Document 1417
A Sair Fecht
Author(s): Alex Smith
Copyright holder(s): Alex Smith
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WEATHER DIARY 1997
(Temp: Celsius Rainfall: Inches)
JANUARY
Wednesday 1st, Temp 1/3
Grand tae see a fine day for the New Year,
Bit sna dings on later I div fear.
Thursday 2nd, Temp - 2/1
Gless awa doon past the zero mark,
Then sna starts tae fa efter it's dark.
Friday 3rd, Temp. -2/-2
Frost sticks in the hale day lang
Richt fae mornin fin the day began.
Saturday 4th, Temp. -1/2
Fresh or frost? You widnae ken ata,
Taewards nicht wither begins tae thaw.
Sunday 5th, Temp. -1/1
Affa cauld as it blaws throo rain,
Fine tae hae roads wi nae ice again.
Monday 6th, Temp 0/1 (Rainfall 10/16)
Frosty day, en licht shoors o rain,
Aye taewards nicht it's frosty again.
Tuesday 7th, Temp1/1
Is it frosty? weel mebbe ney
Sin comes oot for a fine day
Wednesday 8th, Temp-3/1
Gless awa doon past minus three,
Hale day lang it feeis affa frosty.
Thursday 9th, Temp 0/0
In the mornin it dings on sna,
On comes the rain, melts sna awa
Friday 10th, Temp 0/1
Dull is the day it's jist aboot dry,
Tae sna or rain wither dis try..
Saturday 11th, Temp 1/3 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull affa quait an damp as weel,
on comes the rain, ices fate it dis seal.
Sunday 12th, Temp 3/9 (Rainfall 3/16)
Sae affa mild, richt bonny sinny day,
winter, na mair like Spring I wid say.
Monday 13th, Temp. 8/9
Day turns oot affa sinny an dry
Nae any cloods jist a blue sky.
Tuesday 14th, Temp. 3/9
Affa weak is the sin in o the sky,
Fine tae see wither sae bonny an dry.
Wednesday 15th, Temp. 3/6
Day sae fine an affa mild,
Nae sign o winter bein wild
Thursday 16th, Temp. 2/3
Dul an foggy an it's damn cauld,
Clears up, bit still gang twa fauld.
Friday 17th, Temp. 2/3
Dry bit a Sooth win foo o win chill,
Noo oor beens wi cauld win dis fill.
Saturday 18th, Temp. 0/5
Fyte frost in the mornin fin we div rise,
Dry an quait, noo at's nae ony surprise,
In the efterneen er's a gey big change,
Rain poors doon in the affa heavy range.
Sunday 19th, Temp. 3/5 (Rainfall 6/16)
Dry mornin affa cauld an gey bare,
Eence mair wither disnae bide fair.
Monday 20th, Temp. 0/3 (Rainfall 2/16)
Aye ere's a frosty nip in o the air,
Hale day lang affa fine an fair.
Tuesday 21st, Temp. -2/1
Gless awa doon past minus twa,
Frost in the mornin fyte like sna,
Sin is weak, day fine an dry,
Frost sticks in as the day wears bye.
Wednesday 22nd, Temp. 4/ -2
Grun is hard an fyte like sna,
Frost sticks in, nae bad ava.
Thursday 23rd Temp. -3/5
Frost dis loup oot throo the nicht,
Day bides dry throo tae nicht,
Gless is awa up a degree or twa,
Roads hiv nae ice or ony sna
Friday 24th, Temp. 0/5
Sooth win dis blaw blustery an cauld,
Wrap up weel gang aboot twa fauld.
Saturday 25th Temp. -1/5
Fyte frost in the mornin jist eence mair,
Braw sinny day bit a wee bittie bare.
Sunday 26th Temp. -1/5
Ere's a wee touch o frost in the air,
It's a gran day richt fine eence mair.
Monday 27th Temp. 1/5
Beyond belief, day is fine an mild,
Nae sign o winter being ower wild,
Sin is weak bit affa fine tae see,
Fowk wak aboot sae happy an free.
Tuesday 28th, Temp. 2/6
Still sae affa quait an mild as weel,
Fit's roon the corner? oorsels we steel.
Wednesday 29th, Temp. 3/6
Gran day, aye affa bonny an fair,
Taewards nicht er's a dampness in the air.
Thursday 30th, Temp. 1/6
Eence mair the day is a cracker,
It's nae simmer canna be hey maker.
Friday 31st, Temp. 3/6
The day wi a dampness in o the air,
Hale day rang affa fine an fair.,
Watch wi awe at the mannie on T.V.
Driest January since 1797 says he.
FEBRUARY
Saturday 1st, Temp. 0/2
Ere's a damp sort feel in o' the air,
It's affa cauld bit it dis bide fair.
Sunday 2nd, Temp. 0/3
Candlemas
If Candlemas day be fine an fair,
Half the winter is tae come an mair,
If Candlemas day is weet an fule,
Half the winter is past at Yule.
Sunday 2nd, Temp. 0/3
Fae the Sooth a richt frosty win
Fine day bit weak is the sin.
Monday 3rd, Temp. 2/2
Strong frosty win intae us dis blaw,
Richt sharp day, forecast wid be sna
Tuesday 4 Temp. 1/6
Day turns oot mild, warm, an braw,
Winter simply his nae ony grip ata,
I see a sicht sae pleasing tae me,
A wee fyte snowdrop, it's gey hardy.
Wednesday 5th Temp. -2/4
Grun fer fyte wi frost jist like sna,
Gran day, later on wither dis thaw.
Thursday 6th Temp. 0/6
Still fine wither bit mair than cauld,
Blustery win, gang aboot twa fauld.
Friday 7th Temp. 0/9
Ere's a frosty nip in o the air,
Hale day lang cauld bit fair,
Win wi cauld oor beens dis fill,
TV mannie says it's cawed win chill.
Saturday 8th, Temp. 0/6
Frosty Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Richt fine day, crisp, bonny an braw.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 4/6
Strong Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Win maks the day feel affa affa raw.
Monday 10th, Temp. 3/5
Win veered roon intae the Sooth Wast,
Feels sae cauld jist like a icy blast.
Tuesday 11th, Temp. 0/3
Wis affa wild oot throo the nicht,
Sleet an sna nae a gweed sicht
It's frosty wi sna fin we div rise,
Day comes oot fine, gran surprise.
Wednesday 12th, Temp -1/3 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo here's a tum up for the book,
Rains a'a day, weet in cranny an neuk.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 12/16)
Affa coorse wither I hear fowk cry,
Hale day rain poors fae the sky.
Friday 14th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 7*/16)
Mornin is cauld wi shoors affa weet,
Fair in the efterneen, athing dis dreep.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Richt fine an crisp at is the mornin,
Bit wither forecast is a severe warnin,
Day turns oot sae bonny an fine,
Vergin on a day in the simmer time.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 6/6 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fae the Sooth gale force is the win,
Odd blustery shoor, jist bear an grin.
Monday 17th, Temp. 6/6
Echty mile the oor, Sooth win dis blaw,
Maist miserable day at you ivver sa,
Win chill cuts throo tae the been,
Noo o is day i'm neen ower keen.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 5/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dry wi nae win fin we div rise,
Day comes oot gran at's a surprise.
Wednesday 19th, Temp. 5/5
Win gale force says the wifie on TV,
Aye she wis richt as richt as cood be.
Thursday 20th, Temp. 1/7 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rise in the mornin tae a puckle sna,
Spleetry shoors, nae a bad day ava.
Friday 21st, Temp. 0/7 (Rainfall 5/16)
Ere's frost in the mornin followed be sna.
Bare win melts the sna in nae time ata.
En oot comes the sin afore the day is ower,
In ae day we hiv aboot seasons fower.
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/10
You can feel the warmth in o the air,
Win dis rise bit it dis bide fair.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 6/6
Day feels bare an affa affa cauld,
Stormy Sooth win gang aboot twa fauld.
Monday 24th, Temp 2/6
Sooth win gale force hale day dis blaw,
Fine dry day, my forecast is sna.
Tuesday 25th, Temp 2/5
Fine an quait, gran mornin tae be,
Grun dries up for us tae see.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 0/5
A wee touch o frost at's fit we feel,
Nip in o the air oor beens div jeel.
Thursday 27th, Temp 0/6
Frost in the mornin en the day dis change,
Rain taewards nicht in the affa heavy range,
Friday 28th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day starts awa affa dry an fair,
En win dis rise, intae us it dis tear,
See the grun begin tae dry,
Tae brak in noo fermer micht try.
MARCH
Saturday 1st, Temp 1/4
Sooth win like a lion dis blaw.
Win strengthens as the day wears awa.
Sunday 2nd, Temp 3/6
Win noo his turned intae gale force,
Hope afore lang wither changes course.
Monday 3rd, Temp 0/4
Fin I waken up, I canna bit grin,
Affa bonny day ere's nae ony win.
Tuesday 4th, Temp. -1/8
Dry day, Spring in oor minds uppermost,
Strong win later on, for words I'm lost.
Wednesday 5th, Temp. 2/5
Bitterly cauld mornin fin we div rise
En the win dis rise at's nae a surprise,
Wid you believe it dis start tae sna,
Aye bit at least the win disnae blaw.
Thursday 6th, Temp. 2/4
Ere's ferrly a frosty nip in o the air,
En Sooth win, gale force on us gey sair.
Friday 7th, Temp. 2/4
Fine mornin wi a richt frosty feel,
Poors o rain this tae me his nae appeal.
Saturday 8th, Temp. -1/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Aye ere's a fer nip in o the air,
Richt bonny day sae fine an fair.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 1/8
Is day turns oot tae be a bummer,
It's nae like spring mair like simmer,
Fermer gangs aboot wi a furrowed broo,
For the grun dries up, turnin tae stue.
Monday 10th, Temp. 3/6
Richt fine day an affa mild as weel,
Tae me days like this ferrly appeal.
Tuesday 11th, Temp. 3/10
Glorious, glorious, bonny sinny day,
Some mair days like this I div say.
Wednesday 12th, Temp. 4/11
Nae sae bricht as it wis yestrday
Heat in o the air bit a bittie grey,
Fermer hisnae time tae stop jist noo,
Brakin in, ere's sweat on his broo.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 4/11
Eence mair a day at's fine an dry,
En taewards nicht tae rain it dis try.
Friday 14th, Temp. 5/11
Affa fine is the day jist eence mair,
Tries tae rain bit wither dis bide fair.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 3/10
Wither this day tae me is affa strange.
Rain for the day in the affa heavy range.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 17/16)
Mornin tums oot affa fule an weet.
Day turns oot a richt fule breet,
En later on, rain gangs gey near aff,
Bit tae say it's fair wid be a laugh.
Monday 17th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 3/16)
Thick weet mist for the hale day lang,
Nae ony daylicht fae the day began.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 5/12
Gran day, feel the heat in o the air,
Sin for the day noo at's affa rare.
Wednesday 19th, Temp. 3/9
Fine mornin aye at least wither is dry,
In the efterneen tae rain it dis try.
Thursday 20th, Temp. 2/6
Strong North win hale day dis blaw,
Cauld eneuch I wid say for some sna,
Hale day lang is affa fine an dry,
Jist noo an again tae rain it dis try.
Friday 21st, Temp. 0/8
Waken in the mornin sin shinin bricht,
Dulls doon, freezin cauld come nicht .
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/8
Gran day sae bonny an bricht,
Bides like that throo tae nicht.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dull an weet is the momin tae be,
En oot pops the sin sae fine tae see.
Monday 24th, Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Noo this day I'm neen ower fond,
Water awye like a muckle pond,
Still feel the warmth in o the air,
En come nicht it's fine an fair.
Tuesday 25th, Temp. 1/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day tae start wi is affa fule an weet,
Sin in the efterneen wi a wee bit heat.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 5/15
Win is gey strong oot o the Wast.
Be mid day a richt cauld icy blast.
Gale force win hale day dis blaw,
My forecast I doot wid be sna.
Thursday 27th, Temp. 3/8
Still fae the Wast strong win dis blaw,
Richt damned cauld, spleetry shoor or twa.
Friday 28th, Temp 3/6
In he mornin a spleetry shoor or twa,
Hale day lang Wast win dis blaw
Saturday 29th, Temp. 3/7
Aye here's a day sae bonny an dry,
Win dis rise as the day wears bye.
Sunday 30th, Temp. 4/9
A mornin sae bonny an bricht.
Bides like that throo tae nicht.
Monday 31st, Temp. 6/15
Last day o March is bonny an clear,
En the win dis rise again i div fear
Watch the furrow on the fermers broo,
March his been a lion throo an throo.
APRIL
Tuesday 1st, Temp. 3/12 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day richt fine wi a fer pir o win,
Gran day bit er's nae much sin.
Wednesay 2nd, Temp. 5/12
Day is fine wi a pir o win eence mair,
Hale day the win dis blaw, on us gey sair.
Thursday 3rd, Temp. 1/12 (Rainfall 2/16)
Flurries o sna, an hailsteens as weel,
Hale day lang oor beens div cheel.
Friday 4th, Temp. 0/4 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rise in the mornin grun covered in sna,
Bit the day turns oot sae bricht an braw.
Saturday 5th, Temp. 1/10 (Rainfall 9/16)
In the mornin it is jist aboot dry,
En rain fer poors oot o the sky,
Taewards night aff gangs the rain,
It's a richt fine nicht eence again.
Sunday 6th, Temp. 1/3
Ere's a fer bit o frost in o the win,
Cauld the hale day wi a touch o sin.
Monday 7th, Temp. 3/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Affa quait an gey dull as weel,
Warmth in the air that I can feel.
Tuesday 8th, Temp. 5/15
Richt fine warm day sae bonny an dry,
Be the looks o things Springs on it's wye.
Wednesday 9th, Temp. 5/18
Here's a day sae gran wi plenty o sin,
Bit ere's a affa cauld bare win,
As the plooed grun begins tae dry,
Tae pit in crap the fermer dis try.
Thursday 10th, Temp. 5/12
Mair than a blustery win oot o the Wast,
Hale day lang we feel the cauld blast.
Friday 11th, Temp. 5/11
Fae the North roch raw win dis blaw,
Affa bare win fin sin nae in sicht.
Saturday 12th, Temp. 2/9
Day starts awa sae fine an mild,
Win dis rise bit neen ower wild,
Sunday 13th, Temp. 4/10
Tae rain the hale day it dis try
Wither for this day jist aboot dry
Monday 14th, Temp. 3/12
Day turns oot richt fine an dry,
Bare North win oor patience dis try.
Tuesday 15th, Temp. 2/11
Braw day sinny, richt fine an fair,
Ere's a wee pir o win, it's gey bare.
Wednesday 16th, Temp. 3/12
Wither is affa dull an affa grey,
Wi a cauld pir o win for the day.
Thursday 17th, Temp. 5/10
Affa dull an close, aye an heavy tee,
My forecast? Rain noo it maun be.
Friday 18th, Temp. 5/10
Hale day lang damp wi a mist sae weet,
Blaws throo a win, abody cood greet.
Saturday 19th Temp. 2/7
Day turns sae cauld an affa bare,
North East win intae us dis tare.
Sunday 20th, Temp. 1/12
Richt fine day wi some sin as weel,
Spring is in the air at's fit I feel,
See the Daffies bricht yella an braw,
Ere's been nae gales tae blaw them awa.
Monday 21st, Temp. 2/11 (Rainfall 2/16)
Strong North Wast win hale day dis blaw,
Blawin intae us a hailsteen shoor or twa.
Tuesday 22nd, Temp. 3/9
Mormond hill is covered in sna,
Comes oot fine, North win dis blaw.
Wednesday 23rd, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 3/16)
Rain in the mornin fin we div rise,
Poors tae late efterneen at's a surprise,
Taewards nicht comes oot fine an bricht,
Wi a cauld win wrap oorsel's up ticht.
Thursday 24th, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 21/16)
Fae the North Wast a damned cauld blast,
Lichtsome shoor, jacket you canna cast.
Friday 25th, Temp. 2/8
Cauld is the day wi a win sae bare,
Ere's a lichtsome shoor bit maistly fair.
Saturday 26th, Temp. 2/7
Strong Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Sae fine an dry bit a wee bittie raw.
Sunday 27th, Temp. 5/7
Sooth win still affa bare an raw,
Bides dry wi a touch o sin sae braw,
See the parks sae bonny an green,
Ere's nae a better sicht that I hiv seen,
Monday 28th, Temp. 6/10
On comes the rain jist for a change.
In the foreneen it's in the heavy range.
Later in the day richt fine an het,
Is this the Spring for fit we wait?
Tuesday 29th, Temp. (Rainfall 2/16)
We div feel the warmth in o the air.
Bit come nicht a April shoor eence mair.
Wednesay 30th, Temp. 6/19
It's a richt fine day wi plenty o sin,
Fer bit o heat an nae ony win,
Een o the first sichts I hiv seen.
Is the yalla flooer upon the breem.
MAY
Thursday 1st, Temp. 9/21
Ferrly warm an affa het witoot a doot,
Fit's yon sayin aboot a winter cloot?
Friday 2nd, Temp. 9/21
We ferrly feel the warmth in o the air.
Hale day lang sae fresh an fair.
Saturday 3rd, Temp. 6/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Rain in the mornin. affa fule an weet,
Sin in the efterneen wi a fer bit heat.
Sunday 4th, Temp. 6/8 (Rainfall 7/16)
Withoot a doot the note is gey soor.
Hale day lang the rain dis poor.
Strong win oot o the North East,
Aye for me the day is jist a beast.
Monday 5th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 12/16)
Maistly dry, cauld North win dis blaw,
Ere's a sleety shoor so winters nae awa.
Tuesday 6th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 5/16)
For the day North win dis blaw,
Ere's shoors o hail, sleet an en sna.
Wednesday 7th, Temp. 0/10 (Rainfall 5/16)
The wither the day I canna fathom oot ata
Shoors o rain, sleet, en it dings on sna.
Thursday 8th, Temp. 0/8 (Rainfall 8/16)
Richt fae the start the sin dis shine,
Bit step o the sin noo at's nae fine.
Friday 9th, Temp. 2/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day starts awa sae bonny an bricht,
Dry an het, wither changes taewards nicht,
En aa at eence the rain dis poor,
Aye an for me the note is gey soor.
Saturday 10th Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 1/16)
Noo at last a day that dis bide dry,
Warmth in the air, nae cloods in the sky.
Sunday 11th, Temp. 4/9 (Rainfall 5/16)
Damp is the mornin bit turns fine an dry,
Trees bonny an green Simmer is on the wye,
Monday 12th, Temp. 3/10
Fine mornin bit ere's a spit in the air,
Oot comes the sin bides bonny an fair,
See the daffys fer doon trooden,
Grun sae wet flooers lie fer sodden.
Tuesday 13th, Temp. 4/12
Dry day bit Sooth win on us gey sair,
Back tae winter claes, win affa bare.
Wednesday 14th, Temp. 6/20
Braw day sae affa warm an het,
Aye a better day you coodnae get,
See lambs div rin aboot an play,
Enjoying a richt fine sinny day.
Thursday 15th, Temp. 7/17
Gran day warm an affa sinny as weel,
Noo aa at eence at ease i div feel.
Friday 16th, Temp. 6/19
Richt fine day aye throo tae nicht
Sin comes oot shines sae bricht
Saturday 17th, Temp. 7/18
Ere's a lichtsome shoor och nae much ata,
Sin dis come oot an shines sae braw .
Sunday 18th, Temp. 8/15 (Rainfall 13/16)
Ere wis a affa storm oot throo the nicht,
Wi thunner plumps an lichtnin sae bricht .
Day comes oot sae affa sinny an het,
Och a better day you cood nae get.
Monday 19th, Temp. 6/12 (Rainfall 14/16)
Rain aye rain an mair rain still,
Fan wull it gang aff? If ivver it will.
Tuesday 20th, Temp. 6/12 (Rainfall 5/16)
Athing jist hinging fer soakin weet,
Rains aa day cood mak abody greet.
Wednesday 21st, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 4/16)
At lang last a day that bides dry,
Tae peep throo the sin dis try.
Thursday 22nd, Temp. 2/10
Richt fine day wi plenty sin as weel,
Pir o win an chilpy we div feel.
Friday 23rd, Temp. 2/15
Noo days like this you canna beat,
Cauld pir o win keeps doon the heat.
Saturday 24th, Temp. 3/18
Aye this day is sae gran an braw,
Plenty o sin nae cloods in the sky ava.
Sunday 25th, Temp. 5/17
Fine an het an affa sinny as weel,
Simmer time is here at's foo I feel,
En taewards nicht the note is soor,
For fae the sky the rain dis poor.
Monday 26th, Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 7/16)
Ere' been a affa rain oot throo the nicht,
As the day wears on turns bonny an bricht.
Tuesday 27th, Temp. 5/10
Mornin starts awa gey dull an grey,
Sin en comes oot, fine day I say.
Wednesday 28th, Temp. 3/17
I div look oot in great dismay,
Dull an affa grey that is the day,
Aa o a sudden the sin comes oot,
A richt braw day withoot a doot.
Thursday 29th, Temp. 8/22
Affa sultry, an gey heavy as weel,
Fine day bit fer wabbit I div feel.
Friday 30th, Temp. 8/19
We waken up, athing closed in wi haar,
Turns oot the best day eres been be far.
Saturday 31st, Temp. 5/22
Closed in be haar jist eence again,
Feels a bit cooler, haar dis remain.
JUNE
Sunday 1st, Temp. 8/19
First o June a richt bonny day,
Beginin o Simmer I wid say.
Monday 2nd, Temp. 7/15
Wither on it's heid his been turned roon,
Cauld an raw affa chilly for June.
Tuesday 3rd, Temp. 8/21
Ere's a East win that feels a bittie cauld,
Simmer claes on gang aboot twa fauld.
Wednesday 4th, Temp. 5/19
Rise tae see the sin jist roastin het,
Bare win taewards nicht, best day yet,
Yalla is the breem, trees bonny an green,
Country fer flush better sicht canna be seen.
Thursday 5 Temp. 6/20
Plenty o sin it's affa het as weel,
Wi a pir o win cooler it dis feel.
Friday 6th, Temp. 8/20 (Rainfall 6/16)
Hale foreneen it dis poor o rain,
En taewards nicht day clears up again,
Saturday 7th Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull an grey, noo rain I div forecast,
Keep my e'e on the sky, gey dooncast,
En oot comes the sin bonny an braw,
Fine an warm, the best day I ivver sa.
Sunday 8th, Temp. 10/20
Blustery win sae saft aye an het,
Better simmer day you coodnae get.
Monday 9th, Temp. 12/20
Anither day sae affa warm an fine,
Cood I say this maun be Simmer time.
Tuesday 10th, Temp. 10/19
Eence mair the wither is bonny an braw,
Een o the best days that I ivver sa
Wednesday 11th, Temp. 10/20
Sinny warm day en the wither turns cool,
Turns tae rain an forms mony a pool
Countyside dis look like a quilt.
Fermer maks silage, gangs full pelt.
Thursday 12th, Temp. 9/12 (Rainfall 14/16)
Fermer makin silage stops takin in the crap.
Rain in the heavy range, mair an ae drap.
Friday 13th, Temp. 9/12 (Rainfall 9/16)
Day starts awa affa sinny warm as weel,
Wither dis change, cood rain I feel
Saturday 14th, Temp. 5/11 (Rainfall 2/16)
Bitterly cauld wi spit in o the air,
Tries tae rain bit day dis bide fair.
Sunday 15th, Temp. 5/18
Sin dis shine fae mornin throo tae nicht,
Gran is the day. nae a clood in sicht.
Monday 16th, Temp. 10/19
Watch the cloods move steadily bye,
Het sultry day tae bide cool I div try.
Tuesday 17th, Temp. 8/19
Here's a day it's jist a cracker.
Fermer noo turns intae a hey maker.
Wednesday 18th, Temp. 8/20
Pir o win maks the air hae yon cool feel,
Bides dry hale day, cloods tae me appeal.
Thursday 19th, Temp. 9/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Ere's been a fer suppie rain throo the nicht,
Bit the sin comes sae bonny an bricht.
Friday 20th, Temp. 12/14 (Rainfall 2/16)
Hale foreneen it dis poor o rain,
Dull an close, against the grain.
Saturday 21st, Temp. 9/14 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rain in the mornin, en aff, en rain again
Richt fine atween the shoors noo an en.
Sunday 22th, Temp. 9/11 (Rainfall 5/16)
Rise in the mornin the stories the same,
Hale day lang it poors o rain,
Countryside flush, athing soakin weet,
Only ae thing tae say, the days a breet.
Monday 23 Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo o is day I'll aye remember,
Dull an driech mair like November.
Tuesday 24th, Temp. 6/12
Affa sultry an gey heavy an grey,
Midges affa coorse are haein a say.
Wednesday 25th, Temp. 6/14
Looks like rain, tae bide dry it dis decide,
Ere's jist a wee pir win midgies div hide.
Thursday 26th, Temp. 6/15
Maistly dry wi a lichtsome shoor or twa,
Tries sair tae rain bit bides affa raw.
Friday 27th, Temp. 6/14
Tarin North win hale day dis blaw,
Thochts div say cauld eneuch for sna,
Fowk div pit on some winter cloot,
Dry day, damned cauld withoot a doot.
Saturday 28th, Temp. 11/11 (Rainfall 6/16)
Dull, damp, windy, says mannie on the T V,
Tae change his tune tae Winter, richt he wid be.
Sunday 29th, Temp. 7/15
Fine an dry it's a richt fine change,
Sin comes oot in the affa warm range.
Monday 30th, Temp.
Fine an dry bit cauld an bare,
For maist o the day it dis bide fair.
JULY
Tuesday 1st, Temp. 7/12 (Rainfall 24/16)
Gale force win the hale nicht did blaw,
Aye an it rains the hale bloomin day ana.
Wednesday 2nd,
Temp. 10/16 (Rainfall 10/16)
Rise in the mornin it's jist aboot dry,
Sin comes oot tae a bonny blue sky,
Countryside is fer soakin weet,
Craps fer flat ey div begin tae dreep.
Thursday 3rd, Temp. 9/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
Look oot in the mornin in great dispair
Wid you believe it's rainin jist eence mair
Hale day lang it's affa fule an weet,
Canna deny it the day is jist a breet
Friday 4th, Temp. 9/16 (Rainfall 3/16)
Affa het ,dry, aye sultry as weel,
Fer wabbit like a weet cloot I feel.
Saturday 5th, Temp. 8/16
This day I find hard tae discribe,
Warm an sultry inside I canna bide,
Noo an again a licht shoor or twa,
Wither the day I divna like ata.
Sunday 6th, Temp. 12/22 (Rainfall 1/16)
Here's a day at's het an braw,
Spiled be a thunner plump or twa.
Monday 7th, Temp. 11/25 (Rainfall 1/16)
Drizzle in the mornin noo an again,
Sultry, midges bitin, against the grain.
Tuesday 8th, Temp. 12/26
Sin in the mornin richt fae the word go,
Wid this be Simmer? I div hope so.
Wednesday 9th, Temp. 11/22
Closed in wi haar bit dry eence again,
Monsoon season wis mair than a pain,
Be efterneen ere's sin in a'a it's glory,
Mair an a bittie het at's the story.
Thursday 10th, Temp. 11/28
Haar hings aboot affa swear tae shift,
En het is the sin an cooler at nicht,
Be Winnyheids er's something new,
Bonny is the heather wi it's purple hue,
Friday 11th, Temp. 10/18.
Dry an sinny wi a Sooth win as weel
Win bides for the day an cool we feel,
Saturday 12th, Temp. 10/18
Haar is affa swear tae gang awa,
En oot comes the sin an shines sae braw.
Sunday 13th, Temp. 10/20
Wid it rain or wid it nae?
Pir o win en did hae it's say,
Fan the win drappit richt doon,
Rain of coorse comes tumlin doon.
Monday 14th, Temp. 10/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull an grey, midges on the spree,
Sin comes oot a better day it coodnae be.
Tuesday 15th, Temp. 9/20
Day keeps cool pir o win dis blaw,
Taewards nicht a licht shoor or twa.
Wednesday 16th
Temp. 12/23 (Rainfall 3/16)
Maistly dry, bit jist noo an again,
Thunner plumps o affa heavy rain.
Thursday 17th, Temp. 12/18 (Rainfall 3/16)
Great day bit affa sultry an het,
Pray for a breeze, that we dinna get,
Noo an again a midge or twa,.
Jist canna be deen wi em ata.
Friday 18th, Temp. 11/17
Day turns oot tae be a richt cracker
Fermer in a hurry turns hey maker.
Saturday 19th, Temp. 9/24
Eence mair the day turns oot affa het,
Aye tae get inside. I jist coodnae wait.
Sunday 20th, Temp. 9/20
Weet an fule is the mornin mist,
Wi sin in efterneen we are blessed.
Monday 21st, Temp. 9/26
Plenty o sin noo at's the story,
Sin bides oot in a'a it's glory.
Tuesday 22nd, Temp. 10/25
Fine breeze maks the day feel cool,
Sweat rins aft o me intae a pool.
Wednesday 23rd, Temp. 12/24
Sultry affa balmy nae a breath o win,
En ere's rain, En oot comes the sin.
Thursday 24th, Temp. 12/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Lichtsome rain for the hale foreneen,
Still affa het, gang aboot fer deen,
Cauld air maks a body feel free,
Sultry at nicht, midges on a spree.
Friday 25th, Temp. 12/20 (Rainfall 1/16)
Affa het day jist aboot bides fair,
Mair than eence ere's a spit in o the air.
Saturday 26th, Temp. 11/22
Jist blisterin het aye eence again,
Taewards nicht a shoor o rain,
Countryside looks bonny jist noo,
Drap o rain wull kill the stue.
Sunday 27th, Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 5/16)
Heavy day an breath ere's neen,
Thunner plumps come late efterneen.
Monday 28th, Temp. 12/23 (Rainfall 1/16)
Dry warm mornin wi a spit or twa,
Be mid day disnae look gweed ata,
Wid you believe oot comes the sin,
Fowk div feel richt gweed within.
Tuesday 29th, Temp. 11/23
Heavy an sultry en pir o win dis rise,
Rain come nicht, och at's nae surprise.
Wednesday 30th,
Temp. 10/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo the wither canna mak up its mind,
Sin dis come oot tae us it's kind.
Thursday 31st, Temp. 11/23 (Rainfall 1/16)
Rain or fair it's atween the twa,
Sin cornes oot sae fine an braw.
AUGUST
Friday 1st, Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Lichtsome rain bit affa het as weel,
Poorin o sweat, wabbit I div feel,
Be efterneen er's a pir o win,
En wid you believe oot comes the sin.
Saturday 2nd, Temp. 7/20
Gran warm day wi a breeze ana,
Hale day lang ere's sin sae braw.
Sunday 3rd, Temp. 12/18
Sin dis shine fae mornin tae nicht,
Fowk in Simmer attire, a fine sicht
Monday 4th, Temp. 9/20
Nae a breath o air affa affa het,
Tae gang inside I canna wait,
Fine wither is jist the very thing,
An wi his crap fermer his a fling.
