractised authors, who seldom fail to commence with, "No subject is of greater importance, than" — or "Nothing is more important, than" — To such phraseology, I admit, it would be wrong to object as incorrect or ungrammatical; but when it is repeated till it is palling and tiresome, as it usually is, it must be pronounced vulgar. When joined with other hackneyed phrases, the words "no," and "nothing," become more degraded by associating with vulgar companions, as in the expressions, "Nothing on earth;" "Nothing under the sun;" "No man in the world, or no man in all London could do it better;" I would not for the universe;" "Not for anything in Nature;" "There s not the fellow of it in seven counties;" "It cannot be matched in all Europe, no — not if you were to search the whole of it." "I would not have it done for any thing;" "Nobody is so famous in the whole of London;" "There is nothing earthly in the report; though there is not any one thing more likely;" "When we survey the whole of Nature, we must confess that nothing is more conspicuous, than" — "No occurrence of modern times claims more of our attention, than;" — There is not his match on the face of the earth;" The most extraordinary of all extraordinary things;" The most useful of all useful things, &c. If I could persuade my young readers to avoid magnifying every thing about which they speak beyond its proper bounds, I should not fear that they would soon be cured of this vulgar practice; but unless they can prevail upon themselves to speak with moderation, there is no way to escape the use of the vulgarities which I have just reprobated. LEARNED, PEDANTIC, AND PROFESSIONAL VULGARITIES. As many of the examples which I am going to introduce here spring from affectation, might have arranged them under the chapter on Vulgar-genteel Errors; but I thought better to bring them under a separate discussion, in which I would have an opportuninty of giving them more attention. The subject follows most naturally to be considered after Bye-words, Proverbs, and Comparisons, as Pedantry of Conversation is very similar to these, consisting for the most part of favourite words or phrases derived from other languages, of professional terms introduced into common discourse, or of common words pronounced in an uncommon manner. Before giving examples of these pedantic vulgarities, which have been more than once alluded to in the preceding pages, I shall take the advantage of some just and useful remarks of Lord Chesterfield on the characteristics of a pedantic. "Learning," he says, "when not accompanied with sound judgment, frequently carries us into error, pride, and pedantry, which are very common failings. Some learned men, for example, proud of their knowledge, only speak to decide, and give judgment without appeal; the consequence of which is, that mankind, provoked by the insult and injured by the oppression, revolt; and, in order to shake off the tyranny, even call the lawful authority in question. The more you know, the modester you should be: and modesty is the surest way of gratifying your vanity. Even where you are sure, seem rather doubtful; represent, but do not pronounce; and if ever you would convince others, seem open to conviction yourself. "Others; to shew their learning, or often from the prejudices of a school education, where they hear of nothing else, are always talking of the ancients as something more than men, and of the moderns as something less. They are never without a classic or two in their pocket; they stick to the good old sense, they read none of the modern trash, and will shew you plainly that no improvement has been made in any one art or science, these last seventeen hundred years. I would by no means have you disown your acquaintance with the ancients; but still less would I have you brag of an exclusive intimacy with them. Speak of the moderns without contempt, and of the ancients without idolatry; judge them all by their merits, but not by their ages, and if you happen to have an Elzevir classic in your pocket, neither show nor mention it. "Some great scholars most absurdly draw all their maxims, both for public and private life, from what they call parallel cases, in the ancient authors; without considering that in the first place, there never were since the creation of the world, two cases exactly parallel. "We are really so prejudiced by an education, that, as the ancients deified their heroes, we deify their madmen; of which with all due regard for antiquity, I take Leonidus and Curtius to have been two distinguished ones. And yet a solid pedant would, in making a remark, relative to a tax of two pence in the pound upon some commodity or other, quote those two heroes, as examples of what we ought to do and suffer for our country. I have known these absurdities to be carried so far by injudicious learning, that I should not be surprised if some of them were to propose, should we be at war with the Gauls, that a number of geese should be kept in the Tower, upon account of the infinite advantage which Rome received, in a parallel case, from a certain number of geese in the capitol. "There is another species of learned men, who, though less dogmatical, and supercilious, are not less impertinent. "These are the communicative and shining pedants, who adorn their conversations, even with women, by happy quotations of Greek and Latin; and who have contracted such a familiarity with the Greek and Roman authors, that they call them by certain names or epithets, denoting intimacy. As old Homer; that sly rogue Horace; Maro, instead of Virgil; Tully, instead of Cicero: and Naso, instead of Ovid. These are often imitated by coxcombs, who have no learning at all; but who have got some names, and some scraps of ancient authors by heart, which they improperly and impertinently retail in all companies, in hopes of passing for scholars. If. therefore, you would avoid the accusation of pedantry on one hand, or the suspicion of ignorance on the other, abstain from learned ostentation. Speak the language of the company you are in; speak it purely, and unlarded with any others. Never seem wiser, nor more learned than the people you are with. Wear your learning like your watch, in a private pocket ; and do not pull it out and strike it, merely to shew that you have one. If you are asked what o'clock it is, give it; but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, like the watchman. "Upon the whole, remember that it is a most useful and necessary ornament, which it is shameful not to be master of; but at the same time most carefully avoid those errors and abuses which I have mentioned, and which too often attend it; and remember, too, that modern knowledge is still more necessary than ancient." — So far Chesterfield. In the chapter on bye-words I have pointed out the vulgarity of introducing words and phrases from foreign languages; but as this is perhaps, the most common and offensive of pedantic vulgarities, it may require to be more distinctly noticed; and with this view I have drawn up the following table of PEDANTIC EXPRESSIONS AND QUOTATIONS VULGAR. CORRECT. Multum in parvo. Much in a small space. In toto. Altogether. In the beau monde. In fashionable life. A carte blanche. Unconditional terms. Ad captandum. For the sake of attracting Chef d'œuvre. A masterpiece. Ci-devant. Formerly. Ad infinitum. To infinity. Comme il faut. As it ought to be. VULGAR. CORRECT. Terra firma Solid or dry land. Ad libitum.At pleasure. In terrorem. As a warning. Con amore• With zeal or pleasure. Au fait. Able, capable, knowing, perfect. Conge d' clire. Leave to choose. Ad referendum. For consideration. Ad valorem, According to value. Coup d'œil A rapid glance. Coop de grace. Finishing stroke or mortal blow. Coup de main. A sudden assault or enterprize. Cum grano salis. With limitation. A fortiori. With more reason. A priori. At first sight, or for a former reason. He made his debut. He made his first appearance. Debutant, A beginner. Denouement. The winding up or finishing. Argumentum ad hominem. A personal or home argument. Boná fide. Indeed, or in reality. Cacoéthes scribende. A passion for scribbling. Denier resort. The last shift. Douceur or bonus. A bribe or reward. Eclaircissement An explanation, or rather explication. Credat Judæus non ego. A Jew may believe it, but I will not. Audi alteram partem. Hear both sides. Much or great eclat. Much or great show or fame. An eleve of Newton's. A pupil of Newton's. En masse. Altogether, or in a mass. VULGAR. CORRECT. En passant. In passing, or by the way. Cum multis aliis. With many others. Aut Cæsar aut nihil. The first place or none. Desideratum. Much wanted. De facto and de jure. In fact, and by right or law. Entreée. Entrance, or right of entrance. Faux pas. A false step or slip. Surveillance. Superintendance. Mal-a-propos. Unseasonably. Dictum. Assertion. Ergo. Therefore. Esto perpetua. May it last for ever. Ex parte. On one side only. Ex officio. Officially, or by right of office. Mauvaise honte. False shame, or bashfulness. Nonchalance. Cool indifference. Sang froid. Coolness, or cold blood. Outré and opiniatre. Eccentric and obstinate. In propria persona. In person or actually. In statu quo. As before, or as formerly Ipse dixit Mere assertion. Ipso facto. From the fact itself. On the qui vive. On the alert. Tête-a-tête. A private conversation. Entre nous. Privately, or between Sub rosa. [under the rose] Secretly. Locum tenens. A deputy. Ne plus ultra. The greatest extent. Non compos mentis. Of unsound mind. Onus or onus probandi. The burden or task of proof. Passim. Everywhere. Verbatim et literatim. Exactly, or in word and letter. VULGAR. CORRECT. Pro bono publico. For the public benefit. Pro re nata. For the occasion. Pro tempore. For the time. Pro forma. For the sake of form or order. Pro and con. For and against. Sine die Without naming a day. Sine qua non. Indispensible Sui generis. Matchless, or unparalleled. Acme. Height. Summum bonum. The greatest good. Vice versa. On the contrary. Veluti in speculum. As in a looking-glass. Delicatesse and Politesse. Delicacy and Politeness. Nobilese and hauteur. Nobility and haughtiness. An extremely common pedantic term occurs in the Latin word Quære, Englished Query; which is employed in a most awkward manner to ask a question, when it is altogether useless and impertinent. For example — "He thinks so; — but query — is he right?" — "It is so reported; — but query — is it correct?" — " Query — Do you believe that?" This might with great propriety have been classed with the awkward vulgarities, were it not so evidently pedantic. Such are a very few of the pedantic vulgarities which have spread from the schools and the courts of law into conversation, the elegance and purity of which they do much to debase. I once heard it remarked, by a very shrewd man, of the chemical phrase per se that it was very often unintelligible; and he had always observed, that when men speak Latin, they seldom know themselves what they are saying. The fashion of spoiling plain English by words, phrases, and quotations from foreign languages, was some time ago nearly banished from good writing; but it still kept its place in conversation: and now that the style of conversation has crept into books we begin again to see in them the same offensive sprinkling of Latin and French, which deforms the pages of Lord Chesterfield in the eye of taste, almost as much as his duplicity and systematic hypocrisy do in the eye of virtue. The phrases bona fide, in statu quo, and many others, are no less common than vulgar In another class of pedantic vulgarities may place the use of words which have become obsolete, or nearly so, and are now chiefly confined to old writers. Were this sort of pedantry only found among those who study Chaucer and Hooker, it might perhaps be excused, but we may often remark it in the conversation of those who have never read a page of our older authors. The following are a very few of the vulgarities belonging to obsolete expressions VULGAR. CORRECT. Forsooth. Truly. Perchance. Perhaps. Peradventure. Perhaps. Moreover. Besides. also. Erewhile. Before. Ere. Formerly. Erst. Formerly. Fantasy. Fancy. Anon. Afterwards Afterwards or shortly. Behoof Benefit. Sundry. Several. Behest. Request. Whereupon & Thereupon Upon which. Thereat and Whereat. At which. Thereof and Whereof. Of which. Thereout and Whereout. Out of which. For the nonce. For the occasion. I wot not. I know not. Quoth he. Said he. Methinks I do. I think I do. Beshrew me! [i.e. Bad luck to me!] Thither, Hither. Here. Whither. Where. Withal. Altogether. Therein. In which. It behoves me. It is my duty. Whichsoever. Which of the two. Vouchsafe. Grant or condescend. Certes. Certainly. Actors, and those who frequent the theatres, are the most apt to fall into the error of using obsolete expressions ; and what is, in cases, no less pedantic, of incessantly introducing trite quotations from Shakspeare, and other popular dramatic writers. There can be no question about the vulgarity of every thing that is trite; and well-known quotations, I think, rank conspicuously among the commonplaces of pedantic and affected learning, and are chiefly used by those who "—Think the partial reading of an hour Can ape the charms of literary power; But be the parrot's character his praise, Who gives his mind to such delusive ways." — A pedant, who has acquired this habit trite quotation, has some scrap or distich ready upon all occasions, to show, as he erroneously imagines, his taste and his reading. If you speak of education, he will not fail to give you Thomson's "Delightful task, to rear the tender thought, And teach the young idea how to shoot." and if you talk of humble and obscure merit, you may be assured of hearing Gray's "Full many a gem of purest ray serene," &c. Others, who endeavour to surpass the quoter of mere English, are no less ready with schoolboy scraps of Ovid, Horace, Virgil, and Juvenal, the last most usually borrowed from a chance note in the school grammars. It is in this way that we so often hear "Audi alteram partem;" and "Credat Judæus Apella non ego;" "O tempora! O mores!" "Rudis indigestaque moles;" "Ne sutor ultra crepidem,' &c. If my readers are desirous to avoid the vulgarity of pedantry, let them never use any of those common hackneyed quotations, whether they be English, French, or Latin: Greek I need not mention, as few will venture to introduce it, except among pedants of their own kin. While I reprobate trite quotation, however, I must admit that Burns was right in the opinion of it being often useful as well as elegant, when judiciously selected and appropriately introduced. The shorter that such quotations are they will be the more apposite; and even the tritest may, by novelty of application in rare instances, tend to show the elegant taste or humorous conceptions of a speaker. But this is an exception to the rule, which is far too delicate for the young and inexperienced to venture upon; as their vanity will readily whisper, that the grossest breach of the rule falls under the allowed infringement. It will, therefore, be the safest way for the inexperienced to avoid all quotation. One species of quotation ought to be considered still more offensive than all the preceeding; not so much because it is vulgar as because it is profane — I mean the quoting of the Scriptures in common conversation. This, in some circles, is a very common and reprehensible practice; and whether it is done with a serious design, or the contrary, it must tend to produce improper feelings. To conversations and discussions professedly religious, my prohibition does not of course apply. I speak only of the wanton or thoughtless practice quoting Scripture, or the vain pedantry doing this merely to exhibit the speakers Bible learning. Those who have been in India are extremely apt to affect a very absurd kind of pedantry in their conversation. I allude to their frequent introduction of Hindoo terms, which they are at the same time obliged to translate to render themselves intelligible. In a recent series of Tales, written with great spirit and considerable knowledge of life, this is admirably exposed in the character of an old officer, who has just returned to England from the East, with a fortune, and who scorns to use plain English words, but calls "lunch" tiffin — a "messenger" hurkaruh; and instead of a common English "How do you do?" or "Good bye," always says Salaam. This is undoubtedly one of the most silly exhibitions of the pedantic that can be met with; and I am not certain that it is not so even in India itself, among the British residents, at least when they are speaking English, which ought never to be interlarded with foreign gibberish in correct or elegant conversation. Professional pedantry is the most vulgar of all, and wherever it is shown is a crime against the laws of good breeding and politeness, from the terms used in various professions being for the most part unintelligible in common conversation. The story in Joe Miller, of the sailor who looked with great contempt at the Judge who did not know the meaning of "Abaft the binnacle," is a good illustration of this. Several mercantile phrases of this kind have become no less common than vulgar, as will at once be obvious by a few examples. For instance — instead of assenting to an opinion by a plain "yes," or "I agree with you in that," the mercantile pedant's favourite expression will be "I say Ditto to that." Again, instead of observing that a young lady resembles her mother, he will say "She is the very ditto of her mother." — This word "ditto" ought to be under an embargo, and ought never to be exported out of the ledger and the invoice, or at least it ought not to be imported into good society. The words "per" and "via," for "by" and "by way of," are other instances of the mercantile pedantic. For example — "He intends to go per the mail, and return per the stage:" "They go per the packet viâ Calais, and return per the steamer viâ Brighton." A pedant of this class instead of "on the contrary," will say "Per contra;" or instead of "several," will think "sundries" more elegant, — these terms are as in his books, but ought never to be heard in his conversation, if he is desirous of speaking elegantly. What would be thought in genteel society, of a person who would say "Per advice this day received, viâ Dantzic from Petersburg, I am informed that war is ordered by the Emperor;" or "I am advised this day, per. the Dolphin, that our affairs in India are far from prosperous." Some mercantile pedants, still more vulgarly, will talk indiscriminately of an act of Parliament, or a blood-horse, or a celebrated beauty, or an old woman, as "a pretty piece of goods." With those persons, alas every thing and every circumstance is vulgarly termed "a concern," as if it were connected with the transactions of their "firm;" or involved "a good or a bad spec," which is the vulgar contraction for the word "speculation." I am sorry to observe that the word "concern" is by no means confined to the mercantile pedant, but has now become extremely common as a vulgar bye-word among many other classes as well as the similar word "article," in such phrases as "Our sheriff is a pretty article, an't he?" "The new bridge is a queerish article, and is not, by half; so good as the old concern." The word minus, I believe, is also mercantile; as in the phrases, "He left the exchange minus a large sum;" "He was attacked by footpads on Hounslow Heath, but got off minus his hat, and a broken sconce." This minus is a very awkward and pedantic word, and ought to be banished from polite conversation. Calling money — stuff, brass, gold, the ready, the needful, &c. are of the same class. Even cash is far from being a polite or elegant word. Such are a few, and only a few, of the pedantic vulgarities of the merchant's counting-house; but examples, equally faulty,may be collected from the lawyers' chambers, the Inns of Court, or the benches of Westminster Hall. One very awkward expression — subject-matter — I have already traced to this source; and I shall now. mention one or two others: for example, the words rejoinder for "reply," rebut for "refute," a moot point for "a doubtful point," and the