Document 1713
Scots Tung Wittins 62
Author(s): Robert Fairnie
Copyright holder(s): Name withheld
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Nummer 62
Jan. 1999
Keepin a guid Scots tung in yer heid's nae guid! Lat it oot uise it!
Scots Tung WITTINS
Eydentlie uphaudin the Scots Leid Campaine
E-mail: [CENSORED: emailaddress] Ph. [CENSORED: phonenumber]
A Guid new Year tae ane aa!!
HERE'S tae an unco guid 1999 for aa wir readers.
May the best ye'v ever seen
Be the warst ye'll ever see
May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi a tear drap in his ee
May ye aye keep hale an hertie
Till ye'r auld eneuch tae dee
May ye aye be juist as happy
As we wish ye aye tae be.
Tradeetional Toast.
~~~ooo~~~
Yuletide Scots on the Wireless.
ON Christmas mornin atween 7.30am an 8.00am, Radio Scotland braidcast a Yuletide service that wis maistlie in Scots. Forbye a Christmas pome in Scots an ane or twa ither bits an pieces, the Bible readins wis taen direck frae W.L. Lorimer's "New Testament in Scots". Whit a peetie the tellie thon day wisna up tae the same staundart insteid o aa thon peelie-wallie kinna drabble that London thocht wis guid eneuch for us.
~~~ooo~~~
Edinburgh's Muckle
Hogmanay Pairty.
THE media threaps atween a hunner an aichtie an twa hunner thoosan fowk swairmed intae the streets o Scotland's capital tae jyne in wi a typical Scottish Hogmanay an New Year celebration. We'v nae doot it wis the biggest ane in the warld an we'v nae doot that aa thae fowk that wis thare haed a braw rerr time, but typically Scottish? Frae whit wis tae be seen on the tellie, we hae oor doots. Apairt frae the geography, the backdrop an a haundfu o pipes an kilts, it cuid hiv been a typical New Year celebration oniewhaur in the English spaekin warld. Like aa thae ither airts we war gien "Auld Lang Syne" efter the bells but whit in the name o the wee man happened tae "A Guid New Year", THE typically Scottish wey o walcomin in the New Year? Wis it juist that we missed it wi stravaigin back an forrit atween BBC1 an STV or wis this the first New Year thon auld sang haesna kythed; a rehearsal for the Big Ane neist year whan London program high heid anes will leuk back tae this year tae mak siccar thay braidcast a typical Scottish celebration?
Aabodie kens bi nou hou Auld Reekie's Lord Provost pit his fit in it bi tellin the warld that hogmanay wis breardit frae the Gaelic leid. Thare micht weel be some doots anent exacklie whit leid the word cam frae but maist fowk wad gree that it wisna Gaelic. Nae maitter whit leid breardit the word, it wis the Scots language that taen it in an, like gardyloo, mooldit it tae fit the Scottish mooth an uised it ilka year syne. Athoot the Scots language, thare wad be nae hogmanay, nae Auld Lang Syne, nae A Guid New Year tae ane an aa, nae Lang may yer lum reek, nae First Fittin an nae typical Scottish New Year. For aa that tho, STV shawed tae the warld, the sichts o the Hogmanay Pairty comin frae the capital o Scotland itsel an shawed forbye a Guid New Year greetin in English, Gaelic an aa the ither languages ye cuid think o – aa, that is, exceppin the Scots language – the leid that mooldit the typical Scottish New Year intae whit it wis yestreen but, in the een o the TV high heid anes, isna onie mair. Whit can we dae tae mak siccar thay dinna mak the same mistaks whan the big ane comes roond at Hogmanay 1999?
For us, the high-lichts o the New Year TV programs wisna the heidmaist event at aa, it wis Tony Roper's "The Steamie" on STV an "Elaine C. Smith on Hogmanay" on BBC1. Nae maitter hou aften we'v aa seen "The Steamie", it's miles aheid o onie o the ither programs we haed tae vizzie this New Year an, onless the pouers that be git a muckle IQ jag, it's shuir tae bide miles aheid in the years tae come an aa.
~~~ooo~~~
Scots Tung WITTINS
on the wab.
The Scots Tung Wittins can be vizzied or doun-loadit an prentit (nou in HTML format forbye) frae the wab-steid o :-
The Scots Speikers Curn, Glesca.
Wab-steid backin :-
http://www.ndirect.co.uk/~love/
~~~ooo~~~
Neist Forgaitherin. Mon. 8t. Februar 1999 7.30pm tae 9.00pm Conf. Rm. 1. Brunton Haa, Musselburgh,
Scots Language Resources frae Channel 4 Schuils.