Tuesday 5th, Temp. 10/21
Anither day sae het an affa affa fine,
Aye the hale day lang the sin dis shine.
Wednesday 6th, Temp. 12/23
Rise in the mornin see sin shining throo,
Affa gweed wither we're gettin jist noo,
Fermer taks in the second silage crap,
Ithers a hurl on a combine ey div tak.
Thursday 7th, Temp. 11/20
Affa het aye it's beyond belief,
Tae get inside is a great relief.
Friday 8th, Temp 14/24
Oot o the Sooth ere's a fer pir o win.
Fine day fin I bide in o the sin.
Saturday 9th, Temp. 16/25 (Rainfall 12/16)
Wid ere be rain? maybe bide dry,
Bides like that as the day drifts bye
Sunday 10th, Temp. 12/24 (Rainfall 2/16)
Driech mornin wi a fer sup o rain,
In the efterneen wither clears up again.
Monday 11th, Temp. 15/17
Ere's a richt fine fresh feel in o the air,
Win blaws fae the Sooth at's sae rare.
Tuesday 12th, Temp. 15/28
Het affa het as the sin dis shine,
Roasts yon peely wally body o mine.
Wednesday 13th, Temp. 15/27
Haar in the mornin is seen burned awa,
En oot comes the sin sae het an braw.
Thursday 14th, Temp. 15/25
Harr taks a fer fyle tae clear awa,
Day turns oot affa sinny an braw,
Girse in the countryside burned broon,
Trees look dull aye richt oot o tune.
Friday 15th, Temp. 15/25
Rise in the mornin, sin oot in it's glory,
Affa het for the day at's the story.
Saturday 16th, Temp. 15/26,
Day sae het wi the sin sae braw,
Sweat like a burn fae me dis fa,
Fermer affa busy wi the hairst jist noo,
Canna see him, he's beeried in stue.
Sunday 17th, Temp. 15/30
In the mornin ere's a licht shoor or twa,
Thunnery heat, jist aboot melt awa.
Monday 18th, Temp. 11/16 (Rainfall 5/16)
A fer sup rain oot throo the nicht,
Lays the stue a richt fine welcome sicht.
Ere's a fresher feel in o the air,
Haar dis move in bit it dis bide fair.
Tuesday 19th, Temp. 15/20
Affa dull wi haar swear tae clear,
Cooler day, it cood rain I div fear.
Wednesday 20th, Temp. 15/20
Anither fine day sae sinny an braw,
Aye at's efter the haar dis clear awa.
Thursday 21st, Temp. 15/22 (Rainfall 4/16)
Jist aboot dry fin I div rise,
En poors o rain at's nae a surprise,
Thunner plumps as the day wears on,
Aye an be midges we are set upon.
Friday 22nd, Temp. 9/23 (Rainfall 3/16)
Gran is the day plenty sin wi some win,
Er's a drap o rain at nicht, midges jine in.
Saturday 23rd, Temp. (Rainfall 3/16)
Dry for the day bit neen ower bricht,
Ere's a licht shoor roon aboot nicht.
Sunday 24 Temp. 9/19
Dour, dull mornin, sin en peeps oot,
Affa affa bonny day withoot a doot.
Monday 25th, Temp. 11/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
In the mornin wither jist aboot dry,
En hale water poors oot o the sky.
Tuesday 26th, Temp. 9/21 (Rainfall 10/16)
Rise in the mornin tae a dull black sky,
Ere's a spit or twa bit it dis bide dry,
Oot comes the sin wi a gweed bit heat,
Days like this gang doon a treat.
__________________
TRIBUTE TO
DIANA SPENCER
DIANA LASS YOU WIS TAP O THE LEAGUE,
AT'S FIT WYE FOWKS HERTS DIV BLEED,
PRESS YOUR DOONFA 'EY DID HASTEN,
HENCE THE MOURNIN O' THE NATION.
GOD A GIFT TAE YOU DID GIE,
GIFT WIS 'ERE FOR A'A TAE SEE,
IDOL O' THE RICHEST O' THE LAND,
TAE ILL AN INFIRM YOU LENT A HAND,
RICH AN POOR WIS THE SAME TAE YOU,
FOWK AT'S GRATEFULL MAIR AN A FEW,
AYE YOU WIS VICTIM O' THE FILM ROLL,
DEID IN THE BODY NAE DEID IN THE SOUL.
DINNA SPENCER
KILLED IN CAR CRASH
ON THE 31st FIRST OF
AUGUST 1997
__________________
Wednesday 27th, Temp. 16/16
Ere's a fine fresh feel ino the air,
Spit or twa bit it dis bide fair.
Thursday 28th, Temp. 9/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
Starts awa affa dull an grey
Sin comes oot brichtens the day.
Friday 29th, Temp. 10/23 (Rainfall 2/16)
Weet is the dew at's on the grun,
Aye bit later on, blessed wi sin.
Saturday 30th, Temp. 10/23 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day seems tae hae ae mind or twa
Oot pops the sin noo an again ana.
SEPTEMBER
Monday 1st, Temp. 9/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dew in the mornin, oot comes the sin,
It maks abody feel gweed within.
Tuesday 2nd, Temp. 7/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day is fine an warm in o the sin.
Maks abody jist happy an grin,
Wednesday 3rd, Temp. 7/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Sooth win gey near gale force dis blaw,
In the mornin throo a shoor or twa,
Be efterneen it is jist aboot fair,
Bit the win intae us still dis tare.
Thursday 4th, Temp. 8/17 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fer pir o win hale day dis blaw,
Maistly dry wi a licht shoor or twa.
Friday 5th, Temp. 9/20
It's a fine day wi a wee pir o win,
Affa fine an warm fin in o the sin.
Saturday 6th, Temp. 9/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Dry in the mornin en the day turns soor,
For maist o the day the rain dis poor.
Sunday 7th, Temp. 8/16 (Rainfall 5/16)
Athing clairty an weet efter the rain,
Sin dis come oot a richt fine day again.
Monday 8th, Temp. 1/15
This is a entry mornin withoot a doot,
Cauld blustery North win is jist a brute,
Bides dry hale day noo at's a blessin,
Fermer's flat oot noo he's nae messin.
Tuesday 9th, Temp 11/19
Still strong North win dis blaw,
Comes oot sae fine wi some sin ana.
Wednesday 10th, Temp. 5/20
Here's a day it's jist like simmer,
Hale day lang is ferrly a bummer.
Thursday 11th, Temp. 7/21
Ere's a autumn feel in o the air,
Oot comes the sin sae fine an rare.
Friday 12th, Temp. 5/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
A touch o frost, och bit fine an fair,
Sin nae sae strong gran day eence mair.
Saturday 13th, Temp. 4/14 (Rainfall 4/16)
Win fae the North is mair an snell,
As we gang aboot, we wrap up well.
Sunday 14th, Temp. 3/14 (Rainfall 1/16)
Heavy shoors o rain for maist o the day,
Affa cauld an affa snell I div say
Monday 15th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 5/16)
Jist aboot dry fin we div rise,
Poors o rain, nae ony surprise,
Hale day lang win oot o the Wast,
Dry later on jist pit up wi yon blast.
Tuesday 16th, Temp. 11/19 (Rainfall 6/16)
Affa fule an weet nae gweed ata,
Taewards nicht ere's sin sae braw.
Wednesday 17th, Temp. 7/15
In the mornin a lichtsome shoor or twa,
Naething tae moan aboot jist a flaw.
En be efterneen oot comes the sin,
Maks a body feel gweed within..
Thursday 18th, Temp. 5/6
For a oor or twa ere's a nip in o the air,
En the sin peeps throo sae fine an rare.
Friday 19th, Temp. 10/15
Dry or rain? noo it's atween the twa,
Clears up later on wi sin sae braw.
Saturday 20th, Temp. 3/15
Sharp in the mornin bit clears up fine,
Pleased tae hae anither day o sinshine.
Sunday 21st, Temp. 5/14
Gran Autumn day fae mornin tae nicht,
Sin dis shine affa bonny an bricht.
Monday 22nd, Temp. 6/17
Haar the hale day it dis hing aboot,
Affa dull an grey withoot a doot,
Eence or twice it dis offer tae rain,
Day is aboot dry jist eence again.
Tuesday 23rd, Temp. 6/19
Oh na, neen like Autumn I div say,
It's mair like a bonny simmer day.
Wednesday 24th, Temp. 8/11
Starts awa gey dull an affa bare,
Sin en comes oot fne day eence mair.
Thursday 25th, Temp. 8/12
Roon the corner is Winter I hiv tae say,
At's hard tae believe in this bonny day.
Friday 26th, Temp. 9/9
Dull an grey taks a lang time tae clear,
Comes oot fine as nicht wears near.
Saturday 27th, Temp. 8/10
Gweed bit cooler bit still dry an fine,
Day dis lack a wee bit o sinshine.
Sunday 28th, Temp. 8/14
Gran day wi skies sae bonny an an clear,
Hard tae think that winter is gey near
Monday 29th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
A fer sup rain oot throo the nicht,
Fine is the day it turns oot bricht,
Maist o the crap is teen aff the grun,
Fermer dis grin, ere's a big run.
Tuesday 30th, Temp. 6/14
Dry is the day warm bit affa grey,
Noo ere's a spit or twa durin the day.
OCTOBER
Wednesday 1st, Temp. 6/12
Fae the North east a richt cauld icy blast,
Richt cauld Autumn feel, wull it last?
Thursday 2nd, Temp. 6/12
Dull an grey bit affa affa mild,
Nae ony sign o winter bein wild.
Friday 3rd, Temp. 10/15
Day turns oot sae bonny an dry,
Tae peep throo the sin dis try.
Saturday 4th, Temp. 15/15
Saft, affa saft is the win fae the Wast,
Mild as we struggle wi the warm blast.
Sunday 5th, Temp. 6/12
Fowk gang aboot in simmer attire,
Wither noo dis gang hay wire.
Monday 6th, Temp. 12/12
Dull an grey an affa close as weel,
Spit o rain noo an again I div feel.
Tuesday 7th, Temp. 6/12
Wither in a richt dithery mood
Wid it rain? noo maybe it cood,
Sin shines throo lang afore mid day,
Eence mair it's like a simmers day.
Wednesday 8th, Temp. 3/13
Nae hairst left an entry mornin it is
Last October like this? at's the quiz.
Thursday 9th, Temp. 5/12
Richt fine day wi a licht shoor or twa,
Clears up later on, wi some sin ana.
Friday 10th, Temp. 6/14
North win his yon affa snell feel,
Nae a bad day, jist wrap weel.
Saturday 11th, Temp. 6/11 (Rainfall 6/16)
Rain in the mornin nae a welcome sicht,
Dry in the efterneen bit neen ower bricht.
Sunday 12th, Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Weet spleetry shoors the hale day lang,
Winter roon the corner! wid I be wrang?
Monday 13th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 4/16)
In the mornin it's heavy shoors eence mair,
Spleetry an weet, for the day I dinna care
Durin the day you cood easy get weet,
Shoors o sna, aye an some o sleet.
Tuesday 14th, Temp. (Rainfall 3/16)
Hale day lang the note's gey soor,
Fae the sky the rain dis ferrly poor,
It's affa quait an affa still as weel,
Aye fer drookit tae skin I div feel
Wednesday 15th, Temp. 6/9 (Rainfall 4/16)
Tae a thickness the wither dis clear,
Dull, grey, an weet is the day I fear.
Thursday 16th, Temp. 5/8
Dull, dark, an damp says the mannie on TV,
Och weel he wis richt as richt as cood be.
Friday 17th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull bit wi a warm pir o win,
Comes oot fine ere's nae ony sin.
Autumn is here fowk can easy see,
Slowly changes the colour o the tree.
Saturday 18th, Temp. 4/15 (Rainfall 2/16)
Noo this day is jist a bummer,
October na it's mair like Simmer.
Sunday 19th, Temp. 4/11
Maistly fine wi a licht shoor o rain,
Day is fine an maistly dry again,
Monday 20th, Temp. 3/6
Cauld hale day aye affa bitterly cauld,
Fowk gang aboot gey near twa fauld.
Tuesday 21st, Temp. 0/5
Ere's ferrly a cauldness in o the air.
Wrap up weel, an it dis bide fair.
Trees noo lose their Simmer sheen,
Nae langer noo the forty shades o green.
Wednesday 22nd, Temp. 3/7 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fine dry day bit cauld an bare,
Ferrly a touch o winter in o the air,
Thursday 23rd, Temp. 3/5
Fae the North ere's a fer pir o win,
We wrap up weel afa cauld within.
Friday 24th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 1/16)
Still fae the North cauld win dis blaw,
Forecast I feel cood easy be sna.
Saturday 25th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull an driech, an it rains as weel,
Damp an miserable hale day I div feel.
Sunday 26th, Temp. 4/8 (Rainfall 5/16)
Noo an again ere's a spit in o the air,
Wither for the day? jist aboot fair.
Monday 27th, Temp. 5/10
It's mild, affa close beyond belief,
Throw aff some claes fit a relief,
Trees are affa bonny jist noo,
As ey tak on their Winter hue.
Tuesday 28th, Temp. 2/10
It's a richt fine October day,
Weak sin for maist o the day.
Wednesday 29th, Temp. 0/8
Frost in the mornin. affa fine an gran,
Mair days like this we'll easy stand.
Thursday 30th, Temp. 0/10
Dry, noo o days like this I'll nivver tire,
Fine, fowk cood be in Simmer attire.
Friday 31st, Temp. 6/14
Eence mair a richt fine October day,
Wither is agley, it's Like a Spring day.
NOVEMBER
Saturday 1st, Temp. 6/14
For the time o year it's affa mild,
Nae sign o the back end bein wild,
Is my een tellin me a lee or twa?
Foxglove in bloom, it looks sae braw.
Sunday 2nd, Temp 5/5
Mornin is sae fine, dry an braw,
Rains in the efterneen turns affa raw.
Monday 3rd, Temp. 5/5
Fae the Sooth ere's a cauld pir o win,
Later in the day tae rain it dis begin.
Tuesday 4th, Temp. 6/6 (Rainfall 4/16)
Ere wis a fer suppie rain oot throo the nicht,
Bides dry for the day, neen ower bricht.
Wednesday 5th, Temp. 5/5
Day starts awa jist aboot dry,
Rain in the mornin it dis try,
Aboot midday note turns soor,
Fae a weet mist we div cower..
Thursday 6th, Temp. 5/6 (Rainfall 2/16)
Thick an fule is the haar for the day,
Clears tae a thickness be midday,
Leaves simply tummel aff the trees,
Nae lang afore ere's a Winter breeze.
Friday 7th, Temp. 5/8 (Rainfall 3/16)
Mornin is gey dull an affa grey,
En it rains for the rest o the day.
Saturday 8th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 12/16)
Mornin jist aboot dry fin we rise,
En poors o rain at's nae surprise.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 5/8 (Rainfall 12/16)
Mornin sae quait, cood hear a preen drap
En poors o rain oorsel's we div hap
Monday 10th, Temp. 2/6 (Rainfall 9/16)
Richt fine day, sae mild as weel,
Taewards nicht a touch o frost I feel.
(Rainfall 1/16) Tuesday 11th, Temp. 4/16
Nae a breath o air bit the note is soor,
For aff o me the sweat dis poor.
Wednesday 12th, Temp. 3/7
Be mid foreneen sin in a'a it's glory,
Wither fer agley noo at's the story.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 0/8
Grun fer fyte, aye a motor cood thraw,
Bit a gran day wi sin sae braw,
Doon be Penann yalla funn bush,
Oot o season bit jist fer flush.
Friday 14th, Temp. 0/5 (Rainfall 2/6)
Fyte frost in the mornin, wither dis change,
Starts tae rain in the affa affa heavy range.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 2/16 (Rainfall 2/16)
Noo this day turns oot jist a cracker,
Fermer cood gey near be hey maker,
Mild aye mild it's beyond belief,
Cast my thick sark fae underneath.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 5/10
A strong warm Sooth win hale day dis blaw,
Dampnes in the air affa close an dull ana.
Monday 17th, Temp.
Sooth win dis blaw a damp warm air,
Gang aboot sweatin, for me at's rare.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 8/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Gale force win fae the sooth throo the nicht,
Win an rain hale day nae a welcome sicht,
See some sheep cower in o crannie an neuk,
For a wee bit shelter ey surley div look.
Wednesday 19th,
Temp. 8/10 (Rainfall 4/16)
Fin I rise Sooth win still gale force,
Dry, bit later on day ferrly gets worse,
Thick mist blawn intae us like a sheet,
Jist say nae mair day is jist a breet,
Thursday 20th, Temp. 9/16 (Rainfall 9/16)
Tae get oot my bed I wis gey swear,
Win an rain I cood ferrly hear,
Fin I gang ootside I jist aboot greet,
Eence mair I say the day is a breet.
Friday 21st, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 12/16)
At lang last quait an dry as weel,
Sin peeps throo, happy I div feel
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
In the mornin ere' nothing bit water,
Hale water intae us it ferrly dis batter,
Be efterneen er's a fer bit o change,
Still dis rain bit nae in the heavy range.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 3/7 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull mornin, quait, an a wee bit sin as weel,
Dreich an damp, crabbit it maks a body feel,
Monday 24th, Temp. 3/6 (Rainfall 6/16)
Sooth win dis rise this day eence mair,
Rain blawn intae us it coodnae bide fair,
Country side soakin weet in a plowter,
Pits a body richt aff their bloomin stotter.
Tuesday 25th (Rainfall 4/16), Temp. 5/6
Ere's a eerie quaitness fin I rise.
Nae win nae rain at's a surprise,
Tae rain this day it dis try sair,
Gled tae say it's jist aboot fair.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull an grey says the mannie on TV,
An he wis richt as richt as cood be,
He forgot tae mention the win an rain,
It's a fule weet day jist eence again.
Thursday 27th, Temp. 5/6 (Rainfall 6/16)
Rain fae mornin throo tae nicht.
It's weet an dull neen ower bricht.
Friday 28th, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 5/16)
Mair rain an fule weet mist as weel
Fer fed up noo at's jist foo I feel.
Saturday 29th, Temp. (Rainfall 6/16)
In the mornin it poors o rain eence mair,
En it's fair, rain again, coodnae bide fair.
Sunday 30th (Rainfall 2/16), Temp. 2/6
Fine is the day wi sin sae bonny,
Shoor or twa o rain nae affa mony.
DECEMBER
Monday 1st, Temp. 0/5 (Rainfall 5/16)
Fae the North the win dis blaw,
Rise tae a fyte coverin o sna,
Gless his teen a fer bit o a dip,
See Winter tak a richt icy grip.
Tuesday 2nd, Temp. -1/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
Ere's a fer coverin o sna fin I rise,
Mair shoors o sna at's nae surprise,
Wednesday 3rd, Temp. 0/4 (Rainfall 3/16)
Wither this day is mild an fine
Licht shoor, dry maist o the time.
Thursday 4th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Ere seems tae be a touch o frost in on the air,
Hale day lang wither bides fine an fair.
Friday 5th, Temp. 0/5
Thin bare win blaws oot o the Wast,
Dinna care much for yon icy blast.
Turns oot nae sic a bad day ata,
Ahin the dyke sits doon the sna.
Saturday 6th Temp. 5/11 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dry day wi some warmth in o the air,
Hale day lang it dis bide fair.
Sunday 7th, Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 1/16)
Affa mild an warm beyond belief,
Cast Winter claes tae get relief.
Monday 8th, Temp. 7/10
Wither for the day, dry wi a drochty win,
Hale day is fine wi a weak, weak sin.
Tuesday 9th, Temp. 3/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Been a wee suppie rain oot throo the nicht,
Bit the day turns oot sae mild an bricht,
Wednesday 10th, Temp. 2/6 (Rainfall 3/16)
Winter claes on affa het I div feel,
Rains in the efterneen wi weet I jeer.
Thursday 11th, Temp. 2/4 (Rainfall 1/16)
For this time o year wither is gran,
Winter nae wild this I canna understan,
Durin the day ere's a licht shoor or twa,
Och bit naething tae bother a body ata
Friday 12th, Temp. 0/4
Fer bittie o frost in o the air,
Fine day wi the wither bein fair.
Saturday 13th, Temp. 0/5
Crisp is the day, ere's a fer bit frost,
Pits winter in oor minds uppermost.
Sunday 14th, Temp. 0/4
Ere is thick fog the hale day lang,
Affa weet an fule, at's nae sae gran.
Monday 15th, Temp. 4/5
Dull an grey is the wither eence mair,
Bit the hale day lang it dis bide fair.
Tuesday 16th, Temp. 3/5
It's a richt fine day withoot a doot
Nae sign o Winter bein a brute,
Wednesday 17th, Temp. 3/5
Thin an snell is the win fae the East,
Hale day lang wither dry at least.
Thursday 18th, Temp. 4/4
Gale force win blaws oot o the East,
Dis bide dry, day cood easy be a beast,
Turns oot a bittie mair than cauld,
Fowk gang aboot gey near twa fauld.
Friday 19th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 6/16)
Hale day lang the rain dis poor,
Of coorse for me the note is soor.
Saturday 20th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
Wither is weet neen ower dry,
Rain dis ease as the day wears bye.
Sunday 21st, Temp. 3/5
Wither fine an affa mild as weel,
Days like this tae me appeal.
Monday 22nd, Temp. 2/5
Dull an damp at's the day tae be,
Nae sky nae daylicht for us tae see,
Wither of coorse dis bide dry,
Unhealthy wither as back end wears bye.
Tuesday 23rd, Temp. 2/6
This day turns oot jist a bummer,
December! Na mair like Simmer.
Wednesday 24th, Temp. (Rainfall 5/16)
Wither is affa bare an a bittie raw,
Canna compleen, December efter a'a.
Thursday 25th, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 8/16)
Oot throo the nicht rain dis poor,
Clears up afore the mid day oor,
I doot a fyte Christmas it canna be,
Nae sna for Sunties sledge you see
Friday 26th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 7/16)
Boxin day is affa bonny an fine,
Wast win dis blaw a'a the time
Saturday 27th, Temp. 0/5
Aboot this day I hiv tae froon,
Nae like December mair like June.
Sunday 28th, Temp.-1/5
Rise in the mornin tae a bit o frost,
Pits winter in oor minds uppermost.
Monday 29th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 1/16)
Frost his louped oot throo the nicht,
Oot comes the sin affa bonny an bricht.
Tuesday 30th, Temp. 0/6
Oot throo the nicht frost dis loup again,
Damp bit dry, later on poors o rain.
Wednesday 31st, Temp. 4/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Sae fine wither this I canna believe,
I div gang aboot in my sark sleeve.
OOR DAY OOT
It wis a richt bonny May mornin an, as Jonsar Eck sat aitin his breakfast, he said tae the Wee Wifie. "You ken it's a rare day tae be gaun for a run in the car, fit div you think? "The answer he got wisnae affa gweed" Na na lad jist you forget that. You ken fine I hinna started my spring cleanin yet, far wid I hae time tae gang for a run". Jonsar Eck shook his heid an said, "It wis jist a idea" As he gaed awa oot the door he shouts."I'll be back for my tea at the back o nine an, if you hiv changed your mind or that time we can still set oot".
Jonsar wis in nae hurry that mornin, jist gaed aboot enjoyin the sinshine. Hid a news wi yon body an this body, haein a richt blether. It wis gey near ten or he arrived back for his tea. As Jonsar Eck went past the car he noticed it hid been washed. Fin he went inside the Wee Wifie wis dressed in her gweed claes, on the table, flasks an, sandwiches. "Far hiv you been?" she asks." It's lang past nine, get a move on or it winna be worth gaun awa". Jonsar Eck nivver said a word bit thocht tae himsel she changes her mind mair times than she changes her sark.
The car didnae need a driver really, ey were sure the car kent far ey were gaun. Jonsar Eck thocht if he hid a Auto Pilot he cood set intae the car an, it wid tak the twa o them tae their destination". Are we gaun up the mountain Jonsar?" asks the Wee wifie. "It's a topper o a day for it", replies Jonsar. "It seems a richt gweed idea, so mebbe at's far we wull land."
The twa o em took their time, nae in ony hurry, stoppin tae admire the bonny views, hae a cup o tay fae the flasks, Bonny an green were the trees wi their new leaves on. It jist made the twa o em feel fer content
Sin wis oot in a'a it's glory as Jonsar an the Wee Wifie arrived in Grantown On Spey. They stopped, got oot ower an stretched their legs. As they wandered alang the main street, they hid a gweed laugh at ae shop windae. Richt in the middle o the windae wis a haggis, an it wis surrounded wi a puckle little haggis. A notice said it wis a haggis nest found in the nearby moors and, was not for sale. Most definitely not to the Americans Ey set for Aviemore mair relaxed an ivver, stopped at Loch Morlich an hid some mair sandwiches. The sky wis fer blue, nae a clood tae be seen, the water wis jist shimmerin again. Ere wis lots o activity on the water, boats, yachts, an sic like. Water surface wis jist like gless, it seemed a affa peety tae disturb it.
It wis on tae the Cairn Gorm chair lift, far Jonsar Eck's hert missed a beat or twa. Fin he seen the muckle contraption that controlled the wires, that held up the chairs that held fowk hingin in mid air, it made hin feel queazy. The Wee Wifie nivver said a word. Weel here we go an, they are baith in the chair the gither, en a gust o win an, ey are hingin on like grim death. Jonsar Eck thocht ere cood be ither wyes o enjoyin himsel. Shak, an shudder, en clunk click as ey pass under the pylons, the twa o em fer fyte like a sheet.
Fin the twa o em reached the tap the view wis breath takin. Three thoosan, six hunner feet up, Loch Morlich wis a glistenin pool in the distance. As the twa o em stood ere fer spell bound, ey agreed it wis worth over comin the fear o the chair lift. It wis weel worth it.
Time of coorse wis wearin on an, Jonsar Eck thocht it wis time tae turn the journey roon an, heid for hame. Jonsar stopped at Boat o Garten, tae hae a look at the osprey nest. As the twa o em strolled throo the great muckle pine trees,( it wis so peaceful). Jist wi that Jonsar looked up an ere wis a osprey returnin hame tae it's nest, wi a fish hingin fae it's talons. Noo that jist made their day complete an, ey went back tae the car mair an a bittie happy
Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie finished the day aff wi haein a meal in a hotel in Aberlour Fin he set aff hame he said" It's been a great day" weel the Wee Wifie wis soun asleep, she wakened jist as Jonsar wis teemin the car. As the twa o em sat reflectin on their day ,the Wee Wifie declares "At's been a gran day, we aye enjoy oorsels up ere. Noo ere's ae thing sure we wull gang back, bit fin I rise the morn I'm gaun tae start spring cleanin".
AUTUMN FEEL
Jonsar Eck gaed himsel a shak this September mornin, ere wis a sharpness in o the air. He shook his heid an muttered tae himsel. "It's ferrly yon Autumn feel aboot the day". It wis ferrly a gweed bit caulder, as he looked doon in the howe he cood see the fermer cuttin the hairst. Cuttin the crap for fit he hid focht wi nature. Jonsar kent it wis nae eese gaun tae spik tae the fermer, he did nae hae time tae stop. Spik, he hid better things tae dee.
Of coorse at this time o year fowk start tae fill up their bunkers, fill up their sheds wi winter fuel. Jonsar Eck kent it widnae be lang afore he wid be busy. So it wis nae surprise tae hear fae the Wee Wifie, that the fower auld dears fae the ither end o the toon hid been phonin". Ey are jist needin the usual order Jonsar". She wis gigglin an laughin, tears rinnin doon her cheeks. On hearin the news Jonsar Eck felt mair than a bit uneasy an weel did the Wee Wifie ken that Jonsar didnae like tae gang tae yon fower, it wis a gweed order bit aye something went wrang." I said you wid be ere the morn sometime, I hope I did richt", says the Wee Wifie. Jonsar Eck jist let oot a grunt.
It wis aye the same order, ten bags o sticks, ten bags o peats each. Ere wis a big back close an, Jonsar cood drive richt intae it nae bother. That wis ae gweed thing, ere wis nae big carries. Farthest in tae the close bade Eenie an, on the ootside bade Teenie. In the twa middle hoosies bade twa Jeanies. Trouble wis that Eenie on the inside hoose an, Teenie on the ootside hoose liked their orders first (impossible) The twa Jeanies didnae bother aboot bein first as lang ey were nae last. Jonsar Eck hoped it wid be rainin an, he widnae hae tae gang.
Weel it wisnae rainin, as a metter o fact the day turned oot like a day in the simmer. Jonsar Eck decided tae gang tae the fower auld dears last. Jist in case he needed help fae the fuskie bottle, or a lump o ice tae cool him doon. He went hame tae mak sure that Wee Wifie wid be at hame tae adminster the doses fin he came hame. Fin Jonsar Eck drove intae the back close, Eenie that bade in the inside hoose wis waitin for him. He wis telt. "Pit my order in o my shed. I'm first the day". Ere wis nae sicht o Teenie ata. Eenie went aboot gigglin an laughin,. Oot came the twa Jeannies an declared "We are next" Jonsar didnae argue wi em, jist went aboot his work. Efter Jonsar pit in the twa Jeannies order he decided tae hae a look for Teenie. As he knocked at Teenies door he wis aware o bein watched be the ither three.
Noo Teenie didnae answer the door, so Jonsar opened the door an gave her a shout." Are you in Teenie?" A muffled soun came fae throo the hoose, Fin Teenie appeared she said "Oh it's you Jonsar, jist pit my order in. I'll be oot jist noo. Oh bye the wye Jonsar jist mak sure I'm first".
Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel naebody shood hae tae mak a livin this wye. Fin Teenie did appear she wis cripplin. Jonsar asks " Are you a richt Teenie?" Teenie hirples ower tae. Jonsar an peys him, "Naething wrang wi me" she growls. She didnae seem tae notice that Jonsar Eck's truck wis gey near empty. She wis a stoot birkie, echty year auld or mair. She wore a black frock richt doon tae her ankles. Jonsar Eck wisnae gaun tae argue wi her, nae fear.
Jonsar Eck wis gettin on gran, truck affa near teem, money teen in an, nae ony cairry on wi the fower auld dears, at's jist fin his luck ran clean oot. Fa shood appear oot o the twa middle sheds bit the twa Jeannies. Each wi a pail o peats an a pail o sticks in their hands. Fin Teenie seen the twa o em she roared." Far did you twa get that stuff fae? The twa Jeannies near fell ower laughin. "Fae Jonsar Eck an you wis sleepin" Teenie let oot a roar." I wisnae sleepin." Jist wi that the twa Jeannies disappeared intae the safety o their hoose. Teenie wis upset, as she raved an ranted, the hoose shook, the truck shook, an Jonsar Eck shook.