word "said," which is almost synonimous with the mercantile ditto, as in the phrase "'The said man," are very common instances of the legal pedantic. It has tended much to diffuse law phrases, that many of our young barristers are employed in writing for the public press and as their language must often derive a tinge from their profession, it is in time incorporated with the language, and steals into common conversation. I may instance the term "set-off," as one of those legal intruders, and the phrase "put the case," as another. The most common law term, however, which we meet with in conversation, is the word "Party," used for "person," or some similar term, as in the examples — "I told the party what you said, and he was satisfied;" "I never knew that she was the party concerned;" "I think Mr. B., who is the principal party, is wrong;" "It would be better for the parties to divide the loss, Mr. A. taking one-third, and Mr. B. two-thirds;" "Miss A. was a party in that business;" "I, as the contracting party, will be compelled to do it." The reader must have frequently heard this pedantic and vulgar use of the word, though everybody who studies correctness or elegance will avoid it in conversation. The word parcel for "a portion," is another law term, sometimes pedantically employed, as in the vulgar expression, "That is parcel of it;" "Christianity is parcel of the law of the land." Under the head of vulgarities peculiar to Scotland, I shall take notice of a few Scotch law phrases; such as, to condescend upon, which have got into common language. From the medical profession, a few pedantic phrases also have been derived; though not in proportion, perhaps, to the influence of medical men in society. The pedantic phrases of this class are more an expression of opinion on medical subjects than particular forms of words; and I would, therefore, guard my readers from the absurdity of expressing such opinions, which they can know but very imperfectly, and are almost certain to be wrong. If dogmatic assertion is pedantry, and if ignorance is a mark of vulgarity, I hesitate not to say that it is vulgar to talk about the "foulness of the blood;" "scurvy or humour in the blood;" certain kinds of food "being good or bad for the inside;" and certain other things "being softening for the lungs or the breast." All of which common opinions manifest gross ignorance and vulgarity, no less than the common habit of volunteering prescriptions for every ailment of one's acquaintance — a habit which is by no means confined to old women, as formerly, but is now so frequently met with, even among the young, that medical men are often favoured with infallible prescriptions for their colds, &c. by their own patients. If this is not vulgar, it is at least ludicrous, and ought to be avoided by those who study elegance and politeness. It is not unusual with young persons, after a boating excursion at a watering-place, or a short sea voyage, to affect to speak the peculiar language of the seamen; but those who do so ought to be aware that this species of pedantry is extremely vulgar. You may, for example, hear such young persons calling to a servant to bear a hand; and instead of saying "stop, they will say "Avast," or "Avast you there." Besides, they will talk of a coach making good way, or running so many knots; they will call "a situation'' a birth — "money" rhino — "brandy and water" grog; and on meeting a friend they will ask him the sea questions — What ship? Where bound? or Where are you bound for? with other impertinent affectations and pedantry of the same kind, such as capsize for "overturn," which cannot be too carefully avoided. Those who affect military phrases again, call their "house" or their "lodgings" quarters; and are continually talking of the parade, the review, &c. In a former page* I have given another instance of a military phrase, which has been introduced into common language; and were I more conversant with military language than I am, I have no doubt I could muster a still longer roll. The two words here marked in Italics, are undoubtedly military. It will not be necessary to illustrate the principle by examining severally the various trades and professions whose terms and phrases are introduced into conversation, as most of those will be obvious without exemplification; and I shall, therefore, pass on to pedantry in the subjects of conversation, and in the manner of speaking. It is most justly remarked, by an elegant Essayist, that "Pedantry, in the common sense of the word, means an absurd ostentation of learning, and stiffness of phraseology, * See page 86. proceeding from a misguided knowledge of books, and a total ignorance of men. But I have often thought that we might extend in signification a good deal further, and in general, apply it to that failing which disposes a person to obtrude upon others subjects of conversation relating to his own business, studies or amusements." According to this definition, courtiers and soldiers, and in short, men of all ranks, may be guilty of pedantry as well as the philosopher or the divine. Even women become liable to this imputation when they descant at too great length on their dress and ornaments, or on their domestic economy. It is a natural weakness, indeed, to fancy that the subjects on which we are best informed may be thought as important and as interesting by others as by ourselves. Hence we are apt perpetually to introduce them into our discourse, and are in danger of acquiring a habit. which, if carried to excess, renders conversation both tedious and ridiculous. On this account, though it be proper and allowable to engage persons to converse on those subjects with which they are particularly acquainted; yet, I think, a prudent man will avoid taking advantage of such opportunities of displaying his knowledge, lest those whose information is less extensive, should consider him as deserving the reproach of pedantry. Some persons are never at ease in society, except where they can take the lead, and assume the style of dictation. A man of this class seeks neither for amusement nor instruction, but solely with a view to impress others with a high opinion of his talents. He endeavours to engross all the conversation; he wishes not to hear remarks, but merely to be listened to and admired. If you oppose to him the slightest contradiction, he only speaks louder, and assumes a more decisive tone, and when no one replies, he fancies every body is convinced. Before I proceed to pedantry of pronunciation, I shall mention one instance of a pedantic expression, which is very vulgar and affected, and which I may exemplify by the phrases — "Newton is only another name for Science;" "Euclid is only another name for Mathematics." The harshness of such expressions, which are by no means uncommon, will appear more striking by saying on a similar principle, that "Watt is only another name for the Steam Engine;" or "Franklin is only another name for Electricity;" — or "Davy is only another name for Chemistry," which I do not recollect ever to have heard. Many instances of pedantry of pronunciation will be found in the chapter on Vulgar-- genteel errors, and affected speaking; but the most glaring mistakes of this kind occur in making pedantic attempts to engraft the pronunciation of Foreign words upon our vernacular English. In proper names it may be allowed to come as near as possible to the original pronunciation, and upon this principle we may be permitted to remark, by way of illustration, that the French corruption of "Dionysius," into Denys, and the Celtic, of "Alexander," into Alaister, are as bad as the Otaheitean corruption of "Cooke," into Toote. But in proper names of difficult pronunciation it is pedantic to give the exact original sound, even when the speaker can pronounce it perfectly. For example "Gottingen," when pronounced as it is spelled, is well understood in Britain, but if a pedant were to pronounce it Yettingen in the German fashion, it would be quite unintelligible to the mere English scholar. In the same way, Mr. "Brande," the well known chemist, whose family is originally German, has his name sometimes pedantically transformed into Brandé or Brandie. The name of the celebrated "Goethe," is also pronounced by pedants, vain of their German scholarship, as if it were written with a French "u," Gutté, and sometimes Ghetté, both of which are as unintelligible to the English scholar, as would be the name Odysseus, the Greek, for "Ulysses." When the vain desire of exhibiting a knowledge of Italian, induces some persons to transform "Boccacio," into Boccatchio, and "Buonaparte," into Boo-onaparty, why, it may be asked, do they not also say Firenze, for "Florence," and Venezia for "Venice?" Italian pedantry, however, seldom ventures so far as this, but usually rests satisfied with such little affectations as Metzotinto, for "Mezzotinto," which Walker indeed (improperly, I think,) authorizes. The most common pedantry, however, of this kind, is derived from the French, in consequence of the study of the language in this country being more common. Accordingly you will not only hear such words as "encore,'' and "Belles Lettres," pronounced in the French manner, which in these instances has become naturalized ; but you may also hear "rencounter," pronounced "rangcongtre; "cognisance," pronounced " connisance;" "environs,'' pronounced "angvirongs;" and "rendezvous," pronounced "rangdyvoo," with many others of the same kind. In proper names it appears still more reprehensible, as when "Paris" is called "Pari," which is as bad as Pairis, the pedantic Scotch pronunciation of the word. "Calais," also is pedantically called "Calay," "Lyons," is called "Leeong," the late king of France is called "Louee," instead of "Louis," and the present king Sharl, instead of "Charles;" this, I think is the utmost stretch of the Frenchified pedantic; and is a shade worse than the pedantic habit of introducing hackneyed French expressions. It is in the same pedantic spirit that "Rollin," is pronounced Rollang, and "Vauquelin," — Vauquelang. In some instances in which the peculiarities of Foreign pronunciation are not so much involved, it may be preferable to adhere to it, as in the instances of "Murat," in which it is better not to sound the "t;" — "Buffon," which sounds very vulgar, when the stress of the voice is put on the "ff" and not on the "n*;" * In this word the genuine French pronunciation, "Bufong," is perhaps the best, in order to distinguish it from "Buffoon." — and "Bourdeaux," which ought always to be pronounced "Boordo," — the English Burdox being very vulgar. Those who reside in a particular place ought, in order to avoid pedantry, pronounce the names of persons and places as they are usually pronounced, and not according as they may think, or may have been taught by book, to be more correct. In Ireland, for example, it would be the extreme of pedantry for a native Irishman to call "Lough Neagh," — Lock Neek, or to call "Youghal," — Yokal, or Yooal; or in Scotland for a Scotsman to call "Achtermughty," — Aktermukty, or, "Sanquhar," — Sankar — merely because Englishmen pronounce them in this manner. In the instances of "Armagh," pronounced "Armaw," instead of "Armahh," or of "Drogheda," pronounced "Dro-eda," or "Drohgheda," it may be more excusable as it is not so obvious: but in the word "Belfast," to put the stress of the voice upon the "el," and not upon the "st ;" or in the word, "Dumfries," to pronounce Dum-freeze, is undoubtedly pedantic for an inhabitant, though excusable in an Englishman. I may say the same of the name "Duncan" pronounced Dun-can instead of "Dungcan;" and "Graham," pronounced Gra-am, instead of "Grame;" and "the battle of Longside," instead of "the battle of Langside." A strong instance of this sort of vulgar pedantry occurs in the word "Catrine," the name of a Scotch village, which is properly pronounced "Cătrine," the "a" being sounded, as in "cat," but pedantically like "a" long, as in "Kate;" which pronunciation however is correct, according to the law of custom in "Loch Katrine,' though the origin of the two names, from "Caterans," is the same. "Gloucester," shall be pronounced "Glo'ster," on the same principle, but it is considered vulgar to call "Birmingham," — " Brumagem." In the instance of words difficult for an Englishman to sound, such as "Loch Neagh," "Youghal," and "Ecclefechan," (pronounced "Eklefehhan,") it will be the best way for him to avoid, as much as he can, the use of them, because it is impossible to pronounce them without blundering. Some, indeed, take a pleasure in committing blunders of this kind, and think it a mark of their superior refinement and civilization, that they cannot bring their organs to pronounce such barbarous words; but this they ought to know is only another form of pedantry and affectation. I think it right to mention here, that in the names of towns ending in "burg," or "burgh," when British, it ought to be pronounced "burrow," as "Edinburgh," — "Edinburrow;" but when foreign it ought to be pronounced "burg," as "Hamburgh," " Petersburgh," — "Hapsburgh," &c. Formal rules have been one of the chief sources of pedantry; for, as Lord Shaftsbury justly says, it is the most effectual way of becoming foolish to do so by rule and system. One of the first rules in the common English grammars is, that "a" goes before a consonant, and "an," before a vowel, and in defiance of all exception this was adhered to for many years; but now that the authority of rules, when opposed to common sense, has been shaken to the foundation, this rule has properly been abandoned by the best English writers in the instance of words, which, though in spelling they begin with a vowel, are pronounced as beginning with a consonant, as in the following table: — PEDANTIC. CORRECT. An Universal remark A Universal remark. An University A University. An Unique specimen A Unique specimen. An United brother A United brother. PEDANTIC. CORRECT. An European A European. An Ewe lamb A Ewe lamb. An Ewer for water A Ewer for water. SLANG VULGARITIES. It is but very recently that the peculiar secret language of vagabonds, pick-pockets, swindlers, professed boxers, and horse -jockies, has obtained a partial currency among some of the middle, and even of the upper, ranks of society; and in consequence of this, a few of the terms and expressions which are known under the various names of slang, cant, or flash language, have been introduced into common discourse. That I am not proceeding upon mere conjecture in this, I may mention the examples of the words bore, rum, and go, which are now understood by every body in such low vulgar phrases, as "It is a great bore to have such a rum fellow always calling;" "there was a rum go, at the opening of Parliament;" "Mr. B. is a rum one, he has always some queer go to bore us with;" "that is all twaddle." If I should be asked what I mean by slang, I would answer in the language of a Popular writer, that it is chiefly what was originally invented, and is still used, like the cipher of diplomatists, for the purposes of secrecy, and as a means of eluding the civil officers. It is subject, of course, to continual change, and is perpetually either altering the meaning of old words, or adding new ones, according as the great object, secrecy, renders it prudent to have recourse to such innovations. In this respect also, it resembles the cryptography of kings, and ambassadors, who, by a continual change of cipher, contrive to bafflie inquisitiveness and prying. But notwithstanding the Protean nature of the FLASH or CANT language, the greater part of it has remained unchanged for centuries, and many of the words used in Beaumont and Fletcher, and in Ben Johnson's Masque, are still to be heard in St. Giles's, and at the Fives Court. For example, to prig is still to "steal;" to fib is to "beat;" duds are "clothes;" prancers are "horses;" bouzingken is an ale-house or gin shop;" cove is "a fellow," &c. There are several instances, however, in which the same term is preserved, but with a totally different signification. For example, to mill originally signified to "rob," but now means " to fight," or "box;" and the word rum, originally meant "fine," and "good," but is now commonly used for "roguish," "eccentric," — "bad." Another popular writer says, to give an example of what is not so clear in the general statement as understood by cant or slang phrases, I should say that the expression to "cut with a knife," or to "cut a piece of wood," is perfectly free from vulgarity; but to "cut an acquaintance," is not, as it is far from being perfectly intelligible, and has hardly yet escaped out of the limits of slang phraseology. To cut a dash or cut a swell, are equally bad. The word swell itself, used in this way is also vulgar. On the same principle of imitation, which I have exemplified above in young persons adopting the language of sailors, it is by no means uncommon to hear the thoughtless imitating the slang of the prize-ring, or the tap-- room, under the very mistaken notion, that it is an indication of spirit, wit, and knowledge of life; whereas it is unquestionably low and vulgar. One principal cause of the diffusion of slang may be traced to the extensive circulation of newspaper reports of boxing-matches, drawn up in the peculiar language current of such assemblies. The memoirs of pick-pockets also, such as those of Hardy Vaux; and the Police-office reports, have tended to render slang familiar to the public. Many instances of slang might be given, which are now common in the numerous class of those who speak in the style that may be called the vulgar-genteel. For example, the words do and done, are used for "cheat" and "ruined," as in the instances, "Ah! he is a rum one, if von do not take care he will do you out and out;" "You have done us for once, with your gammon;'' "I am done for now, beyond hope." The word row is another slang word, which has lately become very common. Grose says it was first introduced at the University of Cambridge; but how high soever its origin may be, its vulgarity is unquestionable; and nobody who wishes to speak correctly will talk of a row, or of kicking up a row. In some districts, the word dust is used in the same vulgar way; as in the phrase to kick up a dust, instead of to "make a disturbance." To blow up, or to give a person a blowing up, is from the same vulgar source, and is chiefly used by those persons who call "porter" by the name of heavy wet; "gin" by the name of Jacky, or blue ruin; the "head" by the slang name of the knowledge box; the "eyes" day-lights, or peepers; the "teeth" grinders, or ivories, and the "ears" listeners. One of the most common slang words in general currency is derived, if I mistake not, from a particular sort of oysters called "natives," and is vulgarly applied, under the take that it is very witty, to the inhabitants of London, &c. You may thus hear of things which "astonished the natives;" or which will "delight the natives." The well known but vulgar words funk, bam, humbug, hoax, fudge, and others of the same class, are all undoubtedly slang; and however expressive they may be in humorous or satirical writing, they can, never be admitted into correct, elegant, or polite conversation. To call "halfpence" brown makes, or coppers; "shillings" bobs or hogs; "sovereigns" or "guineas" yellow-boys,, orr Geordies; and to call "money" by the various terms of mopusses, blunt, bit, &c., are all extremely vulgar. The word to sport, is also a common slang term, used by the vulgar, as in the examples - "He sports a coach;" "He sports a bit of blood;" instead of "he keeps a coach," and "he rides a blood horse ;" "He sports an ægrotat;" instead of "he is sick." This word is, indeed, applied in a thousand forms in slang language; but the examples just given will enable the reader to avoid employing it. The phrase, "He sports a Manton, and is a good shot," instead of "he has a fowling-piece made by Manton, and is a good marksman," leads me to remark that the very common practice of calling a man a good shot, or saying he plays a good fiddle, or a good bow, are not only slang, but are both nonsensical and ungrammatical, and therefore vulgar. It would be quite