BE on the kee-vee for a new five-some curn o programs airtit tae the 10 tae 14 year aulds an set tae be braidcast on Channel 4 TV in Aprile an Mey o 1999.
Haud Yer Tongue: a Scots Odyssey is a celebration o the virr an sindrie qualities o the Scots language, spaeken an screivit – frae the coort poetry o the medieval makars tae the ilkaday language o the Trainspotting generation.
~~~ooo~~~
Programme 1. (20 Aprile)
O Aw the Airts The heidmaist byleids o Scots, an hou thay affeck fowk's thochts on cless an social staunin.
Programme 2. (27 Aprile)
Coorse an Fine Raicent social history o language an the by-ordinar effeck o television on the wey fowk spaek.
Programme 3. (11 Mey)
Language o Scottish Natioun? We see hou Scots wis biggit up ower hunners o year an seek tae see gin the auld leid o the coort haes onie sib tae the ilkaday street language o the day.
Programme 4. (18 Mey)
Ti be Yersel Modren Scottish screivin cairries on a braw leeterarie tradeetion o cultural an social observe.
Programme 5. (25 Mey)
The Future Oors? Celebrates the virr that Scots haes thae days an spaeks up for its richtfu staunin in the Scotland an Europe o this in-comin neist hunner year.
Haud Yer Tongue Resources:-
Teachers' Guidal wi witterins for teachers an ongauns for the bairns. £4.95
Video kist o 5 x 15 meinit programs £14.99
Tae ken mair, contack Channel 4 Schuils on Ph:- [CENSORED: phonenumber]
~~~ooo~~~
Program anent the Scots leid tae be braidcast on Danmarks Radio P1.
HERE bits an pieces o an e-mail frae Ole Stig Andersen, a Danish radio journalist, that wis passed on tae us bi Andy Eagle in Germany:-
"A'm a journalist wi Danmarks Radio, an A'm gaun tae bide in Scotland for the neist twa months, frae 3t. Januar tae 1st. Mairch. Bidin in Edinburgh, A'll be braidcastin hame twa witterins ilka week on aa kinds o spaeks that micht descrive "Oor Unbekent Neibours", the Scots, tae us Danes.
"Our Unknown Neighbours" is a new weekly hauf-oor program tae be workit intae the thrang schedule o Danmarks Radio P1 (Danish State Radio Channel One, cultural public service, spaeken word) tae be braidcast frae the New Year on.
A wad ettle tae dae at least ae program anent the language seetiation Scotland. Aiblins that cuid be streetched tae twa tae tak in baith Scots an Gaelic or e'en three tae kivver Urdu an aa.
A wad ettle tae meet an speir fowk wi strang consaits o language chyce an identity, in the settins whaur thay uise thaim; faimlie, media, schuil, bairns an halflins, wark, pairties (soirees) an the kirks.
A speir yer heeze tae git acquaintances, fowk wi pairsonal expairience in language contack seetiations, be thay harmonious, contermacious, or baith, or naither.
A wad like fine tae fin ane or twa faimlies wi bairns at the schuil, wi braid community contacks, teacher(s) aiblins, that wad alloo me an ma recorder tae follae thaim frae time tae time ower thae twa months.
Forbye that, A wad walcome onie suggestions anent whit ye think shuid be tellt aboot the fowk o Scotland. Whit e'er you Scots think ye ken aboot Denmark, ye can be shuir that, the ither wey aboot, it's gey scant, shalla an fause. A'm leukin forrit tae gittin tae ken the real thing."
Ane or twa o wir readers haes makit contack wi Ole areddies sae we can be shuir o him gittin his wittins anent the Scots leid strecht frae the horse's mooth. Gin oniebodie else wis o a mind tae contack him an aa (aa the mair, aa the better) e-mails shuid be sent tae [CENSORED: emailaddress] or [CENSORED: emailaddress]
Tak tent:- The oreeginal e-mail wis screivit in English but owerset intae Scots bi Scots Tung Wittins tae faa in wi the editorial ettles o Scots Tung an its wittins blad.
~~~ooo~~~
A Walcome Hame-comin o Scots Language tae The Scots Magazine.
EFTER a gey scant dale o the Scots leid in December's Scots Magazine, it wis guid tae see 1999 stertin aff wi a mair growthie dale o the leid in Januar's edeetion. Tho the auld raigler, Speaking Scots, daesna shaw its face for the first time in a month o Sundays, its place wis taen ower bi Ian Smith's, A Word, Your Honour! This wis alang the same gate as Speaking Scots but dailt mair wi Scots words an eedioms uised in the law an sic. Ane or twa o the exemplars gien wis the likes o, Stouthrief, Hamesucken, Tocher Band, Backhand Rent an Whitebonnet. The hinnermaist ane wis a body at an auction that workit haund in haund wi the seller, biddin for an airticle juist tae eik up the price.