A squeaky voice said (it wis Jonsar Eck)" It disnae metter fan you get your stuff, you ken it wull aye burn". Jonsar Eck pit in the rest o her order, geein her a wide berth an sayin nothing. Jonsar Eck wis jist pittin the teem bags in ower his truck, fin Teenie says. "Div you see fit Geordie fae the shoppie selt me Jonsar?" Jonsar turned roon expectin tae see a cracked jar o jam, or a loaf that hid went wrang. Fit a bigake he got, Teenie wis stannin in the middle o the close wi her black frock lifted up under her oxters. A'a that Jonsar cood see wis a pair o thick bloomers awa doon aneath her knees an up under her oxters (Passion busters).
Jonsar Eck's voice turned squeaky again. "Fit wid that be, "he squeaked. Peyin nae heed tae Jonsar she growls. "A pair o stockings wi knickers in em." Peer auld Teenie, echty odd year auld an, she hid nivver seen a pair o tights afore. She hid tried tae pull em ower her black stockings an, rather unsucessfully ower yon extra thick bloomers. Nae much winner she coodnae wak.
"Fit div you think Jonsar Eck, wull I tak em back?" Jonsar hid nivver seen the like, bit says ."Och aye, bit mind an tak em aff first". Jonsar Eck made a bee line for hame, tae the Wee Wifie, the ice, an of coorse the fuskie bottle. As he crunched the gears o his truck in his haste tae get hame he thocht, "Aye ere's aye a Autmn feel."
I KEN FINE
Timmer Tam wis a wee bit late this nicht as he arrived hame for his supper (he hid been tae the pub). Weel his wife Lyvia jist plunked his mait doon in front o him, sayin, "you ken damned fine six o clock is fan we hae oor supper. Nae half past, nae seven o clock, bit six, on the dot. I hope you enjoy this burned offerin". Noo tae mak metters worse Timmer Tam jist smiled an started aitin the plate o mait that wis set doon afore him. Every noo an again he smiled an said." This is affa fine my pet, jist as I like it." Jist as the twa o em were aboot tae hae a slangin match, the door bell rung. Timmer Tam smiled, he kent fine that he hid been saved be the bell.
Lyvia went tae see fa wis at the door, Fin she came back intae the kitchen she hid Ronald Bricky wi her. Tam turned roon an asks Ronald. "Fit brings you here at this time o nicht? Can you nae see I'm at my supper" Ronald Bricky shuffled his feet an says."Weel it's like this Tam we are deein up oor bathroom, Hanna his bocht some affa funcy fleerin, I canna mak heid or tail o it. I jist winnered if you wid come doon an tell me fit tae dee, it wid be better if you cood lay the fleer for us."
Timmer Tam thocht for a meenit, an said. "I'll come doon at the weekend an hae a look. Noo foo wid that dee! Ronald replied " Oh Aye, Hanna wull jist hae tae wait". Timmer Tam looked Ronald up an doon an, asks. "Is that yon fleer you wis deein last year! "Aye" Says Ronald, his face gettin a wee bit reid " Weel if Hannaa can wait for a year, she can surely wait or the weekend" declared Timmer Tam.
Fin the weekend came roon Timmer Tam gaed doon tae see Ronald an Hanna, he hid a look at fit ey hid bocht. He pinted oot at the final flushin wisnae ere. Ronald says" Och I'll seen pit that on mysel, you jist lay the fleer". Timmer Tam shook his heid. "Na na lad I KEN FIT LIKE YOU ARE the fleer wull nivver be finished. So fin you hiv the final flushin I'll lay the fleer".
It wis decided neest day the fleer wid be laid (sunday). Tam hid a look aroon, seen athing wis ere an started tae work awa. Ere wis een or twa tools he hid forgot, bit he jist nipped up the road for em, he wis started aboot ten o clock. Ronald an Tam were haein a news aboot fit happened in Pitsliga on the setterday nicht. (Tam chappin his fingers noo an again) Ronald began tae realize that Tam wis a wee bittie thirsty. "Fit time wis you hame last nicht?' he asked Tam. " Eh weell dinna really ken, I met in wi Jonsar Eck an hid a richt gweed time." Ronald Bricky disappeared for a wee fyle, came back wi half a dizzen cans o lager, an a bottle o bacardi. He poored a big bacardi tae Tam an een tae himsel, washed it doon wi a can o lager. "Did you enjoy that Tam"? Ronald asks Tam. "Gran min affa gran", says Tam lookin for mair. Ronald tells him." I'll gie you anither dram fin you finish the job, if I gie you mair jist noo the fleer winna be finished the day. You see, I KEN FIT LIKE YOU ARE."
CONTENTMENT
School wis on it's first week o it's holidays for the simmer. Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel that it wid be great tae hae seven weeks holidays a' at ae time. Jonsar Eck wis in the bakers shop ae day buyin some messages, fin he met in wi young Andrew. Andrew wis aboot echt or nine year auld an Jonsar Eck asks him cheerily. " Foo the holidays were deein". His attitude an his answer surprised Jonsar Eck entirely. He jist shook his shooders an, screwed up his face in a disgruntled wye sayin. "You ken i'm fer bored, ere's naething much tae dee aroon here."
As Jonsar Eck made his wye hame he thocht, fit wye cood Andrew be fed up. Jonsar Eck kent fine that Andrew hid a'a sort o devices tae keep him happy an oot o trouble. Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel ere's nae wye he shood be fed up.
Tae start wi Andrew hid a TV in his bedroom, a'a tae himsel, alang wi that a video wi a'a different games he cood play. He also hid a fitba jist tae mak sure that he got a game fin the teams were bein picked. Aye an a set o golf clubs tae practice wi, in case his father shood tak him golfin. En ere wis his mountain bike wi sixteen gears, ("A'a forrit nae ony reverse), so he cood gang an enjoy the countryside ony time he felt like it. A pool table so fin it rains he cood tak some o his pals intae the hoose tae pass awa the time. En ere wis the basket abeen the garage door so he cood practice basket ball. Jonsar Eck coodnae understand fit wye ony body wi a'a that new fangled gear cood be fed up.
As Jonsar Eck made his wye hame he thocht fin I wis his age, ere wisnae a TV in oor hoose, nivver mind een in the bedroom. As far as Jonsar Eck cood mind he wis nivver fed up in his school holidays. As metter o fact he wis nivver fed up, nae tae this very day. Jonsar aye tried tae look on the bricht side o things. Weel maist o the time ony wye.
Jonsar Eck aye spent the holidays helpin his father on the ferm. He did hae a fitba, a leather een, stuffed wi strae. The dog an him hid mony a gweed game o fitba. Jonsar hid tae mak sure the ba wis pit bye fin the game wis finished. If he didnae dee that the dog shook the ba until a'a the strae fell oot. En the dog wid stan ere waggin it's tail as Jonsar stuffed the ba wi strae eence mair.
Fin it wis rainin Jonsar Eck got a wee bittie doon in the dumps. (He didnae like bein inside) Or mebbe the first day back at school efter the holidays. Jonsar Eck thocht that he wis lucky tae be born fin he wis. Tae be able tae acknowledge the feelin o contentment. Tae be able tae enjoy a wak on a simmers nicht. Nae need for drink or drugs tae get a kick oot o life.
Jonsar Eck cood see Andrew in thirty years time, wi a wife an femily, steppin aff a spaceship. Jist back fae a holiday on the moon, their faces a'a screwed up statin. "That wis affa borin". It made Jonsar Eck think fit's the future generations gaun tae de for entertainment an of coorse the generations that is tae follow. (Hope ey dinna think tae screw up your face is tae be happy).
NIPPY
Jonsar Eck wis sittin in the e'e clinic in Aiberdeen hospital this day, he wisnae affa sair pleased wi himsel ata. Fin he wis sixty he hid a operation on his left e'e, Jonsar wis fer pleased wi the result. Michty he cood read a car number plate at sixty yards awa. Afore the operation he wis sair made tae see the car. Fin the doctor advised Jonsar Eck tae get the ither e'e operated as weel, he didnae hesitate, jist pit his name doon an let em get on wi it.
Weer that wis three years ago, an the operation wis a success again. Bit jist a fyle ago he noticed something wis wrang wi the richt e'e, He cood see a'a richt wi it, bit fin readin the paper athing seemed tae be hazy. Jist wi the richt e'e mind you, the left e'e wi as clear as a bell. Fin Jonsar Eck went tae the doctor, he wis pit doon tae the Broch tae see a specialist, weel the mannie thocht that Jonsar wid need laser treatment.
Noo that's the wye Jonsar Eck wis sittin in the Aiberdeen hospital. he wis a bittie mair than woun up, he thocht he cood be blin in this e'e, bit wid jist wait an see. Fin a nurse pit some draps intae his e'e he thocht she wis a dab hand at the job. Fin she pit in the second draps, she telt Jonsar it wid be a wee bit nippy. This cheered Jonsar Eck up, an he said tae the nurse. " You ken I'm a dab hand wi the nippies."
Fin Jonsar Eck came oot o the hospital he coodnae believe the difference, athing wis sae bonny an clear, the print in the paper simply louped oot at him. Aye he thocht at's a some eese. Efter he got hame he hid his tay, he en set oot for a wak. Jonsar went in bye the Circle for a dram, jist tae celebrate. Fowk in the Circle were fer pleased for him an bocht a dram or twa tae him. Aye Jonsar Eck thocht, I'm a dab hand wi the nippies. Jonsar Eck nivver got his wak, efter a puckle drams he set oot for hame.
Aboot half wye hame he keeled ower an struck his face on a railin. Ere wis bleed awye fin a couple came tae his rescue, ey took him tae the doctors, Jonsar Eck sayin ere wis naething wrang wi him. He wis fer pleased that he cood still see wi the e'e that he hid laser on. As the doctor came intae the surgery, he said tae Jonsar. "Up on the table an I'll pit in some stitches" As the doctor pit three stitches in Jonsar Eck's nose, Jonsar said. "At's a bit nippy bit you're a dab hand. Noo tell me this fa dis the sewin in your hoose?" Neest day Jonsar Eck wandered in tae anither waterin hole, the barmaid said." Awa back tae the Circle, we dinna want scabs in here. (His face wis a affa mess) Jonsar Eck turned an gaed awa hame thinkin my face wull improve, her face winna.
Pancake Meg
Chap, chap, chap, chap went Jonsar Eck's little axe as, he hacked ten bags o kindlers for a wifie doon aboot the Broch somewye. Jonsar wis jist takin his time, fin he hid hacked the ten bags o sticks he wid be finished for the day. The sin wis beatin doon an he wis jist enjoyin the fine day. Jonsar Eck wis jist fillin up the last bag o the order, fin ere wis a shout " yoo hoo " fae the main road that ran past his yard. Jonsar gaed awa doon tae see fa it wis.
Fa shood be stannin ere bit Mary Flooer an Buttery Wull an anither wifie cawed Pancake Meg. Pancake Meg wis a dab han at makin pancakes, ey simply melted in the moo. "Fit are you three up tae?" asks Jonsar Eck. Mary Flooer says." it's a affa fine day Jonsar, we thocht we cood hae a picnic in your yard, wid that be a'a richt?" Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel I hope Meg his brocht some o her pancakes. "Oh aye, michty me aye, says Jonsar." I hope I'm invited."
Jonsar Eck pit doon twa or three muckle bits o firewid for seats an says." Ere you go a seat made for a queen". The twa weemin sat do on an burst oot laughin". I dinna think the queen his hid sic a braw seat as this" laughs the twa weemin. Jonsar Eck en took twa muckle message bags fae Buttery Wull, fa looked fer foonered. Peer Wull hid humphed the twa bags a' a the wye fae Pitsliga gey near twa mile.
Mary Flooer said "I've made some cauld drinks, you see this day is affa het. Pancake wis bakin this mornin an, her bag is fer foo o pancakes, jist made this mornin". Jonsar Eck replies "at's the best news I've heard for a fer fyle". Cauld drinks were poored, wi lumps o ice bobbin aboot in he middle o em, jist richt for a het simmers day. Pancake Meg hid been affa quait for a meenit or twa an Buttery asks." Fit's wrang Meg?" Pancake Meg looked up real sheepish like an states. "It's the pancakes". Jonsar Eck laughs an says. "It's aboot time we hid een, or twa " He then dipped a speen in o a jar o jam looks roon an states. "I'm ready for the first een". Pancake Meg's voice wis affa squeaky as she says. "I've left em on the table in Pitsliga". The fower o em starts tae laugh, bit efter a fyle it became easy tae see that there wis neathing tae laugh aboot. Pancake Meg teemed her message bag an ere wis nae pancakes tae be seen.
Jonsar Eck pit the speen o jam back in the jar, he thocht fit a pest o a wifie. En he heard Mary Flooer sayin. "It disnae metter ere is plenty mair stuff tae ait". So it wis tae be, the fower o em hid a richt gweed tuck in an a richt gweed natter. It turned oot tae be a richt fine day (Peety aboot the pancakes).
As Wull, Mary, an Meg githered up their things an set oot for Pitsliga, Pancake Meg said she wis affa sorry aboot the pancakes. Jonsar Eck said "och ey were nae bad ava, ey were gey licht wi nae much taste ata."
THE BATTERY CHARGER
Broon An Roost (Jonsar Eck's truck) widnae start this mornin. Usually the truck wid start on the first turn o the key. It wis mair likely an willin tae start than Jonsar wis. Jist as luck wid hae it, a land rover wi een o Jonsar Eck's pals stopped an offered Jonsar a tug. "Och aye I'll be real grateful o that". says Jonsar Eck. A rope wis tied on tae Jonsar Eck's truck an, wi a jerk an, fifty yards further alang the road, the damned truck started. "Nae bother ata Jonsar, I hope you hiv a gweed day". Jonsar Eck thanked his pal an set awa on his roons.
Broon An Roost wis ferrly playin up. Sometimes it wid start an, sometimes it simply refused tae go. Jonsar Eck coodnae understan the damn thing. He thocht, an tae think I aye look efter it. (He nivver pit a hand near Broon An Roost, as lang it went forrit). Fin Jonsar finished his roon, it wis doon tae the garage, tae see the mechanic tae see fit wis wrang. He tried this an tried that, bit wisna sure fit wis wrang. He tested the battery an, ere wis naething wrang wi it. Took aff the starter, gaed it a clean, bit still Broon An Roost widnae go.
Broon An Roost wis left on a brae for the nicht, jist tae mak sure it wid start in the mornin. Jonsar Eck thocht you ken this is nae eese ata. Risin at seven in the mornin an nae gettin awa or ten o clock. Jonsar Eck wisnae in a gweed mood. Efter Broon An Roost did start ae day, Jonsar noticed a reed licht blinkin aff an on. He thocht at cood be the fan belt. Later on in the day the reed licht widnae gang aff. Fin Jonsar Eck lifted the bonnet tae check the fan belt, ere wisnae een ata, it hid broken. Jonsar Eck nivver threw onything awa, he hid an auld belt aneath the driver's seat, so he fitted the auld belt on, an athing wis aricht.
Broon An Roost wis left on the brae again that nicht, bit neest mornin fin Jonsar tried the starter the engine simply sprang intae life. Jonsar thocht, so much for a'a the wid be engineers that telt him fit wis wrang, ey hidnae a clue. Jonsar Eck pit on a new fan belt an hid nae mair trouble.
Fin Broon An Roost widnae start it made Jonsar Eck think o fit he cood dee tae help himsel. Neest time he wis in Aiberdeen he bocht a new battery charger. (jist in case the battery wis gettin a bittie flat) Jonsar wis jist hame, fin fa shood come in bye his hoose, bit the pal that gaed him a tug, the first mornin Broon An Roost widnae start. His pal looked at the battery charger an asks. "Foo much?" Jonsar Eck says ."Och jist a fiver" His pal laughed his heid aff saying I got een like at for nithing, I got it aff my fag coupons".
THE ROUP
It wis the middle o September eence again an Jonsar Eck on his roons this Setterday mornin. He wis tryin tae set up a roon for the winter months aheid. Jonsar Eck hid bein haein a coont aboot foo he wis deein wi the sticks an peats, as he looked back ower his books, he wis surprised tae see that his stuff hid been the same price for six years. He decided tae ask ninety pence for a bag o sticks an peats (Ey hid been echty pence afore).
On the wye roon Jonsar Eck got a fer bit o abuse fae some o his customers. Jonsar said naething mair than "I'll see you neest week" Ere wis ae lad nicknamed Greedy, fa jist went wild. He said." echty pence the bag wis ower much, nae wye am I peyin ninety pence" Waur an that Jonsar Eck hid already teemed the order o ten bags intae Greedy's shed. Greedy point blank refused tae gie Jonsar anither poun. Weel, Jonsar Eck gaed Greedy back his echt poun, filled the ten bags o sticks up an pit em back in ower his truck, (Jonsar Eck wisnae neen ower pleased).
Efter Jonsar Eck hid his denner, he hid a look doon tae the British Legion car park. Er wis a roup tae be held ere in the efterneen. Jonsar thocht, thats fine I'll hae a look doon tae the roup efter I'm finished my roon. Anither gweed oor an I'll be throu.
It wis an auld age pensioner that wis haein the roup. He hid jist lost his wife an decided tae gang ower tae the west coast somewye. The auld lad thocht that the best wye tae get rid o his stuff wid be tae hae a roup. Fin Jonsar Eck arrived at the roup, athing wis bein selt at a affa rate. Jonsar wis suprised at the price o the furniture, it seemed tae be sellin weel.
Fin the auctioneer started tae sell some bags o firewid, Jonsar Eck coodnae believe his een. Ere wis Greedy biddin for five bags o sticks. Foo much did he pey for em? Ninety pence? Na na. Twelve poun fifty pence. Fin the auctioneer asked, "Stan on? " Greedy said "Aye, aye". Greedy bocht five lots o firewid, five bags in a lot. Twenty five bags for sixty twa pouns fifty pence. For the same money he wid hae got seventy bags fae Jonsar Eck.
Jonsar Eck wis hame haein a cup o tay an, wis tellin the Wee Wifie aboot Greedy. She burst oot laughin an said. "I aye kent yon lad wisnae richt". Jist wi that ere wis a knock at the door, noo fa shood be at the door, bit Greedy. " Wid you caw hame my sticks, Jonsar Eck" he asks. Weel the sticks were teen hame in nae time ata. Jonsar Eck asked for a tenner for the ten meenit job. Greedy said "Jonsar I coodnae buy sticks fae you your ower dear". Fin Jonsar sat doon for his supper he said oot loud. I'ts yon autumn feel again.
DOOCOT FERMIN
It wis up at Mounthooly Doocot that Jonsar Eck wis stannin, lookin ower the village o Rosehearty. It wis a bonny sinny day an, the village seemed tae be so peaceful. The sea wis affa quait an the water wis a deep blue colour. As Jonsar Eck looked ower the horizon, he coodnae bit notice the sky wis the same deep blue colour. Ere wisnae a breath o win an the bonny blue water simply glistened an sparkled in the sin.
As Jonsar Eck looked tae his left, he cood mak oot the ootline o the Black Isle. He thocht, it appears tae be so near, I jist hiv tae reach ower an touch it. Tae Jonsars richt wis the Broch, Peterhead an he wis sure he cood mak oot Aiberdeen. Mounthooly Doocot is een o Jonsar Eck's favourite places an he offen stops for a wee fyle, jist tae hae a look aboot. Jonsar Eck wis fine pleased that day for the view wis jist breathtakin.
Jonsar Eck wis affa puzzled wi Mounthooly Doocot. He often asked himsel, fit wid it hae been used for? The name Doocot must mean it hid something tae dee wi doos. As Jonsar made his wye doon intae Rosehearty, his first customer wis a retired school teacher an Jonsar kent she hid a fer bit o intrest in local history. Jonsar asked her fit the Doocot at Mounthooly wis used for?. "Och that thing, I think it hid something tae dee wi doos" She replied. Jonsar says "Aye, bit fit happened up ere?" "Och I dinna ken" she snapped, she peyed Jonsar an disappeard intae her hoose. Jonsar Eck hid a bee in his bonnet an coodnae leave it aleen. He asked anither auld mannie an wis telt. " Doocot, it wis for the doos you feel".
Aboot twa months later Jonsar Eck wis doon at the Strichen Steens. Jonsar wis takin some photos o the steens. Jonsar wis fer beeried in fit he wis deein an didnae hear twa auld lads come in aboot. The three o em sat doon tae hae a news an the twa o em pinted oot een or twa interestin pints aboot the area. Jonsar Eck asks. "Fit's yon rummle o steens aboot fifty yards awa?" That's a Doocoot" ae lad explains. A'a at eence Jonsar Eck's mind wis jolted intae action eence. Doocot? says Jonsar. "At's richt" Said the twa aulds lads the gither. "Noo fit wid that hae been used for?" Jonsar asks. Ey baith started tae laugh an een o em blurts oot. "For doos Jonsar min, for doos. Jonsar Eck thocht, oh surely nae again.
Een or twa year back, atween Portsoy an Cullen ere wis a new sign pit up be the cooncil. A broon sign, meanin tae Jonsar Eck, it wid lead to a tourist attraction. In bold letters the sign said Findlater Castle. Ae day Jonsar Eck thocht he wid be a tourist an as he approached the sign he pit oot his indicator an turned intae a narra road. He left the truck in the car park an followed the sign tae the castle. Jonsar looked ower tae his left an fit div you think he sa? Wid you believe it stannin ere wis a Doocot. Jonsar decided tae hae naething tae dee wi the bloomin thing. It wis the castle he wanted tae see.
The castle wis an impressive place sittin on a big rock, richt oot in the middle o the sea. Onybody deein anything wrang wid hae been shoved oot a door or windae, far ere wis a ninety fit drap on tae rocks an intae the water. Nae only wis the castle impressive bit the wak alang the shore wis affa peaceful. Some stunnin an spectacular rock formations made it a really worthwhile efterneen. Jonsar Eck wid tak a photo, bit the sin wis ahin a clood. Jonsar jist sat doon an waited for it tae appear again. Aboot an oor efter, oot came auld glory an Jonsar got his photo. He wis happy an pleased wi his efterneen. Jonsar Eck hid been up an doon that road so mony times an didnae ken aboot the castle an it's history. Funcy jist a couple hunner yards aff the road an ere's a bit o country steeped in history.
It wis noo aboot seven o clock at nicht an Jonsar Eck felt the hunger pains begin tae gnaw at his stamach. He thocht it wis time that he hid something tae ait. As he passed the Doocot he coodnae resist gaun ower tae see it. A'a at eence Jonsar Eck's mind wis set at rest. Findlater Doocot hid been restored be the cooncil an ere wis a wee bit o information tellin fowk a'a aboot Doocots.
Ths wis a wye o fermin, dated awa back aboot the Roman times. This type o biggin wis used for fermin doos. A Doocot the size o Findlater held seven hunner doos, a'a in nest boxes. It wis rock doos at wis used for breedin, ey were a bit mair than wee, compared tae the cushie doo. In five weeks the doos wis thocht tae be fat eneugh tae ait.
Ere wis a law at ae time, that said Doocots coodnae be biggit within twa mile o arable land. Fermers nooadays grumph fin a puckle doos land in een o their parks. Fit wid ey de if seven hunner were tae land a'a at eence? Mind you it's nae much o a doo if it canna flee twa mile. Jonsar Eck kent ae lad that sent a doo ower tae France noo an again, bit the damn doo aye came back. Weel Jonsar Eck wis pleased tae find oot aboot the doocot an his been back a puckle times since.
BOBBY DAZLER
Broon An Roost wis chuggin hame fae the saw mill at Longside. It wis fer load doon tae the gunales, the auld truck wis creakin an groanin, bit gettin ere jist the same. Jonsar Eck looked in his mirror afore he broke aff the main road tae gang tae Leeches Burn, far he cut his firewid. In the mirror he seen a bobbies car, blue licht flashin an heid lichts comin aff an on. Jonsar Eck peyed nae heed, he jist drove on. As Jonsar Eck drew intae the close at Leeches Burn, the bobbies car drew in richt ahin him.
"Did you not see me in your mirror?" asks the bobby. "Oh aye" said Jonsar , "bit fit wid you be needin me for?. I'm nae ower heavy, look here's the wecht ticket fae the saw mill. It's signed the day, as a metter o fact this load his jist been on my truck nae mair than half an oor. Noo fit can I dee tae help you?" The bobby wis fer teen aback wi Jonsar Eck bein sae aggressive, he looked Jonsar up an doon, shook his heid an said. " I'ts just a check to see if your truck is roadworthy." " Road worthy" spluttered Jonsar Eck. "It's aye on the road. of coorse it's roadworthy." At's fan the bobby gaed on the attack. He hid a look at the licence, gaed his heid a nod. He en took athing oot o his pooch an, started tae see if ere wis eneugh tread on the truck tyres. Eence mair he gaed his heid a nod. The bobby en went intae the boot o his car an took oot a plastic tube, wi a bellows at ae end o it. "Open your fuel tank" he asked Jonsar. Efter a fyle o shovin, an screwin, the bobby managed tae tak oot some diesel (clear) fae the tank on Jonsar's truck.
"Is your truck insured and tested?' Asks the bobby. "Div you think I'm a crook" snaps Jonsar Eck. The bobby steps back an declares. "I would like to see your lights working" Jonsar Eck pit on the lichts an asks". Dis that please you? "Eence mair it wis a nod o the heid. A' at eence the bobby smiled an said "I could ask you to hand the documents in to the nearest police station, but everything else is within the law so I'll trust you." Jonsar Eck said. "At's fine bit I can assure athing is a richt. I thocht it took twa bobbies tae dee this job". The bobby jist shook his heid. " No, no it is a new law that is just new out".
Jonsar Eck asks. "fit wye did you stop me? "Your truck could do with a tidy up, but everything seems to be in order". (Broon An Roost wis lookin affa roch). Now "I'll away and let you get on with your work, cheerio" An the bobby wis gone. As Jonsar Eck backed his truck back tae the saw, the hand brake cable snapped fin he stopped. "Aye" said Jonsar "at's a bobby dazzler".
A FLITTIN
It wis aboot six o clock ae nicht as Jonsar Eck sat watchin the TV fin a knock came tae the front door. Jonsar answered the door an ere wis auld Stanley stannin ere. He asked Jonsar Eck." Wid you flit me fae Auchter Glen Turra on Setterday?" Jonsar Eck nodded his heid an says." Oh aye Stanley, you hiv been at my door every nicht this week. I'll gie you the same answer as I aye dee. I'll be ere at echt o clock sharp." Stanley growled. "Dinna be late, I wid like tae be in Pitsliga aboot ten an hae the hale day tae settle intae oor new hoose. Noo be ere at echt an dinna be late".
Jonsar Eck hid his breakfast at seven an set awa real sharp that Setterday mornin, followin a map that Stanley hid drawn up for him. It wis a richt bonny mornin, jist richt for the job that wis in hand. Jonsar Eck arrived at Auchter Glen aboot quarter tae echt, expectin tae see a hive o activity ootside the hoose far Stanley bade. Fit a bigake Jonsar got, ere wis naebody aboot. The curtains were still drawn, Jonsar winnered if he wis at the richt place. It wis lang past echt o clock fin a young lad came wakin alang the road. Jonsar Eck asked the lad. " Is this far Auld Stanley bides?" The lad says. "Oh aye he's flittin the day" Jist wi that Stanley appeared at the door. "Your late" he snarled. Afore Jonsar cood answer Stanley wis joined be his wife Grace." Noo noo Stanley you hiv forgot tae wind up the clock". Stanley wisnae pleased. "At's your job" he bawled, slammin the door shut. Jonsar Eck cood hear em haein a richt barny inside, he jist hoped he hidnae started world war three.
At nine o clock Jonsar wis asked in for a cup o tay. Three bairns were rinnin aboot half naked an shoutin at ey were hungry. Grace wis deein her best tae get the porrige ready, bit often trippin ower a ginger cat an a wee spaniel dog.
Efter Stanley got himsel an, the femily fed he seemed in better humour." Noo bairns get dressed an gie your mither a hand tae pack", he says cheerily. Jonsar Eck said tae himsel. " Good lord ten o clock an nae a dish washed. Weel the dishes were nivver washed. Ey were thrown intae a packin case, pot ana, wi nae a cloot near em.
The flittin wis takin a affa time, fin in aboot came twa lads fae Pitsliga, tae see fit wis wrang. "Oh naething is wrang" Says Stanley "The larry lad wis a bittie late" Be this time Jonsar Eck wis fer fed up, fin een o the helpers said he wid big the larry. As Jonsar an the helpers took the stuff oot Stanley and Grace stood at each side o the door, dusters in their hands, giein athing a wipe. It wis a bit ower late for that, as athing wis thick wi stue.
Fin it came tae a mattress o the bed Stanley said. "Aye mony a gweed time on that", an gave it a richt hardy whack. He disappeared intae a clood o stue. Appearin some thirty seconds later, tellin a body. "At's nae gweed for my bronchitis". As Jonsar Eck wis tyin doon the load, he coodnae help bit notice the state o his larry. Yon helper hid bits o furniture stickin oot a'a wye. Jonsar shook his heid an thocht it looked like an ootsize set o bagpipes. Jonsar started tae laugh an said. "The only tune wid be Amazin Grace".
It wis decided tae pit the cat an dog in ower the cab o the larry. Fin Jonsar Eck started the larry up, the cat an dog were sittin on the passengers seat. Fin the larry started awa ey decided tae hae a fecht. Intae the hissin, snarlin ball o fluff Jonsar Eck shoved in a hand an wis bitten be the dog an scratched be the cat. Jonsar Eck let oot a roar an ey disappeared under the seat an fell soun asleep.
Efter unloadin in Pitsliga, it wis weel past three o clock, Jonsar Eck wis fer fed up, the flittin wis a shambles. Stanley an Grace spent the hale efterneen tryin tae get a licht tae work in an auld dresser. Abody humph in an pechin, liftin stuff roon aboot em. They micht as weel nae hae been ere ata.
Fin Jonsar Eck asked Stanley if he wis pleased wi the flittin, an his days work. " Oh aye" he said. "Bit you wis late in the mornin, so I'll be late in peyin you. I'll come ower wi your siller sometime". Jonsar Eck wis furious, a hale damn day wasted, nae denner, ney pey. Jonsar wis in a horrible mood fin he got hame.
Efter a bath, clean claes on, a bite tae ait Jonsar Eck felt a wee bit better. He wis jist settlin doon tae watch the fitba on TV. fin a knock came fae the door. Fin Jonsar Eck answered the door ere wis Stanley. "Och Stanley" Says Jonsar." You cood hae come ower wi the money the morn." "Fars my dog an cat?" he snarls. Fin Jonsar Eck opened the cab door ey were still asleep under the seat. Stanley grabbed the twa o em, een under each airm. Ey were snarlin, spitin, an hissin. Jonsar Eck thocht jist like a set o bagpipes, och bit at least he's gettin a tune.