endless, however, to exemplify all the numerous vulgarities which rank under slang, cant, and flash; and I shall conclude by arranging a more extended specimen, in the form of a TABLE OF SLANG VULGARITIES. VULGAR. CORRECT. Adam's Wine. Water. Abigail. A waiting-maid. Against the grain. Unwilling. Agog, or all agog. On the alert. An ape-leader. An old maid. Awake to the effects of it Aware of the effects of it. To back out of a concern. To give up or quit a concern. He saved his bacon. He escaped. He was badgered into it. He was importuned into it. He gave them the bag. He left them, or dismissed them. A Baggage. A worthless woman. VULGAR. CORRECT. A baker's dozen. Fourteen. Bam [contracted from] Bam-- boozle. To play a trick, to deceive. Bang-up. Complete, dashing, well done. Baptized or christened water. Rum or brandy adulterated with water. A Member for Barkshire. A person who has a bad cough. The whole batch of them. The whole of them. I am for Bedfordshire. I am going to bed. Belly-timber. Food. Benjy — Benjamin. A waistcoat — a great coat. To bilk. To cheat. Billingsgate. Coarse abusive language. Bird witted. Foolish, thoughtless. Bitched. [contraction.] Bewitched. In black and white. In writing. Blackleg. A gambler or sharper Black-strap. Port wine. To look blank. To look disappointed. Blarney, or Irish blarney. Flummery or lies. He bleeds well. He parts freely with money. It was a blind. It was a deception or feint. He looks blue. He looks abashed or afraid. Blue devils. Low spirits. To bolt. To escape suddenly. He is out of my books. He is not in my favour. Bounce — Bouncer. Lie — a liar. In a brace of seconds. Instantly. Brandy is Latin for goose. [An apology for a dram after eating goose.] In good or bad bread. In a good or a bad situation. VULGAR. CORRECT. Bread basket, or Victualling-- office The stomach. She wears the breeches. She governs her husband. He is done brown. He is completely cheated or ruined. To buy a brush and lope. To go off. To have a brush with one. To have a scuffle with one. To kick the bucket. To die, or to become bankrupt. To budge, [in Scotland] to mudge. To move, or to quit. A buffer stript to the buff. A boxer stript to the skin. Bull-dogs, or barking-irons. Pistols. To butter up. To flatter one undeservedly. Spread your cabbage plant. Put up your umbrella. He is a cakey. He is a foolish fellow. To cut capers. To romp, or to act affectedly. Carroty-pated. Red haired. He puts the cart before the horse. He begins at the end of his story. Castor — Cat's-paw. A hat — a tool or instrument. That chap is a charley. That fellow is a watchman. To catch it. To be abused or scolded. He got it in Cheapside. He gave little for it. Chicken-hearted. Fearful. cowardly. A brother chip. One of the same trade. A chopping boy. A lusty child. Chops — Chopper. The cheeks — a blow on the cheek. A chum. A college acquaintance. A church-yard cough. A deadly cough. A church-yard deserter. An emaciated person. VULGAR. CORRECT. To clapperclaw. To abuse, or to scold. Under a cloud. In adversity. To spy the cloven foot. To discover roguery. He is the cock of the walk. He is the chief man. Cock-sure. Quite certain. Cold iron. A sword, dagger, or knife. To come Harry over one. To cheat. Corinthian swells. Gentlemen prodigals. To send one to Coventry. To keep one at a distance without speaking to him. A crack man. A man in high fashion. To crow over. To boast or triumph. A cunning shaver. A clever rogue. A cup of the creature. A glass of whiskey, or other spirits. Curmudgeon. A covetous old fellow. He is a great dab. He is very dextrous, or expert. At daggers drawing. At great enmity. Quite the dandy, or dandyish. In high fashion. A deep one. A sly designing fellow. It is all Dickey with him. It is all over with him. To diddle. To defraud. He is dished up. He is ruined. A Dominie do-little. A useless old fellow. A lame duck. A stock jobber who cannot pay his debts• Duke, [in Scotland] Laird. A fellow profligate, or an acquaintance. Dumfoundered. Silenced. In the Dumps. In low spirits. To put out one's eye. To become a successful rival. VULGAR. CORRECT. An eye-sore. A disagreeable object. Fagged. Tired. He has feathered his nest. He has enriched himself. A fellow commoner. An empty bottle. It was a fetch to gammon me. It was a trick to deceive me. At fiddlestick's end. Nothing. All a flam. A lie, or sham story. He is a great flat. He is a very simple fellow. To fleece. To plunder, or cheat. Flush of mopusses. Full of money. Foul-mouthed. Abusive. Foysted in. Interpolated. A Friday face. A dismal countenance. To be in a fuss. To he in a confused hurry. That's all gammon. That is all deception or false. His garret is muzzy. His head is giddy — He is tipsy. The gentle craft. Shoe-making. His gills are rosy and merry. His cheeks look merry and cheerful. To give it. To abuse or scold. The glue-pot looks glum. The parson looks sullen. Grab, and to grab. Spoil, booty ,and to seize. To grease the fist. To bribe. He has sent his horse to Dr. Green. He has put his horse to grass. He is green, or a green-horn. He is young, or inexperienced. Old Mr. Grim. Death. To give a handle. To afford a pretext. Where does he hang out. Where does he reside. Herring pond, or dub. The sea. VULGAR. CORRECT. He is playing at hide and seek. He is skulking for debt. Used to high living. Accustomed to live in a garret. A hop, or caper merchant. A dancing-master. The hyp, or hypped. In low spirits. Before you can say Jack Robinson. Instantly, or suddenly. He jabbered like a Jarvy. He talked like a hackney coachman. Quite Jemmy. Quite spruce. To be in it. To be concerned. A Johnny Raw. An inexperienced clown. To keep it up. To prolong. Of the same kidney. Of the same sort. He is gone to kingdom come. He is dead. To knock under, or succumb. To submit. A Knight of the Thimble. A Tailor. A knowing one. An experienced sportsman. Laid up in lavender. Pawned, or imprisoned. Laid on the shelf. Useless, over. How does the land lie? What are the circumstances? A lark, or larking. A trick, or making fun. To lick. To beat or punish. To give a lift. To assist. In limbo, or in quod. In prison. In a bad loaf, or in bad bread. In a bad situation, in trouble. In Lob's pound. In prison. TheLombard, or Lurgan, fever. Idleness, or laziness. A long price. A great price. Looking as if he could not help it. Looking like a simpleton. Looking up. Improving. VULGAR. CORRECT. A loop-hole. A means of escape. In the lurch. In trouble, or difficulty. On his marrow bones. On his knees. To melt. To spend, or to exchange paper for gold. Man of straw. A pretender, or false character. A lad of mettle. A young man of spirit. A matter of moonshine. A trifle. Morning. [Scots.] A dram before breakfast. A mouth of a fellow. A noisy, or silly fellow. It would be a good move. It would be proper, or expedient. Murphies, or Munster plums. Potatoes. Music. Fun. That is in his mutton. That will vex or annoy him. To be nacky, or to have a nack. To be dextrous or expert. To nail — nailed. To overreach — fixed. In the very nick. At the critical moment. Done to the Nines. Done excellently or correctly Gone to the land of Nod. Asleep. Led by the nose. Governed. Follow your nose. Go straight forward. To put one's nose out of joint. To rival successfully. To put a finger in the pie. To interfere. To put in an oar. To give an opinion unasked. One of these odd-come-shortlys Sometime or other. A good hand, or an old dog at it. Dextrous, expert. The old One, old Nick, or old Podger. The devil. An out-and-outer, or out-and-- out. Complete. To mind number one, or the P's and Q's. To be attentive to interest. A paper skull. A foolish fellow. VULGAR. CORRECT. On a par. Equal. To palm upon. To cheat. To cry pecavi. To acknowledge a fault. Peckish, or Pickish. Hungry. To give one a peppering. To beat or abuse one. In the hands of the Philistines. In trouble or difficulty. The phyz, or physog. The face. Picking up. Recovering, or improvise. Pilgarlick. An egotist. In a merry pin or key. Cheerful, humorous. It may do for a pinch. It may do for want of better. To pink. To stab, or knock. Pins — pipes. Legs — boots. Pluck — pluckless. Courage or spirit — Cowardly. Plucked. [University cant.] Refused a degree. A plumb — half a plumb. £100,000 — £50,000. It is gone plump, or smack. It is gone directly, or altogether. To stretch a point. To do more than usual. Potatoe trap. [Irish.] The mouth. To prig, to haggle, to niggle. To beat down a price. Prime. Excellent. To break Prician's head. To write, or speak fake grammar. In a pucker, or pother. In a fright, or confusion. In pudding time. In good time. To pull one up. To take one. before a magistrate He is purse proud. He is vain of his wealth. In a quandary. Puzzled. He lives in Queen-street. He is governed by his wife. To queer. To puzzle, or confound. In queer-street. Wrong, improper. A quirk — a quiz. A trick — an odd fellow. To rag, or to tear to rags. To abuse, or calumniate. VULGAR. CORRECT. A Rap. A false oath, a halfpenny, a knock. To rap. To curse. That is a rapper. That is a great lie. Ratting. Changing parties underhand His rib has too much of the red rag. His wife is too talkative. To rib-roast. To beat. Rif-raff, or tag, rag,and bob-- tail. Low people. A rig. A trick, or piece of fun. A rip. A lean horse, or a shabby fellow. A roaring trade. A good business. To roast. To banter, or jeer. To rule the roast. To be master. A roger. A portmanteau, or a goose. A sad dog. A profligate. St. Geoffrey's day, or to-morow-come-never Never. Sauce-box. A bold impudent person. Scab — scamp. A worthless person — a footpad He makes himself scarce. He is seldom seen. To sconce. To skulk, to impose a fine. To scout an idea. To reject an idea with contempt. To get into a scrape. To be involved in a disagreeable affair. To come to the scratch. To be in proper time. Seedy [run to seed.] Poor, mean, shabilly dressed. To serve one out. To beat, to foil, to kill. To settle — A settler. To finish — a finishing stroke. Sharp-set. Hungry. A young shaver. A boy. VULGAR. CORRECT. To cast a sheep's eye. To look wistfully. To sherk, or to sherry off. To evade, or run away. Shilly-Shally. Irresolute. To sing out — to sing small. To call aloud — to be humbled. Six and eight-pence. An attorney. At sixes and sevens. In confusion. Thin-skinned. Peevish, easily irritated. Skin-flint. An avaricious person. Skit. A joke — a romping girl. Slap-dash — slap-bang. Instantly, or suddenly. Upon the sly. Privately. Sly-boots. A cunning, but simple looking person. A smack — smack. A kiss, a blow — sudden. To smash — all to smash. To break — all to pieces. To go snacks. To be partners. Smutty. Indecent. To snivel. To whine, or complain. To squash, or squabash. To quash, or suppress. To sound, or pump. To obtain intelligence cunningly. To have a spell at it. To make a trial of it A spice. A small quantity. Spliced. [sea term.] Married. Spunk. Spirit, courage. A spoony — spoony. A fool — nonsensical. To spout. To recite, or to pawn A spree. A frolic. Square, or fair and square. Right, fair, honest. Square-toes. An old man. Run to a stand-still. Stopped, ruined Sticks. Household furniture. Stock and block, or stoop and roop. The whole. VULGAR. CORRECT. Stone — as stone-dead, stone-- blind, and stone-still. Quite. Strait-laced. Precise, prudish. To stump. To boast, or lie. Tantrums. Pet, or passion. By rule of thumb. By habit, or at random. Tick. Credit. To tip. [this is very vulgar.] To give or lend. Tip-top. The best. Togger. A great coat. To touch the ready. To receive money. Up to trap. Informed, knowing. Trimming — a trimming. Changing sides — a beating. Trim — in good trim. Plight — in good plight. To tweak, or twig. To pull, or fillip. To twit. To reproach. Upper story. The head. Uppish. Testy, proud. A warm man. A rich man. To whip of, or to whip away. To drink off, or to run away. To wet one's whistle. To drink. A white lie. A harmless lie. A wild-goose chase. An uncertain pursuit. To wear the willow. To be left by a lover. A windfall. A legacy, or something unexpected. A wipe. A blow, a reproach. A wiseacre. A self-conceited fellow. Woundily Very Wrap-rascal A cloak. To spin a yarn. To tell a story. Young in the business. Inexperienced. In making this table, I have, in most instances, avoided those slang terms and expressions which are more peculiar to proffigates, as a secret language for the purposes of concealment; and in order to make the corrections more practically useful, I have introduced many which can only be considered as slang in consequence of their origin and application. Miss Edgeworth, in her ingenious Essay on Irish bulls, remarks that the common people in Ireland usually speak in metaphor, or put one thing for another, as in the instance, "Will you sky a copper, Jack?" "I gave it him up to Harry in the bread basket." Now all metaphor of this kind is undoubted slang, which indeed we may admire as characteristic of fancy and ingenuity in a low Irishman; but the least taint of which will tarnish the lustre of polite conversation. Metaphor, or terms of expression where the words mean differently from their common signification, must never be derived from low ideas, nor must they be such as are current in vulgar society. Lord Chesterfield, who, though he was a master of polite conduct, was not always select or elegant in his expressions, exemplifies what I mean when he says, "Never talk of your own or other people's domestic affairs: yours are nothing to them but tedious; theirs are nothing to you. It is a tender subject, and it is a chance you do not touch somebody or other's sore place." The idea of a sore suggested by this metaphor is no less vulgar than disgusting, and is very similar to the vulgar proverb, "let the gall'd jade wince." The same idea is sometimes expressed, rather less objectionably, by the phrase, tender point; but though this is better than Chesterfield's "sore place," it is by no means elegant. It is upon the same principle that the vulgar always turn every object into metaphorical personages. It is well enough to call a ship "she," and to talk of "her sailing;" and to call the sun "he," and to talk of "his rising;" but vulgar people call almost every thing "he" and "she." For example — "She is a pretty coach. and I like her shape," for "It is a pretty coach, and I like the shape of it;" "She is a fine plough," for "It is a fine plough;" "Snowdon has his summit hidden by clouds," for "Snowdon has its summit hidden by clouds;" "She is an excellent sword," for "It is an excellent sword;" "She is a Manton, that pistol," for "That pistol was made by Manton;" "She is a first-rate razor, I had her from Kingsbury's, for "It is a first-rate razor,- I had it at Kingsbury's;" "The Thames has overflowed his banks at Chelsea," for "The Thames has overflowed its banks at Chelsea;" "The house is handsome, but her walls are flimsy," for "The house is handsome, but its walls are flimsy." All those "he's" and "she's," except in the case of the sun, of ships, boats, and a very few other things, are very vulgar. It is indeed the most obvious characteristic of slang and cant, to use words and expressions in a sense different from the common, or to invent new terms for those in common use: and it is also a mark of slang, which cannot be mistaken, that it derives almost all its metaphorical turns from low ideas, as the reader may perceive in the preceding table, or in any of the Police reports in the daily papers. "He is knowing in horse-flesh," for example, instead of "He has a knowledge of horses." That it is much the same now as in the time of Dean Swift, may be seen from his humorous, dialogue or drama, entitled "Polite Conversation," in which he ironically caricatures the proverbial and slang expressions which were current in his time. VULGARITY OF MIMICKRY, JEERING, AND PUNNING. If you wish to be respectable, never degrade yourself by mimicking the faults or peculiarities which you observe in the conversation of others; for though you may succeed in exciting a laugh, it will uniformly be at your own expence, and never at that of the person mimicked. Lord Chesterfield has justly remarked, that a joker, or a mimic, is near a-kin to a buffoon, and he very properly adds, that neither of them have any relation to genuine wit. Romping, loud and frequent laughing, punning, joking, mimickry, waggery, and too great and indiscriminate familiarity, will render any man contemptible, in spite of all his knowledge and his merit. These may constitute a merry fellow, but a merry fellow was never yet a respectable one. Indiscriminate familiarity will either offend your superiors, or make you pass for their dependant; and it will put your inferiors on a troublesome degree of equality with you. Besides, a gentleman should know that a fine coat is nothing more than a livery, when the person that wears it discovers no higher sense than that of a menial servant. A joke if it carries a sting with it, is no longer a joke, but an affront; and if it even have no sting, unless its witticism be delicate and facetious, instead of giving pleasure, it will disgust; or if the company should laugh, they will always laugh at the jester, rather than the jest. Mimickry is the favourite amusement of little minds, but has ever been the contempt of great ones. Never give way to it yourself, nor ever encourage it in others; it is the most illiberal of all buffoonery; it is an insult to the person you mimic, and insults of this kind are never forgiven. A wag is one who laughs at the first thing he hears; not because it is ridiculous, but because he is under a necessity of laughing, to keep himself in countenance; and his gaiety consists in a certain professed ill-breeding, as if it were an excuse for a fault, that a man knows he has committed one. Being too shallow to draw any occasion of merriment out of his own thoughts, his mind is always prepared to receive some occasion from others; and rather than not be grinning, he will search for an occasion at any distance. He is ever guessing how well such a lady slept last night, what she dreamed of, and how much such a young fellow is pleased with himself, on account of a smile from his sweetheart, or the new fashioned cut of his coat: in short, he is a ridiculous fool, whom every man of sense must secretly despise. A mimic or a wag, then, being little less than a buffoon, who will distort his face and mouth, or alter the tones of his voice, to make people laugh, — be very careful to avoid the imputation. Be assured, no person ever demeaned himself to please others, unless he wished to be thought the fiddle, or Merry-- Andrew of the company; and whether this character be respectable, I shall leave you to judge. If a man's company be coveted on any other account than his knowledge, his good sense, or his manners, he is seldom respected by those who invite him, but made use of only to entertain. "Let us have such a one, for he sings a good song;" or, "he is always joking or laughing;" or, "let us invite such a one, for he is an excellent mimic;" these are degrading distinctions, that preclude all respect and esteem. Whoever is had (as the phrase is) for the sake of such qualifications singly, is merely that thing he is had for, is never considered in any other light, and, of course, is never properly respected, let his intrinsic merits be ever so great. It is the aim of some persons, says Rogers, to be continually striving to discover the side on which, whatever is said, may be turned into ridicule; a discovery which may very easily be made, even in the gravest subjects, Thus with a single word, or an ironical observation, they blast the most ingenious and profound remarks. By adopting this plan, some men of the world obtain the reputation of greater talents than they really possess. Not liking that mere genius should obtain that respect which, in the opinion of mankind, is sometimes considered more due to it than either to rank or riches, they break in by some jest upon every conversation, which they find attaches the audience to the person who amuses or instructs them. With this view, they are continually upon the watch for some transient word, which may be turned to ridicule, and generally succeed in bringing the conversation to a fault. This is the worst species