Unholy Wullie's Halloween is a by-ordinar Scots pome bi Robert Menzies Banks, screivit in a souch no unalike that o Burns hissel an awfu weel stanced bi wey o it bein prentit on the page forenent Jenny Chaplin's, A Nicht Wi Burns. Jenny's cuttie story is aa aboot Burns' veage on the gate tae Auld Reekie in 1786. The story tells o some o the guid-fowk he met up wi an wis enterteened bi on his wey tae the capital. Frae stert tae feinish, her Scots is braw an wycelik. Ann Glen haes anither cuttie story cried, The First Alford Express aa anent a brainch railway line in Aiberdeenshire an, tho the narrative is screivit in English, the dialogue haes the narrative oot-nummert twa tae ane an it's aa screivit in a guid nor-aist Scots.
Brian D. Osborne screives anent the career o Lord Braxfield in The Hanging Judge an agane, juist the dialogue is screivit in Scots tho the'r no sae muckle o it this time nor is in Ann Glen's story. For aa that tho, thare wis an awfu lot mair o Scotland in Januar nor thare iver wis in the December edeetion.
~~~ooo~~~
Geordie Jooks' Twa Feres an a Heivenlie Gowf Coorse.
TWA three weeks efter Geordie Jooks haed thon awfu stramash doun at Gullane whan his gowf baa hit a puir sowl on the heid, twa o his feres wis haein a wee crack aboot it in the club-hoose at Monktonhaugh Gowf Club.
"Ay! If a baa's got yer name on it Wullie, the'r no a lot ye can dae aboot it." quo Sandy.
"A'm awfu gled ma name's Broon an no Dunlop." reponed Wullie afore pittin a swallae o beer ower his thrapple.
Efter a guid bicker thegither thay baith gaed quiet an thochtfu for a wee while than Wullie speirt, "A wunner if thay hae gowf coorses in Heiven?"
"Whit dae ye mean?" answert Sandy, "A aye thocht that the gowf coorse wis Heiven!"
"Ay, A ken. But efter ye dee." Wullie went on, "Daes that mean ye winna be able tae caa a gowf cleik for the hail o eternity or dae ye think thay'll hae gowf coorses in Heiven an aa?"
"A dinna ken aboot that." sayed Sandy, pouin at his lug, "But A'll tell ye this Wullie. If the'r no onie thair, A'm no gaun! A wadna ken whit tae dae wi masel if A didna hae ma gemm o gowf."
"Ay! It daesna thole thinkin aboot." girned Wullie efter anither waucht o beer, "An anither thing. The'r naebodie ye can speir on't – no e'en the meenister, for he wadna ken aither. Wad he?"
"Naw!" sayed Sandy, "He wadna ken a gowf baa frae a pan-drop. A doot the onlie wey tae fin oot is tae gaun thair yersel an mak siccar." "No me!" lauched Wullie, "A'll bide ma time. It's a ae wey road tae thon place.
Aince ye pit a fit ower the yett, the'r nae wey back."
"A didna mean it that wey Wullie. It's juist that if a spaewyfe can git wittins back frae the deid fowk, then thare maun be some wey tae fin oot if thay hae gowf coorses in Heiven or no."
"Ay! Aiblins if a gowfer we ken wis tae dee, a spaewyfe micht be able tae speir him."
"Tell ye whit oo'll dae!" Sandy sayed, "If A git taen afore you, an the'r onie wey at aa o gittin word back tae ye, A'll lat ye ken for shuir. An, for that maitter, if it's me that sees you oot, you can lat me ken. Hou's that?"
"Ay. A'm aa for that." reponed Wullie wi a girn on his face, spittin on his haund an shovin it forrit tae seal thair tryst.
Weel, efter yon day, twa three months gaed bye an a wheen mair gemms o gowf till ae day, Sandy up an dee'd. No that he haed been no weel or oniethin. He juist drappit doun deid efter his denner awfu sudden like. Three days efter, saw Wullie at the kirkyaird wi aa Sandy's ither freends an faimlie. Whan the meenister wis giein a wee prayer at the yirdin, Wullie's een wis shut, his heid wis doun an he wis greetin his hert oot whan, o a suddentie, he heard a wee whisper in his lug frae ahint. "Wullie!" it sayed. He birlt roond quick tae see wha it wis but naebodie wis thare.
"Wullie!" quo the vice agane, "It's me. Sandy!"