ALEXANDER HOLMES
"Michty me is that the time". Alexander Holmes shot oot o his bed at an affa rate." Wull you get up an mak some mait tae me?" He asks an demands tae his beloved Hazel (she's a bit nutty) "Na na Alexander, ere's nae rush, div you nae mind this is Sunday," said a puzzled Hazel. "Fit Sunday, oh I wis jist tryin you oot, jist tae see if you hid ony idea", replies Alexander Holmes. Noo the twa o em hid been oot tae a party the nicht afore. Neen o the twa o em were sober fin ey arrived hame at six o clock on Sunday mornin. As Hazel watched Alexander Holmes tryin tae pit on his claes, (he wis still drunk) she said, "It's a gweed job your nae drivin the day, I dinna feel affa great mysel. If you tak Towser (the dog) oot for a wak, I'll hae your breakfast ready fin you come back."
As Alexander Holmes an Towser set oot on their wak, ere wis a auld car parked ootside Alexander Holmes hoose. As Towser passed the car his birse came up, he dug his feet intae the grun an growled. He simply refused tae wak past the car. Alexander Holmes gaed the lead a tug an said. "Noo noo Towser that car his naething tae dee wi you or me, come on we wull gang doon City Haugh". Awa the twa o em doon past the pooder hoosie. (Far explosives were kept eence for local quarries). Efter aboot an oor Alexander an Towser were ready for their breakfast, ey turned roon an made their wye hame.
As ey sat aitin their breakfast Hazel asks." Did you see yon auld car?" Alexander Holmes says. "Towser wisnae affa pleased wi yon car. He growled, snarled, an jist widnae come past the bloomin thing". Hazel thocht for a meenit an declares. "I'll phone the bobbies". Alexander Holmes says. "It's jist broken doon, noo dinna be daft". Hazel jist ignored him, went aheid an phoned the police.
Five minutes efter Hazel phonin, the place wis swarmin wi bobbies. Half a dizzen police cars, bobbies wi a kind o ranks, sniffer dogs, the lot. You name it ey were a'a ere swarmin roon the auld car. Hazel asks Alexander Holmes." Fit hiv I deen?". Alexander replies ."Och my little pet you hiv jist cost the country a fortune. The bobbies wull be on double time, this bein Sunday. Some o em wull maybe on treble time."
Weel it turned oot the car wis fer foo o drugs an stolen goods. It wis a great scoop for the bobbies. Of course Hazel an Alexander Holmes hid breakfast an denner a'a in ae go. Efter that it wis up tae the Circle for a stiff drink or twa, jist tae steady the nerves an get ower the shock. Fin fowk said ey were impressed wi fit Alexender Holmes hid deen (he wis takin a'a the credit) he said."Och I'm jist like my great, great, great, uncle Sherlock".
THE SETTEE
"Ladies an gentlemen the next dance will be a quickstep 'The band leader wis gey reed aboot the gills as he announced the dance. We, the band would like to see everybody on the floor. Jonsar Eck wis haein a dance in the British Legion, he wis fer enjoyin the music. He wis haein a dram or twa wi some o his auld freens an wis fer teen wi the band. The band were playin auld tunes an if Jonsar wisnae dancin he wis listenin tae the band.
"A quickstep Jonsar Eck, can you dee that?" Jonsar Eck looked up, ere wis Roch Meg stannin ere, grinnin fae lug tae lug. "Oh aye, nae bother bit I didnae ken it wis a ladies choice" (Roch Meg wis nae lady) said Jonsar. Roch Meg looked at Jonsar an smiled. "You come up this dance wi me I hiv something tae ask you" As the twa o em danced roon the fleer Roch Meg says, " You ken Jonsar, I hiv a sister that bides in the Broch." Jonsar Eck replied." Sae hiv I, bit I dinna blaw aboot it." Roch Meg jist ignored Jonsar Eck's remarks an tells him., "My sister his bocht twa cheers an a settee fae me, she wid like em teen doon the morn. Wid you caw em doon for her?" Jonsar asks. "In the efterneen?" Ere wis a snort he an, Meg roars. " Na, na I've folk comin for a meal the morn, "I'll see you at half past echt. I'll give you a lift wi the stuff an come tae the Broch wi you an show you far tae gang."
Sunday morn in at quarter past echt, Jonsar Eck wis doon at Roch Meg's hoose. Ropes oot an ready tae load up. "Be wi you in a meenit Jonsar" shouts Meg. The voice comin fae the lavvy somewye. Aboot quarter tae nine Meg appeared (nae a sicht for the faint herted) "Come on in for a cup o tay" she says. Jonsar Eck wis nae gaun tae argue wi her, nae wye.
Be the time the settee an twa cheers were intae Jonsar's truck, Meg bein mair o a hinner than a help. Bit worse wis tae come, Meg's sister started tae dish oot the orders as seen as ey got tae the Broch. Jist stood ere wi her hands on her hips, tellin Meg an Jonsar fit tae dee. Weel the twa cheers went throo the sittin room door a richt, bit wi the settee it wis a different kettle o fish. Roch Meg cursed an swore as the settee stuck in the door o the sittin room." Damn thing winna gang in" snarled Roch Meg. Her sister pinted oot, the settee at she threw awa wis bigger an the een at wis stuck in the door. Roch Meg gaed the settee a shove. It landed on tap o Jonsar wi Roch Meg on tap o the settee, roarin an laughin. (Peer Jonsar Eck).
Jonsar Eck widnae tell onybody fit wye he hid twa black een an a scratch abeen his broo. He wis in the Circle ae day an he wis gettin a fer bit o stick aboot his appearance, bit nae wye wid he say fit happened. Fae shood come intae the Circle? Roch Meg, she says." It wis me at gaed him a face like that, you see he wis aneath me at the time."
FIT A TURN UP
As Jonsar Eck chugged doon intae the Broch this day wi Broon An Roost, he wis surprised tae see some o the shops wi great muckle sale signs in o their windaes. Jonsar wis lucky an got a space tae park his truck. Een or twa shops hid stuff for sale at half price. Some signs said buy one an get one free. Noo Jonsar Eck hid been deliverin firewid a'a afterneen an wis if onything a wee bit dirty. (clean muck) So he jist jumped in ower the truck an gaed awa hame.
Neest day Jonsar Eck wis workin awa, he coodnae bit think o some o the bargains at wis in the shops. Jonsar Eck kent he wis needin a new rigoot. (mebbe twa) So fin he went hame for his denner, he hid a wash, rigged himsel oot in gweed claes an went doon tae the Broch tae dee some shoppin.
First stop wis tae buy a pair o beets, en twa pair o sheen. In anither shop he tried on a pair o jeans. "I'll buy this pair", he said tae the shop quine. She pinted oot that if he bocht twa pair he wid save six poun. Jonsar Eck thocht fit a bargain "I'll take fower pair". (He wis affa greedy) he said tae the quine. Jonsar peyed the quine an went awa tae dee mair shoppin, pickin up mair bargains on the wye.
The jeans were ower lang bit Jonsar Eck kent a wifie doon in Low Street at did some shewin. He thocht. "Och I'll get her tae tak the legs up for me" Neest day it wis poorin o rain, the day efter that wis the same. For a hale week the wither wis affa coorse. Jonsar Eck wis so fed up, he sat doon an did the shewin himsel. He wis affa roch, stiches o a size an shape. His fingers were reed raw, but Jonsar got satisfaction oot o deein the job himsel.
Suddenly ere wis a day o sin shine, sin shinin in a'a it's glory. Jonsar Eck decided tae gang on a bus run. As he wis waitin at the bus stop, fa shood be alang the street bit the wifie at dis the shewin. Jonsar said." Aye aye, you ken I wis comin doon tae see you. I wis needin you tae dee some sewin for me bit, yon rainy days I wis so fed up I sat doon an did it mysel. "It wis the legs o my jeans, look I've a pair on, fit div you think."
Noo this wifie wis affa pernickety an, Jonsar kent she widnae haud back wi fit she thocht. Jonsar wis expectin a real cool answer, mebbe nae bad, or that wull dee. Jonsar held up ae leg so she cood hae a look, she says." Oh me, dinna worry, naebody wull be lookin doon ere onywye."
THE ROSE BUSH
It wis jist aboot the end o April, an Jonsar Eck wis doon at Rosehearty tryin tae sell some firewid. He hid been affa busy the hale winter bit in the early Spring things were beginin tae slow doon. It hid been like that since Jonsar Eck hid started his firewid roon. Fin the wifies started deein their Spring cleanin ( fin een started ey a'a started) the firewid sales wid come tae a halt. Ere wis aye een or twa fowk at jist coodnae dee withoot a fire. Jonsar wis jist takin his time, haein a news wi yon een an, wi onybody that wid spik tae him.
Ere wis a wifie cawed Susie that took ten bags o firewid fae him every week, simmer or winter. She wid say "Fit I dinna burn in the simmer time, I'll jist keep em for the coorse winter nichts. I'll hae a gran fordel or winter". Jonsar Eck jist agreed wi her, he wis pleased ere wis fowk like her, if ere wisnae he wid hae tae tichen the belt.
As he teemed in the ten bags o firewid tae Susie, she asks," are you busy?" Jonsar said "Na na, nae affa". Susie says. "Ere's a wifie roon the neuk pit plastic in her gairden an covered the plastic wi sma steens, I'm gettin ower auld for the gairden, cood you dee the same for me?". Jonsar Eck wis fer teen aback, he gaed his heid a scrat an said, "I suppose I cood".
Susie took Jonsar Eck roon tae see her gairden (it wis a affa mess)" Fit div you think?" Jonsar said. "Och aye I cood gie it a go, jist ae thing fit aboot your roses?" Susie screws up her face an says." I'll shift em afore you come doon at the weekend."
Fin Jonsar Eck drew in aboot tae Susie's hoose on Setterday, wi a load o chuckies he got an affa bigake. The roses bushes (fifteen o em) were still in the grun." Fit aboot this rose bushes?" snarls Jonsar Eck. " Och I hinna been affa weel, I didnae want tae stop you, jist work roon aboot em." Explains Susie. Jonsar Eck wisnae affa pleased bit thocht fit wid he dee wi the chuckies. He thocht he hid better jist work awa.
Jonsar Eck pit doon a bit o plastic sheetin far ere wis nae rose bushes. En covered the plastic wi twa or three barra load o chuckies. Jonar's neest move wis tae try an shape the plastic sheetin roon aboot the rose bushes. Of coorse that wisnae gweed tae dee. The rose bush seemed tae hae a mind o its ain. Efter a fer chauve an a puckle blue words Jonsar hid tae admit defeat. Jonsar sat ere, the sweat poorin aff o him, bleed poorin fae his airm, brobbed be the rose bush. Jonsar Eck went intae attack again sayin, "Nae bloomin rose bush is gaun tae beat me". It wisnae lang afore the distress signals were oot again, the air fer blue wi swear words. It wis jist en that Susie's hame help appeared. She demands." Jonsar jist stop that swearin, Susie disnae believe in bad words. "Jonsar Eck snapped" I dinna believe in yon words either, but tell Susie it's nae her airm at's been torn tae bits wi the bushes".
HOLIDAY
Och weel at's the sheds a'a locked up, the ile changed o the car, boot o the car fer foo wi cases. Ere wis Jonsar Eck sittin in the car winnerin foo lang wul it be afore him an the Wee Wifie cood gang awa their holiday. Ere wis something wrang ere seemed tae be something upsettin the Wee Wifie. Three times she hid shut aff the electric, five times she shut aff the water. The breakfast dishes hid been washed half a dizzen times. Jonsar Eck wis gettin a wee bit restless, he thocht we cood be in the car an on oor wye.
Fin the Wee Wifie finally came oot o the hoose she asks." Jonsar hiv you seen my money?" "Na" Jonsar replies. "Weel at's queer it's aboot here somewye. Are you sure you hinna got my money." Jonsar Eck snorts. "Look here you are the treasure an treasurer o the hoose, fit wye wid I hae your money. I hiv some money an the cheque book, wid that nae dee?" The Wee Wifie widnae listen, jist asks." Wid you open the boot?" It wis a question an a order rolled intae een.
Fin the car boot wis opened her mood changed. "Oh michty me fa pit my handbag in here?" Jonsar Eck sighed "It wisnae me". "Oh aye" she laughs "At's far the money is" Shaks her heid an says. "I'll jist wash the breakfast dishes an we wull get awa. I've been waitin for you for a fyle Jonsar".
A chalet hid been booked up be Oban somewye. Jonsar Eck didnae hae a clue far aboot at Oban bit thocht he wid find the place somewye or ither. The Wee Wifie hid flasks an sandwiches in the boot (beside her handbag). Ey hid a picnic or twa jist tae brak the journey. It wis a richt fine day for the run, it wis still gey cauld in the weak Spring sin. The twa o em fer enjoyed the scenery, sna still on the hills up be Loch Laggan, Spean Bridge, Fort William, Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie finally arrived at the chalet at seven o clock.
It wis a auld ferm steadin converted intae chalets. Ere wis a sma veranda an as Jonsar an the Wee Wifie stood on it ey looked doon on Loch Linnie. Weel, the Little Wifie fell in wi a duster an made sure ere wis nae stue in the chalet. She jined. Jonsar on the veranda an watched the sin set on Loch Linnie. Athing wis dark deep reed, the sky an the water seemed tae be on fire. Jonsar an the Wee Wifie felt priveliged tae see sic a act o nature.
Ae day Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie went on a cruise on Loch Etive. It really wis a smashin day, the water on the loch wis shimmerin in the weak spring sin shine. Ere wis still sna on tap o the mountains an the reflection wis sae clear an spectacular. Swoopin aboot the tap o the moutains ere wis eagles, buzzards, the deer comin richt doon tae the waters edge. It wis jist as nature intended. The only thing oot o place wis the fowk in o the boat. Weel at's fit the seals seemed tae say as ey lay lazily on the rocks, watchin the boat glide bye. It wis a great day an fin Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie got back tae the chalet, the Little Wifie fell in wi a hoover an, went throo the chalet like a something possesed, a'a the time singin. "It beats as it sweeps as it cleans". She jined Jonsar Eck on the veranda an, ey watched the sin pit Loch Linnie on fire eence again. Wee Wifie sighed. "It's been a gran day, affa affa satisfyin day, I think we wull hae a nicht cap at yon pub doon the road."
That's the wye Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie spent their time. enjoyin the scenery an haein a richt lazy time. Ey were baith amazed jist foo fast the time seemed tae slip bye. Neest day the twa o em made for Glencoe. It seemed tae be a sinister place, affa stunnin scenery an it wis easy tae imagine a battle bein focht ere. Jonsar Eck wrote.
We are lookin humbly on in awe,
At the splendour a Glen Coe,
En keep faun on oor tour,
Throo bleak on desolate Rannoch Moor.
Ae day Jonsar Eck seen a bargain day on a poster. On this day you cood visit three islands in ae day. So neest day Jonsar an the Wee Wifie set oot braw sharp in the mornin, tae catch the ferry tae Mull. Ey hid their breakfast on the ferry, ey were keepin a e'e on the water. It seemed mair an a bittie choppy. Fin ey landed at Mull it wis on a coach at took them tae the ither end o the island. Wi the driver pintin oot a'a the different aspects o the island. For instance the one track road at ey were rinnin on wis named the M1. This brocht howls o laughter fae the fowk in the bus. Staffa wis the next island at ey were gaun tae see, bit fin Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie seen the ferry that wis tae tak em tae Staffa their herts missed a beat or twa. The sea wis affa roch or this time an Jonsar hid some misgivins as he stepped in ower a sma fishin boat, made intae a ferry. Up an doon, left an richt, that wee boat wis tryin tae dee, a'a at ae time, as ey cut throo the mair an roch sea.
Fingla's Cave is cut oot be the movement o the water, far the North Sea an the Atlantic Ocean meet. Noo the formation o the cave is spectacular. The Wee Wifie wis fer chuffed wi the journey bit, Jonsar Eck said. "I hiv been an seen, tae gang back again is nae my dream." Arran wis the next island an Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie were lookin forrit tae seein the Abbey. Of coorse owing tae the bad weather the time ran oot an ey werenae able tae see the Abbey. Jonsar Eck thocht it wisnae much o a bargain efter a'a.
Ae week? It seemed like a day or twa an, a'a oh a sudden Jonsar Eck wis teemin the car boot at the back door o their hoose. As he took oot the heavy cases, the Wee Wifie wis takin oot the licht stuff. Fin she came upon her bag, Jonsar say's "Ere's ae thing certain lass, I ken far your money is noo".
SENT AFF
Hardie Tackle wis haein a look at a bill that wis in a shop windae. "Title decider" he read oot loudly. "Pitsliga verus Langside, on Monday nicht at 7.30." Hardie thocht this is Monday, hid a look at his watch an noticed it wis quarter tae echt. Och aye he thocht I'll wander awa doon an see fit's happenin. Hardie Tackle wis team manager fin the Pitsliga team last won the league title, awa back in nineteen echty fower, Pitsliga winnin seven titles on the trot. Hardie Tackle hid naething tae dee wi the playin side o things for a fyle noo an thocht, I'll awa doon tae the park an see fit happens.
First thing at Hardie Tackle noticed wis at Pitsliga player manager, Jake Monie wis stannin on the touch line, nae even stripped intae shorts. Hardie asks ae lad. "Fit's wrang wi him?" A lad informs Hardie Tackle. "Jake his been sent aff a puckle times this season, I dinna think he wull play again this year." As the game progressed, the play got a wee bittie mair an roch, Jake Monie wis jumpin up an doon cawin the referee athing fae the touchline. Ower comes the referee tae Jake Monie an, says something tae him. Ere wis a fer auld barny atween em, the referee hid eneuch an showed Jake the reed card. Noo Jake Monie wis haein neen o this an telt the referee fit he thocht o him, the result wis that Jake wis sent tae the dressin rooms, banned fae the field o play an him nae even playin.
Pitsliga did win the game an the league bit, ere wis some spik in the vilage efter the game. Hardie Tackle went intae the Circle for a dram, ae lad said tae him. "I dinna suppose you hiv seen ony thing like at afore?" Hardie said. "Oh aye I mind awa back aboot nineteen seventy echt, fin we first won the league wi my young team. You see the league wis won lang afore the season finished. The selectors an me were fer chuffed, bit we had been in twa finals an lost em baith. Efter a fer chauve we reached the final o the Crimond Cup. We were fer up for this game, practice, we hid trainin for a hale week. Free kicks, penalty kicks, runnin roon the park, press ups, you name it. Pitsliga fitba team were ferrly gaun for a cup win.
The lad looked at Hardie Tackle an asks. "Fit happened?" Hardie replied." Oor best player Kelvin Black took the day aft his work on the day o the cup final, tae celebrate winnin the cup afore the game wis played. He coodnae stan nivver mind play fitba. Of course Crimond were the cup holders an ney wye were ey gaun tae gie the cup tae this Pitsliga upstart o a team. It wis an affa even game an as play went fae ae end tae the ither onything cood happen. As a Crimond player took a throw in, Kelvin grabbed the ba an the Crimond player threw thin air on tae the park. Weel the referee wisnae pleased an gied Kelvin a reed card. He wis sent aff bit nivver on the field o play. It's often spoken aboot, Kelvin is in the Pitsliga sportin folklore, you see that is black upon fyte. Noo of coorse he his got a partner.
SMELLY
"Och at's fine the postie is fine an early the day" said Jonsar Eck tae himsel. Jonsar wis sittin haein a cup o tay jist at the back o nine this mornin, the wither wis playin up. Ere wis a shoor o twa o sna bit, it wisnae Iyin. As Jonsar opened ae letter an hid a read o it, he wis a wee bit confused. This wis a wifie fae Aberdour needin her gairden dellt, covered wi plastic an, covered wi steens. it wis the month o October an, Jonsar thocht it wis a bit late in the year for at.
So the neest time Jonsar Eck went doon tae Aberdour wi firewid he went roon tae see the wifie, tae see fit she wis needin deen. It wisnae a big gairden, bit it wis foo o dokens. Dokens, Jonsar Eck hid nivver seen the like, ey stood aboot five feet high an aboot as thick as a tree. Jonsar says." This wull hae tae be dug" (he wisnae gaun tae dig it)" Oh yes Jonsar, I have an old man going to dig it for me. Will you come back in two weeks time, and I will have the garden ready for you."
Fin Jonsar Eck went tae see the wifie in twa weeks time, sure eneuch the gairden wis dug an ready. "I'll be doon the morn" says Jonsar, "How much will it cost?" asks the wifie. Weel she cood afford athing bit pinted oot at the plastic wis affa dear. Jonsar Eck said. "I ken far ere is some black plastic dumped in a quarry in Pitsliga. It came aff o yon roon bales o silage, if I pit doon twa or three fauls o plastic it shood dee the job, it micht smell o silage a bit, come time the smell will wear awa.
So it wis doon tae Aberdour early in the mornin wi a load o chuckies, an a bag or twa o plastic. It took Jonsar Eck a hale day tae dee the job, aye gaun tae Lovies quarry for a puckle mair chuckies. Only thing at Jonsar Eck didnae like wis, the wifie nivver offered him a cup o tay. Fin it came tae half past twal, Jonsar hid tae gang tae the pub for a bar lunch. Fin Jonsar finished the job aboot half past three, the wifie peyed him wi a cheque. Jonsar said." I thocht you said you wid pey wi cash". The wifie replied." I haven't had time to go to the bank". Jonsar Eck went tae the bank twa or three days efter an the damned cheque bounced. Every time Jonsar gaed roon bye the wifie, somewye or ither she wis nivver in.
Aboot twa month later in come anither cheque, wi a richt nesty letter sayin at ere wis an affa smell comin affa the plastic. Wid Jonsar Eck come doon an see fit wis wrang. Jonsar went tae the bank wi the cheque, waited a day or so until his money came throo, en set oot doon tae Aberdour. Fin the wifie came tae the door Jonsar says. "I canna smell onything," the twa o em glowered at each ither, en Jonsar gaed doon on his knees an, starts tae smell the chuckies, en the drains, "Nae damned smell here ata" he growls. Jist wi at ere wis a affa soun fae a park neest tae the wifies hoose, Ere wis a fermer spreadin dung wi a tractor an a muck spreader. Dung fleein awye, Jonsar Eck roars. "At's your bloody stink" Somewye or ither the wifie hid disappeared intae the hoose, fester an fest.
THE GOLF MATCH
"Are you a member of the club sir?" Asked the barmaid o this affa posh bar at Jonsar Eck wis stannin in. "No" answered Jonsar. "Well I have to inform you that, you can't use our facilities if you are not a member. If you are with a member of the club, you can use our facilities". Jonsar Eck hid only asked the lassie. "Far's the lavvy?" ( he wis jist fer burstin) Jonsar Eck hid been on the go for echt oors an nature of coorse wis giein him a call.
Jonsar Eck hid decided tae come up tae Nairn tae see the British Amateur Golf Championship. He thocht it wid be something different. It wis Setterday the day o the final, bein played atween a Scotsman an a Welshman. Jonsar Eck hid tried tae play golf (nae affa weel) an thocht he cood hit the ba a fer distance. Fin Jonsar seen the power an the shots played be this twa chiels, he wis amazed. The match wis been played flat oot, nae quarter asked neen given, it wis affa even, gey nip an tuck. Ey were haein a richt ding dong battle. It wis a gran day an Jonsar joined in wi the crowd an enjoyed the match.
Efter the first echteen holes the players stopped for something tae ait an, jonsar Eck made for Broon an Roost far he hid a flask an some sandwiches. He thocht he wid get relief among some bushes, bit fin he got back tae Broon An Roost the car park wis fer foo wi fowk an cars. Noo this wis gettin serious, if Jonsar didnae get a leak, he wid hae a leak (nature widnae wait for ivver) Ere wis tents o a'a kind, press tents, tents wi bakery goods for sale, tents sellin golf gear, bit toilets? Ey were nae wye tae be seen. At wis fan Jonsar Eck took the bull be the horn an, went intae the posh club hoose. A body in the place wis smokin cigars an, sippin wine fae affa funcy glesses. Fin the lassie mair or less telt Jonsar he coodnae use the lavvy, a chiel telt him far aboot tae gang tae get relief. "I'm Jock Robertson, jist say you are wi me".
Jonsar Eck thanked the chiel, an fin he came back tae the bar he said tae the lassie,"I'll hae a whisky. I'm wi Jock Robertson". She wisnae affa pleased bit did serve him. Jonsar Eck noticed at the golf match hid started again, he gulped doon his whisky an made for the door. Of coorse the wa wis biggit wi gless, tae let fowk see the golf course, an Jonsar tried tae wak throo the gless. As he sat ere on the fleer, stars furlin roon his heid, he heard een o the toffs say. "Oh I say, I see that Scottish chappie is drunk". Jonsar wis wearin a tartan bonnet an a tartan body warmer. Fin he stood up he said tae Toffie Nose. "I'm the only Scottish body here min", Jist wi at the the lassie fae ahin the bar an anither toff took Jonsar oot o the bar an on tae the golf course. "Now don't come back in here again sir", said the bar lassie. "Dinna worry, fin nature calls I'll jist gaun ahin a funn bush" snarled Jonsar. He en made awa tae watch the golf.
P. S. The Welsh lad won.
HOSPITAL
Jonsar Eck wis intae the Aiberdeen hospital visitin the Wee Wifie, in ward forty twa. Ere wis the soun o a bell ringin an Jonsar Eck kent at his time wis up, as he said cheerio tae the Wee Wifie he heard a cry for help fae a frail auld wifie. It turned oot at this wuman's lassie wis in ward forty twa, an her man wis in ward seven. She wis askin a nurse fit wye tae get tae ward seven. Weel the nurse wis tryin desperately tae mak the auld dear understan her directions. It wis nae eese the auld wifie wis fer lost an in a state o shock, be the looks o her she cood end up in bed hersel. At wis fan her knight in shinin armour appeared in the shape o Jonsar Eck. "Noo look here" he said. "I'll tak you tae ward seven, I ken this hospital like the back o my hand". She didnae half perk up fin she heard fit Jonsar said. She hooked her airm intae Jonsar Eck's then said. "Oh michty a gweed lookin chap like you, your a richt gweed soul". As Jonsar led her taewards the lift, she started tae spik an, forgot tae stop.
On the wye doon tae the ground fleer, she telt Jonsar a'a aboot her fowk, her mither an father, an her sisters an brithers. Jonsar Eck pressed the lift button for the lower ground fleer, thinkin she widnae hae sae far tae wak. As she left the lift Missus chatterbox hid started tae tell Jonsar aboot her ain femily.
As Jonsar Eck stepped oot o the lift he hid a look for a sign or twa tellin him far tae gang, Jonsar began tae panic, ere wisnae ony signs. Fit he did notice wis, at the waas' o this fleer were a shockin pink an, the doors were a bricht crimson. On tap o ae door it said theatre A, across the corridor, theatre B, roon the corner wis theatre C. Abody wis gaun aboot scrubbed up an, ready tae dee operations. Nae wye shood Jonsar Eck an misses chatterbox be doon here, jist in fae the outside fer foo o germs. Fowk in trollies were gaun rattlin past Jonsar an Missus chatterbox, some moanin, some groanin, ae wifie wis tryin tae sing, The Bonnie Lass O Fyvie.
As Jonsar Eck passed theatre A for the third time, he kent fine he wis lost. Missus chatterbox wis noo tellin Jonsar a'a aboot her granchildren. Jonsar wis deein his best tae keep calm fin, a wee nurse in a affa hurry bumped intae Missus chatterbox, gey near cawin her ower. The nurse wis fer foo o apology an Jonsar asks "Fars the wye oot?" "Go to the end of the passage an turn richt", said the nurse.
It wis a sense o relief, Jonsar Eck hid finally spotted the main passage, wi plenty fowk movin aboot. Jonsar wis noo hearin aboot the richts an wrangs o Missus chatterbox's great grand children. She hid been so busy spikin she didnae ken she hid been lost. Missus chatterbox seen the sign sayin ward seven, she let oot a screech o delight, an wis awa in a flash. She looked affa frail bit she cood shift. Wi a wave o her umbrella she wis gone. Jonsar Eck aye thocht he hid escaped fin he came oot o the hospital, bit this time it wis THE GREAT ESCAPE.
ROMANCE
Fin Jake heard the gently rap, rap on his door, he rose fae his chair an, let oot a almighty roar. "Dinna be sae damned impatient" he roared. Jake wis the heid gamie on the Auchter Glen estate. A stern hard man fa stood for nae nonsense, He hid started awa as a loon an worked his wye up tae heid gamie. He hid worked on the estate for twenty five year.
Tae say that Jake wis a bully wis pittin it mildly. He ruled the estate wi an iron fist. He hid a sense that telt him fan onybody wis prowlin on the estate an time an again appeared fae naewye. Onybody venturin near his young game birds were sent packin, wi a shot or twa fae his double barrel twelve bore shotgun, fired ower their heids.
Abody on the estate gave Jake a wide berth. any time he spoke tae the gairdener, or the factor, or ony estate worker, it ended up in a bawlin match. Usually Jake sendin em awa wi a few choice words. (neen o em complimentary) The laird himsel didnae care for Jake, bit nae wye cood he fault his work. Nivver onything oot o place, athing spic an span an up tae date.
Jake wis the maist unromantic object o a human bein that onybody cood think o. Weel Cupid an his bow an arra struck fin Jake wis a young gamie. He fell madly in love wi Jane, the skiffie at Auchter Glen big hoose. Ey went thegither a gweed lot, mebbe for echteen month or so. Suddenly Jane announced she wis in the femily wye. Tae Jake's astonishment she telt him that ney wye wid she marry him. Jane said "she coodnae let a monster like Jake bring up her femily".
Jane hid worked at Auchter Glen hoose for five year an thocht she wid be telt tae leave. The lairds wife an Jane got on affa weel an the laird offered Jane a sma cottage in the middle o the policies. Tellin Jane that she cood keep her job if she wanted. That is exactly fit happened, efter a fyle Jane wis able tae gang back tae work, takin the bairn wi her.
Jake appeared at the hoose noo an again, bit Jane wid hae naething tae dee wi him. As usual Jake wid leave cursin an swearin, aye pittin his blood pressure awa hine up.
It wis noo fifteen year since Jamie the bairn wis born an it wis something o a triumphant roar that Jake let oot. As he opened the door he kent fine it wis Jamie roon for his money. (Jake hid peyed for the bairn for fifteen year). Foo auld are you noo Jamie?" demanded Jake. "Fifteen the day", said Jamie, nervously. "Tell your mither at's the last payment fae me an, watch the tears in her een" snarls Jake.
As Jane an Jamie set aitin their supper, Jamie telt Jane fit Jake hid said. Jane shook her heid an a wistful look came intae her een. She reached oot tae Jamie an said" Wid you gang ower tae Jake an tell him he's nae your father an watch the tears in his een".
(Temp: Celsius Rainfall: Inches)
JANUARY
Wednesday 1st, Temp 1/3
Grand tae see a fine day for the New Year,
Bit sna dings on later I div fear.
Thursday 2nd, Temp - 2/1
Gless awa doon past the zero mark,
Then sna starts tae fa efter it's dark.
Friday 3rd, Temp. -2/-2
Frost sticks in the hale day lang
Richt fae mornin fin the day began.