of the habit alluded to. It is a most decided characteristic of inferior talent; at least if it be not the effect of a kind of policy practised by some men of the world, and even by men of letters, — the one, to put a stop to conversation when it turns upon subjects, the discussion of which is at variance with their interest or their prejudices; the other, to prevent the company from perceiving their ignorance of the matter. "As for jest," says Lord Bacon, "there be certain things which ought to be privileged from it; namely, religion, matters of state, great persons, any man's present business of importance, and any case that deserveth pity; yet there be some that think their wits have been asleep, except they dart out something that is piquant, and to the quick: — And generally men ought to find the difference between saltness and bitterness. Certainly, he that hath a satyrical vein, as he maketh others afraid of his wit, so he had need be afraid of others' memory." Jeering, says Rogers, is another sort of pleasantry, which may be considered as the pest of conversation, and, consequently, of society. It may be said to consist in rendering a man ridiculous, by turning his discourse and opinions, or the defects of his understanding and manners, into a jest. Good humoured raillery, which gives offence to none, when introduced at proper times, and in a natural manner, is a very agreeable seasoning to conversation. But this is rare, and we generally find jeering substituted for it. How many do we see who, to make a jest, will venture the making of an enemy, or will rather hazard the loss of a friend, than of a smart, but offensive conceit. Raillery ceases to be proper, as soon as any one in company feels hurt by it. In that case, it cannot be the offspring of a desire to please, but rather of ill-nature. "The French," says Dean Swift with great acuteness, "from whom we borrow the word raillery, have a quite different idea of the thing, and so had we in the politer age of our fathers. Raillery was to say something that at. first appeared a reproach or reflection, but by some turn of wit unexpected and surprising, ended always in a compliment, and to the advantage of the person it was addressed to. And surely one of the best rules in conversation is, never to say any thing, which any of the company can reasonably wish we had left unsaid; nor can any thing be more contrary to the ends for which people meet together, than to part unsatisfied with each other or themselves." Like all other affectations, the habit of affecting to be witty is foolish and silly, and is certain to render conversation stiff and formal, instead of easy and agreeable. Wit to be pleasing, must be natural; and to be natural it must flow from the fulness of a mind at ease. A certain degree of carelessness is favourable to it. If we search eagerly for a witty remark, we shall generally fail; for spightliness. and gaiety were never yet attained by a painful effort. To abandon one's-self to the natural course of ideas, and the dictates of fancy, is a sure means of pleasing in conversation, even for those who have but moderate talents, and whose information is not extensive. This precept is especially useful for young women, who always speak well, when they speak naturally. Neither is it evident that the continued splendour of wit, if it could be attained, would in conversation be either desirable or safe. It would be apt to fatigue and dazzle, and to render a man's companion painfully sensible of the superiority of his talent. "One of the greatest secrets of composition," says Dr. Blair, (and we may remark the same of speaking) "is to know when to be simple. This always gives a heightening to ornament in its proper place. The right disposition of the shade, makes the light and colouring strike the more:" the same is true of wit. The affectation of wit is most frequently displayed in continual efforts at punning. This unfortunate propensity, as Rogers justly remarks, is the bane of all good conversation. Words cease to be, to the punster, the picture of the ideas which they ought to suggest: they are considered merely as sounds and syllables. Thus a punster resembles one who in reading, sees the characters, and letters of which a word is composed, but knows not what it signifies. Punning, therefore, breaks the chain of ideas; for it is necessary to commence another conversation on a new subject. In fine, the punster is lost to society and conversation, he is occupied in spying out some word as it passes, on which he may employ his talent; instead of which he might, by a different course, produce profit and pleasure, both to himself and his companions, by attending to the ideas and subjects, which are suggested, and by contributing his share to sustain and animate the conversation. Perhaps, it would be going too far to say, with Dr. Johnson, "that the man, who makes a pun would pick your pocket," but I think, that the desire of being distinguished as a punster, is pardonable in those only who indulge it with great sobriety, and who pun perfectly, and ingeniously; a condition which professed punsters seldom or never fulfil. The play upon words, which is termed punning, appears indeed to be a decided mark of a weak, silly, and frivolous mind. For instance to borrow an illustration from Chesterfield, it we remark that such a dress is "Commodious," a punster would eagerly exclaim "Odious," or, self-satisfied with his own ingenuity, he will remark, that "whatever it has been, it is now be-Com odious." If a punster is describing a person, whose knees are naturally a little bent inwards, he will think it a good opportunity for punning on the word, "Pyrenees," and say, "Oh, Mr. A. or Mr. B. is a soldier — he was at the battle of the "Pair o' knees." We cannot rank the person much above a fool who, in the midst of a serious discussion, if a reference be made to an "Encyclopœdia," would burlesque the whole by the pun of "In sickly pay day." It is possible, in some rare instances, to introduce a pun with effect, and even with elegance, but as there are usually, at least, a thousand failures, for one successful pun, it is the safest rule to avoid the practice, particularly as it is very apt to become a confirmed and disagreeable habit. Lord Chesterfield remarks, that other persons much akin to the punster, will endeavour to be witty by giving unexpected answers. Thus, if you ask, "where is my Lord?" such persons will answer, "he is in his skin;" or, "he is in his clothes, unless he is in bed." Nothing can be more low and vulgar than this. I conclude then, that though punning is the lowest kind of wit, and ought to be very sparingly employed, yet I would except the pun which, Laughing out, humanely will decide, And turn commencing bickerings aside. Such puns, the truly learn'd will not revile; At such the wise may innocently smile. COOKE'S CONVERSATION. VULGAR SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION. Although it does not fall directly into the plan of this little work, I think it may be useful to mention a few of the topics which ought to be avoided in conversation, in so far as they encroach on the great law of politeness and good breeding, as well as of morality — To treat others, as we would wish to be treated in return. By strictly observing this law, we shall abstain from introducing any topic or remark which may excite disagreeable or unpleasant feelings, or give pain to those with whom we converse. Even the slighter degrees of such unpleasant feelings ought not to be awakened by tiring the hearer with what he evidently takes no interest in, or does not understand. There are few persons, for instance, who will listen with patience to details of your private affairs; and yet with many, this is the chief theme of discourse. The fault, indeed, is so common, that it has received the name of EGOTISM, a term derived from EGO, the Latin word for "I." As egotism is so common a mistake in conversation, it will require to be carefully pointed out in its various forms and colours, that the reader may the more easily correct it. Upon all occasions, therefore, if it be possible, avoid speaking of yourself. Some, abruptly, speak advantageously of themselves; without either pretence or provocation. This is downright impudence; others proceed more artfully, as they imagine, forging accusations against themselves, and complaining of calumnies which they never heard, in order to justify themselves and exhibit a catalogue of their many virtues. "They acknowledge, indeed, it may appear odd, that they should talk thus of themselves; it is what they have a great aversion to, and what they could not have done, if they had not been thus unjustly and scandalously abused." This thin veil of modesty, drawn before vanity, is much too transparent to conceal it, even from those who have but a moderate share of penetration. Others, again, proceed more modestly, and more slily still; they confess themselves guilty of all the cardinal virtues, by first degrading them into weaknesses. "They cannot see people labouring under misfortunes, without sympathizing with them, and endeavouring to help them. They cannot see their fellow-creatures in distress, without relieving them; though, truly, their circumstances cannot well afford it. They cannot avoid speaking the truth, though they acknowledge it to be sometimes imprudent In short they confess that, with all their weaknesses, they are not fit to live in the world much less to prosper in it. But they are now too old to pursue a contrary conduct, and therefore they must go on as well as they can." Now though this may appear too ridiculous even for the stage, yet it is frequently met with upon the common stage of the world. This principle of vanity and pride is so strong in human nature, that it descends even to the lowest object; and we often see people fishing for praise, where, admitting all they say to be true, no just praise is to be caught. One, perhaps, affirms, that he has rode post a hundred miles in six hours; probably this is falsehood; but even supposing it to be true, it can only be inferred, that he is a very good post boy. Another asserts, perhaps not without a few oaths, that he has drunk six or eight bottles of wine at a sitting. It would be charitable to believe such a man a liar; for if we do not, we must certainly pronounce him a beast. Those who indulge in this sort of lying reckon it innocent, as it hurts nobody but themselves; but it is certainly the spurious offspring of vanity and folly. Such persons as deal in the marvellous, pretend to have seen things that never existed; they have seen other things which they really never saw, though they did exist, only because they were thought worth seeing. Has any thing remarkable been said or done in any place, or in any company, they immediately represent and declare themselves eye-witnesses of it. They have done feats themselves, unattempted, or at least unperformed, by others. They are always the heroes of their own fables; and think that they gain consideration, or at least present attention by it. Whereas, in truth, all they get is ridicule and contempt, not without a good degree of distrust; for one must naturally conclude, that he who will tell a lie from idle vanity, will not scruple telling a greater for interest. Had I really seen any thing so very extraordinary, as to be almost incredible, I would keep it to myself, rather than, by telling it, give any one room to doubt for a minute of my veracity. It is most certain that the reputation of chastity is not more necessary for a woman, than that of veracity is for a man, and with good reason; for it is not possible for a man to be virtuous without strict veracity, a lie being a vice of the mind, and of the heart. Nothing but truth can carry us through the world, with either our conscience or our honour unwounded. It is not only our duty, but our interest; as a proof of which, it may be observed, that the greatest fools are the greatest liars: and we may safely judge of a man's truth by his degree of understanding. There are a thousand such follies, and extravagances, which varsity draws people into, and which always defeat their own purpose. The only method of avoiding these, is never to speak of ourselves. But when in a narrative, we are obliged to mention ourselves, we should take care not to drop a single word that can directly or indirectly be construed as fishing for applause. Be our characters what they may they will be known; and nobody will take them upon our own words. Nothing that we can say of ourselves will varnish our defects, or add lustre to our perfections; but, on the contrary, it will often make the former more glaring, and the latter obscure. If we are silent upon our own merits, neither envy, indignation, nor ridicule, will obstruct or allay the applause which we may really deserve. But if we are our own panegyrists upon any occasion, however artfully dressed or disguised, every one will conspire against us, and we shall be disappointed of the very end we aim at. It is not to be imagined by how many different ways vanity defeats its own purposes. One man decides peremptorily upon every subject, betrays his ignorance upon many, and shows a disgusting presumption upon the rest. Some flatter their vanity by little extraneous objects, which have not the least relation to themselves — such as being descended from, related to, or acquainted with, people of distinguished merit and eminent character. They talk perpetually of their grandfather, such a one, their uncle, such a one, and their intimate friend, such a one, whom possibly they are hardly acquainted with. But admitting it all to be as they would have it. What then? Have they the more merit for those accidents? Certainly not. On the contrary, their taking up adventitious, proves their want of intrinsic, merit; a rich. man never borrows. Take this rule for granted, as a never failing one, that you must not seem to affect the character in which you have a mind to shine. Modesty is the only sure bait, when you angle for praise. The affectation of courage will make a brave man pass even for a bully; as the affectation of wit, will make a man of parts pass for a coxcomb. By this modesty, I do not mean timidity, and awkward bashfulness. On the contrary, be inwardly firm and steady, know your own value, whatever it may be, and act upon that principle; but take great care to let nobody discover that you know your own value. Whatever real merit you have, others will discover; and people always magnify their own discoveries, as they lessen those of others. The vulgar expressions which may be ranked under egotism, have partly been mentioned in some of the preceding chapters, but it may be useful to bring them together under one view. They will very generally be found to arise from the silly practice which many follow, of always "speaking their minds." Those persons will often say a rude thing, or flatly contradict you, for the mere pleasure of showing independence, or in other words their egotism. This is one of the most offensive forms of affectation, and will never obtain for those who practise it any character, besides that of selfishness and rudeness. I shall here set down a few of the most common expressions of this kind, which ought to be avoided. TABLE OF VULGAR EGOTISMS. I for one. That is my opinion. I always like to speak my mind. I am a straight forward man: I never go about the bush. To my thinking, or, In my mind. [Ungrammatical.] In my poor opinion, or In my humble opinion. I told him my mind on the subject. I should think. I should like to know. I should be glad to know. I should not wonder. I think so, or I am sure of it. I know — or I see, or I perceive. I hope and trust. (Slang.) I suppose, or I fancy, or I imagine. I always look to number one. (Slang for "self.") It occurs to me. I venture to affirm, or I dare say. I'll be bound to say. I never heard of such a thing in my life. Upon my word. For my part. I gave it him — didn't I? I am very lucky — a'n't I? I always come in time — don't I? Says I. (Ungrammatical.) It is a question with me. Such are only a few of the common egotisms which might be enumerated. Some of then have a meaning directly contrary to the literal expression; for "in my humble opinion," or "in my poor opinion," uniformly signifies, "in my proud opinion," and is always understood so in conversation. Rogers says, that Egotism is too gross, either to be pointed out or censured, but if this were the case we should not find it so very prevalent. The road which leads to it, indeed, is so smooth and inviting, that we are easily induced to follow it, and we as easily pass the limits of the attention and patience of our auditors. Among the vulgarities of Egotism, may justly be reckoned the annoying habit, which many have of telling all their little ailments, and complaints. This may be agreeable enough to the complainer, but it is most wearisome to the listener, as the subject is inexhaustible, and is generally most copious when there is little to complain about, as fancy always makes for the want of facts, or magnifies and multiplies the most trifling circumstance in endless variety. All who are anxious to please in conversation must carefully avoid this topic, for nobody will listen willingly to complaints of any kind; and, least of all, to complaints of sickness or of poverty. There is one fault very nearly related to egotism, which I must not omit to mention — I mean the spirit of contradiction and dispute so frequently met with, particularly among the young, and those who have obtained a smattering knowledge of all subjects by miscellaneous, but unprofitable reading. When this unfortunate propensity to contradict and dispute prevails, all pleasure in conversation is at an end; for every fact is doubted or denied, and every inference and argument perverted, by the pertinacious egotist, who strives for victory, and triumph, and selfish exultation, at the expence of truth, fairness, good-breeding, and civility. Were such disputatious and contradictive persons to reflect, that it would be more honourable to gain a character for affability and pleasing manners, than for cleverness in dispute, almost inseparable from rudeness, they would, I am persuaded, strive to subdue rather than indulge their propensity to contradict. To insinuate that your opponent in such disputes is ignorant, and knows nothing of the matter, or that he has some private motive for his opinion, is both egotistical in you, and a gross and unpardonable personality to him. I may be permitted, perhaps, for once to break through my own rule, and use a common quotation, because it is the best thing which I can recollect to begin with on the subject of indelicacy: "Immodest words admit of no defence, For want of decency is want of sense." — ROSCOMMON. Under the term indelicacy, I would include all subjects which may hurt the feelings of those with whom we converse, by calling up disgusting associations. It will, therefore, comprehend many of those subjects which are usually called "gross" and "coarse," as well as those which are more strictly termed indelicate. Some persons take a peculiar pleasure in not only using broad expressions, but in turning their discourse upon topics that cannot be thought of without disgust. I may instance, the detailed descriptions of national or provincial dirtiness and filthy habits, which such persons delight to give with faithful minuteness, while others are scarcely less culpable in continual allusion to them, and recalling, by this means, the most disgusting associations. Mr note details of carnage, or slaughter, and more particularly the subsequent effects of these, I consider to be of this kind, and unfitted for general or polite conversation. Lord Byron's well known lines may be taken as an example: I saw the lean dogs beneath the wall Howl o'er the dead their carnival, Gorging and growling o'er carcase and limb, They were too busy to bark at him. From a Tartar's skull they had stript the flesh, As you peel a tig when the fruit is fresh: And their white tusks cranch'd o'er the whiter skull, While they mumbled the bones as their edge grew dull. The Tartar's skull's in the wild dog's maw, And the hair around his tangled jaw. SIEGE OF CORINTH. It is creditable to the present fashion, that immodest and indelicate conversation is proscribed in all companies, and improper songs and lewd anecdotes no longer disgrace the table after the ladies have retired to the drawing-room, which was formerly the signal for giving way to unbounded licentiousness of conversation. The coarse jest and the lewd song are now banished to the tavern and the taproom, and are no longer heard among gentlemen who have any pretension to good manners. As is the case with swearing, indeed, some hoary disciple of the old school may by chance be still met with, who will indulge in immodest speeches, and the kind of mincing allusions which the French call double entendre; but such persons usually find their supposed jests to give offence rather than produce laughter; and their coarse and indecent vulgarity makes them shunned rather than courted. It is a strong mark of vulgarity, as well as of a frivolous mind, to dwell on minute circumstances, of no importance to the subject talked of. A person who is given to this, is eager to set everybody right in the exactness of dates and places, and can always prove his silly trifles with a number of circumstances, which few besides himself would have troubled their memory with. For example, "The illumination for the peace happened on that very night, for I remember I was at the Chapter coffee-house with a cousin of mine, who had come down out of Suffolk to see it — No, I am wrong — it was not the Chapter, it was Peel's, — but Mr. Hill was with us, and he can tell — I think it was Peel's, however; but no matter for all that, the thing's the same; — though now I think of it, it must have been Peel's, for I remember we had a muffin with our tea — no, a crumpet, I dare say it was — before we went out to see what was to be seen." Another will show you that a particular event happened precisely "Not at seven o'clock, but ten minutes before; because, if you remember, a man was calling oysters at the very time; and it could not at least be seven, for tea was not then announced, and seven, to a minute, is the tea hour with him all the year round, except on Sundays, when eight is more convenient." Or, "I must beg your pardon, Sir, for contradicting you, but it must be after nine; for I saw him at St. Paul's exactly as the clock struck the quarter past." Shakspeare furnishes us with a well marked example of this in the following speech, addressed to Sir John Falstaff: "HOSTESS. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin chamber, at the round table by a sea-coal fire, upon the Wednesday, in Whitsun-week, when the Prince broke thy head for liking his father to a singing-man of Windsor; thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me, and make me my lady, thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not good wife Keech, the butcher's wife, come in then, and call me gossip Quickly — coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar; telling us she had a good dish of prawns; whereby thou didst desire to eat some; whereby I told thee they were ill for a green-wound? And didst thou not, when she was gone down stairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity with such poor people; saying, that ere long they should call me madam?" — HENRY IV. PART 2. It is this sort of trifling gossip which fills up the conversation of many, and stamps them with vulgarity and silliness. It is the same spirit which introduces so many useless words, of which Swift gives the following example; and, I doubt not, the reader will recollect hearing a number of a similar kind: — "SIR JOHN LINGER. I'faith, one of your finical London blades dined with me last year, in Derbyshire; so after dinner, I took a pipe so my gentleman turned away his head: so, said I, What, Sir, do you never smoke? So, he answered, as you do, Colonel, No, but I sometimes take a pipe. So, he took a pipe in his hand, and fiddled with it till he broke it: so, said I, Pray, Sir, can you make a pipe? So, he said, No: so, said I, Why then, Sir, if you can't make a pipe, you should not break a pipe; so, we all laughed." It is very characteristic of vulgar gossip to mention all the trivial questions and answers which occurred in conversation, and there consequently an interminable series of such words as so, and then, he said, I said, well, very well, &c. Shakspeare gives us a speech by Dame Quickly, very characteristic of the vulgar gossiping repetitions of trifling remarks: "HOSTESS. Never tell me; your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick, the Deputy, the other day, and as he said to me — it was no longer ago than Wednesday last — 'Neighbour Quickly,' says he; — Master Dumbs, our minister, was by then; — 'Neighbour Quickly,' says he, receive those that are civil; for,' says he, 'you are in an ill name;' now he said so, I can tell whereupon; 'for,' says he, 'you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive,' says he, 'no swaggering companions.' There comes none here; — you would bless you to hear what he said: — no, I'll no swaggerers." — HENRY IV. PART 2. Conversation of this vulgar cast, is always digressing from the leading subject to the most irrelevant topics; an evident proof of an unsettled and silly mind. The following example, from Shakspeare, exhibits this in a ludicrous point of view:— "SHALLOW. I saw him break Skogan's head at the Court-gate, when he was a crack not this high: and the very same day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish, a fruiterer, behind Gray's-inn. O the mad days that I have spent! and to see how many of mine old acquaintance are dead. "SILENCE. We shall all follow, cousin. "SHALLOW. Certain, 'tis certain, very sure, very sure; death (as the Psalmist saith) is certain to all: all shall die. — How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair? "SLENDER. Truly, cousin, I was not there. "SHALLOW. Death is certain — Is old Double of your town living yet? "SILENCE. Dead, Sir. "SHALLOW. Dead! See, see; he drew good bow: and dead. He shot a fine shot. — How a score of ewes now? "SILENCE. Thereafter as they may be. A score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds. "SHALLOW. And is old Double dead?" HENRY IV. PART 2. It would be ridiculous to say that all conversation should be kept to stiff and systematic formality; but ease and freedom are perfectly consistent with correctness, and there may be an unbounded variety without vulgarly digressing in the manner of Master Slender, Sir John Linger, or Dame Quickly. UNGRAMMATICAL VULGARITIES. It is very erroneously imagined that all those who have been long at school, and received what is called a good education, must have a knowledge of grammar, and be able to speak grammatically. With this notion, unfortunately, facts do not agree; for we hear every day, people, who have received an expensive, if not a good education, committing gross breaches of grammar, and the reason has already been mentioned at the beginning of this work, that though grammar is taught at school, it is not practised. It has been well remarked by Chesterfield, of another class widely separated from the well-educated, that people mistake very much who imagine they must of course speak their own language well, and that, therefore, they need not study it; but you will soon find how false this way of reasoning is, if you observe the English spoken by almost all English people who have no learning. MOST WOMEN, and all ordinary people in general, speak in open defiance of all grammar, — use words that are not English, and murder those that are; — and though, indeed, they make themselves understood, they do it so incorrectly, inelegantly, and disagreeably, that what they say seldom makes amends for their manner of saying it. It was not, perhaps, altogether gallant in so polite a man as Chesterfield, to say that most WOMEN speak incorrectly; for though I fear it is still true, yet in this instance, as well as in law, truth has the air of a libel, and should not always be told. Since the fact then is indisputable, that it is very common for all classes of people to make mistakes in grammar when they speak, and consequently to be guilty of vulgarity, either from want of education, or from want of practising what they have learned; I shall, in this brief chapter, endeavour to point out the more common errors in grammar, which occur in conversation, without laying down formal rules, or speaking in the technical language of grammarians. I shall begin with an error which is one of the easiest to correct and avoid. Nothing is more common, nor more offensive to those who are well educated, than such very incorrect and vulgar expressions as more greater; most beautifullest; more prettier; most commonest; and many other phrases of the same kind. The plainest direction which I can give for avoiding this vulgarity is that the word "more," should never be used when the word that follows it ends in "r;" nor the word "most," if the following word end in "st." The word "more," also, must not stand before "worse," for more worse is as ungrammatical as more handsomer. It may be remarked, however, that the word "more" may be correctly employed by leaving out the "r" in the word following it, and the word "most," in the same way by leaving out "st," in the next word. It will, therefore, be equally correct to say, "This is the prettier of the two," and "This is the more pretty of the two;" and "This one is the most beautiful;" or "This is the beautifullest." If you are anxious to be very precise and elegant, you must in such cases select that which sounds smoothest, or is most easily pronounced. — "Beautifullest," for example, does not sound so smoothly as "most beautiful;" and "most fair," is not so smooth as "fairest." This error may be explained, upon the ground, that where one thing is sufficient there can be no use for two, — and, consequently, when the expression "sweeter," or "more sweet," is sufficient, there can be no use for adding the two, as in the vulgar phrase, "More sweeter." Upon the same principle, worser, or more worse; and lesser, or more less, are incorrect and vulgar, because the words "worse" and "less" being sufficient, require no addition, and are precisely the same as more more bad, and more more little, which nobody ever uses. Upon the same principle, also, it is incorrect to say chiefest, because nothing can be greater than "chief;" universaller and universallest, are equally bad. The most common error of this kind is committed in such phrases as the very first, the very best, the very worst, the very highest, &c.; for it is obvious that the words "first," "best," "worst," and "highest," cannot have their signification increased by any addition; yet we hear this breach of grammar every day. It arises from the principle which I have often alluded to, of endeavouring, like the frog in the fable, to swell an idea beyond what it will bear. Upon this principle, then it is incorrect to say supremest, or more supreme; extremest, or more extreme; or to talk of the most superior, and the most exterior. The next grammatical mistake which I shall notice as committed by the uneducated, may be still more easily understood by those who have no knowledge of grammar — I refer the common vulgarity of using the words "no," and "not," or "none," at the same time, as in the vulgar expression, "I have not got none." The proper expressions would be, "I have got none," or "I have not got any," or simply, "I have none," or "I have not any," without the "got," which is usually reckoned a vulgar word. Again, you will hear vulgar people say "I shall not go no more;" but the correct expression is, "I shall not go any more." The word "never" must be attended to in the same way, and should not be used at the same time with "no" and "none;" for it is vulgar to say "I never saw it no more," or "I never had none of it," instead of correctly saying, "I never saw it any more," and "I never had any of it." I may say the same of the word "nothing," which must not be used along with "no," "none," and "never;" for it would be vulgar to say "I did not hear nothing of it," or "I never heard nothing of it," instead of "I heard nothing of it;" or "I did not hear anything of it," or "I never heard anything of it." A little attention, and endeavouring to correct yourself when you make any mistakes in the use of such expressions, will soon make the correct mode of speaking as easy and familiar to you as the vulgar one; but it may be proper to tell you, that even after you are familiar with all which I have now told you, mistakes may often be committed from not observing when the word "not" is used in a contracted form, as in the phrases, "It isn't nothing," instead of "It is not anything," or "It is nothing;" "I can't do none of it," instead of "I cannot do any of it," or "I can do none of it;" "I won't go no more," instead of "I will not go any more," or "I will go no more." The same mistake is frequently committed by those who would not use any of the expressions just mentioned, by separating the two improper words, and keeping them at some distance from one another in a sentence, and at the same time turning the sentence backwards, in the awkward manner pointed out above, at page 48; as in the expressions "He has not arrived yet, I don't think," instead of "I do not think he has arrived yet;" "The weather will not be fine to-day, I don't think," instead of "I think the weather will not be fine to-day." This is a very common vulgarity, even among the upper classes of society. The same thing may be exemplified in a variety of phrases, such as "It was not built then, the Asylum was not," instead of "The Asylum was not built then;" "It has not arrived yet, the ship has not," for "the ship has not yet arrived;" "He does not intend to go, Mr. White does not," instead of "Mr. White does not intend to go." All of these expressions have two "not's," and are also awkward and vulgar, independent of this error, by beginning at the end and going backwards. The reason of this being considered an error in English arises entirely from custom, as the same principle does not hold in the Greek and French languages, though it does in Latin; but it will be seen at once, that the use of two "not's," or "no's," entirely reverses the meaning of an expression; as, "I would not on any account not obey;" that is, "I would obey." "Not nothing," therefore, means "something," and may be used in that sense without impropriety, as in the expression, "he dues not go there for nothing;" "I did not do it for nothing," that is, "I did it for something," consequently the vulgar phrase, "I can't eat no more," means, "I can eat some more," which is contrary to the intention of the speaker. "I would not do it on no account," should be "I would not do it on any account;" I shall not do it neither now nor again," should be "I shall not do it either now or again;" "He does not come, if I recollect, very seldom," — should be, "he does not come, if I recollect, very often," or, "he comes very seldom." The expression, "I must not disobey," on the same principle means, "I must obey." Among grammatical mistakes, I may mention the use of one little word, which occurs so often, that if it be improperly introduced, is a certain mark of vulgarity, I mean the word "them," when it is used instead of "these," or "those;" as when you say, "I have done them things now," instead of "those things;" or when you say, "them colours are very pretty," for "those colours are very pretty." The only way in which you can discover this error, and correct it, is to try whether you can put "those" or "these" instead of them, and always do so when you can; or it may direct you still better if I tell you never to use the word "them," just before the name of anything — such as in the vulgar expressions, "them houses," — "them trees," — "them needles," — "them books," — for the words "houses," — "trees," — "needles," — "books," are the names of things, and must never have a them before them. The expression, "do you mean them?" instead of "do you mean those?" is no less vulgar. Another mistake in grammar very commonly made, will be readily understood, when I tell you that the words, "thee,", "me," "him," "her," "we," "them," must not follow the words "am," "is," "are," "was," "were," "be," or "been." It is consequently ungrammatical and vulgar to say, "It was me," instead of "It was I;" or, "If I were him," for "If I were he." I may also add, that none of those words ought to follow "than," or "as;" for example, "he is wiser than me," instead of "he is wiser than I." As this is an important class of errors, which are very common in conversation, I shall draw out a short table of them with the proper corrections: — UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. It is him. it is he. It was them. It was they. I am him vou seek. I am he you seek. It was us that did it It was we that did it. It was said to be him. It was said to be he. It is them who are in fault. It is they who are in fault. Is it me you mean? Is it I you mean? It may have been him. It may have been he. It might be them. It might be they. It was not her It was not she. UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. Who is there? — me. Who is there? — I. It may be us. It may be we. I am her. I am she. We are them. We are they. It seems to have been him. It seems to have been he. It is not me. It is not I. Those are them. Those are they. You are taller than him. You are taller than he. He is greater than me. He is greater than I. They are higher than us. They are higher than we. It is better than them. It is better than they. Happier than her. Happier than she. Not half so bright as thee. Not half so bright as thou. A greater loser than me. A greater loser than I. He can write better than her. He can write better than she. He is as good as her. He is as good as she. To these examples, however, there are exceptions which will not be so easily understood by those who are unacquainted with grammar, but I shall explain them as clearly as I can, by saying that when any thing is asserted of the word before the "am," "is," "are,'' "was," "were," "be," or "been," the correct expressions are the reverse of the preceding. Thus, it is wrong to say, "I took it to be she," because something is asserted of the "it," before the "be," according to the following table: — UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. I suppose it to be he. I suppose it to be him. UNGRAMNATICAL. CORRECT. They believed it to be we. They believed it to be us. They loved him more than I. They loved him more than me. It is better expressed by him than she. It is better expressed by him than her. It is easier for him than I. It is easier for him than me. By attending to these examples, and those of the same kind, common mistakes may be avoided, and you may generally know whether you are correct or not, by filling up the sentence; for example, "he is happier than she," by filling up the sentence will be " he is happier than she is," when it will at once appear that you could not say, "he is happier than her is." Again, "they loved him more than me," is filled up, "they loved him more than they loved me," when it will appear, that "I" could not have been used. I shall next give a table of expressions, in which a number of little words require to be followed in all cases by "me," "thee," "him," "her," "us," " them," and "whom," and never by "I," "thou," "he," "she," "we," "they," and "who." These vulgarities are very common in England. UNGRAMMATICAL CORRECT. He had it of I. He had it of me. Is stands above they. It stands above them. She was beside me. She was beside us. UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. They came after he. They came after him. I gave it to she. I gave it to her. They were far from thou. They were far from thee. To who did you give it? To whom did you give it. It may be as well to give a list of all the words which must thus be followed by the words "me," "thee," "him," &c. TABLE. Above. About. Across. Against. Among. Amidst. After. At. Athwart. Before. Around. Below. Beneath. Beside. Behind. Betwixt. Beyond. By. Between. For. From. In. Concerning. Near. Nigh, Of—On. Into. Upon. Over. Round. Saving. Through. To. Unto. Toward. Under. Underneath. With. Without. Within. Those