Saturday 4th, Temp. -1/2
Fresh or frost? You widnae ken ata,
Taewards nicht wither begins tae thaw.
Sunday 5th, Temp. -1/1
Affa cauld as it blaws throo rain,
Fine tae hae roads wi nae ice again.
Monday 6th, Temp 0/1 (Rainfall 10/16)
Frosty day, en licht shoors o rain,
Aye taewards nicht it's frosty again.
Tuesday 7th, Temp1/1
Is it frosty? weel mebbe ney
Sin comes oot for a fine day
Wednesday 8th, Temp-3/1
Gless awa doon past minus three,
Hale day lang it feeis affa frosty.
Thursday 9th, Temp 0/0
In the mornin it dings on sna,
On comes the rain, melts sna awa
Friday 10th, Temp 0/1
Dull is the day it's jist aboot dry,
Tae sna or rain wither dis try..
Saturday 11th, Temp 1/3 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull affa quait an damp as weel,
on comes the rain, ices fate it dis seal.
Sunday 12th, Temp 3/9 (Rainfall 3/16)
Sae affa mild, richt bonny sinny day,
winter, na mair like Spring I wid say.
Monday 13th, Temp. 8/9
Day turns oot affa sinny an dry
Nae any cloods jist a blue sky.
Tuesday 14th, Temp. 3/9
Affa weak is the sin in o the sky,
Fine tae see wither sae bonny an dry.
Wednesday 15th, Temp. 3/6
Day sae fine an affa mild,
Nae sign o winter bein wild
Thursday 16th, Temp. 2/3
Dul an foggy an it's damn cauld,
Clears up, bit still gang twa fauld.
Friday 17th, Temp. 2/3
Dry bit a Sooth win foo o win chill,
Noo oor beens wi cauld win dis fill.
Saturday 18th, Temp. 0/5
Fyte frost in the mornin fin we div rise,
Dry an quait, noo at's nae ony surprise,
In the efterneen er's a gey big change,
Rain poors doon in the affa heavy range.
Sunday 19th, Temp. 3/5 (Rainfall 6/16)
Dry mornin affa cauld an gey bare,
Eence mair wither disnae bide fair.
Monday 20th, Temp. 0/3 (Rainfall 2/16)
Aye ere's a frosty nip in o the air,
Hale day lang affa fine an fair.
Tuesday 21st, Temp. -2/1
Gless awa doon past minus twa,
Frost in the mornin fyte like sna,
Sin is weak, day fine an dry,
Frost sticks in as the day wears bye.
Wednesday 22nd, Temp. 4/ -2
Grun is hard an fyte like sna,
Frost sticks in, nae bad ava.
Thursday 23rd Temp. -3/5
Frost dis loup oot throo the nicht,
Day bides dry throo tae nicht,
Gless is awa up a degree or twa,
Roads hiv nae ice or ony sna
Friday 24th, Temp. 0/5
Sooth win dis blaw blustery an cauld,
Wrap up weel gang aboot twa fauld.
Saturday 25th Temp. -1/5
Fyte frost in the mornin jist eence mair,
Braw sinny day bit a wee bittie bare.
Sunday 26th Temp. -1/5
Ere's a wee touch o frost in the air,
It's a gran day richt fine eence mair.
Monday 27th Temp. 1/5
Beyond belief, day is fine an mild,
Nae sign o winter being ower wild,
Sin is weak bit affa fine tae see,
Fowk wak aboot sae happy an free.
Tuesday 28th, Temp. 2/6
Still sae affa quait an mild as weel,
Fit's roon the corner? oorsels we steel.
Wednesday 29th, Temp. 3/6
Gran day, aye affa bonny an fair,
Taewards nicht er's a dampness in the air.
Thursday 30th, Temp. 1/6
Eence mair the day is a cracker,
It's nae simmer canna be hey maker.
Friday 31st, Temp. 3/6
The day wi a dampness in o the air,
Hale day rang affa fine an fair.,
Watch wi awe at the mannie on T.V.
Driest January since 1797 says he.
FEBRUARY
Saturday 1st, Temp. 0/2
Ere's a damp sort feel in o' the air,
It's affa cauld bit it dis bide fair.
Sunday 2nd, Temp. 0/3
Candlemas
If Candlemas day be fine an fair,
Half the winter is tae come an mair,
If Candlemas day is weet an fule,
Half the winter is past at Yule.
Sunday 2nd, Temp. 0/3
Fae the Sooth a richt frosty win
Fine day bit weak is the sin.
Monday 3rd, Temp. 2/2
Strong frosty win intae us dis blaw,
Richt sharp day, forecast wid be sna
Tuesday 4 Temp. 1/6
Day turns oot mild, warm, an braw,
Winter simply his nae ony grip ata,
I see a sicht sae pleasing tae me,
A wee fyte snowdrop, it's gey hardy.
Wednesday 5th Temp. -2/4
Grun fer fyte wi frost jist like sna,
Gran day, later on wither dis thaw.
Thursday 6th Temp. 0/6
Still fine wither bit mair than cauld,
Blustery win, gang aboot twa fauld.
Friday 7th Temp. 0/9
Ere's a frosty nip in o the air,
Hale day lang cauld bit fair,
Win wi cauld oor beens dis fill,
TV mannie says it's cawed win chill.
Saturday 8th, Temp. 0/6
Frosty Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Richt fine day, crisp, bonny an braw.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 4/6
Strong Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Win maks the day feel affa affa raw.
Monday 10th, Temp. 3/5
Win veered roon intae the Sooth Wast,
Feels sae cauld jist like a icy blast.
Tuesday 11th, Temp. 0/3
Wis affa wild oot throo the nicht,
Sleet an sna nae a gweed sicht
It's frosty wi sna fin we div rise,
Day comes oot fine, gran surprise.
Wednesday 12th, Temp -1/3 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo here's a tum up for the book,
Rains a'a day, weet in cranny an neuk.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 12/16)
Affa coorse wither I hear fowk cry,
Hale day rain poors fae the sky.
Friday 14th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 7*/16)
Mornin is cauld wi shoors affa weet,
Fair in the efterneen, athing dis dreep.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Richt fine an crisp at is the mornin,
Bit wither forecast is a severe warnin,
Day turns oot sae bonny an fine,
Vergin on a day in the simmer time.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 6/6 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fae the Sooth gale force is the win,
Odd blustery shoor, jist bear an grin.
Monday 17th, Temp. 6/6
Echty mile the oor, Sooth win dis blaw,
Maist miserable day at you ivver sa,
Win chill cuts throo tae the been,
Noo o is day i'm neen ower keen.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 5/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dry wi nae win fin we div rise,
Day comes oot gran at's a surprise.
Wednesday 19th, Temp. 5/5
Win gale force says the wifie on TV,
Aye she wis richt as richt as cood be.
Thursday 20th, Temp. 1/7 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rise in the mornin tae a puckle sna,
Spleetry shoors, nae a bad day ava.
Friday 21st, Temp. 0/7 (Rainfall 5/16)
Ere's frost in the mornin followed be sna.
Bare win melts the sna in nae time ata.
En oot comes the sin afore the day is ower,
In ae day we hiv aboot seasons fower.
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/10
You can feel the warmth in o the air,
Win dis rise bit it dis bide fair.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 6/6
Day feels bare an affa affa cauld,
Stormy Sooth win gang aboot twa fauld.
Monday 24th, Temp 2/6
Sooth win gale force hale day dis blaw,
Fine dry day, my forecast is sna.
Tuesday 25th, Temp 2/5
Fine an quait, gran mornin tae be,
Grun dries up for us tae see.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 0/5
A wee touch o frost at's fit we feel,
Nip in o the air oor beens div jeel.
Thursday 27th, Temp 0/6
Frost in the mornin en the day dis change,
Rain taewards nicht in the affa heavy range,
Friday 28th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day starts awa affa dry an fair,
En win dis rise, intae us it dis tear,
See the grun begin tae dry,
Tae brak in noo fermer micht try.
MARCH
Saturday 1st, Temp 1/4
Sooth win like a lion dis blaw.
Win strengthens as the day wears awa.
Sunday 2nd, Temp 3/6
Win noo his turned intae gale force,
Hope afore lang wither changes course.
Monday 3rd, Temp 0/4
Fin I waken up, I canna bit grin,
Affa bonny day ere's nae ony win.
Tuesday 4th, Temp. -1/8
Dry day, Spring in oor minds uppermost,
Strong win later on, for words I'm lost.
Wednesday 5th, Temp. 2/5
Bitterly cauld mornin fin we div rise
En the win dis rise at's nae a surprise,
Wid you believe it dis start tae sna,
Aye bit at least the win disnae blaw.
Thursday 6th, Temp. 2/4
Ere's ferrly a frosty nip in o the air,
En Sooth win, gale force on us gey sair.
Friday 7th, Temp. 2/4
Fine mornin wi a richt frosty feel,
Poors o rain this tae me his nae appeal.
Saturday 8th, Temp. -1/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Aye ere's a fer nip in o the air,
Richt bonny day sae fine an fair.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 1/8
Is day turns oot tae be a bummer,
It's nae like spring mair like simmer,
Fermer gangs aboot wi a furrowed broo,
For the grun dries up, turnin tae stue.
Monday 10th, Temp. 3/6
Richt fine day an affa mild as weel,
Tae me days like this ferrly appeal.
Tuesday 11th, Temp. 3/10
Glorious, glorious, bonny sinny day,
Some mair days like this I div say.
Wednesday 12th, Temp. 4/11
Nae sae bricht as it wis yestrday
Heat in o the air bit a bittie grey,
Fermer hisnae time tae stop jist noo,
Brakin in, ere's sweat on his broo.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 4/11
Eence mair a day at's fine an dry,
En taewards nicht tae rain it dis try.
Friday 14th, Temp. 5/11
Affa fine is the day jist eence mair,
Tries tae rain bit wither dis bide fair.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 3/10
Wither this day tae me is affa strange.
Rain for the day in the affa heavy range.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 17/16)
Mornin tums oot affa fule an weet.
Day turns oot a richt fule breet,
En later on, rain gangs gey near aff,
Bit tae say it's fair wid be a laugh.
Monday 17th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 3/16)
Thick weet mist for the hale day lang,
Nae ony daylicht fae the day began.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 5/12
Gran day, feel the heat in o the air,
Sin for the day noo at's affa rare.
Wednesday 19th, Temp. 3/9
Fine mornin aye at least wither is dry,
In the efterneen tae rain it dis try.
Thursday 20th, Temp. 2/6
Strong North win hale day dis blaw,
Cauld eneuch I wid say for some sna,
Hale day lang is affa fine an dry,
Jist noo an again tae rain it dis try.
Friday 21st, Temp. 0/8
Waken in the mornin sin shinin bricht,
Dulls doon, freezin cauld come nicht .
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/8
Gran day sae bonny an bricht,
Bides like that throo tae nicht.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dull an weet is the momin tae be,
En oot pops the sin sae fine tae see.
Monday 24th, Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Noo this day I'm neen ower fond,
Water awye like a muckle pond,
Still feel the warmth in o the air,
En come nicht it's fine an fair.
Tuesday 25th, Temp. 1/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day tae start wi is affa fule an weet,
Sin in the efterneen wi a wee bit heat.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 5/15
Win is gey strong oot o the Wast.
Be mid day a richt cauld icy blast.
Gale force win hale day dis blaw,
My forecast I doot wid be sna.
Thursday 27th, Temp. 3/8
Still fae the Wast strong win dis blaw,
Richt damned cauld, spleetry shoor or twa.
Friday 28th, Temp 3/6
In he mornin a spleetry shoor or twa,
Hale day lang Wast win dis blaw
Saturday 29th, Temp. 3/7
Aye here's a day sae bonny an dry,
Win dis rise as the day wears bye.
Sunday 30th, Temp. 4/9
A mornin sae bonny an bricht.
Bides like that throo tae nicht.
Monday 31st, Temp. 6/15
Last day o March is bonny an clear,
En the win dis rise again i div fear
Watch the furrow on the fermers broo,
March his been a lion throo an throo.
APRIL
Tuesday 1st, Temp. 3/12 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day richt fine wi a fer pir o win,
Gran day bit er's nae much sin.
Wednesay 2nd, Temp. 5/12
Day is fine wi a pir o win eence mair,
Hale day the win dis blaw, on us gey sair.
Thursday 3rd, Temp. 1/12 (Rainfall 2/16)
Flurries o sna, an hailsteens as weel,
Hale day lang oor beens div cheel.
Friday 4th, Temp. 0/4 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rise in the mornin grun covered in sna,
Bit the day turns oot sae bricht an braw.
Saturday 5th, Temp. 1/10 (Rainfall 9/16)
In the mornin it is jist aboot dry,
En rain fer poors oot o the sky,
Taewards night aff gangs the rain,
It's a richt fine nicht eence again.
Sunday 6th, Temp. 1/3
Ere's a fer bit o frost in o the win,
Cauld the hale day wi a touch o sin.
Monday 7th, Temp. 3/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Affa quait an gey dull as weel,
Warmth in the air that I can feel.
Tuesday 8th, Temp. 5/15
Richt fine warm day sae bonny an dry,
Be the looks o things Springs on it's wye.
Wednesday 9th, Temp. 5/18
Here's a day sae gran wi plenty o sin,
Bit ere's a affa cauld bare win,
As the plooed grun begins tae dry,
Tae pit in crap the fermer dis try.
Thursday 10th, Temp. 5/12
Mair than a blustery win oot o the Wast,
Hale day lang we feel the cauld blast.
Friday 11th, Temp. 5/11
Fae the North roch raw win dis blaw,
Affa bare win fin sin nae in sicht.
Saturday 12th, Temp. 2/9
Day starts awa sae fine an mild,
Win dis rise bit neen ower wild,
Sunday 13th, Temp. 4/10
Tae rain the hale day it dis try
Wither for this day jist aboot dry
Monday 14th, Temp. 3/12
Day turns oot richt fine an dry,
Bare North win oor patience dis try.
Tuesday 15th, Temp. 2/11
Braw day sinny, richt fine an fair,
Ere's a wee pir o win, it's gey bare.
Wednesday 16th, Temp. 3/12
Wither is affa dull an affa grey,
Wi a cauld pir o win for the day.
Thursday 17th, Temp. 5/10
Affa dull an close, aye an heavy tee,
My forecast? Rain noo it maun be.
Friday 18th, Temp. 5/10
Hale day lang damp wi a mist sae weet,
Blaws throo a win, abody cood greet.
Saturday 19th Temp. 2/7
Day turns sae cauld an affa bare,
North East win intae us dis tare.
Sunday 20th, Temp. 1/12
Richt fine day wi some sin as weel,
Spring is in the air at's fit I feel,
See the Daffies bricht yella an braw,
Ere's been nae gales tae blaw them awa.
Monday 21st, Temp. 2/11 (Rainfall 2/16)
Strong North Wast win hale day dis blaw,
Blawin intae us a hailsteen shoor or twa.
Tuesday 22nd, Temp. 3/9
Mormond hill is covered in sna,
Comes oot fine, North win dis blaw.
Wednesday 23rd, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 3/16)
Rain in the mornin fin we div rise,
Poors tae late efterneen at's a surprise,
Taewards nicht comes oot fine an bricht,
Wi a cauld win wrap oorsel's up ticht.
Thursday 24th, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 21/16)
Fae the North Wast a damned cauld blast,
Lichtsome shoor, jacket you canna cast.
Friday 25th, Temp. 2/8
Cauld is the day wi a win sae bare,
Ere's a lichtsome shoor bit maistly fair.
Saturday 26th, Temp. 2/7
Strong Sooth win the hale day dis blaw,
Sae fine an dry bit a wee bittie raw.
Sunday 27th, Temp. 5/7
Sooth win still affa bare an raw,
Bides dry wi a touch o sin sae braw,
See the parks sae bonny an green,
Ere's nae a better sicht that I hiv seen,
Monday 28th, Temp. 6/10
On comes the rain jist for a change.
In the foreneen it's in the heavy range.
Later in the day richt fine an het,
Is this the Spring for fit we wait?
Tuesday 29th, Temp. (Rainfall 2/16)
We div feel the warmth in o the air.
Bit come nicht a April shoor eence mair.
Wednesay 30th, Temp. 6/19
It's a richt fine day wi plenty o sin,
Fer bit o heat an nae ony win,
Een o the first sichts I hiv seen.
Is the yalla flooer upon the breem.
MAY
Thursday 1st, Temp. 9/21
Ferrly warm an affa het witoot a doot,
Fit's yon sayin aboot a winter cloot?
Friday 2nd, Temp. 9/21
We ferrly feel the warmth in o the air.
Hale day lang sae fresh an fair.
Saturday 3rd, Temp. 6/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Rain in the mornin. affa fule an weet,
Sin in the efterneen wi a fer bit heat.
Sunday 4th, Temp. 6/8 (Rainfall 7/16)
Withoot a doot the note is gey soor.
Hale day lang the rain dis poor.
Strong win oot o the North East,
Aye for me the day is jist a beast.
Monday 5th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 12/16)
Maistly dry, cauld North win dis blaw,
Ere's a sleety shoor so winters nae awa.
Tuesday 6th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 5/16)
For the day North win dis blaw,
Ere's shoors o hail, sleet an en sna.
Wednesday 7th, Temp. 0/10 (Rainfall 5/16)
The wither the day I canna fathom oot ata
Shoors o rain, sleet, en it dings on sna.
Thursday 8th, Temp. 0/8 (Rainfall 8/16)
Richt fae the start the sin dis shine,
Bit step o the sin noo at's nae fine.
Friday 9th, Temp. 2/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day starts awa sae bonny an bricht,
Dry an het, wither changes taewards nicht,
En aa at eence the rain dis poor,
Aye an for me the note is gey soor.
Saturday 10th Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 1/16)
Noo at last a day that dis bide dry,
Warmth in the air, nae cloods in the sky.
Sunday 11th, Temp. 4/9 (Rainfall 5/16)
Damp is the mornin bit turns fine an dry,
Trees bonny an green Simmer is on the wye,
Monday 12th, Temp. 3/10
Fine mornin bit ere's a spit in the air,
Oot comes the sin bides bonny an fair,
See the daffys fer doon trooden,
Grun sae wet flooers lie fer sodden.
Tuesday 13th, Temp. 4/12
Dry day bit Sooth win on us gey sair,
Back tae winter claes, win affa bare.
Wednesday 14th, Temp. 6/20
Braw day sae affa warm an het,
Aye a better day you coodnae get,
See lambs div rin aboot an play,
Enjoying a richt fine sinny day.
Thursday 15th, Temp. 7/17
Gran day warm an affa sinny as weel,
Noo aa at eence at ease i div feel.
Friday 16th, Temp. 6/19
Richt fine day aye throo tae nicht
Sin comes oot shines sae bricht
Saturday 17th, Temp. 7/18
Ere's a lichtsome shoor och nae much ata,
Sin dis come oot an shines sae braw .
Sunday 18th, Temp. 8/15 (Rainfall 13/16)
Ere wis a affa storm oot throo the nicht,
Wi thunner plumps an lichtnin sae bricht .
Day comes oot sae affa sinny an het,
Och a better day you cood nae get.
Monday 19th, Temp. 6/12 (Rainfall 14/16)
Rain aye rain an mair rain still,
Fan wull it gang aff? If ivver it will.
Tuesday 20th, Temp. 6/12 (Rainfall 5/16)
Athing jist hinging fer soakin weet,
Rains aa day cood mak abody greet.
Wednesday 21st, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 4/16)
At lang last a day that bides dry,
Tae peep throo the sin dis try.
Thursday 22nd, Temp. 2/10
Richt fine day wi plenty sin as weel,
Pir o win an chilpy we div feel.
Friday 23rd, Temp. 2/15
Noo days like this you canna beat,
Cauld pir o win keeps doon the heat.
Saturday 24th, Temp. 3/18
Aye this day is sae gran an braw,
Plenty o sin nae cloods in the sky ava.
Sunday 25th, Temp. 5/17
Fine an het an affa sinny as weel,
Simmer time is here at's foo I feel,
En taewards nicht the note is soor,
For fae the sky the rain dis poor.
Monday 26th, Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 7/16)
Ere' been a affa rain oot throo the nicht,
As the day wears on turns bonny an bricht.
Tuesday 27th, Temp. 5/10
Mornin starts awa gey dull an grey,
Sin en comes oot, fine day I say.
Wednesday 28th, Temp. 3/17
I div look oot in great dismay,
Dull an affa grey that is the day,
Aa o a sudden the sin comes oot,
A richt braw day withoot a doot.
Thursday 29th, Temp. 8/22
Affa sultry, an gey heavy as weel,
Fine day bit fer wabbit I div feel.
Friday 30th, Temp. 8/19
We waken up, athing closed in wi haar,
Turns oot the best day eres been be far.
Saturday 31st, Temp. 5/22
Closed in be haar jist eence again,
Feels a bit cooler, haar dis remain.
JUNE
Sunday 1st, Temp. 8/19
First o June a richt bonny day,
Beginin o Simmer I wid say.
Monday 2nd, Temp. 7/15
Wither on it's heid his been turned roon,
Cauld an raw affa chilly for June.
Tuesday 3rd, Temp. 8/21
Ere's a East win that feels a bittie cauld,
Simmer claes on gang aboot twa fauld.
Wednesday 4th, Temp. 5/19
Rise tae see the sin jist roastin het,
Bare win taewards nicht, best day yet,
Yalla is the breem, trees bonny an green,
Country fer flush better sicht canna be seen.
Thursday 5 Temp. 6/20
Plenty o sin it's affa het as weel,
Wi a pir o win cooler it dis feel.
Friday 6th, Temp. 8/20 (Rainfall 6/16)
Hale foreneen it dis poor o rain,
En taewards nicht day clears up again,
Saturday 7th Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull an grey, noo rain I div forecast,
Keep my e'e on the sky, gey dooncast,
En oot comes the sin bonny an braw,
Fine an warm, the best day I ivver sa.
Sunday 8th, Temp. 10/20
Blustery win sae saft aye an het,
Better simmer day you coodnae get.
Monday 9th, Temp. 12/20
Anither day sae affa warm an fine,
Cood I say this maun be Simmer time.
Tuesday 10th, Temp. 10/19
Eence mair the wither is bonny an braw,
Een o the best days that I ivver sa
Wednesday 11th, Temp. 10/20
Sinny warm day en the wither turns cool,
Turns tae rain an forms mony a pool
Countyside dis look like a quilt.
Fermer maks silage, gangs full pelt.
Thursday 12th, Temp. 9/12 (Rainfall 14/16)
Fermer makin silage stops takin in the crap.
Rain in the heavy range, mair an ae drap.
Friday 13th, Temp. 9/12 (Rainfall 9/16)
Day starts awa affa sinny warm as weel,
Wither dis change, cood rain I feel
Saturday 14th, Temp. 5/11 (Rainfall 2/16)
Bitterly cauld wi spit in o the air,
Tries tae rain bit day dis bide fair.
Sunday 15th, Temp. 5/18
Sin dis shine fae mornin throo tae nicht,
Gran is the day. nae a clood in sicht.
Monday 16th, Temp. 10/19
Watch the cloods move steadily bye,
Het sultry day tae bide cool I div try.
Tuesday 17th, Temp. 8/19
Here's a day it's jist a cracker.
Fermer noo turns intae a hey maker.
Wednesday 18th, Temp. 8/20
Pir o win maks the air hae yon cool feel,
Bides dry hale day, cloods tae me appeal.
Thursday 19th, Temp. 9/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Ere's been a fer suppie rain throo the nicht,
Bit the sin comes sae bonny an bricht.
Friday 20th, Temp. 12/14 (Rainfall 2/16)
Hale foreneen it dis poor o rain,
Dull an close, against the grain.
Saturday 21st, Temp. 9/14 (Rainfall 2/16)
Rain in the mornin, en aff, en rain again
Richt fine atween the shoors noo an en.
Sunday 22th, Temp. 9/11 (Rainfall 5/16)
Rise in the mornin the stories the same,
Hale day lang it poors o rain,
Countryside flush, athing soakin weet,
Only ae thing tae say, the days a breet.
Monday 23 Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo o is day I'll aye remember,
Dull an driech mair like November.
Tuesday 24th, Temp. 6/12
Affa sultry an gey heavy an grey,
Midges affa coorse are haein a say.
Wednesday 25th, Temp. 6/14
Looks like rain, tae bide dry it dis decide,
Ere's jist a wee pir win midgies div hide.
Thursday 26th, Temp. 6/15
Maistly dry wi a lichtsome shoor or twa,
Tries sair tae rain bit bides affa raw.
Friday 27th, Temp. 6/14
Tarin North win hale day dis blaw,
Thochts div say cauld eneuch for sna,
Fowk div pit on some winter cloot,
Dry day, damned cauld withoot a doot.
Saturday 28th, Temp. 11/11 (Rainfall 6/16)
Dull, damp, windy, says mannie on the T V,
Tae change his tune tae Winter, richt he wid be.
Sunday 29th, Temp. 7/15
Fine an dry it's a richt fine change,
Sin comes oot in the affa warm range.
Monday 30th, Temp.
Fine an dry bit cauld an bare,
For maist o the day it dis bide fair.
JULY
Tuesday 1st, Temp. 7/12 (Rainfall 24/16)
Gale force win the hale nicht did blaw,
Aye an it rains the hale bloomin day ana.
Wednesday 2nd,
Temp. 10/16 (Rainfall 10/16)
Rise in the mornin it's jist aboot dry,
Sin comes oot tae a bonny blue sky,
Countryside is fer soakin weet,
Craps fer flat ey div begin tae dreep.
Thursday 3rd, Temp. 9/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
Look oot in the mornin in great dispair
Wid you believe it's rainin jist eence mair
Hale day lang it's affa fule an weet,
Canna deny it the day is jist a breet
Friday 4th, Temp. 9/16 (Rainfall 3/16)
Affa het ,dry, aye sultry as weel,
Fer wabbit like a weet cloot I feel.
Saturday 5th, Temp. 8/16
This day I find hard tae discribe,
Warm an sultry inside I canna bide,
Noo an again a licht shoor or twa,
Wither the day I divna like ata.
Sunday 6th, Temp. 12/22 (Rainfall 1/16)
Here's a day at's het an braw,
Spiled be a thunner plump or twa.
Monday 7th, Temp. 11/25 (Rainfall 1/16)
Drizzle in the mornin noo an again,
Sultry, midges bitin, against the grain.
Tuesday 8th, Temp. 12/26
Sin in the mornin richt fae the word go,
Wid this be Simmer? I div hope so.
Wednesday 9th, Temp. 11/22
Closed in wi haar bit dry eence again,
Monsoon season wis mair than a pain,
Be efterneen ere's sin in a'a it's glory,
Mair an a bittie het at's the story.
Thursday 10th, Temp. 11/28
Haar hings aboot affa swear tae shift,
En het is the sin an cooler at nicht,
Be Winnyheids er's something new,
Bonny is the heather wi it's purple hue,
Friday 11th, Temp. 10/18.
Dry an sinny wi a Sooth win as weel
Win bides for the day an cool we feel,
Saturday 12th, Temp. 10/18
Haar is affa swear tae gang awa,
En oot comes the sin an shines sae braw.
Sunday 13th, Temp. 10/20
Wid it rain or wid it nae?
Pir o win en did hae it's say,
Fan the win drappit richt doon,
Rain of coorse comes tumlin doon.
Monday 14th, Temp. 10/10 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull an grey, midges on the spree,
Sin comes oot a better day it coodnae be.
Tuesday 15th, Temp. 9/20
Day keeps cool pir o win dis blaw,
Taewards nicht a licht shoor or twa.
Wednesday 16th
Temp. 12/23 (Rainfall 3/16)
Maistly dry, bit jist noo an again,
Thunner plumps o affa heavy rain.
Thursday 17th, Temp. 12/18 (Rainfall 3/16)
Great day bit affa sultry an het,
Pray for a breeze, that we dinna get,
Noo an again a midge or twa,.
Jist canna be deen wi em ata.
Friday 18th, Temp. 11/17
Day turns oot tae be a richt cracker
Fermer in a hurry turns hey maker.
Saturday 19th, Temp. 9/24
Eence mair the day turns oot affa het,
Aye tae get inside. I jist coodnae wait.
Sunday 20th, Temp. 9/20
Weet an fule is the mornin mist,
Wi sin in efterneen we are blessed.
Monday 21st, Temp. 9/26
Plenty o sin noo at's the story,
Sin bides oot in a'a it's glory.
Tuesday 22nd, Temp. 10/25
Fine breeze maks the day feel cool,
Sweat rins aft o me intae a pool.
Wednesday 23rd, Temp. 12/24
Sultry affa balmy nae a breath o win,
En ere's rain, En oot comes the sin.
Thursday 24th, Temp. 12/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Lichtsome rain for the hale foreneen,
Still affa het, gang aboot fer deen,
Cauld air maks a body feel free,
Sultry at nicht, midges on a spree.
Friday 25th, Temp. 12/20 (Rainfall 1/16)
Affa het day jist aboot bides fair,
Mair than eence ere's a spit in o the air.
Saturday 26th, Temp. 11/22
Jist blisterin het aye eence again,
Taewards nicht a shoor o rain,
Countryside looks bonny jist noo,
Drap o rain wull kill the stue.
Sunday 27th, Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 5/16)
Heavy day an breath ere's neen,
Thunner plumps come late efterneen.
Monday 28th, Temp. 12/23 (Rainfall 1/16)
Dry warm mornin wi a spit or twa,
Be mid day disnae look gweed ata,
Wid you believe oot comes the sin,
Fowk div feel richt gweed within.
Tuesday 29th, Temp. 11/23
Heavy an sultry en pir o win dis rise,
Rain come nicht, och at's nae surprise.
Wednesday 30th,
Temp. 10/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Noo the wither canna mak up its mind,
Sin dis come oot tae us it's kind.
Thursday 31st, Temp. 11/23 (Rainfall 1/16)
Rain or fair it's atween the twa,
Sin cornes oot sae fine an braw.
AUGUST
Friday 1st, Temp. 11/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Lichtsome rain bit affa het as weel,
Poorin o sweat, wabbit I div feel,
Be efterneen er's a pir o win,
En wid you believe oot comes the sin.
Saturday 2nd, Temp. 7/20
Gran warm day wi a breeze ana,
Hale day lang ere's sin sae braw.
Sunday 3rd, Temp. 12/18
Sin dis shine fae mornin tae nicht,
Fowk in Simmer attire, a fine sicht
Monday 4th, Temp. 9/20
Nae a breath o air affa affa het,
Tae gang inside I canna wait,
Fine wither is jist the very thing,
An wi his crap fermer his a fling.
Tuesday 5th, Temp. 10/21
Anither day sae het an affa affa fine,
Aye the hale day lang the sin dis shine.
Wednesday 6th, Temp. 12/23
Rise in the mornin see sin shining throo,
Affa gweed wither we're gettin jist noo,
Fermer taks in the second silage crap,
Ithers a hurl on a combine ey div tak.
Thursday 7th, Temp. 11/20
Affa het aye it's beyond belief,
Tae get inside is a great relief.
Friday 8th, Temp 14/24
Oot o the Sooth ere's a fer pir o win.
Fine day fin I bide in o the sin.
Saturday 9th, Temp. 16/25 (Rainfall 12/16)
Wid ere be rain? maybe bide dry,
Bides like that as the day drifts bye
Sunday 10th, Temp. 12/24 (Rainfall 2/16)
Driech mornin wi a fer sup o rain,
In the efterneen wither clears up again.
Monday 11th, Temp. 15/17
Ere's a richt fine fresh feel in o the air,
Win blaws fae the Sooth at's sae rare.
Tuesday 12th, Temp. 15/28
Het affa het as the sin dis shine,
Roasts yon peely wally body o mine.
Wednesday 13th, Temp. 15/27
Haar in the mornin is seen burned awa,
En oot comes the sin sae het an braw.
Thursday 14th, Temp. 15/25
Harr taks a fer fyle tae clear awa,
Day turns oot affa sinny an braw,
Girse in the countryside burned broon,
Trees look dull aye richt oot o tune.
Friday 15th, Temp. 15/25
Rise in the mornin, sin oot in it's glory,
Affa het for the day at's the story.
Saturday 16th, Temp. 15/26,
Day sae het wi the sin sae braw,
Sweat like a burn fae me dis fa,
Fermer affa busy wi the hairst jist noo,
Canna see him, he's beeried in stue.
Sunday 17th, Temp. 15/30
In the mornin ere's a licht shoor or twa,
Thunnery heat, jist aboot melt awa.
Monday 18th, Temp. 11/16 (Rainfall 5/16)
A fer sup rain oot throo the nicht,
Lays the stue a richt fine welcome sicht.
Ere's a fresher feel in o the air,
Haar dis move in bit it dis bide fair.
Tuesday 19th, Temp. 15/20
Affa dull wi haar swear tae clear,
Cooler day, it cood rain I div fear.
Wednesday 20th, Temp. 15/20
Anither fine day sae sinny an braw,
Aye at's efter the haar dis clear awa.
Thursday 21st, Temp. 15/22 (Rainfall 4/16)
Jist aboot dry fin I div rise,
En poors o rain at's nae a surprise,
Thunner plumps as the day wears on,
Aye an be midges we are set upon.
Friday 22nd, Temp. 9/23 (Rainfall 3/16)
Gran is the day plenty sin wi some win,
Er's a drap o rain at nicht, midges jine in.
Saturday 23rd, Temp. (Rainfall 3/16)
Dry for the day bit neen ower bricht,
Ere's a licht shoor roon aboot nicht.
Sunday 24 Temp. 9/19
Dour, dull mornin, sin en peeps oot,
Affa affa bonny day withoot a doot.
Monday 25th, Temp. 11/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
In the mornin wither jist aboot dry,
En hale water poors oot o the sky.
Tuesday 26th, Temp. 9/21 (Rainfall 10/16)
Rise in the mornin tae a dull black sky,
Ere's a spit or twa bit it dis bide dry,
Oot comes the sin wi a gweed bit heat,
Days like this gang doon a treat.
__________________
TRIBUTE TO
DIANA SPENCER
DIANA LASS YOU WIS TAP O THE LEAGUE,
AT'S FIT WYE FOWKS HERTS DIV BLEED,
PRESS YOUR DOONFA 'EY DID HASTEN,
HENCE THE MOURNIN O' THE NATION.
GOD A GIFT TAE YOU DID GIE,
GIFT WIS 'ERE FOR A'A TAE SEE,
IDOL O' THE RICHEST O' THE LAND,
TAE ILL AN INFIRM YOU LENT A HAND,
RICH AN POOR WIS THE SAME TAE YOU,
FOWK AT'S GRATEFULL MAIR AN A FEW,
AYE YOU WIS VICTIM O' THE FILM ROLL,
DEID IN THE BODY NAE DEID IN THE SOUL.
DINNA SPENCER
KILLED IN CAR CRASH
ON THE 31st FIRST OF
AUGUST 1997
__________________
Wednesday 27th, Temp. 16/16
Ere's a fine fresh feel ino the air,
Spit or twa bit it dis bide fair.
Thursday 28th, Temp. 9/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
Starts awa affa dull an grey
Sin comes oot brichtens the day.
Friday 29th, Temp. 10/23 (Rainfall 2/16)
Weet is the dew at's on the grun,
Aye bit later on, blessed wi sin.
Saturday 30th, Temp. 10/23 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day seems tae hae ae mind or twa
Oot pops the sin noo an again ana.
SEPTEMBER
Monday 1st, Temp. 9/20 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dew in the mornin, oot comes the sin,
It maks abody feel gweed within.
Tuesday 2nd, Temp. 7/19 (Rainfall 2/16)
Day is fine an warm in o the sin.
Maks abody jist happy an grin,
Wednesday 3rd, Temp. 7/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Sooth win gey near gale force dis blaw,
In the mornin throo a shoor or twa,
Be efterneen it is jist aboot fair,
Bit the win intae us still dis tare.
Thursday 4th, Temp. 8/17 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fer pir o win hale day dis blaw,
Maistly dry wi a licht shoor or twa.
Friday 5th, Temp. 9/20
It's a fine day wi a wee pir o win,
Affa fine an warm fin in o the sin.
Saturday 6th, Temp. 9/15 (Rainfall 1/16)
Dry in the mornin en the day turns soor,
For maist o the day the rain dis poor.
Sunday 7th, Temp. 8/16 (Rainfall 5/16)
Athing clairty an weet efter the rain,
Sin dis come oot a richt fine day again.
Monday 8th, Temp. 1/15
This is a entry mornin withoot a doot,
Cauld blustery North win is jist a brute,
Bides dry hale day noo at's a blessin,
Fermer's flat oot noo he's nae messin.
Tuesday 9th, Temp 11/19
Still strong North win dis blaw,
Comes oot sae fine wi some sin ana.
Wednesday 10th, Temp. 5/20
Here's a day it's jist like simmer,
Hale day lang is ferrly a bummer.
Thursday 11th, Temp. 7/21
Ere's a autumn feel in o the air,
Oot comes the sin sae fine an rare.
Friday 12th, Temp. 5/20 (Rainfall 2/16)
A touch o frost, och bit fine an fair,
Sin nae sae strong gran day eence mair.
Saturday 13th, Temp. 4/14 (Rainfall 4/16)
Win fae the North is mair an snell,
As we gang aboot, we wrap up well.
Sunday 14th, Temp. 3/14 (Rainfall 1/16)
Heavy shoors o rain for maist o the day,
Affa cauld an affa snell I div say
Monday 15th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 5/16)
Jist aboot dry fin we div rise,
Poors o rain, nae ony surprise,
Hale day lang win oot o the Wast,
Dry later on jist pit up wi yon blast.
Tuesday 16th, Temp. 11/19 (Rainfall 6/16)
Affa fule an weet nae gweed ata,
Taewards nicht ere's sin sae braw.
Wednesday 17th, Temp. 7/15
In the mornin a lichtsome shoor or twa,
Naething tae moan aboot jist a flaw.
En be efterneen oot comes the sin,
Maks a body feel gweed within..
Thursday 18th, Temp. 5/6
For a oor or twa ere's a nip in o the air,
En the sin peeps throo sae fine an rare.
Friday 19th, Temp. 10/15
Dry or rain? noo it's atween the twa,
Clears up later on wi sin sae braw.
Saturday 20th, Temp. 3/15
Sharp in the mornin bit clears up fine,
Pleased tae hae anither day o sinshine.
Sunday 21st, Temp. 5/14
Gran Autumn day fae mornin tae nicht,
Sin dis shine affa bonny an bricht.
Monday 22nd, Temp. 6/17
Haar the hale day it dis hing aboot,
Affa dull an grey withoot a doot,
Eence or twice it dis offer tae rain,
Day is aboot dry jist eence again.
Tuesday 23rd, Temp. 6/19
Oh na, neen like Autumn I div say,
It's mair like a bonny simmer day.
Wednesday 24th, Temp. 8/11
Starts awa gey dull an affa bare,
Sin en comes oot fne day eence mair.
Thursday 25th, Temp. 8/12
Roon the corner is Winter I hiv tae say,
At's hard tae believe in this bonny day.
Friday 26th, Temp. 9/9
Dull an grey taks a lang time tae clear,
Comes oot fine as nicht wears near.
Saturday 27th, Temp. 8/10
Gweed bit cooler bit still dry an fine,
Day dis lack a wee bit o sinshine.
Sunday 28th, Temp. 8/14
Gran day wi skies sae bonny an an clear,
Hard tae think that winter is gey near
Monday 29th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 3/16)
A fer sup rain oot throo the nicht,
Fine is the day it turns oot bricht,
Maist o the crap is teen aff the grun,
Fermer dis grin, ere's a big run.
Tuesday 30th, Temp. 6/14
Dry is the day warm bit affa grey,
Noo ere's a spit or twa durin the day.
OCTOBER
Wednesday 1st, Temp. 6/12
Fae the North east a richt cauld icy blast,
Richt cauld Autumn feel, wull it last?
Thursday 2nd, Temp. 6/12
Dull an grey bit affa affa mild,
Nae ony sign o winter bein wild.
Friday 3rd, Temp. 10/15
Day turns oot sae bonny an dry,
Tae peep throo the sin dis try.
Saturday 4th, Temp. 15/15
Saft, affa saft is the win fae the Wast,
Mild as we struggle wi the warm blast.
Sunday 5th, Temp. 6/12
Fowk gang aboot in simmer attire,
Wither noo dis gang hay wire.
Monday 6th, Temp. 12/12
Dull an grey an affa close as weel,
Spit o rain noo an again I div feel.
Tuesday 7th, Temp. 6/12
Wither in a richt dithery mood
Wid it rain? noo maybe it cood,
Sin shines throo lang afore mid day,
Eence mair it's like a simmers day.
Wednesday 8th, Temp. 3/13
Nae hairst left an entry mornin it is
Last October like this? at's the quiz.
Thursday 9th, Temp. 5/12
Richt fine day wi a licht shoor or twa,
Clears up later on, wi some sin ana.
Friday 10th, Temp. 6/14
North win his yon affa snell feel,
Nae a bad day, jist wrap weel.
Saturday 11th, Temp. 6/11 (Rainfall 6/16)
Rain in the mornin nae a welcome sicht,
Dry in the efterneen bit neen ower bricht.
Sunday 12th, Temp. 4/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Weet spleetry shoors the hale day lang,
Winter roon the corner! wid I be wrang?
Monday 13th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 4/16)
In the mornin it's heavy shoors eence mair,
Spleetry an weet, for the day I dinna care
Durin the day you cood easy get weet,
Shoors o sna, aye an some o sleet.
Tuesday 14th, Temp. (Rainfall 3/16)
Hale day lang the note's gey soor,
Fae the sky the rain dis ferrly poor,
It's affa quait an affa still as weel,
Aye fer drookit tae skin I div feel
Wednesday 15th, Temp. 6/9 (Rainfall 4/16)
Tae a thickness the wither dis clear,
Dull, grey, an weet is the day I fear.
Thursday 16th, Temp. 5/8
Dull, dark, an damp says the mannie on TV,
Och weel he wis richt as richt as cood be.
Friday 17th, Temp. 10/15 (Rainfall 2/16)
Dull bit wi a warm pir o win,
Comes oot fine ere's nae ony sin.
Autumn is here fowk can easy see,
Slowly changes the colour o the tree.
Saturday 18th, Temp. 4/15 (Rainfall 2/16)
Noo this day is jist a bummer,
October na it's mair like Simmer.
Sunday 19th, Temp. 4/11
Maistly fine wi a licht shoor o rain,
Day is fine an maistly dry again,
Monday 20th, Temp. 3/6
Cauld hale day aye affa bitterly cauld,
Fowk gang aboot gey near twa fauld.
Tuesday 21st, Temp. 0/5
Ere's ferrly a cauldness in o the air.
Wrap up weel, an it dis bide fair.
Trees noo lose their Simmer sheen,
Nae langer noo the forty shades o green.
Wednesday 22nd, Temp. 3/7 (Rainfall 2/16)
Fine dry day bit cauld an bare,
Ferrly a touch o winter in o the air,
Thursday 23rd, Temp. 3/5
Fae the North ere's a fer pir o win,
We wrap up weel afa cauld within.
Friday 24th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 1/16)
Still fae the North cauld win dis blaw,
Forecast I feel cood easy be sna.
Saturday 25th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull an driech, an it rains as weel,
Damp an miserable hale day I div feel.
Sunday 26th, Temp. 4/8 (Rainfall 5/16)
Noo an again ere's a spit in o the air,
Wither for the day? jist aboot fair.
Monday 27th, Temp. 5/10
It's mild, affa close beyond belief,
Throw aff some claes fit a relief,
Trees are affa bonny jist noo,
As ey tak on their Winter hue.
Tuesday 28th, Temp. 2/10
It's a richt fine October day,
Weak sin for maist o the day.
Wednesday 29th, Temp. 0/8
Frost in the mornin. affa fine an gran,
Mair days like this we'll easy stand.
Thursday 30th, Temp. 0/10
Dry, noo o days like this I'll nivver tire,
Fine, fowk cood be in Simmer attire.
Friday 31st, Temp. 6/14
Eence mair a richt fine October day,
Wither is agley, it's Like a Spring day.
NOVEMBER
Saturday 1st, Temp. 6/14
For the time o year it's affa mild,
Nae sign o the back end bein wild,
Is my een tellin me a lee or twa?
Foxglove in bloom, it looks sae braw.
Sunday 2nd, Temp 5/5
Mornin is sae fine, dry an braw,
Rains in the efterneen turns affa raw.
Monday 3rd, Temp. 5/5
Fae the Sooth ere's a cauld pir o win,
Later in the day tae rain it dis begin.
Tuesday 4th, Temp. 6/6 (Rainfall 4/16)
Ere wis a fer suppie rain oot throo the nicht,
Bides dry for the day, neen ower bricht.
Wednesday 5th, Temp. 5/5
Day starts awa jist aboot dry,
Rain in the mornin it dis try,
Aboot midday note turns soor,
Fae a weet mist we div cower..
Thursday 6th, Temp. 5/6 (Rainfall 2/16)
Thick an fule is the haar for the day,
Clears tae a thickness be midday,
Leaves simply tummel aff the trees,
Nae lang afore ere's a Winter breeze.
Friday 7th, Temp. 5/8 (Rainfall 3/16)
Mornin is gey dull an affa grey,
En it rains for the rest o the day.
Saturday 8th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 12/16)
Mornin jist aboot dry fin we rise,
En poors o rain at's nae surprise.
Sunday 9th, Temp. 5/8 (Rainfall 12/16)
Mornin sae quait, cood hear a preen drap
En poors o rain oorsel's we div hap
Monday 10th, Temp. 2/6 (Rainfall 9/16)
Richt fine day, sae mild as weel,
Taewards nicht a touch o frost I feel.
(Rainfall 1/16) Tuesday 11th, Temp. 4/16
Nae a breath o air bit the note is soor,
For aff o me the sweat dis poor.
Wednesday 12th, Temp. 3/7
Be mid foreneen sin in a'a it's glory,
Wither fer agley noo at's the story.
Thursday 13th, Temp. 0/8
Grun fer fyte, aye a motor cood thraw,
Bit a gran day wi sin sae braw,
Doon be Penann yalla funn bush,
Oot o season bit jist fer flush.
Friday 14th, Temp. 0/5 (Rainfall 2/6)
Fyte frost in the mornin, wither dis change,
Starts tae rain in the affa affa heavy range.
Saturday 15th, Temp. 2/16 (Rainfall 2/16)
Noo this day turns oot jist a cracker,
Fermer cood gey near be hey maker,
Mild aye mild it's beyond belief,
Cast my thick sark fae underneath.
Sunday 16th, Temp. 5/10
A strong warm Sooth win hale day dis blaw,
Dampnes in the air affa close an dull ana.
Monday 17th, Temp.
Sooth win dis blaw a damp warm air,
Gang aboot sweatin, for me at's rare.
Tuesday 18th, Temp. 8/10 (Rainfall 3/16)
Gale force win fae the sooth throo the nicht,
Win an rain hale day nae a welcome sicht,
See some sheep cower in o crannie an neuk,
For a wee bit shelter ey surley div look.
Wednesday 19th,
Temp. 8/10 (Rainfall 4/16)
Fin I rise Sooth win still gale force,
Dry, bit later on day ferrly gets worse,
Thick mist blawn intae us like a sheet,
Jist say nae mair day is jist a breet,
Thursday 20th, Temp. 9/16 (Rainfall 9/16)
Tae get oot my bed I wis gey swear,
Win an rain I cood ferrly hear,
Fin I gang ootside I jist aboot greet,
Eence mair I say the day is a breet.
Friday 21st, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 12/16)
At lang last quait an dry as weel,
Sin peeps throo, happy I div feel
Saturday 22nd, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
In the mornin ere' nothing bit water,
Hale water intae us it ferrly dis batter,
Be efterneen er's a fer bit o change,
Still dis rain bit nae in the heavy range.
Sunday 23rd, Temp. 3/7 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull mornin, quait, an a wee bit sin as weel,
Dreich an damp, crabbit it maks a body feel,
Monday 24th, Temp. 3/6 (Rainfall 6/16)
Sooth win dis rise this day eence mair,
Rain blawn intae us it coodnae bide fair,
Country side soakin weet in a plowter,
Pits a body richt aff their bloomin stotter.
Tuesday 25th (Rainfall 4/16), Temp. 5/6
Ere's a eerie quaitness fin I rise.
Nae win nae rain at's a surprise,
Tae rain this day it dis try sair,
Gled tae say it's jist aboot fair.
Wednesday 26th, Temp. 4/6 (Rainfall 3/16)
Dull an grey says the mannie on TV,
An he wis richt as richt as cood be,
He forgot tae mention the win an rain,
It's a fule weet day jist eence again.
Thursday 27th, Temp. 5/6 (Rainfall 6/16)
Rain fae mornin throo tae nicht.
It's weet an dull neen ower bricht.
Friday 28th, Temp. 3/9 (Rainfall 5/16)
Mair rain an fule weet mist as weel
Fer fed up noo at's jist foo I feel.
Saturday 29th, Temp. (Rainfall 6/16)
In the mornin it poors o rain eence mair,
En it's fair, rain again, coodnae bide fair.
Sunday 30th (Rainfall 2/16), Temp. 2/6
Fine is the day wi sin sae bonny,
Shoor or twa o rain nae affa mony.
DECEMBER
Monday 1st, Temp. 0/5 (Rainfall 5/16)
Fae the North the win dis blaw,
Rise tae a fyte coverin o sna,
Gless his teen a fer bit o a dip,
See Winter tak a richt icy grip.
Tuesday 2nd, Temp. -1/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
Ere's a fer coverin o sna fin I rise,
Mair shoors o sna at's nae surprise,
Wednesday 3rd, Temp. 0/4 (Rainfall 3/16)
Wither this day is mild an fine
Licht shoor, dry maist o the time.
Thursday 4th, Temp. 2/5 (Rainfall 2/16)
Ere seems tae be a touch o frost in on the air,
Hale day lang wither bides fine an fair.
Friday 5th, Temp. 0/5
Thin bare win blaws oot o the Wast,
Dinna care much for yon icy blast.
Turns oot nae sic a bad day ata,
Ahin the dyke sits doon the sna.
Saturday 6th Temp. 5/11 (Rainfall 4/16)
Dry day wi some warmth in o the air,
Hale day lang it dis bide fair.
Sunday 7th, Temp. 7/10 (Rainfall 1/16)
Affa mild an warm beyond belief,
Cast Winter claes tae get relief.
Monday 8th, Temp. 7/10
Wither for the day, dry wi a drochty win,
Hale day is fine wi a weak, weak sin.
Tuesday 9th, Temp. 3/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Been a wee suppie rain oot throo the nicht,
Bit the day turns oot sae mild an bricht,
Wednesday 10th, Temp. 2/6 (Rainfall 3/16)
Winter claes on affa het I div feel,
Rains in the efterneen wi weet I jeer.
Thursday 11th, Temp. 2/4 (Rainfall 1/16)
For this time o year wither is gran,
Winter nae wild this I canna understan,
Durin the day ere's a licht shoor or twa,
Och bit naething tae bother a body ata
Friday 12th, Temp. 0/4
Fer bittie o frost in o the air,
Fine day wi the wither bein fair.
Saturday 13th, Temp. 0/5
Crisp is the day, ere's a fer bit frost,
Pits winter in oor minds uppermost.
Sunday 14th, Temp. 0/4
Ere is thick fog the hale day lang,
Affa weet an fule, at's nae sae gran.
Monday 15th, Temp. 4/5
Dull an grey is the wither eence mair,
Bit the hale day lang it dis bide fair.
Tuesday 16th, Temp. 3/5
It's a richt fine day withoot a doot
Nae sign o Winter bein a brute,
Wednesday 17th, Temp. 3/5
Thin an snell is the win fae the East,
Hale day lang wither dry at least.
Thursday 18th, Temp. 4/4
Gale force win blaws oot o the East,
Dis bide dry, day cood easy be a beast,
Turns oot a bittie mair than cauld,
Fowk gang aboot gey near twa fauld.
Friday 19th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 6/16)
Hale day lang the rain dis poor,
Of coorse for me the note is soor.
Saturday 20th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 8/16)
Wither is weet neen ower dry,
Rain dis ease as the day wears bye.
Sunday 21st, Temp. 3/5
Wither fine an affa mild as weel,
Days like this tae me appeal.
Monday 22nd, Temp. 2/5
Dull an damp at's the day tae be,
Nae sky nae daylicht for us tae see,
Wither of coorse dis bide dry,
Unhealthy wither as back end wears bye.
Tuesday 23rd, Temp. 2/6
This day turns oot jist a bummer,
December! Na mair like Simmer.
Wednesday 24th, Temp. (Rainfall 5/16)
Wither is affa bare an a bittie raw,
Canna compleen, December efter a'a.
Thursday 25th, Temp. 5/7 (Rainfall 8/16)
Oot throo the nicht rain dis poor,
Clears up afore the mid day oor,
I doot a fyte Christmas it canna be,
Nae sna for Sunties sledge you see
Friday 26th, Temp. 4/5 (Rainfall 7/16)
Boxin day is affa bonny an fine,
Wast win dis blaw a'a the time
Saturday 27th, Temp. 0/5
Aboot this day I hiv tae froon,
Nae like December mair like June.
Sunday 28th, Temp.-1/5
Rise in the mornin tae a bit o frost,
Pits winter in oor minds uppermost.
Monday 29th, Temp. 1/5 (Rainfall 1/16)
Frost his louped oot throo the nicht,
Oot comes the sin affa bonny an bricht.
Tuesday 30th, Temp. 0/6
Oot throo the nicht frost dis loup again,
Damp bit dry, later on poors o rain.
Wednesday 31st, Temp. 4/8 (Rainfall 2/16)
Sae fine wither this I canna believe,
I div gang aboot in my sark sleeve.
OOR DAY OOT
It wis a richt bonny May mornin an, as Jonsar Eck sat aitin his breakfast, he said tae the Wee Wifie. "You ken it's a rare day tae be gaun for a run in the car, fit div you think? "The answer he got wisnae affa gweed" Na na lad jist you forget that. You ken fine I hinna started my spring cleanin yet, far wid I hae time tae gang for a run". Jonsar Eck shook his heid an said, "It wis jist a idea" As he gaed awa oot the door he shouts."I'll be back for my tea at the back o nine an, if you hiv changed your mind or that time we can still set oot".
Jonsar wis in nae hurry that mornin, jist gaed aboot enjoyin the sinshine. Hid a news wi yon body an this body, haein a richt blether. It wis gey near ten or he arrived back for his tea. As Jonsar Eck went past the car he noticed it hid been washed. Fin he went inside the Wee Wifie wis dressed in her gweed claes, on the table, flasks an, sandwiches. "Far hiv you been?" she asks." It's lang past nine, get a move on or it winna be worth gaun awa". Jonsar Eck nivver said a word bit thocht tae himsel she changes her mind mair times than she changes her sark.
The car didnae need a driver really, ey were sure the car kent far ey were gaun. Jonsar Eck thocht if he hid a Auto Pilot he cood set intae the car an, it wid tak the twa o them tae their destination". Are we gaun up the mountain Jonsar?" asks the Wee wifie. "It's a topper o a day for it", replies Jonsar. "It seems a richt gweed idea, so mebbe at's far we wull land."
The twa o em took their time, nae in ony hurry, stoppin tae admire the bonny views, hae a cup o tay fae the flasks, Bonny an green were the trees wi their new leaves on. It jist made the twa o em feel fer content
Sin wis oot in a'a it's glory as Jonsar an the Wee Wifie arrived in Grantown On Spey. They stopped, got oot ower an stretched their legs. As they wandered alang the main street, they hid a gweed laugh at ae shop windae. Richt in the middle o the windae wis a haggis, an it wis surrounded wi a puckle little haggis. A notice said it wis a haggis nest found in the nearby moors and, was not for sale. Most definitely not to the Americans Ey set for Aviemore mair relaxed an ivver, stopped at Loch Morlich an hid some mair sandwiches. The sky wis fer blue, nae a clood tae be seen, the water wis jist shimmerin again. Ere wis lots o activity on the water, boats, yachts, an sic like. Water surface wis jist like gless, it seemed a affa peety tae disturb it.
It wis on tae the Cairn Gorm chair lift, far Jonsar Eck's hert missed a beat or twa. Fin he seen the muckle contraption that controlled the wires, that held up the chairs that held fowk hingin in mid air, it made hin feel queazy. The Wee Wifie nivver said a word. Weel here we go an, they are baith in the chair the gither, en a gust o win an, ey are hingin on like grim death. Jonsar Eck thocht ere cood be ither wyes o enjoyin himsel. Shak, an shudder, en clunk click as ey pass under the pylons, the twa o em fer fyte like a sheet.
Fin the twa o em reached the tap the view wis breath takin. Three thoosan, six hunner feet up, Loch Morlich wis a glistenin pool in the distance. As the twa o em stood ere fer spell bound, ey agreed it wis worth over comin the fear o the chair lift. It wis weel worth it.
Time of coorse wis wearin on an, Jonsar Eck thocht it wis time tae turn the journey roon an, heid for hame. Jonsar stopped at Boat o Garten, tae hae a look at the osprey nest. As the twa o em strolled throo the great muckle pine trees,( it wis so peaceful). Jist wi that Jonsar looked up an ere wis a osprey returnin hame tae it's nest, wi a fish hingin fae it's talons. Noo that jist made their day complete an, ey went back tae the car mair an a bittie happy
Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie finished the day aff wi haein a meal in a hotel in Aberlour Fin he set aff hame he said" It's been a great day" weel the Wee Wifie wis soun asleep, she wakened jist as Jonsar wis teemin the car. As the twa o em sat reflectin on their day ,the Wee Wifie declares "At's been a gran day, we aye enjoy oorsels up ere. Noo ere's ae thing sure we wull gang back, bit fin I rise the morn I'm gaun tae start spring cleanin".
AUTUMN FEEL
Jonsar Eck gaed himsel a shak this September mornin, ere wis a sharpness in o the air. He shook his heid an muttered tae himsel. "It's ferrly yon Autumn feel aboot the day". It wis ferrly a gweed bit caulder, as he looked doon in the howe he cood see the fermer cuttin the hairst. Cuttin the crap for fit he hid focht wi nature. Jonsar kent it wis nae eese gaun tae spik tae the fermer, he did nae hae time tae stop. Spik, he hid better things tae dee.
Of coorse at this time o year fowk start tae fill up their bunkers, fill up their sheds wi winter fuel. Jonsar Eck kent it widnae be lang afore he wid be busy. So it wis nae surprise tae hear fae the Wee Wifie, that the fower auld dears fae the ither end o the toon hid been phonin". Ey are jist needin the usual order Jonsar". She wis gigglin an laughin, tears rinnin doon her cheeks. On hearin the news Jonsar Eck felt mair than a bit uneasy an weel did the Wee Wifie ken that Jonsar didnae like tae gang tae yon fower, it wis a gweed order bit aye something went wrang." I said you wid be ere the morn sometime, I hope I did richt", says the Wee Wifie. Jonsar Eck jist let oot a grunt.
It wis aye the same order, ten bags o sticks, ten bags o peats each. Ere wis a big back close an, Jonsar cood drive richt intae it nae bother. That wis ae gweed thing, ere wis nae big carries. Farthest in tae the close bade Eenie an, on the ootside bade Teenie. In the twa middle hoosies bade twa Jeanies. Trouble wis that Eenie on the inside hoose an, Teenie on the ootside hoose liked their orders first (impossible) The twa Jeanies didnae bother aboot bein first as lang ey were nae last. Jonsar Eck hoped it wid be rainin an, he widnae hae tae gang.
Weel it wisnae rainin, as a metter o fact the day turned oot like a day in the simmer. Jonsar Eck decided tae gang tae the fower auld dears last. Jist in case he needed help fae the fuskie bottle, or a lump o ice tae cool him doon. He went hame tae mak sure that Wee Wifie wid be at hame tae adminster the doses fin he came hame. Fin Jonsar Eck drove intae the back close, Eenie that bade in the inside hoose wis waitin for him. He wis telt. "Pit my order in o my shed. I'm first the day". Ere wis nae sicht o Teenie ata. Eenie went aboot gigglin an laughin,. Oot came the twa Jeannies an declared "We are next" Jonsar didnae argue wi em, jist went aboot his work. Efter Jonsar pit in the twa Jeannies order he decided tae hae a look for Teenie. As he knocked at Teenies door he wis aware o bein watched be the ither three.
Noo Teenie didnae answer the door, so Jonsar opened the door an gave her a shout." Are you in Teenie?" A muffled soun came fae throo the hoose, Fin Teenie appeared she said "Oh it's you Jonsar, jist pit my order in. I'll be oot jist noo. Oh bye the wye Jonsar jist mak sure I'm first".
Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel naebody shood hae tae mak a livin this wye. Fin Teenie did appear she wis cripplin. Jonsar asks " Are you a richt Teenie?" Teenie hirples ower tae. Jonsar an peys him, "Naething wrang wi me" she growls. She didnae seem tae notice that Jonsar Eck's truck wis gey near empty. She wis a stoot birkie, echty year auld or mair. She wore a black frock richt doon tae her ankles. Jonsar Eck wisnae gaun tae argue wi her, nae fear.
Jonsar Eck wis gettin on gran, truck affa near teem, money teen in an, nae ony cairry on wi the fower auld dears, at's jist fin his luck ran clean oot. Fa shood appear oot o the twa middle sheds bit the twa Jeannies. Each wi a pail o peats an a pail o sticks in their hands. Fin Teenie seen the twa o em she roared." Far did you twa get that stuff fae? The twa Jeannies near fell ower laughin. "Fae Jonsar Eck an you wis sleepin" Teenie let oot a roar." I wisnae sleepin." Jist wi that the twa Jeannies disappeared intae the safety o their hoose. Teenie wis upset, as she raved an ranted, the hoose shook, the truck shook, an Jonsar Eck shook.