who have contracted the English provincial vulgarities of saying "To I," "On he," " Of they," should carefully study this table, which will enable them to avoid the mistake. The same rule renders it incorrect to say, "Who do you lodge with?" for "Whom do you lodge with?" "Who were you speaking to?" for "whom were you speaking to?" "The same words "me," "thee," "him," "her," "us," "them," and "whom," must also be used When anything is affirmed of them. It is consequently ungrammatical to say, "He and they I know; but thou I know. not;" instead of "Him and them I know; but thee I know not;" for something is here affirmed of "him," "them," and "thee." Again, it is wrong on the same principle to say, "He who honours me, I will honour;" instead of "Him who honours me, I will honour;" because I assert something — namely, honour of "him." "He who was in fault correct, not I, who am guiltless;" instead of "Him who was in fault correct, not me, who am guiltless:" — "They are the persons who we ought to love;" for "They are the persons whom we ought to love." Another grammatical error, which is extremely common among the vulgar, will be easily understood when I say that the word "for" ought never to stand before the word "to;" as when it is said, "He intends for to do it," instead of "He intends to do it;" — "They went for to prevent that," instead of "They went to prevent that;" — "She came for to get the books," instead of "She came to get the books." In the French language this would be correct; and the vulgarity appears, indeed, to have been borrowed from our polite neighbours; but custom has rendered it quite intolerable to the ear of a well educated Englishman. When the words "and," "but," "or," and "nor," come between terms which signify two or more persons, those terms must correspond with one another, according to the following examples: — UNGRAMMATICAL. CORRECT. It was him and I. It was he and I. It was he and me. It was he and I. I and her were there. I and she were there. Me and she were there. I and she were there. I took it to be she and they. I took it to be her and them. Wiser than both him and us. Wiser than both he and they. As tall as her, him, and me together. As tall as she, he, and together. It may he I and them, as well as he and her may go It may be that I and they, as well as he and she may go. Not she, but him and them. Not she, but he and they. Neither I nor them. Neither I nor they. He or her may come. He or she may come. In modern language, though it was not so in old English, the word "who" follows the name of a person, and the word "which" follows the name of an animal, or anything without life. Accordingly, in the Lords Prayer, the old phrase "Our Father which art in heaven," would, in modern language, be "Our Father who art in heaven." It is better to say "It was the child which cried," than "It was the child who cried;" and it is better to say "That was the state party which advocated liberty," than "That was the state party who advocated liberty." "The man which did it," for "The man who did it," is very bad; but I think it is becoming fashionable to use such phrases as, "It was the fox who stole the chickens," for the grammatical phrase, "It was the fox which stole the chickens." Instead of "who," or "which," we may elegantly use "that" after the words "some," "most," and words ending in ''st;" as "It is the same man that was here before," rather than "It is the same man who was here before;" "He was the most handsome man that was there;" "It is the prettiest that I have seen." In the chapter on Contracted Vulgarities and the Contrary, I have given a long table of words which are extremely vulgar, and which it is necessary to revert to again, as being ungrammatical. I may exemplify this in the expressions "I giv'd it to him when he com'd home," instead of "I gave it to him when he came home;" "I see'd him do it," for "I saw him do it;" "I have see'd it often," for "I have seen it often." It is, if possible, still more vulgar to say, "I see her yesterday," for "I saw her yesterday;" "I see him this morning," for "I saw him this morning." This word seems to be very subject to vulgar mistakes, as we also hear it said, "I seen it my. self," for "I have seen it myself;" "He told me he seen it many times," for he told me he has seen it many times." The words "did," and "done," are mistaken in the same way, as "He done it long ago," for "He did it long ago;" "I done it already," for "I have done it already;" "He see'd them done it," for "He saw them do it." By looking back to the table at page 35, you will find a long list of expressions equally vulgar, though, perhaps, not so common as those which I have now mentioned. The next ungrammatical vulgarity which I have to mention, I am not able, I fear, to render quite so plain as the preceding; but I shall try to make it intelligible, as it is of the utmost importance in correct speaking. As a general remark, then, I may say that when a name includes more than one thing, as in the word "houses" or the words "they," or "those," you must not use an "s" at the end of the word following it. For instance, it is ungrammatical and vulgar to say "The needles is bad," instead of "The needles are bad;" or "They looks rusty," for "They look rusty." It is the "s" at the end of "looks," which makes it, in this case, incorrect. The words "I" and "you," also, must not have an "s" at the end of the words following either of them; for it is very vulgar to say "I is going to town," instead of "I am going to town;" or "I says to him," for "I said to him;" or "You be's the very person," for "You are the very person." You must never then, according to this remark, say "The streets is dirty," for "The streets are dirty;" nor "The men who works in the garden is going," for "The men who work in the garden are going;" or "Women easily believes a fair speech," for "Women easily believe a fair speech." It will require long and careful attention to practise this correctly, as there is scarcely a sentence which you utter that you may not commit mistakes of this kind; but as it is, perhaps, the most important of all the others, a little care will be well bestowed in avoiding the errors just pointed out. It will be no less incorrect and vulgar, on the same principle, to omit the "s" at the end of words following the name of a person or a thing, where only one individual person or thing is meant. You may find it somewhat difficult to comprehend this; but a few examples will help you to apply the rule to correct any mistake you may fall into; and it will help you also to understand it if you consider it as the reverse of what I have just told you about the incorrect use of the "s" after names of persons or things, where more than one individual is included. Let us take the former examples then, and it will be no less incorrect and vulgar to say "The needle look rusty," instead of "The needle looks rusty;" than to say " The needles looks rusty," which is wrong, as I told you above. All such expressions as "It do," "He do," "She do," are extremely vulgar, and should be "It does," "He does," "She does," because the "s" is to be used when only one person or thing is talked about; but not when there are more than one. I may remark, indeed, that the vulgar expressions, "It look well," "She make a good servant," "He like to go," are rather peculiar to some parts of England; while the incorrect expressions "The streets is dirty," "The dresses is badly made," are common to the uneducated and vulgar classes in all parts of the three kingdoms. — When "if" goes before, all these are correct, as you may see at p. 223, line 26. When two or three names, or two or three subjects, are joined together with an "and," it has the same effect on the following words as if a single name had comprehended several individuals. It will, therefore, be incorrect to use an "s" at the end of the word which follows. For example, "The needle and the pin is well polished," instead of "The needle and the pin are well polished;" "Both the field and the street is dirty," instead of "Both the field and the street are dirty;" "My brother and I was there," for "My brother and I were there." When the subjects are complicated, this is not so easy for beginners. For example, when we use two subjects, "To avoid communicating with the wicked, and to associate, as much as possible, with the good, is incumbent on all," instead of "To avoid communicating with the wicked, and to associate, as much as possible, with the good, are incumbent on all." On the contrary, if the two individual names or subjects are disjoined by the words "or," or "nor," the "s" must always be used; and, consequently, it would be wrong to say "The needle or the pin are very sharp," instead of "The needle, or the pin is very sharp;" "Neither the street nor the field are dirty," instead of "Neither the street nor the field is dirty;" "Either my brother or I were going," instead of "Either my brother or I was going;" "Either to associate with the good, or to avoid the wicked, are incumbent on all," instead of "is incumbent on all." Upon the same principle, when more individuals than one are talked of separately, by making use of the words "every," "any," "each," the "s" must be added; for it would be wrong to say "Every one of them are going," instead of "Every one of them is going;" "Any of the three come," instead of "Any of the three comes;" "Each of us have one," instead of "Each of us has one;" "Either of them do," instead of "Either of them does." I shall not, for the present, enumerate any more ungrammatical vulgarities, as an attentive study of those just pointed out, will enable the reader to avoid the grosser errors which are but too commonly fallen into, even by those who ought to know better. PROVINCIAL SCOTCH VULGARITIES. Many well-educated Scotsmen, who move in the most polite circles in their own country, take a pride in speaking the Scots dialect blended with English, and when this is not done from affectation, and a love of singularity, it can scarcely be reckoned vulgar, though it must require great attention to avoid low and unseemly expressions. It is not with this class of persons, however, that I am at present concerned, but with natives of Scotland, who endeavour to speak English, without any mixture of the Doric dialect of Scotland, as written by Ramsay, Burns, Sir Walter Scott, Alan Cunningham, Galt, and other modern authors; and who in such endeavours mistake errors for excellence. The following remarks will, I hope, be useful in pointing out some of those mistakes. Every province, every district, and even every town and village, have a peculiar tone of voice in speaking, which is called the ACCENT, and which is, for the most part, disagreeable in some measure to the inhabitants of other districts and towns. Now this accent can seldom or never be altered after an individual has arrived at mature age, and when any attempt is made to alter or amend, it generally makes the person ridiculous. No Scotsman, therefore, who is above the age of fifteen, or perhaps eighteen, ought ever to attempt to speak with the English accent; for if he do, he is is almost certain of going into ludicrous affectation; examples of which are numerous at the Scotch Bar, and among Scotsmen who reside in England. In this way the original native accent may be caricatured, or spoiled, but the English accent can never be acquired: the attempt is hopeless. Scotsmen indeed, who vainly endeavour to attain the English, almost uniformly fall into the Irish accent, and I have known individuals of this description, who have by strangers been taken for Irishmen. Accent then must be abandoned as impossible, and English must, by all Scotsmen, be pronounced with the Scots accent. The pronunciation, however, is in many cases very difficult, and requires great care. In a few cases, it is as hopeless, perhaps, to attain it as the accent. The sounds most commonly mistaken in Scotland are those of "a," "o," and "u." Indeed all the vowel sounds are frequently made too long or too short, or have some other peculiarity which spoils them. The letter "a," for example, when pronounced short, has properly a sound intermediate between "e" in "fell," and "a" in "fall," but a Scotsman endeavouring to speak English almost uniformly mistakes it for the first, and, pronounces "bad" — "bed," "tax" — "tex," "lamb" — "lemb," "black" — "bleck," "hand" — "hend," "back" — "beck," "fat" — "fet," "cattle" — "kettle." This is miserable and disgusting affectation, but it does not stop at the words where the "a" is properly short, but is foolishly carried into words where the "a" should sound broad, as in "far," or "water," and the affecting Scotsman will accordingly pronounce "command'' — "commend," "demand" — " demend," &c. This broad sound of "a" is also given to words where it should be short, as "wax" — "wawx"' — "waft" — "wawft." — "canal" — "canawl," "lamb" — "lawmb," — "dam" — "dawm," "many" "mawnny," "any" " awny." The last two are very common affectations. In the long open sound of "a," as in the word "fare," similar mistakes are committed, by giving it where it ought not, and altering it where it ought to be. "Latin," for instance, is pronounced "Laytin," instead of "Latin," "satin" — "saytin," "habit" — "haybit," "sacrament" — "saycrement," "sacrifice" — "saycrifice," — "any" "ayny," "many" — "mayny," "valley" — "vaylley," sometimes the short "e" is pronounced in the same way, as in "when" — "whayn," "then" — "thayn," "whence" "whaynce;" "tepid" "taypid," and sometimes again the long "a" is turned into a short "e" as "lady" — "leddy," — Again, "fatal" is pronounced "fawtal," "satan" "sawtan," &c. The short "e" has, in some words, the sound prolonged till it can no longer be recognized by an English ear. A Scotsman will not, indeed, readily mistake this sound in the words "beg," or "fell," but he will seldom pronounce the words "bed," "leg," without drawling. Another fault is the sounding of the short ''e," like short "i," as "min," for "men," but this is not so common in Scotland as in Ireland. This short sound is sometimes also turned into the long, as "meedow," for "meadow," "cleenly," for "cleanly," "deedly," for "deadly," "heeven," for "heaven," "deef," for "deaf," "leent," for "leant," "steelth," for "stealth," "sweety," for "sweaty," "weepon," for "weapon," "seemstress," for "seamstress," "leeden,” for "leaden,'' &c. This "ea," is in many other instances a great puzzle to natives of Scotland, and is very readily pronounced like the long open "a" in "fare." as "dayth," for "death," "bayrd," for "beard," "ayrly," for "early," "endayvour," for " endeavour," "layrn," for "learn," " paysant," for "peasant," "rehayrce," for "rehearse," "zaylous," for "zealous," "crayture," for "creature," "ayger," for "eager," frayk for "freak," repayl for "repeal," — traytise for "treatise," traytmeat for ."treatment," zayl for "zeal," bayt for "beat.'' In the few .exceptions in which the "ea," is pronounced like "a" long, Scotsmen mistake most of them, as beer for "bear," beerer for "bearer," forbeer for "forbear," sweer for swear," weer for "wear," teer for "tear," and peer, for "pear" Scotsmen also, uniformly say, brek for "break:" — "brekfast," is right, and not braykfast. Scotsmen, also, for the most part, err in pronouncing the "e" in the words enumerated at pages 28-31, above; and very often, particularly in the eastern counties, in those at pages 40, 41. The sound of "i" when long, as in "fire'' and "fine," seems to be very hard for the natives of Scotland, not so much from the difficulty of the sound itself as from habit. It ought always to sound exactly like "y" in the word "my," but the Scotch sound is very different, as any Scotsman may at once perceive by trying to pronounce "child," "mild," "wild," &c. The peculiarity, however, is not universal, and in some words, such as "fire," pronounced feire, is confined to the eastern counties, as near Edinburgh. In the border counties, as about Dunse and Dumfries, long "e" has this anomalous sound, and is very offensive to strangers, in such words as sey for "see," mey for "me," tey for "tea," hey for "he," &c. In some of the western counties, as around Paisley and Kilmarnock, the same sound is still more offensively given to "oy" as in bey for "boy," empley for "employ," jey for "joy," &c. Throughout Scotland, it is nearly universal to sound "I," like "a" in "father," as "A did not intend to go," for "I did not intend to go;" and even the most careful speakers, are apt to fall into this vulgarity. It is Scotch vulgar-genteel, and wrong to say "Louysa" for "Loueesa," Georgyna," for "Georgeena," "Christyna," for "Christeena." The short sound of "i," however, is much more difficult than the long sound to Scotsmen. who can seldom acquire it after the most careful trials, because they are almost certain of either verging to the long sound of "ee" the short sound of "u." Thus we may hear een, en, or un for "in." The short sound is the pedantic or vulgar-genteel, the long sound is universal, and both are bad. As examples I may mention wheech, or whech, or whuch for "which," veesion, or vesion, for "vision," deceesion or decesion for "decision," eedea sometimes yedea for "idea," deeameter sometimes day-ameter for "diameter." The letter "o" is pronounced very badly by almost every Scotsman. The long sound, for instance, is uniformly shortened, and we always hear smok for "smoke," alon for "alone" mon, for moan," ston for "stone," rodd for "road," coll for "coal," bott for "boat," cott for "coat," nott for "note," lonly" for "lonely," &c. This is much easier to master than the opposite error of sounding the short "o" long, as in the words Gode for "God," Loard for "Lord," doag for "dog," conescience for "conscience," conestable for "constable." The short sound of "o" as in "not," "lot," "wot," is precisely the same as Mr. Walker remarks, with "a" in "what," to which it forms a perfect rhyme. The words "food," "mood," "soon," &c. are all sounded long in England, and short in Scotland. In some of the other sounds of "o," Scotsmen, for the most part, are greatly mistaken, of which examples may be seen at page 11. Others are pruv in for "prove," impruv for "improve," but the most decidedly vulgar, because it is always affected, is that of sounding the words door and floor, as they are spelled, so as to rhyme with "poor," instead of the broad Scots "dore," which in this case is right, though not in "flore," that sounds precisely the same. In many of the words in which the "o" ought to sound like "u" in "but" Scotsmen sound it long, as in among for "amung," comefort for "cumfort," comepass for "cumpass,' covenant for "cuvenant," doth for "duth," hover for "huver," nothing for "nuthing," sovereign for "suvereign," world for "wurld," worse for "wurse," and many others. I have already, at pages 11-13, given many instances, in which Scotsmen mispronounce the letter "u," and as those are nearly all which occur to me, I shall only mention two, in which the sound of "u" is mistaken in Scotland, though both the words are spelled with "oo," I mean the words "foot" vulgarly "fut," as rhyming with "but" — and "soot," vulgarly, rhyming with "moot," or "put" instead of "sutt," rhyming with "but." When "course," is sounded cowrse, instead of "corse," it is also Scotch, and wrong. The letter "y" is not so frequently sounded wrong in Scotland as many of the preceding, except, perhaps, at the end of words where it is often pronounced as if faintly rhyming with "day," as vanitay for "vanity," occupay for "occupy," pleurisay for "pleurisy." We may also hear steepend, for "stypend," Seenot for "Synod," teepes for "types;" "y" however, is sometimes by the Scots put where it ought not to be, as yearth for "earth," yedaya for "idea." "W" also, is often sounded in particular counties where it ought to be silent, as w-right for "right," w-rong for "rong," and sometimes changed to "v," as wright, vrong. But "w" is not sounded in Scotland, in the words "towel" — "bowels," which are sounded to-el, bo-els. The letter "t" is almost always left out by Scotsmen in such words as fack for "fact," contrack for "contract," subtrack for "subtract," correck for "correct" direck for direct, "compack for "compact." The letter "a" is also left out in such words as an for "and," comman for "command," and Stran for "Strand." The only other letter which I shall notice is "r," which is sounded in a peculiarly harsh manner by the Scots, in the middle, and at the end of words. No directions which I can give, however, could lead to any practical result in this case; but I must caution the reader against sinking the "r" altogether in attempting to soften it. With respect to the stress of the voice, or grammatical accent, the Scots place it at the end, instead of the beginning, in the words "govern,'' "harass," "ransack," "cancel," "comfort," "respite," "construe," "solace," &c.; and, on the contrary, place it at the beginning instead of at the end of the word in "success." The Scots sound the word "as" too strongly in the phrases "as much," "as little," "as many," and "as great," and very often also pronounce it ass, instead of "az." I shall next select a few of the words and phrases which are peculiarly Scots, and consequently vulgar when introduced into conversation pretending to be English, how proper soever they may appear under other circumstances. In the lists which have already appeared of Scotticisms, by Dr. Beattie, and others, I find several words discarded, which are certainly good English, such as the word "notice" for "take notice," "narrate" for "relate," "to appreciate" for "to estimate, or value," "to adduce" for "to produce,", "to restrict" for "to liberate," &c. Scotsmen are most commonly accused of mistaking and confounding the words "shall" "should," "will," and "would;" but as Lewis, a shrewd English grammarian, well remarks, there are few persons in any part of the empire who do not commit similar mistakes. Originally, "shall" meant "owe," and "should' "owed," and they still retain, in a great measure, this sense. Chaucer, for example, says, "The faith I SHALL to God," for "The faith I OWE to God." SHALL, therefore, signifies present — and SHOULD signifies past — duty, necessity, or obligation, as in the expression "I shall depart," that is, "It is my duty to depart;" "I should go," that is, "I ought to go." WILL or WOULD, on the other hand, evidently means desire, intention, determination, tendency, or wish. Consequently, "You will do it," means "You are willing, or desirous to do it;" while, "You shall do it," means "You are bound by necessity to do it." "I will go," accordingly means "I am determined to go," which is very different from "I shall go," as before explained: yet a Scotsman will very readily use "will" in such a case, instead of "shall." "Will I help you to some beef?" is accordingly wrong, and ought to be "Shall I help you," &c. for nobody would say, "Am I willing to help you," which is the meaning of the first phrase. "I will fall if you do not assist me,"means "I am willing to fall;" it ought therefore to be "I shall fall," that is, "I must by necessity fall." "Where will he be?" means "Where is he willing to be?" Better "Where can he be?" By carefully attending to these distinctions, vulgar mistakes in the use of shall and will may be detected and avoided. The other phrases which I shall select, will be most conveniently arranged in a table. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. Rather go as stay. Rather go than stay. Annual rent of money. Interest of money. A missing. Missing. I asked at him. I asked him. Stuck among the clay, or the snow. Stuck in the clay, or the snow. I lost altogether £50. I lost in all £50. Almost never. Seldom or never. Almost nothing. Little or nothing. Again him. [also Irish.] Against him. Nothing ado with it. Nothing to do with it. The better of a sleep. The better for a sleep. I behoved to go. I was obliged to go. By-table. Side-board or side-table. Before I would break my word. Rather than break my word. By-gone — By-past. Past. Baxter, brewster, dyster, webster. Baker, brewer, dyer, weaver VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. The hen is a useful beast. The hen is a useful animal. [The word "beast" means a four-footed animal, and will not apply to insects, birds, and fishes, as is usual in Scotland.] Black sugar, or sugar o' liquorice. Liquorice-juice. He condescended upon the sum. He specified the sum. [Law phrase.] Cousin-germans. Cousins-german. He craved him for debt. He dunned him. I must cut out my hair. I must cut off my hair. I challenged him for it. I reproved him for it. I quarrelled him about it. I questioned him about it. I competed with him. I contended, or disputed with him. Her linens are fine. Her linen is fine. I will go the morn. I will go to-morrow. Show me it. Show it to me. She was married on him. She was married to him. Mis-fortunate. Unfortunate. She misguides her clothes. She abuses, or sullies her clothes. A misguided girl. A misled girl. Ill guided. Ill-used. A milk-cow. A milch-cow. Going to my dinner. Going to dinner. Monday first. Monday next. Pocket-napkin. Pocket handkerchief. Curt, curtly, curtness. Brief, briefly, brevity. Bravity. Gaudiness of apparel. Cautioner, caution. Surety, bail. For common. Commonly. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. Corn my horse. Feed my horse. To play cards. To play at cards, He is cripple. He is a cripple or lame. A coarse day — coarse weather. A bad day — bad weather. A pound of candle. A pound of candles. Conceived in these words. Containing these words. Dubiety. Doubt. I discharged him not to do it. I forbid him to do it. Discreet — Discretion. Civil — Civility. Debit me with it. Put it to my account. He sent in his demission. He sent in his resignation. Distressed with an inward trouble. Pained with an internal disorder. He was appointed a doer. He was appointed agent. He defeat the enemy. He defeated the enemy. The house is well situate. The house is well situated. Evite — Expiry. Avoid — Expiration. Fresh weather. Open weather. For ordinary. Ordinarily, commonly. She was a near friend of his. She was nearly related to him. Four-square. Square. Factor to Lady Moira, Steward to Lady Moira. The frost is slippery. The ice is slippery. Failing him and his heirs. On failure of him and his heirs. A flower. [a bunch of flowers.] A nosegay. Fog. [which grows on trees.] Moss. A moss. A bog, or marsh. Greed. Greediness. 'VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. Gentlemanny. Gentlemanly. Gravy, — Sauce. ["Gravy" is the juice of meat — "Sauce" a composition of ingredients.] Goat milk, cow milk. Goat's milk, cow's milk. Solomon has been a wise man. Solomon was, or must have been a wise man. Hatred at one. Hatred to or against one. I have no fault to him. I find no fault with him. A coach and six horse. A coach and six horses. Last harvest. Last autumn. The neck of the gown. The collar of the gown. I got it for half nothing, I got it very cheap. I have the place in my offer. I have the place in my choice. She took the pox. She was seized with small-- pox. To plenish a house. To furnish a house. Pens. Quills. [Pens are quills when made. Give me a clean plate. Give me a plate. The child roars. The child cries. I reckon it will. I think it will. Roasted cheese. Toasted cheese. I have severaIs. I have several. Sore eyes. Weak eyes. A sore head. A head-ache. Some better, Somewhat better. Scarce of money. Short of money. Stingy. Peevish. Up the stair. Up stairs. The church was throng. The church was crowded. I am very throng. I am very busy. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. I had the cold and the fever. I had a cold and a fever. I weary to stay. I become weary to stay. Butter and bread. Bread and butter. Cheese and bread. Bread and cheese. A bit paper. A bit of paper. A burial. A funeral. Behind the time. Too late. The clock is behind or before. The clock is slow or fast. Gloves not marrows. Gloves not fellows. I got it in a complement. I got it in a present, or as a gift. Close the door. Shut the door. Below your clothes. Under your clothes. I go the day. I go to-day. The milliner's account. The milliner's bill. A drink of beer. A draught of beer. Disconvenient. Inconvenient. In my favours. In my favour. Head or foot of the table. Upper or lower end of the table. I feel a smell. I smell. A servant's fee. A servant's wages. She cast it up to me. She upbraided me with it. What airt is the wind. How is the wind? She is badly, or poorly. She is sickly, or in bad health. A chapman. A hawker. A huckster. A chandler. It hurted me. It hurt me. I am hopeful not. I hope not. Half six o'clock. Half-past five. Five minutes from six. Five minutes to six. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. He was lost in the pond. He was drowned in the pond. Indeed no. No indeed. Indweller — Indwelling Inhabitant — Inhabiting. Ink-holder. Inkhorn. He learned me grammar He taught me grammar. He is still in life. He is still alive. The project misgave. The project failed, or miscarried. Going to my bed, my supper, &c. Going to bed, supper, dinner, &c. Going to his, or your bed, &c. Going to bed, breakfast, &c. I do not mind his appearance. I do not remember his appearance. This is no what I want. This is not what I want. That is not necessar. That is not necessary. Overly. Very, over and above. The water of Ayr. The river Ayr. It wakes a great odds. It makes a great difference. Proven — Improven. Proved — Improved. In place of. Instead of. Pennies — Halfpennies. Pence — Halfpence. A piece bread, cheese, &c. A piece of bread, of cheese. &c. A queer man. A comical or humorous man. He roved in the fever. He raved in the fever. Relevant — Irrelevant. [law.] In point — Not in point. A storm of frost lay on the ground. It was a severe frost. Spice. Pepper. Sweet butter. Fresh butter. Simply impossible. Quite impossible. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. I sustained his excuse. I admitted his excuse. Tell the servant to speak to me. Tell the servant I want to speak to him. For my share, I say, &c. For my part, I say, &c. He will some day repent it. He will one day repent it. A woman's shirt. A shift. But speak ye, or speak to me. But hark ye, or listen to me. Where do you stay? Where do you live, or lodge? Seeking his meat. Begging his bread. He subsists her. He supports, or maintains her. I slipped a foot and fell. My foot slipped, and I fell. Timeous — Timeously. Timely. She thought shame. She was ashamed. A penny the piece. A penny each, or a-piece. Tradesman*. A mechanic. The sugar and the rum. Sugar and rum. A timber leg — a timber bridge. A wooden leg — a wooden bridge. He thinks long for it. He longs for it. To-morrow's morning. To-morrow morning. I turned sick. I grew, or became sick. He goes to the school and the church. He goes to school and church. He speaks through his sleep. He speaks in his sleep. He was in use to do it. He used to do it. He has got his victual in. He has got his corn, or crop in. Paper, pen, and ink. Pens, ink, and paper. * Tradesman in England means a shopkeeper, or one who employs men to work for him. VULGAR SCOTCH. CORRECT ENGLISH. Versant, or versed in Greek. Conversant, or learned in Greek. Unformal. Irregular. I wrote him yesterday. I wrote to him yesterday. Not without I am paid. Not unless I am paid. He is a widow. He is a widower. A wright, or square-wright. A joiner, or cabinet-maker. I know his word. I know his voice. A workman. A labourer, a porter. Whitsunday. Whitsuntide. He never wants enemies. He is never without enemies. An old [unmarried] wife. An old woman. Wrongous. Injurious. I witnessed the accident. I saw the accident. You was there. You were there. A yard. A garden. A vicious frost. A severe frost. The Scots are extremely apt to confound the use of "these" and "those," because, perhaps, the broad Scotch for "those" is "thae," and for "these" is "thir." By recollecting this distinction all mistake of the two words may be easily avoided. I must not forget to mention the common Scots vulgarity of contracting all names beginning with "Mac" or "M';" for instance, Mrs. M'Grigor" is called "Mrs. Mack," and "Mr. Macculloch" is called "Mr Mack," or among his friends, "Mack," without the "Mr." I only know one other instance of a similar vulgarity, which is still more pedantic and affected, and is common both in England, Scotland, and Ireland, among the vulgar-- genteel; I mean that of addressing persons by the initial letter of their name, as Mrs. M. instead of "Mrs. M'Grigor," and Mr. M. instead of "Mr. Macculloch." In polite society this would be an unpardonable insult to the person whose name was so vulgarly mangled. In talking of imaginary personages, as may be seen at pages 50 and 75, this may be allowed; but it must never be used to any person of respectability. The Scots are peculiarly fond of such contractions, as In't for "In it," — Is't? for "Is it?" — He's for "He is," — O't for "Of it," — O'er't for "Over it," — Do't for "Do it." In some districts, as in Fife and the Lothians, this Contracted "t" is sounded "d," as do'd for "do it," — does'd for "does it." All over Scotland this word, "does," is by the vulgar-genteel pronounced doos, instead of "duzz," in the same way as "says" is pronounced broad, as it is spelled, instead of "sezz." Before concluding, I may remark that Scotsman always makes two syllables of the words "pearl, earl, world, girl, marl, whirl &c. erroneously, pronouncing payr-el for "perl," ayr-el for "erl," wo-reld for "world," gir-el for "girl," mar-el for "marl," whir-el for "whirl," and chur-el for " churl." For other Scotch vulgarities I refer the reader to pages 11, 13, 19, 21, 42, 47, 155, 156, &c. PROVINCIAL IRISH VULGARITIES. The Irish accent, or brogue, as it is called, is equally obvious with the Scotch, to an English ear; though there are neither so many peculiarities of pronunciation, nor of the use of words in Ireland as in Scotland. Much difference, however, both of accent and pronunciation prevails in the different provinces of Ireland, according as the inhabitants happen to be chiefly of Celtic or Saxon, of English or Scottish origin. In the South and West, therefore, the language is very different from that in the North and East. I shall first take notice of a peculiarity of Pronunciation, which seems to be of Celtic origin and is chiefly confined to the South, or partially to the Catholic population of other districts; I mean the sounding of "th" like "t," and "t," like "th," wherever an "r' follows or precedes them. It will be most convenient to give these in form of a table. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR IRISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Thrash. Trash. Thrash. Thread. Tred. Thred. Threat. Trent. Thret. Three. Tree. Three. Threepence. Truppence. Threppence. Threshold. Treshold. Thresh-hold.. Threw. True. Throo. Thrice. Trice. Thrise. Thrift. Trift. Thrift. Thrill. Trill. Thrill. Thrive. Trive. Thrive. Throat. Trot. Throte. Throne. Trone. Throne. Through. True. Throo. Throw. Trow. Throe. Thrush. Trush. Thrush. Thorns. Tarns. Thorns. Thirst. Tirst. Thirst. Thirty. Turty. Thurty. Thirdly. Turdly. Thurdly. Thermometer. Termometer. Thermometer. Straw. Sthraw. Straw. Trace. Thrace, Trase. Tract. Thract. Tract. Trade. Thrade. Trade. Trance. Thrance. Trance. Transplant. Thransplant. Transplant. Trash. Thrash. Trash. Trick. Thrick. Trick. Troop. Throop. Troop. True. Thrue. Troo. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR IRISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Trust. Thrust. Trust. Truth. Thruth. Trooth. Troth. Throth. Troth. Try. Thry. Try. The Celtic Irish also sound "t" at the end of a word like "d," and "f" like "v," as wid for "with;" iv for "if;" bud for "but." The next mistake which I shall mention, is common to the whole country, and in the instance of some words is also a Scots provincialism, particularly in Galloway, where the vicinity of the coasts has closely assimilated the language to Irish. I refer this remark to the mistake of pronouncing many words with the long open sound of "a" in "fare," which should be pronounced as long "e" in "me." The words of this kind mistaken by Scotsmen, are enumerated at page 226. As in the preceding example of "th" and "t" those sounds are also for the most part confounded so, that we hear both "a" for "e," and "e" for "a," as in the following table: — WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR IRISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Beastt. Bayst. Beest. Beat. Bayt. Beet. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR IRISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Bleach. Blaych. Bleech. Appear. Appayr. Appeer. Dream. Draym. Dreem. Rear. Rayr. Reer. Eat. Ayt. Eet. Easy. Aysy. Eesy Cream. Craym. Creem. Clean. Clayn. Cleen. Mean. Mayn. Meen. Stream. Straym. Streem. Teach. Taych. Teech. Speak. Spake. Speek. Tea. Tay. Tee. Please. Plase. Pleese. Sea. Say. See. Deceit. Desate. Deseete. Receive. Resave. Reseeve. Sincere. Sinsare. Sinseer. Supreme. Supreme. Supreeme. Stair. Steer. Stare. Great. Greet. Grate. Baby. Beeby. Baby. Swear. Sweer. Sware. Tear. Teer. Tare. Forbear. Forbeer. Forbare. Prey. Pree. Pray. Convey. Convee. Convay. Would. Udd. Wood. Should. Shudd. Shood. Could. Cudd. Cood. Dry. Dthry. Dry. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR IRISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Better. Bether. Better. Strong. Sthrong. Strong. Smatter Smather. Smatter. Utter. Uther. Utter. Cold. Cowld. Cold. Bold. Bowld. Bold. Old. Owld. Old. Drink. Dthrink. Drink. Storm, Staw-rum. Storm. Arm. Aw-rum. Arm. Harm. Haw-rum. Harm. Alarm. Alaw-rum. Alarm. Realm. Rell-um. Relm. Lucky. Locky or Loocky. Lucky. Cushion. Cushion. Cooshion. Put. Putt. Poot. Come. Coom or Come. Cum. Strove. Struv. Strove. Much. Mooch or Moch. Much. Drove. Druv. Drov. Dublin. Dublin or Dooblin. Dublin. Breadth. Brenth. Bredth. It will be unnecessary to extend this table, as it may easily be enlarged by such readers, as may be interested in it by collecting all the words, having the long open sounds of "a" and “e." In the sound of "o" short, Irishmen are no less apt to mistake, giving it very commonly the sound of "a" in "far." For example, we may hear crass for "cross;" acrass for "across," Lard for "Lord " Gad for "God," &c. The following are a few miscellaneous instances, which are very common errors of pronunciation in Ireland. The words "mamma" and "papa" are pronounced even by the middle ranks in Ireland, as of the "a" at the end of the words were a short "e," as in the word "then," or something between this and a short "a," as in the word "than," whereas the terminating "a" in "mamma," and "papa," ought to sound like "a" in "far." To a stranger this Irish sound of "mamma" and "papa" is very offensive. The same offensive Irish sound is given to "a" in "ah," as "ah! now is it?" In some parts of Scotland, this sound of "all!" is as common as in Ireland — in Glasgow for example. There is a peculiar sound of "u" common in Ireland, particularly in the North, as about Belfast, which I have little doubt has been often remarked. It is not easy to explain it, but it consists in sounding an "e" rather slightly before the "u," as de-oo for "due,'' te-oo for "two," tre-oo for "true," gre-oo for "grew," ye-oo for "you." This is very vulgar. The remark which I made relative to the harsh and jarring pronunciation of the letter "r" in Scotland, is equally applicable to Ireland; but I regret to point out a fault, which it is, I fear, impossible in most cases to correct. With respect to grammatical accent, the only word which I can recollect at present as very striking, is the word "character," which ought to have the stress of the voice on the syllable "char," whereas an Irishman almost invariably puts it upon the syllable "ac," as if the word were written char-eckter. The same word I have remarked, is often pronounced with an opposite fault, as if it were written chareter the sound of "ac" being left out. This error, I should think it almost impossible for an Irishman to commit. The most remarkable peculiarity of Anglo-- Irish, I think, is the construction of the sentences, derived I have no doubt from the Celtic, though I am not sufficiently acquainted with it to exemplify or prove the derivation. — The peculiarity which I allude to is that of inverting the order of the English construction, and saying that at first, which an Englishman would say last, as in the example, "The boy, is you mean?" for "Is it the boy you mean?" This inverted order runs through the whole conversational speech of Ireland, and if I had room I should give a table of corrected examples, but I must be contented with this single remark. I may mention, however, that it is the same principle which gives origin to what may be called the paraphrastic phraseology so common in Ireland. For example, "and it is just he sure who is the man that will do it." instead of "he is the man that will do it." No instances, which I can give, will be of much practical utility for avoiding this vulgarity. The reader must, therefore, depend upon his own observations for its correction. Another of the Irish vulgarities of Celtic origin is, that instead of answering a plain question simply by "yes" or "no," part of the question is repeated. For example, if you put the question "does it rain to day?" the answer will be "It does" or "It does not," instead of "yes" or "no." If you ask whether the mail has arrived; the answer will be "It has," or "It has not." The words "yes" and "no," indeed, seem to have no place in the Anglo-- Irish vocabulary. In this respect, the Latin is somewhat similar. It would, perhaps, be wrong to assert that this manner of answering questions is always a breach of the English idiom, but when it is uniformly practised, it must be considered an Irish vulgarity. In asking questions, an Irishman has a great predilection for the word "which," and employs it very often improperly, at least it frequently sounds very awkward, though this may be partly owing to the broad pronunciation, nearly approaching to whuch. It is most out of place when it is used, as it always is by an Irishman, if he do not hear or understand what you say. For example, if you ask indistinctly, what it is o'clock, the Irish cross question, "which?" seems very awkward; if you remark in a low voice, that "Ireland is a fine country," you will probably hear this perpetually recurring "which ?" as a counter-tenor to your bass. The French in similar cases use "how?' [COMMENT?] which seems no less awkward. The vulgar Scotch say, "what's your will?'' and the more vulgar English, "what did you say?" In exclamations, oaths, and bye-words, the vulgar Irish is very copious; but I must refer to the chapters on those several subjects for the few which I have thought it requisite to mention, in accordance with the plan of this work. It is not necessary, I conceive, to point out such obvious vulgarities, as by the law; — by dad; — sure and sure; Och, and indeed now; at all, at all; Arrah; Botheration; Musha; Honey; Jewel; &c., as none of those, who may read this little book, can require to be told that such expressions are as vulgar as that of using the word boys for "bachelors," or a sprig of shellalah, for a "bludgeon," or purtty for "pretty," or once't and twice't, for "once and twice." As another instance of the peculiar use of words, I may mention "entire," "entirely," used for "whole," and "altogether," which in this sense are quite Irish and vulgar. Thus an Irishman will say, "I have bought the entire or the altogether of it," instead of "I have bought the whole of it;" — and "It is impossible entirely," instead of "It is altogether impossible." In consequence of the great number of Irishmen engaged in writing for the daily papers, these expressions are beginning to be used, even in England. The word "invite" for "invitation," is also a vulgar Irish expression; for example "I got an invite to visit her," instead of "I got an invitation to visit her; or "she gave me the invite to come," instead of "she gave me an invitation to come." A vulgar expression very common in Ireland, and extremely offensive to an English ear, is used in inquiring about the character of a person. Thus instead of saying, "what sort of a person is he?" the Irish question is, "what kind is he?" This expression must be carefully avoided, as it is only used by the uneducated. For a few other Irish vulgarities I may refer to pages 12, 17, 39, 42, 60, 65, 75, 76, 77, 94, 95, 96, 98, 102, 155, 174, &c. See also the observations on the use of "shall" and "will," "should" and "would," at page 233, above. PROVINCIAL ENGLISH VULGARITIES. Wales, in one point of view, can scarcely be considered as a part of England; but it will sufficiently answer my purpose to mention a very few instances in which the prevalent Celtic language disqualifies those who have spoken it from infancy, from speaking English correctly. The following are given by Mr. Walker, as peculiarities of Cambro-English: — WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR WELSH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Big. Pick. Big. Blood. Ploot. Bludd. Good. Coot. Good. Virtue. Firtue. Virtue. Vice. Fice. Vice. Zeal. Seal. Zeal. Praise. Prace. Praiz. Azure. Aysher. Azure. Jail. Shail. Jail. In Somersetshire the opposite fault is common of pronouncing many letters hard instead of soft, as vather for "father;" zhure for "sure;" Zomerzetzhire for "Somersetshire;" and "th" is uniformly pronounced hard, as in the word "them," in think, theft, thaw, theatre, &c. In the West of England it is remarkable that they sound the letter "a" short, as in "ran," instead of long, as in "gain," in the words range, strange, change, angel, ancient, &c. which ought to be pronounced "rainge, strainge," &c. In the North of England the chief peculiarity of pronunciation is that of giving the sound of "oo" in "good," to the short sound of "u" in "but;" and it may be remarked that this peculiarity prevails even in words not spelled with "u." The following are a few examples of this foreign-looking pronunciation: — WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR NORTH ENGLISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Dull. Dool. Dull. Hull. Hool. Hull. Bulge. Boolge. Bulge. Bustle. Boostle. Bussle. Bulk. Boolk. Bulk. Trunk. Troonk. Trunk. Sunk. Soonk. Sunk. Tongue. Toong. Tung. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR NORTH ENGLISH SOUND. CORRECT ENGLISH SOUND. Bung. Boong. Bung. Up. Oop. Upp. Shut. Shoot. Shutt. Butter. Booter. Butter. Thus. Thoos. Thuss. Gull. Gool. Gull. The only words which retain this sound of "u" in correct English, such as "put, full, bull," are enumerated at page 12. At page 75, I have mentioned two bye-words, "Nay" and "Indeed," which are very characteristic of the North of England. The low dialect in Lancashire, Yorkshire, and Cumberland, such as thraw for "from," &c. would require more space to illustrate it than I can spare in this brief work. In most parts of England, but more particularly in London, and along the South and East coasts, a very gross vulgarity prevails in the sounding of an "r," at the close of words ending in "a" or "o." As this is one of the most offensive vulgarities, it will be important for the English reader to attend to the following table: — WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Idea Idearr. Ideea. Mamma. Mammarr. Mamma. Papa. Paparr. Papa. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Window. Winderr. Windo. Fellow. Fellerr. Fello. Hollow. Hollerr. Hollo. Eliza. Elizarr. Eliza. Louisa. Louisarr. Loueesa. Maria. Mariarr Maria. Apollo. Apollorr Apollo. Geneva. Genevarr. Geneva. Yellow. Yellerr. Yello. Dinah. Dinarr. Dina. Law. Larr. Law. Awe. Arr. Awe. Jaw. Jarr. Jaw. As most of the errors of this kind have an inverse counterpart, it may be remarked in this case that the natives of London leave out the "r" altogether in many words where it ought to be sounded, though but slightly. We thus hear them say pul for "pearl;" wuld for "world;" ghell, or gul for "girl;" mal for "marl*;" cawt for "cart;" and cawd for "card." Another vulgar English pronunciation, and common in London, is that of sounding "a" long, as in the word "far," instead of "a" short, as in "man," in such words as chawnce "chance;" dawnce for "dance;" pawst for "past;" bawsket for "basket;" awfter for * See page 246 for the Scots pronunciation of such words. after;" awnswer for "answer;" plawnt for "plant;" mawst for "mast;" grawss for "grass;" glawss for "glass;" cawn't or can't for "cannot," &c. In words ending in "st," when another "s" is added, the natives of London, and of the South of England, always sound an "e" before the "s," as postes for "posts;" and not contented with this they sometimes double the "es," as posteses. In the same vulgar way we may hear ghostes, or ghosteses for "ghosts;" fistes, or fisteses for "fists;" mastes, or masteses for "masts." I have also heard persistes for "persists;" hastes for "hast;" wastes for "wast;" wristes for "wrist;" chestes for "chests," &c. Natives of London are supposed to make the greatest mistakes with regard to the sounds of "v" and "w," and in sounding, or not sounding the letter "h" improperly; yet these mistakes are by no means confined to London, but may be met with in every part of England. A person who is in the habit of making such mistakes will talk of a "Wery 'igh vinder," for a "Very high window;" or of a "Hold hoak table," for an "Old oak table;" or of "Pretty blue heyes,'' for "Pretty blue eyes," The best way of conquering this vulgarity, and indeed of most of those which I have pointed out, is to make out a list of the words of which you are apt to mistake the correct use, and repeat them frequently till you are familiar with them all. If you have any friend, from a different part of the country, who will assist you in the task, your labour will be greatly facilitated, and you will be more confident of your correctness. The following tables are only a specimen of a more extensive series which I have drawn up, but cannot introduce here without making this work too expensive for the design intended. I shall probably publish them separately, if they appear to be required by the public. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. What. Wat. Hwot. Wheat. Weet. Hweet. Wheel. Weel. Hweel. When. Wen. Hwen. Where. Ware. Hware. Which. Wich. Hwich. Whig. Wig. Hwig. While. Wile. Hwile. Whip. Wip. Hwhip. Whist. Wist. Hwist. White. Wite. Hwite. Who. Oo. Hoo. Why. Y. Hwy. Harm. Arm. Harm. Had. Ad. Had. Hail. Ail. Hail. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Hair. Air. Hair. Ham. Am. Hans. Hand. And. Hand. Happen. Appen. Happen. Happy. Appy. Happy. Hard—Hardy. Ard—Ardy. Hardy—Hardy. Hark. Ark. Hark. Harp. Arp. Harp. Haste. Aste. Haste. Hat. At. Hat. Head. Ed. Hed. Heart. Art. Hark. Heat. Eat. Heat. Hedge. Edge. Hedge. Hold. Old. Hold. Hive. Ive. Hive. I shall next give a few of those words in which the "h" is sounded in vulgar English where it ought not. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Art Hart. Art. Able. Hable. Able. Ache. Hake. Ake. Air. Hair. Air. Ale, Hale. Ale. All. Hall. All. Arm. Harm. Arm. Eagle. Heegle. Eegle. Ear. Heer. Eer. Easy. Heezy. Easy. Eat. Heet. Eet. Enemy. Henemy. Enemy. Evil. Hevil. Evil. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. I. Hy. I. Ice. Hice. Ice. Idea. Hideear, Ideea. Itch. Hitch. Itch. Ivy. Hyvy. Ivy. Oath. Hoath. Oath, Oats. Hoats. Oats. Office. Hoffice. Office. Often. Hoften. Often. Open. Hopen. Open. Orange. Horange. Orange. Over. Hover. Over. Out. Hout. Out. Oyster. Hoyster. Oyster. The next examples which I shall select, are taken from the words that contain a "v" or a "w" WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Veal. Weel. Veel. Vain. Wain. Vain. Valley. Walley. Valley. Value. Walue. Value. Vary. Wary. Vary. Vast. Wast. Vast. Vegetables. Wegetables. Vegetables. Velvet. Welvet. Velvet. Venus. Weenus. Veenus. Venison. Wenison. Venison. Venture. Wenture. Venture. Vermin. Wermin. Vermin. Verse. Werse. Verse. Victuals. Wittles. Vittles. Vile. Wile. Vile. WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Vision. Wizhun. Vizhun. Visit. Wizit. Vizit. Vulgar. Wulgar. Vulgar. Wage, Vage. Wage. Waiter. Vaiter. Waiter. Walk. Vawk. Wawk. Want. Vant. Want. War. Var. War. Warehouse. Vare-ouse. Warehouse. Wasp. Vasp. Wasp. Watch. Vatch. Watch. Water. Vater. Water. We. Vee. Wee. Well. Vell. Well. Wild. Vild. Wild. Wind. Vind. Wind. With. Vith. With. Woman. Voman. Woman. Work. Vork. Work. World. Vorld. World. Another vulgar pronunciation very common in London, in the South and East of England, as well as among the vulgar-genteel in Scotland and Ireland, is that of sounding the long "u" like "oo," instead of "you." To a correct ear, this sound appears extremely vulgar and offensive; and I shall, therefore, refer to Page 13, and also give a specimen of examples with the proper corrections, premising that I spell the sound in question "ew," which sounds "you." WORDS AS SPELLED. VULGAR SOUND. CORRECT SOUND. Duty. Dooty. Dewty, or dyouty. Produce. Prodooss. Prodewss. Due and Dew. Doo. Dew, or dyou. Kew. Koo. Kew, or kyou. Steward. Stooward. Steward. Lieu. Loo. Lew, or lyou. Luke. Look. Lewk, or lyouk. Lunar. Loonar. Lewnar. Music. Moosic. Mewsic. New. Noo. New, or nyou. Numerous. Noomerous. Newmorous. Puny and Puisne. Poony*. Pewny. Purely. Poorly. Pewrly. Putrid. Pootrid. Pewtrid. Q. [the letter.] Koo. Kew, or kyou. Tewkesbury. Tooksberry. Tewksberry. Tube. Toob. Tewb. Tumult. Toomult. Tewmult. Tutor. Tooter. Tewtor. The vulgar expressions, words, and phrases which prevail in England, and particularly in London, may be compressed into a small space, after the copious illustrations of them which I have given in the preceding pages. I may refer particularly to pages 24, 26, 39, 43, 48, 50, 51, 54, 60, 63, and to the chapters on Bye-words, Comparisons, Proverbs, and Slang. I shall only introduce here a few which I have * This is also a Scots vulgarity. previously omitted. I request the attention of the English reader most particularly to the gross and offensive habit of ending every sentence with the vulgar questions — a'n't it? — don't it? — a'n't I? — &c.* Another vulgarity peculiar to England, is the use of the word "as" instead of "that," which you must also avoid; for example, in the vulgar expression "She wan't here as I knows on," instead of "She was not here that I know of." This word "as," indeed, should. never be employed before "I," except in the meaning of "when." For example, it is correct to say "As I was going to town I met Mrs. B.'' which means "WHEN I was going to town," but it would be wrong to say "She was not at church as I knows of;" because in this expression, "as" does not mean "when;" and the expression should, in correct speaking, have been "She was not at church that I know of." A vulgarity not quite so gross as this, but very unmeaning, may be exemplified in the expression "What with one thing and what with another, I entirely forgot." This is extremely common, but when it is thus put down on Paper and examined, it appears both awk* See pages 50, 51, and 63. ward and ungrammatical. It is varied too in many different forms, as "What with the Exchange business, and what with attending at Westminster, I had no leisure." As this is contrary to every rule of grammar, the next vulgarity which I shall mention is contrary to common sense: for instance, "It was bad to a degree," "He succeeded to a degree;" in both of which cases the question "To what degree?" is naturally suggested, but to this the vulgar speaker makes no answer. A vulgar English bye-word, which I omitted in the proper chapter, is "It is no use," or "There's no use;" and though the expression is intrinsically unobjectionable, yet as it is a very great favourite with the lowest people, it ought not to be introduced into polite or elegant conversation. As it is vulgarly employed, we frequently hear it very much out of place, for it is most commonly repeated in a mechanical manner, without a thought being passed upon its meaning. "Come now," is another bye-word that has little meaning, as "Come now, that is good." Where, it may be asked, is the person to come? The word "name" is vulgarly used in England for "mention," or "tell," in a form that grates on the ear of a grammarian. For example, "I named the circumstance to him," instead of "I mentioned the circumstance to him;" "I shall name it to them," for "I shall mention it to them;" "He would have named it if it had been so," for "He would have told it if it had been so." This meaning of the word "name" is very incorrect; it is to be found in no dictionary — not even in Grose's. The use of the word on for "of," in a very great number of instances, which I can only point out to you by examples, is another vulgarity peculiar to England. From these it will not be difficult to discover the error in most of the circumstances in which it occurs. You may hear persons, for example, say "Five was the number on 'em," instead of "Five was the number of them;" or "Peach is the name on it," for "Peach is the name of it;" or "I can't say nothing on't," for "I can say nothing of it." I have remarked that in the dramas founded on the Waverley Novels, this on't is given for the Scots o't, but very erroneously. Still more vulgar than either of these, is a certain use of the words "there" and "here," along with "that" and "this;" as when it is said "That there house," instead of "That house;" or "This here book," instead of "This book." You may, however, without impropriety say "This book here," or "That house there;" but never "This here," nor "That there." The word lot, or lots, for "number," or "quantity," is an English slang term, and a mark of vulgarity in speaking, which you ought to avoid. The expressions "lots of things," or "a great lot of things," are of this kind, and you should say "a number of things," or "a great number of things." It will not, however, by many be remarked as very vulgar, though you say "a quantity of people," or "a quantity of birds;" but I may tell you that it is incorrect, and you ought to say "a number of people," and "a number of birds." It is one of the most common offences against grammar and good English, both in England, and among the vulgar-genteel in Scotland and Ireland, to use the words lay for "lie," lays for "lies," laying "for lying," and laid for "lay" or "lain;" as in the examples, "The book lays on the table," for "The book lies on the table;" "The oranges are laying on the mantel-shelf," for "The oranges are lying on the mantel-piece;" He laid in bed too long," for "He lay in bed too long;" "It has laid there since yesterday, for "It has lain there since yesterday;" "They lay at this moment on the table," for "They lie at this moment on the table." It is correct to say "Lay it down;" "He lays these up for use;" and "I laid it there myself." The irregular use of these words has been lately gaining ground, and may become established, but till this happen, it is vulgar to employ them in this ungrammatical manner. The word "since," is frequently used in England for "ago," as in the expression "A long time since," for "A long time ago;" " It happened a year since," for "It happened a year ago." The expressions "The both," and "They both," are also vulgar English, as "The both ends," for "Both the ends;" "I have the both," for "I have both;" "It was they both who did it," for "It was both of them who did it." Among the lowest ranks in the Southern Counties of England the word "nation" is vulgarly used for "very," as "It is nation good," for "It is very good." In the same way the word "pure," was fashionable in the reign of Queen Anne, as "Pure good;" "It is pure beautiful." Sometimes we hear "Main bad," for "very bad." To express a smaller degree of good or bad, we may often hear the vulgar expressions "A pretty goodish number," and "He is in a baddish way." The ungrammatical vulgarity mentioned at page 207 above, is very common in England, under the form of "I do not intend to go, no more don't he," instead of "I do not intend to go, neither does he;" and similar expressions beginning with "no more." Another vulgar English word is "after," sometimes "a'ter," instead of "for," as "He came after the goods," instead of "He came for the goods;" "The maid came after the situation," instead of "The maid came about, or for the situation." THE END. C. Smith, Printer, Angel Court, Strand.