A squeaky voice said (it wis Jonsar Eck)" It disnae metter fan you get your stuff, you ken it wull aye burn". Jonsar Eck pit in the rest o her order, geein her a wide berth an sayin nothing. Jonsar Eck wis jist pittin the teem bags in ower his truck, fin Teenie says. "Div you see fit Geordie fae the shoppie selt me Jonsar?" Jonsar turned roon expectin tae see a cracked jar o jam, or a loaf that hid went wrang. Fit a bigake he got, Teenie wis stannin in the middle o the close wi her black frock lifted up under her oxters. A'a that Jonsar cood see wis a pair o thick bloomers awa doon aneath her knees an up under her oxters (Passion busters).
Jonsar Eck's voice turned squeaky again. "Fit wid that be, "he squeaked. Peyin nae heed tae Jonsar she growls. "A pair o stockings wi knickers in em." Peer auld Teenie, echty odd year auld an, she hid nivver seen a pair o tights afore. She hid tried tae pull em ower her black stockings an, rather unsucessfully ower yon extra thick bloomers. Nae much winner she coodnae wak.
"Fit div you think Jonsar Eck, wull I tak em back?" Jonsar hid nivver seen the like, bit says ."Och aye, bit mind an tak em aff first". Jonsar Eck made a bee line for hame, tae the Wee Wifie, the ice, an of coorse the fuskie bottle. As he crunched the gears o his truck in his haste tae get hame he thocht, "Aye ere's aye a Autmn feel."
I KEN FINE
Timmer Tam wis a wee bit late this nicht as he arrived hame for his supper (he hid been tae the pub). Weel his wife Lyvia jist plunked his mait doon in front o him, sayin, "you ken damned fine six o clock is fan we hae oor supper. Nae half past, nae seven o clock, bit six, on the dot. I hope you enjoy this burned offerin". Noo tae mak metters worse Timmer Tam jist smiled an started aitin the plate o mait that wis set doon afore him. Every noo an again he smiled an said." This is affa fine my pet, jist as I like it." Jist as the twa o em were aboot tae hae a slangin match, the door bell rung. Timmer Tam smiled, he kent fine that he hid been saved be the bell.
Lyvia went tae see fa wis at the door, Fin she came back intae the kitchen she hid Ronald Bricky wi her. Tam turned roon an asks Ronald. "Fit brings you here at this time o nicht? Can you nae see I'm at my supper" Ronald Bricky shuffled his feet an says."Weel it's like this Tam we are deein up oor bathroom, Hanna his bocht some affa funcy fleerin, I canna mak heid or tail o it. I jist winnered if you wid come doon an tell me fit tae dee, it wid be better if you cood lay the fleer for us."
Timmer Tam thocht for a meenit, an said. "I'll come doon at the weekend an hae a look. Noo foo wid that dee! Ronald replied " Oh Aye, Hanna wull jist hae tae wait". Timmer Tam looked Ronald up an doon an, asks. "Is that yon fleer you wis deein last year! "Aye" Says Ronald, his face gettin a wee bit reid " Weel if Hannaa can wait for a year, she can surely wait or the weekend" declared Timmer Tam.
Fin the weekend came roon Timmer Tam gaed doon tae see Ronald an Hanna, he hid a look at fit ey hid bocht. He pinted oot at the final flushin wisnae ere. Ronald says" Och I'll seen pit that on mysel, you jist lay the fleer". Timmer Tam shook his heid. "Na na lad I KEN FIT LIKE YOU ARE the fleer wull nivver be finished. So fin you hiv the final flushin I'll lay the fleer".
It wis decided neest day the fleer wid be laid (sunday). Tam hid a look aroon, seen athing wis ere an started tae work awa. Ere wis een or twa tools he hid forgot, bit he jist nipped up the road for em, he wis started aboot ten o clock. Ronald an Tam were haein a news aboot fit happened in Pitsliga on the setterday nicht. (Tam chappin his fingers noo an again) Ronald began tae realize that Tam wis a wee bittie thirsty. "Fit time wis you hame last nicht?' he asked Tam. " Eh weell dinna really ken, I met in wi Jonsar Eck an hid a richt gweed time." Ronald Bricky disappeared for a wee fyle, came back wi half a dizzen cans o lager, an a bottle o bacardi. He poored a big bacardi tae Tam an een tae himsel, washed it doon wi a can o lager. "Did you enjoy that Tam"? Ronald asks Tam. "Gran min affa gran", says Tam lookin for mair. Ronald tells him." I'll gie you anither dram fin you finish the job, if I gie you mair jist noo the fleer winna be finished the day. You see, I KEN FIT LIKE YOU ARE."
CONTENTMENT
School wis on it's first week o it's holidays for the simmer. Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel that it wid be great tae hae seven weeks holidays a' at ae time. Jonsar Eck wis in the bakers shop ae day buyin some messages, fin he met in wi young Andrew. Andrew wis aboot echt or nine year auld an Jonsar Eck asks him cheerily. " Foo the holidays were deein". His attitude an his answer surprised Jonsar Eck entirely. He jist shook his shooders an, screwed up his face in a disgruntled wye sayin. "You ken i'm fer bored, ere's naething much tae dee aroon here."
As Jonsar Eck made his wye hame he thocht, fit wye cood Andrew be fed up. Jonsar Eck kent fine that Andrew hid a'a sort o devices tae keep him happy an oot o trouble. Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel ere's nae wye he shood be fed up.
Tae start wi Andrew hid a TV in his bedroom, a'a tae himsel, alang wi that a video wi a'a different games he cood play. He also hid a fitba jist tae mak sure that he got a game fin the teams were bein picked. Aye an a set o golf clubs tae practice wi, in case his father shood tak him golfin. En ere wis his mountain bike wi sixteen gears, ("A'a forrit nae ony reverse), so he cood gang an enjoy the countryside ony time he felt like it. A pool table so fin it rains he cood tak some o his pals intae the hoose tae pass awa the time. En ere wis the basket abeen the garage door so he cood practice basket ball. Jonsar Eck coodnae understand fit wye ony body wi a'a that new fangled gear cood be fed up.
As Jonsar Eck made his wye hame he thocht fin I wis his age, ere wisnae a TV in oor hoose, nivver mind een in the bedroom. As far as Jonsar Eck cood mind he wis nivver fed up in his school holidays. As metter o fact he wis nivver fed up, nae tae this very day. Jonsar aye tried tae look on the bricht side o things. Weel maist o the time ony wye.
Jonsar Eck aye spent the holidays helpin his father on the ferm. He did hae a fitba, a leather een, stuffed wi strae. The dog an him hid mony a gweed game o fitba. Jonsar hid tae mak sure the ba wis pit bye fin the game wis finished. If he didnae dee that the dog shook the ba until a'a the strae fell oot. En the dog wid stan ere waggin it's tail as Jonsar stuffed the ba wi strae eence mair.
Fin it wis rainin Jonsar Eck got a wee bittie doon in the dumps. (He didnae like bein inside) Or mebbe the first day back at school efter the holidays. Jonsar Eck thocht that he wis lucky tae be born fin he wis. Tae be able tae acknowledge the feelin o contentment. Tae be able tae enjoy a wak on a simmers nicht. Nae need for drink or drugs tae get a kick oot o life.
Jonsar Eck cood see Andrew in thirty years time, wi a wife an femily, steppin aff a spaceship. Jist back fae a holiday on the moon, their faces a'a screwed up statin. "That wis affa borin". It made Jonsar Eck think fit's the future generations gaun tae de for entertainment an of coorse the generations that is tae follow. (Hope ey dinna think tae screw up your face is tae be happy).
NIPPY
Jonsar Eck wis sittin in the e'e clinic in Aiberdeen hospital this day, he wisnae affa sair pleased wi himsel ata. Fin he wis sixty he hid a operation on his left e'e, Jonsar wis fer pleased wi the result. Michty he cood read a car number plate at sixty yards awa. Afore the operation he wis sair made tae see the car. Fin the doctor advised Jonsar Eck tae get the ither e'e operated as weel, he didnae hesitate, jist pit his name doon an let em get on wi it.
Weer that wis three years ago, an the operation wis a success again. Bit jist a fyle ago he noticed something wis wrang wi the richt e'e, He cood see a'a richt wi it, bit fin readin the paper athing seemed tae be hazy. Jist wi the richt e'e mind you, the left e'e wi as clear as a bell. Fin Jonsar Eck went tae the doctor, he wis pit doon tae the Broch tae see a specialist, weel the mannie thocht that Jonsar wid need laser treatment.
Noo that's the wye Jonsar Eck wis sittin in the Aiberdeen hospital. he wis a bittie mair than woun up, he thocht he cood be blin in this e'e, bit wid jist wait an see. Fin a nurse pit some draps intae his e'e he thocht she wis a dab hand at the job. Fin she pit in the second draps, she telt Jonsar it wid be a wee bit nippy. This cheered Jonsar Eck up, an he said tae the nurse. " You ken I'm a dab hand wi the nippies."
Fin Jonsar Eck came oot o the hospital he coodnae believe the difference, athing wis sae bonny an clear, the print in the paper simply louped oot at him. Aye he thocht at's a some eese. Efter he got hame he hid his tay, he en set oot for a wak. Jonsar went in bye the Circle for a dram, jist tae celebrate. Fowk in the Circle were fer pleased for him an bocht a dram or twa tae him. Aye Jonsar Eck thocht, I'm a dab hand wi the nippies. Jonsar Eck nivver got his wak, efter a puckle drams he set oot for hame.
Aboot half wye hame he keeled ower an struck his face on a railin. Ere wis bleed awye fin a couple came tae his rescue, ey took him tae the doctors, Jonsar Eck sayin ere wis naething wrang wi him. He wis fer pleased that he cood still see wi the e'e that he hid laser on. As the doctor came intae the surgery, he said tae Jonsar. "Up on the table an I'll pit in some stitches" As the doctor pit three stitches in Jonsar Eck's nose, Jonsar said. "At's a bit nippy bit you're a dab hand. Noo tell me this fa dis the sewin in your hoose?" Neest day Jonsar Eck wandered in tae anither waterin hole, the barmaid said." Awa back tae the Circle, we dinna want scabs in here. (His face wis a affa mess) Jonsar Eck turned an gaed awa hame thinkin my face wull improve, her face winna.
Pancake Meg
Chap, chap, chap, chap went Jonsar Eck's little axe as, he hacked ten bags o kindlers for a wifie doon aboot the Broch somewye. Jonsar wis jist takin his time, fin he hid hacked the ten bags o sticks he wid be finished for the day. The sin wis beatin doon an he wis jist enjoyin the fine day. Jonsar Eck wis jist fillin up the last bag o the order, fin ere wis a shout " yoo hoo " fae the main road that ran past his yard. Jonsar gaed awa doon tae see fa it wis.
Fa shood be stannin ere bit Mary Flooer an Buttery Wull an anither wifie cawed Pancake Meg. Pancake Meg wis a dab han at makin pancakes, ey simply melted in the moo. "Fit are you three up tae?" asks Jonsar Eck. Mary Flooer says." it's a affa fine day Jonsar, we thocht we cood hae a picnic in your yard, wid that be a'a richt?" Jonsar Eck thocht tae himsel I hope Meg his brocht some o her pancakes. "Oh aye, michty me aye, says Jonsar." I hope I'm invited."
Jonsar Eck pit doon twa or three muckle bits o firewid for seats an says." Ere you go a seat made for a queen". The twa weemin sat do on an burst oot laughin". I dinna think the queen his hid sic a braw seat as this" laughs the twa weemin. Jonsar Eck en took twa muckle message bags fae Buttery Wull, fa looked fer foonered. Peer Wull hid humphed the twa bags a' a the wye fae Pitsliga gey near twa mile.
Mary Flooer said "I've made some cauld drinks, you see this day is affa het. Pancake wis bakin this mornin an, her bag is fer foo o pancakes, jist made this mornin". Jonsar Eck replies "at's the best news I've heard for a fer fyle". Cauld drinks were poored, wi lumps o ice bobbin aboot in he middle o em, jist richt for a het simmers day. Pancake Meg hid been affa quait for a meenit or twa an Buttery asks." Fit's wrang Meg?" Pancake Meg looked up real sheepish like an states. "It's the pancakes". Jonsar Eck laughs an says. "It's aboot time we hid een, or twa " He then dipped a speen in o a jar o jam looks roon an states. "I'm ready for the first een". Pancake Meg's voice wis affa squeaky as she says. "I've left em on the table in Pitsliga". The fower o em starts tae laugh, bit efter a fyle it became easy tae see that there wis neathing tae laugh aboot. Pancake Meg teemed her message bag an ere wis nae pancakes tae be seen.
Jonsar Eck pit the speen o jam back in the jar, he thocht fit a pest o a wifie. En he heard Mary Flooer sayin. "It disnae metter ere is plenty mair stuff tae ait". So it wis tae be, the fower o em hid a richt gweed tuck in an a richt gweed natter. It turned oot tae be a richt fine day (Peety aboot the pancakes).
As Wull, Mary, an Meg githered up their things an set oot for Pitsliga, Pancake Meg said she wis affa sorry aboot the pancakes. Jonsar Eck said "och ey were nae bad ava, ey were gey licht wi nae much taste ata."
THE BATTERY CHARGER
Broon An Roost (Jonsar Eck's truck) widnae start this mornin. Usually the truck wid start on the first turn o the key. It wis mair likely an willin tae start than Jonsar wis. Jist as luck wid hae it, a land rover wi een o Jonsar Eck's pals stopped an offered Jonsar a tug. "Och aye I'll be real grateful o that". says Jonsar Eck. A rope wis tied on tae Jonsar Eck's truck an, wi a jerk an, fifty yards further alang the road, the damned truck started. "Nae bother ata Jonsar, I hope you hiv a gweed day". Jonsar Eck thanked his pal an set awa on his roons.
Broon An Roost wis ferrly playin up. Sometimes it wid start an, sometimes it simply refused tae go. Jonsar Eck coodnae understan the damn thing. He thocht, an tae think I aye look efter it. (He nivver pit a hand near Broon An Roost, as lang it went forrit). Fin Jonsar finished his roon, it wis doon tae the garage, tae see the mechanic tae see fit wis wrang. He tried this an tried that, bit wisna sure fit wis wrang. He tested the battery an, ere wis naething wrang wi it. Took aff the starter, gaed it a clean, bit still Broon An Roost widnae go.
Broon An Roost wis left on a brae for the nicht, jist tae mak sure it wid start in the mornin. Jonsar Eck thocht you ken this is nae eese ata. Risin at seven in the mornin an nae gettin awa or ten o clock. Jonsar Eck wisnae in a gweed mood. Efter Broon An Roost did start ae day, Jonsar noticed a reed licht blinkin aff an on. He thocht at cood be the fan belt. Later on in the day the reed licht widnae gang aff. Fin Jonsar Eck lifted the bonnet tae check the fan belt, ere wisnae een ata, it hid broken. Jonsar Eck nivver threw onything awa, he hid an auld belt aneath the driver's seat, so he fitted the auld belt on, an athing wis aricht.
Broon An Roost wis left on the brae again that nicht, bit neest mornin fin Jonsar tried the starter the engine simply sprang intae life. Jonsar thocht, so much for a'a the wid be engineers that telt him fit wis wrang, ey hidnae a clue. Jonsar Eck pit on a new fan belt an hid nae mair trouble.
Fin Broon An Roost widnae start it made Jonsar Eck think o fit he cood dee tae help himsel. Neest time he wis in Aiberdeen he bocht a new battery charger. (jist in case the battery wis gettin a bittie flat) Jonsar wis jist hame, fin fa shood come in bye his hoose, bit the pal that gaed him a tug, the first mornin Broon An Roost widnae start. His pal looked at the battery charger an asks. "Foo much?" Jonsar Eck says ."Och jist a fiver" His pal laughed his heid aff saying I got een like at for nithing, I got it aff my fag coupons".
THE ROUP
It wis the middle o September eence again an Jonsar Eck on his roons this Setterday mornin. He wis tryin tae set up a roon for the winter months aheid. Jonsar Eck hid bein haein a coont aboot foo he wis deein wi the sticks an peats, as he looked back ower his books, he wis surprised tae see that his stuff hid been the same price for six years. He decided tae ask ninety pence for a bag o sticks an peats (Ey hid been echty pence afore).
On the wye roon Jonsar Eck got a fer bit o abuse fae some o his customers. Jonsar said naething mair than "I'll see you neest week" Ere wis ae lad nicknamed Greedy, fa jist went wild. He said." echty pence the bag wis ower much, nae wye am I peyin ninety pence" Waur an that Jonsar Eck hid already teemed the order o ten bags intae Greedy's shed. Greedy point blank refused tae gie Jonsar anither poun. Weel, Jonsar Eck gaed Greedy back his echt poun, filled the ten bags o sticks up an pit em back in ower his truck, (Jonsar Eck wisnae neen ower pleased).
Efter Jonsar Eck hid his denner, he hid a look doon tae the British Legion car park. Er wis a roup tae be held ere in the efterneen. Jonsar thocht, thats fine I'll hae a look doon tae the roup efter I'm finished my roon. Anither gweed oor an I'll be throu.
It wis an auld age pensioner that wis haein the roup. He hid jist lost his wife an decided tae gang ower tae the west coast somewye. The auld lad thocht that the best wye tae get rid o his stuff wid be tae hae a roup. Fin Jonsar Eck arrived at the roup, athing wis bein selt at a affa rate. Jonsar wis suprised at the price o the furniture, it seemed tae be sellin weel.
Fin the auctioneer started tae sell some bags o firewid, Jonsar Eck coodnae believe his een. Ere wis Greedy biddin for five bags o sticks. Foo much did he pey for em? Ninety pence? Na na. Twelve poun fifty pence. Fin the auctioneer asked, "Stan on? " Greedy said "Aye, aye". Greedy bocht five lots o firewid, five bags in a lot. Twenty five bags for sixty twa pouns fifty pence. For the same money he wid hae got seventy bags fae Jonsar Eck.
Jonsar Eck wis hame haein a cup o tay an, wis tellin the Wee Wifie aboot Greedy. She burst oot laughin an said. "I aye kent yon lad wisnae richt". Jist wi that ere wis a knock at the door, noo fa shood be at the door, bit Greedy. " Wid you caw hame my sticks, Jonsar Eck" he asks. Weel the sticks were teen hame in nae time ata. Jonsar Eck asked for a tenner for the ten meenit job. Greedy said "Jonsar I coodnae buy sticks fae you your ower dear". Fin Jonsar sat doon for his supper he said oot loud. I'ts yon autumn feel again.
DOOCOT FERMIN
It wis up at Mounthooly Doocot that Jonsar Eck wis stannin, lookin ower the village o Rosehearty. It wis a bonny sinny day an, the village seemed tae be so peaceful. The sea wis affa quait an the water wis a deep blue colour. As Jonsar Eck looked ower the horizon, he coodnae bit notice the sky wis the same deep blue colour. Ere wisnae a breath o win an the bonny blue water simply glistened an sparkled in the sin.
As Jonsar Eck looked tae his left, he cood mak oot the ootline o the Black Isle. He thocht, it appears tae be so near, I jist hiv tae reach ower an touch it. Tae Jonsars richt wis the Broch, Peterhead an he wis sure he cood mak oot Aiberdeen. Mounthooly Doocot is een o Jonsar Eck's favourite places an he offen stops for a wee fyle, jist tae hae a look aboot. Jonsar Eck wis fine pleased that day for the view wis jist breathtakin.
Jonsar Eck wis affa puzzled wi Mounthooly Doocot. He often asked himsel, fit wid it hae been used for? The name Doocot must mean it hid something tae dee wi doos. As Jonsar made his wye doon intae Rosehearty, his first customer wis a retired school teacher an Jonsar kent she hid a fer bit o intrest in local history. Jonsar asked her fit the Doocot at Mounthooly wis used for?. "Och that thing, I think it hid something tae dee wi doos" She replied. Jonsar says "Aye, bit fit happened up ere?" "Och I dinna ken" she snapped, she peyed Jonsar an disappeard intae her hoose. Jonsar Eck hid a bee in his bonnet an coodnae leave it aleen. He asked anither auld mannie an wis telt. " Doocot, it wis for the doos you feel".
Aboot twa months later Jonsar Eck wis doon at the Strichen Steens. Jonsar wis takin some photos o the steens. Jonsar wis fer beeried in fit he wis deein an didnae hear twa auld lads come in aboot. The three o em sat doon tae hae a news an the twa o em pinted oot een or twa interestin pints aboot the area. Jonsar Eck asks. "Fit's yon rummle o steens aboot fifty yards awa?" That's a Doocoot" ae lad explains. A'a at eence Jonsar Eck's mind wis jolted intae action eence. Doocot? says Jonsar. "At's richt" Said the twa aulds lads the gither. "Noo fit wid that hae been used for?" Jonsar asks. Ey baith started tae laugh an een o em blurts oot. "For doos Jonsar min, for doos. Jonsar Eck thocht, oh surely nae again.
Een or twa year back, atween Portsoy an Cullen ere wis a new sign pit up be the cooncil. A broon sign, meanin tae Jonsar Eck, it wid lead to a tourist attraction. In bold letters the sign said Findlater Castle. Ae day Jonsar Eck thocht he wid be a tourist an as he approached the sign he pit oot his indicator an turned intae a narra road. He left the truck in the car park an followed the sign tae the castle. Jonsar looked ower tae his left an fit div you think he sa? Wid you believe it stannin ere wis a Doocot. Jonsar decided tae hae naething tae dee wi the bloomin thing. It wis the castle he wanted tae see.
The castle wis an impressive place sittin on a big rock, richt oot in the middle o the sea. Onybody deein anything wrang wid hae been shoved oot a door or windae, far ere wis a ninety fit drap on tae rocks an intae the water. Nae only wis the castle impressive bit the wak alang the shore wis affa peaceful. Some stunnin an spectacular rock formations made it a really worthwhile efterneen. Jonsar Eck wid tak a photo, bit the sin wis ahin a clood. Jonsar jist sat doon an waited for it tae appear again. Aboot an oor efter, oot came auld glory an Jonsar got his photo. He wis happy an pleased wi his efterneen. Jonsar Eck hid been up an doon that road so mony times an didnae ken aboot the castle an it's history. Funcy jist a couple hunner yards aff the road an ere's a bit o country steeped in history.
It wis noo aboot seven o clock at nicht an Jonsar Eck felt the hunger pains begin tae gnaw at his stamach. He thocht it wis time that he hid something tae ait. As he passed the Doocot he coodnae resist gaun ower tae see it. A'a at eence Jonsar Eck's mind wis set at rest. Findlater Doocot hid been restored be the cooncil an ere wis a wee bit o information tellin fowk a'a aboot Doocots.
Ths wis a wye o fermin, dated awa back aboot the Roman times. This type o biggin wis used for fermin doos. A Doocot the size o Findlater held seven hunner doos, a'a in nest boxes. It wis rock doos at wis used for breedin, ey were a bit mair than wee, compared tae the cushie doo. In five weeks the doos wis thocht tae be fat eneugh tae ait.
Ere wis a law at ae time, that said Doocots coodnae be biggit within twa mile o arable land. Fermers nooadays grumph fin a puckle doos land in een o their parks. Fit wid ey de if seven hunner were tae land a'a at eence? Mind you it's nae much o a doo if it canna flee twa mile. Jonsar Eck kent ae lad that sent a doo ower tae France noo an again, bit the damn doo aye came back. Weel Jonsar Eck wis pleased tae find oot aboot the doocot an his been back a puckle times since.
BOBBY DAZLER
Broon An Roost wis chuggin hame fae the saw mill at Longside. It wis fer load doon tae the gunales, the auld truck wis creakin an groanin, bit gettin ere jist the same. Jonsar Eck looked in his mirror afore he broke aff the main road tae gang tae Leeches Burn, far he cut his firewid. In the mirror he seen a bobbies car, blue licht flashin an heid lichts comin aff an on. Jonsar Eck peyed nae heed, he jist drove on. As Jonsar Eck drew intae the close at Leeches Burn, the bobbies car drew in richt ahin him.
"Did you not see me in your mirror?" asks the bobby. "Oh aye" said Jonsar , "bit fit wid you be needin me for?. I'm nae ower heavy, look here's the wecht ticket fae the saw mill. It's signed the day, as a metter o fact this load his jist been on my truck nae mair than half an oor. Noo fit can I dee tae help you?" The bobby wis fer teen aback wi Jonsar Eck bein sae aggressive, he looked Jonsar up an doon, shook his heid an said. " I'ts just a check to see if your truck is roadworthy." " Road worthy" spluttered Jonsar Eck. "It's aye on the road. of coorse it's roadworthy." At's fan the bobby gaed on the attack. He hid a look at the licence, gaed his heid a nod. He en took athing oot o his pooch an, started tae see if ere wis eneugh tread on the truck tyres. Eence mair he gaed his heid a nod. The bobby en went intae the boot o his car an took oot a plastic tube, wi a bellows at ae end o it. "Open your fuel tank" he asked Jonsar. Efter a fyle o shovin, an screwin, the bobby managed tae tak oot some diesel (clear) fae the tank on Jonsar's truck.
"Is your truck insured and tested?' Asks the bobby. "Div you think I'm a crook" snaps Jonsar Eck. The bobby steps back an declares. "I would like to see your lights working" Jonsar Eck pit on the lichts an asks". Dis that please you? "Eence mair it wis a nod o the heid. A' at eence the bobby smiled an said "I could ask you to hand the documents in to the nearest police station, but everything else is within the law so I'll trust you." Jonsar Eck said. "At's fine bit I can assure athing is a richt. I thocht it took twa bobbies tae dee this job". The bobby jist shook his heid. " No, no it is a new law that is just new out".
Jonsar Eck asks. "fit wye did you stop me? "Your truck could do with a tidy up, but everything seems to be in order". (Broon An Roost wis lookin affa roch). Now "I'll away and let you get on with your work, cheerio" An the bobby wis gone. As Jonsar Eck backed his truck back tae the saw, the hand brake cable snapped fin he stopped. "Aye" said Jonsar "at's a bobby dazzler".
A FLITTIN
It wis aboot six o clock ae nicht as Jonsar Eck sat watchin the TV fin a knock came tae the front door. Jonsar answered the door an ere wis auld Stanley stannin ere. He asked Jonsar Eck." Wid you flit me fae Auchter Glen Turra on Setterday?" Jonsar Eck nodded his heid an says." Oh aye Stanley, you hiv been at my door every nicht this week. I'll gie you the same answer as I aye dee. I'll be ere at echt o clock sharp." Stanley growled. "Dinna be late, I wid like tae be in Pitsliga aboot ten an hae the hale day tae settle intae oor new hoose. Noo be ere at echt an dinna be late".
Jonsar Eck hid his breakfast at seven an set awa real sharp that Setterday mornin, followin a map that Stanley hid drawn up for him. It wis a richt bonny mornin, jist richt for the job that wis in hand. Jonsar Eck arrived at Auchter Glen aboot quarter tae echt, expectin tae see a hive o activity ootside the hoose far Stanley bade. Fit a bigake Jonsar got, ere wis naebody aboot. The curtains were still drawn, Jonsar winnered if he wis at the richt place. It wis lang past echt o clock fin a young lad came wakin alang the road. Jonsar Eck asked the lad. " Is this far Auld Stanley bides?" The lad says. "Oh aye he's flittin the day" Jist wi that Stanley appeared at the door. "Your late" he snarled. Afore Jonsar cood answer Stanley wis joined be his wife Grace." Noo noo Stanley you hiv forgot tae wind up the clock". Stanley wisnae pleased. "At's your job" he bawled, slammin the door shut. Jonsar Eck cood hear em haein a richt barny inside, he jist hoped he hidnae started world war three.
At nine o clock Jonsar wis asked in for a cup o tay. Three bairns were rinnin aboot half naked an shoutin at ey were hungry. Grace wis deein her best tae get the porrige ready, bit often trippin ower a ginger cat an a wee spaniel dog.
Efter Stanley got himsel an, the femily fed he seemed in better humour." Noo bairns get dressed an gie your mither a hand tae pack", he says cheerily. Jonsar Eck said tae himsel. " Good lord ten o clock an nae a dish washed. Weel the dishes were nivver washed. Ey were thrown intae a packin case, pot ana, wi nae a cloot near em.
The flittin wis takin a affa time, fin in aboot came twa lads fae Pitsliga, tae see fit wis wrang. "Oh naething is wrang" Says Stanley "The larry lad wis a bittie late" Be this time Jonsar Eck wis fer fed up, fin een o the helpers said he wid big the larry. As Jonsar an the helpers took the stuff oot Stanley and Grace stood at each side o the door, dusters in their hands, giein athing a wipe. It wis a bit ower late for that, as athing wis thick wi stue.
Fin it came tae a mattress o the bed Stanley said. "Aye mony a gweed time on that", an gave it a richt hardy whack. He disappeared intae a clood o stue. Appearin some thirty seconds later, tellin a body. "At's nae gweed for my bronchitis". As Jonsar Eck wis tyin doon the load, he coodnae help bit notice the state o his larry. Yon helper hid bits o furniture stickin oot a'a wye. Jonsar shook his heid an thocht it looked like an ootsize set o bagpipes. Jonsar started tae laugh an said. "The only tune wid be Amazin Grace".
It wis decided tae pit the cat an dog in ower the cab o the larry. Fin Jonsar Eck started the larry up, the cat an dog were sittin on the passengers seat. Fin the larry started awa ey decided tae hae a fecht. Intae the hissin, snarlin ball o fluff Jonsar Eck shoved in a hand an wis bitten be the dog an scratched be the cat. Jonsar Eck let oot a roar an ey disappeared under the seat an fell soun asleep.
Efter unloadin in Pitsliga, it wis weel past three o clock, Jonsar Eck wis fer fed up, the flittin wis a shambles. Stanley an Grace spent the hale efterneen tryin tae get a licht tae work in an auld dresser. Abody humph in an pechin, liftin stuff roon aboot em. They micht as weel nae hae been ere ata.
Fin Jonsar Eck asked Stanley if he wis pleased wi the flittin, an his days work. " Oh aye" he said. "Bit you wis late in the mornin, so I'll be late in peyin you. I'll come ower wi your siller sometime". Jonsar Eck wis furious, a hale damn day wasted, nae denner, ney pey. Jonsar wis in a horrible mood fin he got hame.
Efter a bath, clean claes on, a bite tae ait Jonsar Eck felt a wee bit better. He wis jist settlin doon tae watch the fitba on TV. fin a knock came fae the door. Fin Jonsar Eck answered the door ere wis Stanley. "Och Stanley" Says Jonsar." You cood hae come ower wi the money the morn." "Fars my dog an cat?" he snarls. Fin Jonsar Eck opened the cab door ey were still asleep under the seat. Stanley grabbed the twa o em, een under each airm. Ey were snarlin, spitin, an hissin. Jonsar Eck thocht jist like a set o bagpipes, och bit at least he's gettin a tune.
ALEXANDER HOLMES
"Michty me is that the time". Alexander Holmes shot oot o his bed at an affa rate." Wull you get up an mak some mait tae me?" He asks an demands tae his beloved Hazel (she's a bit nutty) "Na na Alexander, ere's nae rush, div you nae mind this is Sunday," said a puzzled Hazel. "Fit Sunday, oh I wis jist tryin you oot, jist tae see if you hid ony idea", replies Alexander Holmes. Noo the twa o em hid been oot tae a party the nicht afore. Neen o the twa o em were sober fin ey arrived hame at six o clock on Sunday mornin. As Hazel watched Alexander Holmes tryin tae pit on his claes, (he wis still drunk) she said, "It's a gweed job your nae drivin the day, I dinna feel affa great mysel. If you tak Towser (the dog) oot for a wak, I'll hae your breakfast ready fin you come back."
As Alexander Holmes an Towser set oot on their wak, ere wis a auld car parked ootside Alexander Holmes hoose. As Towser passed the car his birse came up, he dug his feet intae the grun an growled. He simply refused tae wak past the car. Alexander Holmes gaed the lead a tug an said. "Noo noo Towser that car his naething tae dee wi you or me, come on we wull gang doon City Haugh". Awa the twa o em doon past the pooder hoosie. (Far explosives were kept eence for local quarries). Efter aboot an oor Alexander an Towser were ready for their breakfast, ey turned roon an made their wye hame.
As ey sat aitin their breakfast Hazel asks." Did you see yon auld car?" Alexander Holmes says. "Towser wisnae affa pleased wi yon car. He growled, snarled, an jist widnae come past the bloomin thing". Hazel thocht for a meenit an declares. "I'll phone the bobbies". Alexander Holmes says. "It's jist broken doon, noo dinna be daft". Hazel jist ignored him, went aheid an phoned the police.
Five minutes efter Hazel phonin, the place wis swarmin wi bobbies. Half a dizzen police cars, bobbies wi a kind o ranks, sniffer dogs, the lot. You name it ey were a'a ere swarmin roon the auld car. Hazel asks Alexander Holmes." Fit hiv I deen?". Alexander replies ."Och my little pet you hiv jist cost the country a fortune. The bobbies wull be on double time, this bein Sunday. Some o em wull maybe on treble time."
Weel it turned oot the car wis fer foo o drugs an stolen goods. It wis a great scoop for the bobbies. Of course Hazel an Alexander Holmes hid breakfast an denner a'a in ae go. Efter that it wis up tae the Circle for a stiff drink or twa, jist tae steady the nerves an get ower the shock. Fin fowk said ey were impressed wi fit Alexender Holmes hid deen (he wis takin a'a the credit) he said."Och I'm jist like my great, great, great, uncle Sherlock".
THE SETTEE
"Ladies an gentlemen the next dance will be a quickstep 'The band leader wis gey reed aboot the gills as he announced the dance. We, the band would like to see everybody on the floor. Jonsar Eck wis haein a dance in the British Legion, he wis fer enjoyin the music. He wis haein a dram or twa wi some o his auld freens an wis fer teen wi the band. The band were playin auld tunes an if Jonsar wisnae dancin he wis listenin tae the band.
"A quickstep Jonsar Eck, can you dee that?" Jonsar Eck looked up, ere wis Roch Meg stannin ere, grinnin fae lug tae lug. "Oh aye, nae bother bit I didnae ken it wis a ladies choice" (Roch Meg wis nae lady) said Jonsar. Roch Meg looked at Jonsar an smiled. "You come up this dance wi me I hiv something tae ask you" As the twa o em danced roon the fleer Roch Meg says, " You ken Jonsar, I hiv a sister that bides in the Broch." Jonsar Eck replied." Sae hiv I, bit I dinna blaw aboot it." Roch Meg jist ignored Jonsar Eck's remarks an tells him., "My sister his bocht twa cheers an a settee fae me, she wid like em teen doon the morn. Wid you caw em doon for her?" Jonsar asks. "In the efterneen?" Ere wis a snort he an, Meg roars. " Na, na I've folk comin for a meal the morn, "I'll see you at half past echt. I'll give you a lift wi the stuff an come tae the Broch wi you an show you far tae gang."
Sunday morn in at quarter past echt, Jonsar Eck wis doon at Roch Meg's hoose. Ropes oot an ready tae load up. "Be wi you in a meenit Jonsar" shouts Meg. The voice comin fae the lavvy somewye. Aboot quarter tae nine Meg appeared (nae a sicht for the faint herted) "Come on in for a cup o tay" she says. Jonsar Eck wis nae gaun tae argue wi her, nae wye.
Be the time the settee an twa cheers were intae Jonsar's truck, Meg bein mair o a hinner than a help. Bit worse wis tae come, Meg's sister started tae dish oot the orders as seen as ey got tae the Broch. Jist stood ere wi her hands on her hips, tellin Meg an Jonsar fit tae dee. Weel the twa cheers went throo the sittin room door a richt, bit wi the settee it wis a different kettle o fish. Roch Meg cursed an swore as the settee stuck in the door o the sittin room." Damn thing winna gang in" snarled Roch Meg. Her sister pinted oot, the settee at she threw awa wis bigger an the een at wis stuck in the door. Roch Meg gaed the settee a shove. It landed on tap o Jonsar wi Roch Meg on tap o the settee, roarin an laughin. (Peer Jonsar Eck).
Jonsar Eck widnae tell onybody fit wye he hid twa black een an a scratch abeen his broo. He wis in the Circle ae day an he wis gettin a fer bit o stick aboot his appearance, bit nae wye wid he say fit happened. Fae shood come intae the Circle? Roch Meg, she says." It wis me at gaed him a face like that, you see he wis aneath me at the time."
FIT A TURN UP
As Jonsar Eck chugged doon intae the Broch this day wi Broon An Roost, he wis surprised tae see some o the shops wi great muckle sale signs in o their windaes. Jonsar wis lucky an got a space tae park his truck. Een or twa shops hid stuff for sale at half price. Some signs said buy one an get one free. Noo Jonsar Eck hid been deliverin firewid a'a afterneen an wis if onything a wee bit dirty. (clean muck) So he jist jumped in ower the truck an gaed awa hame.
Neest day Jonsar Eck wis workin awa, he coodnae bit think o some o the bargains at wis in the shops. Jonsar Eck kent he wis needin a new rigoot. (mebbe twa) So fin he went hame for his denner, he hid a wash, rigged himsel oot in gweed claes an went doon tae the Broch tae dee some shoppin.
First stop wis tae buy a pair o beets, en twa pair o sheen. In anither shop he tried on a pair o jeans. "I'll buy this pair", he said tae the shop quine. She pinted oot that if he bocht twa pair he wid save six poun. Jonsar Eck thocht fit a bargain "I'll take fower pair". (He wis affa greedy) he said tae the quine. Jonsar peyed the quine an went awa tae dee mair shoppin, pickin up mair bargains on the wye.
The jeans were ower lang bit Jonsar Eck kent a wifie doon in Low Street at did some shewin. He thocht. "Och I'll get her tae tak the legs up for me" Neest day it wis poorin o rain, the day efter that wis the same. For a hale week the wither wis affa coorse. Jonsar Eck wis so fed up, he sat doon an did the shewin himsel. He wis affa roch, stiches o a size an shape. His fingers were reed raw, but Jonsar got satisfaction oot o deein the job himsel.
Suddenly ere wis a day o sin shine, sin shinin in a'a it's glory. Jonsar Eck decided tae gang on a bus run. As he wis waitin at the bus stop, fa shood be alang the street bit the wifie at dis the shewin. Jonsar said." Aye aye, you ken I wis comin doon tae see you. I wis needin you tae dee some sewin for me bit, yon rainy days I wis so fed up I sat doon an did it mysel. "It wis the legs o my jeans, look I've a pair on, fit div you think."
Noo this wifie wis affa pernickety an, Jonsar kent she widnae haud back wi fit she thocht. Jonsar wis expectin a real cool answer, mebbe nae bad, or that wull dee. Jonsar held up ae leg so she cood hae a look, she says." Oh me, dinna worry, naebody wull be lookin doon ere onywye."
THE ROSE BUSH
It wis jist aboot the end o April, an Jonsar Eck wis doon at Rosehearty tryin tae sell some firewid. He hid been affa busy the hale winter bit in the early Spring things were beginin tae slow doon. It hid been like that since Jonsar Eck hid started his firewid roon. Fin the wifies started deein their Spring cleanin ( fin een started ey a'a started) the firewid sales wid come tae a halt. Ere wis aye een or twa fowk at jist coodnae dee withoot a fire. Jonsar wis jist takin his time, haein a news wi yon een an, wi onybody that wid spik tae him.
Ere wis a wifie cawed Susie that took ten bags o firewid fae him every week, simmer or winter. She wid say "Fit I dinna burn in the simmer time, I'll jist keep em for the coorse winter nichts. I'll hae a gran fordel or winter". Jonsar Eck jist agreed wi her, he wis pleased ere wis fowk like her, if ere wisnae he wid hae tae tichen the belt.
As he teemed in the ten bags o firewid tae Susie, she asks," are you busy?" Jonsar said "Na na, nae affa". Susie says. "Ere's a wifie roon the neuk pit plastic in her gairden an covered the plastic wi sma steens, I'm gettin ower auld for the gairden, cood you dee the same for me?". Jonsar Eck wis fer teen aback, he gaed his heid a scrat an said, "I suppose I cood".
Susie took Jonsar Eck roon tae see her gairden (it wis a affa mess)" Fit div you think?" Jonsar said. "Och aye I cood gie it a go, jist ae thing fit aboot your roses?" Susie screws up her face an says." I'll shift em afore you come doon at the weekend."
Fin Jonsar Eck drew in aboot tae Susie's hoose on Setterday, wi a load o chuckies he got an affa bigake. The roses bushes (fifteen o em) were still in the grun." Fit aboot this rose bushes?" snarls Jonsar Eck. " Och I hinna been affa weel, I didnae want tae stop you, jist work roon aboot em." Explains Susie. Jonsar Eck wisnae affa pleased bit thocht fit wid he dee wi the chuckies. He thocht he hid better jist work awa.
Jonsar Eck pit doon a bit o plastic sheetin far ere wis nae rose bushes. En covered the plastic wi twa or three barra load o chuckies. Jonar's neest move wis tae try an shape the plastic sheetin roon aboot the rose bushes. Of coorse that wisnae gweed tae dee. The rose bush seemed tae hae a mind o its ain. Efter a fer chauve an a puckle blue words Jonsar hid tae admit defeat. Jonsar sat ere, the sweat poorin aff o him, bleed poorin fae his airm, brobbed be the rose bush. Jonsar Eck went intae attack again sayin, "Nae bloomin rose bush is gaun tae beat me". It wisnae lang afore the distress signals were oot again, the air fer blue wi swear words. It wis jist en that Susie's hame help appeared. She demands." Jonsar jist stop that swearin, Susie disnae believe in bad words. "Jonsar Eck snapped" I dinna believe in yon words either, but tell Susie it's nae her airm at's been torn tae bits wi the bushes".
HOLIDAY
Och weel at's the sheds a'a locked up, the ile changed o the car, boot o the car fer foo wi cases. Ere wis Jonsar Eck sittin in the car winnerin foo lang wul it be afore him an the Wee Wifie cood gang awa their holiday. Ere wis something wrang ere seemed tae be something upsettin the Wee Wifie. Three times she hid shut aff the electric, five times she shut aff the water. The breakfast dishes hid been washed half a dizzen times. Jonsar Eck wis gettin a wee bit restless, he thocht we cood be in the car an on oor wye.
Fin the Wee Wifie finally came oot o the hoose she asks." Jonsar hiv you seen my money?" "Na" Jonsar replies. "Weel at's queer it's aboot here somewye. Are you sure you hinna got my money." Jonsar Eck snorts. "Look here you are the treasure an treasurer o the hoose, fit wye wid I hae your money. I hiv some money an the cheque book, wid that nae dee?" The Wee Wifie widnae listen, jist asks." Wid you open the boot?" It wis a question an a order rolled intae een.
Fin the car boot wis opened her mood changed. "Oh michty me fa pit my handbag in here?" Jonsar Eck sighed "It wisnae me". "Oh aye" she laughs "At's far the money is" Shaks her heid an says. "I'll jist wash the breakfast dishes an we wull get awa. I've been waitin for you for a fyle Jonsar".
A chalet hid been booked up be Oban somewye. Jonsar Eck didnae hae a clue far aboot at Oban bit thocht he wid find the place somewye or ither. The Wee Wifie hid flasks an sandwiches in the boot (beside her handbag). Ey hid a picnic or twa jist tae brak the journey. It wis a richt fine day for the run, it wis still gey cauld in the weak Spring sin. The twa o em fer enjoyed the scenery, sna still on the hills up be Loch Laggan, Spean Bridge, Fort William, Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie finally arrived at the chalet at seven o clock.
It wis a auld ferm steadin converted intae chalets. Ere wis a sma veranda an as Jonsar an the Wee Wifie stood on it ey looked doon on Loch Linnie. Weel, the Little Wifie fell in wi a duster an made sure ere wis nae stue in the chalet. She jined. Jonsar on the veranda an watched the sin set on Loch Linnie. Athing wis dark deep reed, the sky an the water seemed tae be on fire. Jonsar an the Wee Wifie felt priveliged tae see sic a act o nature.
Ae day Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie went on a cruise on Loch Etive. It really wis a smashin day, the water on the loch wis shimmerin in the weak spring sin shine. Ere wis still sna on tap o the mountains an the reflection wis sae clear an spectacular. Swoopin aboot the tap o the moutains ere wis eagles, buzzards, the deer comin richt doon tae the waters edge. It wis jist as nature intended. The only thing oot o place wis the fowk in o the boat. Weel at's fit the seals seemed tae say as ey lay lazily on the rocks, watchin the boat glide bye. It wis a great day an fin Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie got back tae the chalet, the Little Wifie fell in wi a hoover an, went throo the chalet like a something possesed, a'a the time singin. "It beats as it sweeps as it cleans". She jined Jonsar Eck on the veranda an, ey watched the sin pit Loch Linnie on fire eence again. Wee Wifie sighed. "It's been a gran day, affa affa satisfyin day, I think we wull hae a nicht cap at yon pub doon the road."
That's the wye Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie spent their time. enjoyin the scenery an haein a richt lazy time. Ey were baith amazed jist foo fast the time seemed tae slip bye. Neest day the twa o em made for Glencoe. It seemed tae be a sinister place, affa stunnin scenery an it wis easy tae imagine a battle bein focht ere. Jonsar Eck wrote.
We are lookin humbly on in awe,
At the splendour a Glen Coe,
En keep faun on oor tour,
Throo bleak on desolate Rannoch Moor.
Ae day Jonsar Eck seen a bargain day on a poster. On this day you cood visit three islands in ae day. So neest day Jonsar an the Wee Wifie set oot braw sharp in the mornin, tae catch the ferry tae Mull. Ey hid their breakfast on the ferry, ey were keepin a e'e on the water. It seemed mair an a bittie choppy. Fin ey landed at Mull it wis on a coach at took them tae the ither end o the island. Wi the driver pintin oot a'a the different aspects o the island. For instance the one track road at ey were rinnin on wis named the M1. This brocht howls o laughter fae the fowk in the bus. Staffa wis the next island at ey were gaun tae see, bit fin Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie seen the ferry that wis tae tak em tae Staffa their herts missed a beat or twa. The sea wis affa roch or this time an Jonsar hid some misgivins as he stepped in ower a sma fishin boat, made intae a ferry. Up an doon, left an richt, that wee boat wis tryin tae dee, a'a at ae time, as ey cut throo the mair an roch sea.
Fingla's Cave is cut oot be the movement o the water, far the North Sea an the Atlantic Ocean meet. Noo the formation o the cave is spectacular. The Wee Wifie wis fer chuffed wi the journey bit, Jonsar Eck said. "I hiv been an seen, tae gang back again is nae my dream." Arran wis the next island an Jonsar Eck an the Wee Wifie were lookin forrit tae seein the Abbey. Of coorse owing tae the bad weather the time ran oot an ey werenae able tae see the Abbey. Jonsar Eck thocht it wisnae much o a bargain efter a'a.
Ae week? It seemed like a day or twa an, a'a oh a sudden Jonsar Eck wis teemin the car boot at the back door o their hoose. As he took oot the heavy cases, the Wee Wifie wis takin oot the licht stuff. Fin she came upon her bag, Jonsar say's "Ere's ae thing certain lass, I ken far your money is noo".
SENT AFF
Hardie Tackle wis haein a look at a bill that wis in a shop windae. "Title decider" he read oot loudly. "Pitsliga verus Langside, on Monday nicht at 7.30." Hardie thocht this is Monday, hid a look at his watch an noticed it wis quarter tae echt. Och aye he thocht I'll wander awa doon an see fit's happenin. Hardie Tackle wis team manager fin the Pitsliga team last won the league title, awa back in nineteen echty fower, Pitsliga winnin seven titles on the trot. Hardie Tackle hid naething tae dee wi the playin side o things for a fyle noo an thocht, I'll awa doon tae the park an see fit happens.
First thing at Hardie Tackle noticed wis at Pitsliga player manager, Jake Monie wis stannin on the touch line, nae even stripped intae shorts. Hardie asks ae lad. "Fit's wrang wi him?" A lad informs Hardie Tackle. "Jake his been sent aff a puckle times this season, I dinna think he wull play again this year." As the game progressed, the play got a wee bittie mair an roch, Jake Monie wis jumpin up an doon cawin the referee athing fae the touchline. Ower comes the referee tae Jake Monie an, says something tae him. Ere wis a fer auld barny atween em, the referee hid eneuch an showed Jake the reed card. Noo Jake Monie wis haein neen o this an telt the referee fit he thocht o him, the result wis that Jake wis sent tae the dressin rooms, banned fae the field o play an him nae even playin.
Pitsliga did win the game an the league bit, ere wis some spik in the vilage efter the game. Hardie Tackle went intae the Circle for a dram, ae lad said tae him. "I dinna suppose you hiv seen ony thing like at afore?" Hardie said. "Oh aye I mind awa back aboot nineteen seventy echt, fin we first won the league wi my young team. You see the league wis won lang afore the season finished. The selectors an me were fer chuffed, bit we had been in twa finals an lost em baith. Efter a fer chauve we reached the final o the Crimond Cup. We were fer up for this game, practice, we hid trainin for a hale week. Free kicks, penalty kicks, runnin roon the park, press ups, you name it. Pitsliga fitba team were ferrly gaun for a cup win.
The lad looked at Hardie Tackle an asks. "Fit happened?" Hardie replied." Oor best player Kelvin Black took the day aft his work on the day o the cup final, tae celebrate winnin the cup afore the game wis played. He coodnae stan nivver mind play fitba. Of course Crimond were the cup holders an ney wye were ey gaun tae gie the cup tae this Pitsliga upstart o a team. It wis an affa even game an as play went fae ae end tae the ither onything cood happen. As a Crimond player took a throw in, Kelvin grabbed the ba an the Crimond player threw thin air on tae the park. Weel the referee wisnae pleased an gied Kelvin a reed card. He wis sent aff bit nivver on the field o play. It's often spoken aboot, Kelvin is in the Pitsliga sportin folklore, you see that is black upon fyte. Noo of coorse he his got a partner.
SMELLY
"Och at's fine the postie is fine an early the day" said Jonsar Eck tae himsel. Jonsar wis sittin haein a cup o tay jist at the back o nine this mornin, the wither wis playin up. Ere wis a shoor o twa o sna bit, it wisnae Iyin. As Jonsar opened ae letter an hid a read o it, he wis a wee bit confused. This wis a wifie fae Aberdour needin her gairden dellt, covered wi plastic an, covered wi steens. it wis the month o October an, Jonsar thocht it wis a bit late in the year for at.
So the neest time Jonsar Eck went doon tae Aberdour wi firewid he went roon tae see the wifie, tae see fit she wis needin deen. It wisnae a big gairden, bit it wis foo o dokens. Dokens, Jonsar Eck hid nivver seen the like, ey stood aboot five feet high an aboot as thick as a tree. Jonsar says." This wull hae tae be dug" (he wisnae gaun tae dig it)" Oh yes Jonsar, I have an old man going to dig it for me. Will you come back in two weeks time, and I will have the garden ready for you."
Fin Jonsar Eck went tae see the wifie in twa weeks time, sure eneuch the gairden wis dug an ready. "I'll be doon the morn" says Jonsar, "How much will it cost?" asks the wifie. Weel she cood afford athing bit pinted oot at the plastic wis affa dear. Jonsar Eck said. "I ken far ere is some black plastic dumped in a quarry in Pitsliga. It came aff o yon roon bales o silage, if I pit doon twa or three fauls o plastic it shood dee the job, it micht smell o silage a bit, come time the smell will wear awa.
So it wis doon tae Aberdour early in the mornin wi a load o chuckies, an a bag or twa o plastic. It took Jonsar Eck a hale day tae dee the job, aye gaun tae Lovies quarry for a puckle mair chuckies. Only thing at Jonsar Eck didnae like wis, the wifie nivver offered him a cup o tay. Fin it came tae half past twal, Jonsar hid tae gang tae the pub for a bar lunch. Fin Jonsar finished the job aboot half past three, the wifie peyed him wi a cheque. Jonsar said." I thocht you said you wid pey wi cash". The wifie replied." I haven't had time to go to the bank". Jonsar Eck went tae the bank twa or three days efter an the damned cheque bounced. Every time Jonsar gaed roon bye the wifie, somewye or ither she wis nivver in.
Aboot twa month later in come anither cheque, wi a richt nesty letter sayin at ere wis an affa smell comin affa the plastic. Wid Jonsar Eck come doon an see fit wis wrang. Jonsar went tae the bank wi the cheque, waited a day or so until his money came throo, en set oot doon tae Aberdour. Fin the wifie came tae the door Jonsar says. "I canna smell onything," the twa o em glowered at each ither, en Jonsar gaed doon on his knees an, starts tae smell the chuckies, en the drains, "Nae damned smell here ata" he growls. Jist wi at ere wis a affa soun fae a park neest tae the wifies hoose, Ere wis a fermer spreadin dung wi a tractor an a muck spreader. Dung fleein awye, Jonsar Eck roars. "At's your bloody stink" Somewye or ither the wifie hid disappeared intae the hoose, fester an fest.
THE GOLF MATCH
"Are you a member of the club sir?" Asked the barmaid o this affa posh bar at Jonsar Eck wis stannin in. "No" answered Jonsar. "Well I have to inform you that, you can't use our facilities if you are not a member. If you are with a member of the club, you can use our facilities". Jonsar Eck hid only asked the lassie. "Far's the lavvy?" ( he wis jist fer burstin) Jonsar Eck hid been on the go for echt oors an nature of coorse wis giein him a call.
Jonsar Eck hid decided tae come up tae Nairn tae see the British Amateur Golf Championship. He thocht it wid be something different. It wis Setterday the day o the final, bein played atween a Scotsman an a Welshman. Jonsar Eck hid tried tae play golf (nae affa weel) an thocht he cood hit the ba a fer distance. Fin Jonsar seen the power an the shots played be this twa chiels, he wis amazed. The match wis been played flat oot, nae quarter asked neen given, it wis affa even, gey nip an tuck. Ey were haein a richt ding dong battle. It wis a gran day an Jonsar joined in wi the crowd an enjoyed the match.
Efter the first echteen holes the players stopped for something tae ait an, jonsar Eck made for Broon an Roost far he hid a flask an some sandwiches. He thocht he wid get relief among some bushes, bit fin he got back tae Broon An Roost the car park wis fer foo wi fowk an cars. Noo this wis gettin serious, if Jonsar didnae get a leak, he wid hae a leak (nature widnae wait for ivver) Ere wis tents o a'a kind, press tents, tents wi bakery goods for sale, tents sellin golf gear, bit toilets? Ey were nae wye tae be seen. At wis fan Jonsar Eck took the bull be the horn an, went intae the posh club hoose. A body in the place wis smokin cigars an, sippin wine fae affa funcy glesses. Fin the lassie mair or less telt Jonsar he coodnae use the lavvy, a chiel telt him far aboot tae gang tae get relief. "I'm Jock Robertson, jist say you are wi me".
Jonsar Eck thanked the chiel, an fin he came back tae the bar he said tae the lassie,"I'll hae a whisky. I'm wi Jock Robertson". She wisnae affa pleased bit did serve him. Jonsar Eck noticed at the golf match hid started again, he gulped doon his whisky an made for the door. Of coorse the wa wis biggit wi gless, tae let fowk see the golf course, an Jonsar tried tae wak throo the gless. As he sat ere on the fleer, stars furlin roon his heid, he heard een o the toffs say. "Oh I say, I see that Scottish chappie is drunk". Jonsar wis wearin a tartan bonnet an a tartan body warmer. Fin he stood up he said tae Toffie Nose. "I'm the only Scottish body here min", Jist wi at the the lassie fae ahin the bar an anither toff took Jonsar oot o the bar an on tae the golf course. "Now don't come back in here again sir", said the bar lassie. "Dinna worry, fin nature calls I'll jist gaun ahin a funn bush" snarled Jonsar. He en made awa tae watch the golf.
P. S. The Welsh lad won.
HOSPITAL
Jonsar Eck wis intae the Aiberdeen hospital visitin the Wee Wifie, in ward forty twa. Ere wis the soun o a bell ringin an Jonsar Eck kent at his time wis up, as he said cheerio tae the Wee Wifie he heard a cry for help fae a frail auld wifie. It turned oot at this wuman's lassie wis in ward forty twa, an her man wis in ward seven. She wis askin a nurse fit wye tae get tae ward seven. Weel the nurse wis tryin desperately tae mak the auld dear understan her directions. It wis nae eese the auld wifie wis fer lost an in a state o shock, be the looks o her she cood end up in bed hersel. At wis fan her knight in shinin armour appeared in the shape o Jonsar Eck. "Noo look here" he said. "I'll tak you tae ward seven, I ken this hospital like the back o my hand". She didnae half perk up fin she heard fit Jonsar said. She hooked her airm intae Jonsar Eck's then said. "Oh michty a gweed lookin chap like you, your a richt gweed soul". As Jonsar led her taewards the lift, she started tae spik an, forgot tae stop.
On the wye doon tae the ground fleer, she telt Jonsar a'a aboot her fowk, her mither an father, an her sisters an brithers. Jonsar Eck pressed the lift button for the lower ground fleer, thinkin she widnae hae sae far tae wak. As she left the lift Missus chatterbox hid started tae tell Jonsar aboot her ain femily.
As Jonsar Eck stepped oot o the lift he hid a look for a sign or twa tellin him far tae gang, Jonsar began tae panic, ere wisnae ony signs. Fit he did notice wis, at the waas' o this fleer were a shockin pink an, the doors were a bricht crimson. On tap o ae door it said theatre A, across the corridor, theatre B, roon the corner wis theatre C. Abody wis gaun aboot scrubbed up an, ready tae dee operations. Nae wye shood Jonsar Eck an misses chatterbox be doon here, jist in fae the outside fer foo o germs. Fowk in trollies were gaun rattlin past Jonsar an Missus chatterbox, some moanin, some groanin, ae wifie wis tryin tae sing, The Bonnie Lass O Fyvie.
As Jonsar Eck passed theatre A for the third time, he kent fine he wis lost. Missus chatterbox wis noo tellin Jonsar a'a aboot her granchildren. Jonsar wis deein his best tae keep calm fin, a wee nurse in a affa hurry bumped intae Missus chatterbox, gey near cawin her ower. The nurse wis fer foo o apology an Jonsar asks "Fars the wye oot?" "Go to the end of the passage an turn richt", said the nurse.
It wis a sense o relief, Jonsar Eck hid finally spotted the main passage, wi plenty fowk movin aboot. Jonsar wis noo hearin aboot the richts an wrangs o Missus chatterbox's great grand children. She hid been so busy spikin she didnae ken she hid been lost. Missus chatterbox seen the sign sayin ward seven, she let oot a screech o delight, an wis awa in a flash. She looked affa frail bit she cood shift. Wi a wave o her umbrella she wis gone. Jonsar Eck aye thocht he hid escaped fin he came oot o the hospital, bit this time it wis THE GREAT ESCAPE.
ROMANCE
Fin Jake heard the gently rap, rap on his door, he rose fae his chair an, let oot a almighty roar. "Dinna be sae damned impatient" he roared. Jake wis the heid gamie on the Auchter Glen estate. A stern hard man fa stood for nae nonsense, He hid started awa as a loon an worked his wye up tae heid gamie. He hid worked on the estate for twenty five year.
Tae say that Jake wis a bully wis pittin it mildly. He ruled the estate wi an iron fist. He hid a sense that telt him fan onybody wis prowlin on the estate an time an again appeared fae naewye. Onybody venturin near his young game birds were sent packin, wi a shot or twa fae his double barrel twelve bore shotgun, fired ower their heids.
Abody on the estate gave Jake a wide berth. any time he spoke tae the gairdener, or the factor, or ony estate worker, it ended up in a bawlin match. Usually Jake sendin em awa wi a few choice words. (neen o em complimentary) The laird himsel didnae care for Jake, bit nae wye cood he fault his work. Nivver onything oot o place, athing spic an span an up tae date.
Jake wis the maist unromantic object o a human bein that onybody cood think o. Weel Cupid an his bow an arra struck fin Jake wis a young gamie. He fell madly in love wi Jane, the skiffie at Auchter Glen big hoose. Ey went thegither a gweed lot, mebbe for echteen month or so. Suddenly Jane announced she wis in the femily wye. Tae Jake's astonishment she telt him that ney wye wid she marry him. Jane said "she coodnae let a monster like Jake bring up her femily".
Jane hid worked at Auchter Glen hoose for five year an thocht she wid be telt tae leave. The lairds wife an Jane got on affa weel an the laird offered Jane a sma cottage in the middle o the policies. Tellin Jane that she cood keep her job if she wanted. That is exactly fit happened, efter a fyle Jane wis able tae gang back tae work, takin the bairn wi her.
Jake appeared at the hoose noo an again, bit Jane wid hae naething tae dee wi him. As usual Jake wid leave cursin an swearin, aye pittin his blood pressure awa hine up.
It wis noo fifteen year since Jamie the bairn wis born an it wis something o a triumphant roar that Jake let oot. As he opened the door he kent fine it wis Jamie roon for his money. (Jake hid peyed for the bairn for fifteen year). Foo auld are you noo Jamie?" demanded Jake. "Fifteen the day", said Jamie, nervously. "Tell your mither at's the last payment fae me an, watch the tears in her een" snarls Jake.
As Jane an Jamie set aitin their supper, Jamie telt Jane fit Jake hid said. Jane shook her heid an a wistful look came intae her een. She reached oot tae Jamie an said" Wid you gang ower tae Jake an tell him he's nae your father an watch the tears in his een".
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A Sair Fecht
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