"Sandy? But you're supposed tae be deid!"
"Ay! Dae ye no think A ken A'm deid? A'v juist cam back for a meinit tae tell ye whit it's like in Heiven an tae keep oor tryst. Dae ye no mind?"
Wullie's face wis a sicht an he wis tremmlin frae heid tae fit as he speirt, "Is it raelie you, Sandy?"
"Ay." whispert the vice, "If it wisna me, hou wad A ken ye wis speirin on aboot the gowf coorses in Heiven?"
"Guidness! Hou ar ye Sandy?"
"Wullie, ye wadna believe hou guid it is here. The gowf coorses is oot o this warld. Ye shuid see thaim. A'm tellin ye Wullie, Monktonhaugh canna haud a caunle tae this place."
"A'm gled tae hear ye'r likin it sae weel Sandy, but oo'r aa missin ye somethin sair the nou."
"A ken, but dinna fash yersel aboot that the nou. The'r somethin A hae tae tell ye afore A gaun."
"Whit's that?"
"A haed a gliff at the teein aff times afore A cam awa, an oo'r baith beukit on the first tee for aicht o'clock the morn's mornin."
Makars's Neuk
An athort the lan
The gnash o fowk's
Thochts cam looder.
Fae sic burblins
A nation cuin
Keek oot-weys.
Andrew McNeil.
Jan. 1999
Keepin a guid Scots tung in yer heid's nae guid! Lat it oot uise it!
Scots Tung WITTINS
Eydentlie uphaudin the Scots Leid Campaine
E-mail: [CENSORED: emailaddress] Ph. [CENSORED: phonenumber]
A Guid new Year tae ane aa!!
HERE'S tae an unco guid 1999 for aa wir readers.
May the best ye'v ever seen
Be the warst ye'll ever see
May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi a tear drap in his ee
May ye aye keep hale an hertie
Till ye'r auld eneuch tae dee
May ye aye be juist as happy
As we wish ye aye tae be.
Tradeetional Toast.
~~~ooo~~~
Yuletide Scots on the Wireless.
ON Christmas mornin atween 7.30am an 8.00am, Radio Scotland braidcast a Yuletide service that wis maistlie in Scots. Forbye a Christmas pome in Scots an ane or twa ither bits an pieces, the Bible readins wis taen direck frae W.L. Lorimer's "New Testament in Scots". Whit a peetie the tellie thon day wisna up tae the same staundart insteid o aa thon peelie-wallie kinna drabble that London thocht wis guid eneuch for us.
~~~ooo~~~
Edinburgh's Muckle
Hogmanay Pairty.
THE media threaps atween a hunner an aichtie an twa hunner thoosan fowk swairmed intae the streets o Scotland's capital tae jyne in wi a typical Scottish Hogmanay an New Year celebration. We'v nae doot it wis the biggest ane in the warld an we'v nae doot that aa thae fowk that wis thare haed a braw rerr time, but typically Scottish? Frae whit wis tae be seen on the tellie, we hae oor doots. Apairt frae the geography, the backdrop an a haundfu o pipes an kilts, it cuid hiv been a typical New Year celebration oniewhaur in the English spaekin warld. Like aa thae ither airts we war gien "Auld Lang Syne" efter the bells but whit in the name o the wee man happened tae "A Guid New Year", THE typically Scottish wey o walcomin in the New Year? Wis it juist that we missed it wi stravaigin back an forrit atween BBC1 an STV or wis this the first New Year thon auld sang haesna kythed; a rehearsal for the Big Ane neist year whan London program high heid anes will leuk back tae this year tae mak siccar thay braidcast a typical Scottish celebration?
Aabodie kens bi nou hou Auld Reekie's Lord Provost pit his fit in it bi tellin the warld that hogmanay wis breardit frae the Gaelic leid. Thare micht weel be some doots anent exacklie whit leid the word cam frae but maist fowk wad gree that it wisna Gaelic. Nae maitter whit leid breardit the word, it wis the Scots language that taen it in an, like gardyloo, mooldit it tae fit the Scottish mooth an uised it ilka year syne. Athoot the Scots language, thare wad be nae hogmanay, nae Auld Lang Syne, nae A Guid New Year tae ane an aa, nae Lang may yer lum reek, nae First Fittin an nae typical Scottish New Year. For aa that tho, STV shawed tae the warld, the sichts o the Hogmanay Pairty comin frae the capital o Scotland itsel an shawed forbye a Guid New Year greetin in English, Gaelic an aa the ither languages ye cuid think o – aa, that is, exceppin the Scots language – the leid that mooldit the typical Scottish New Year intae whit it wis yestreen but, in the een o the TV high heid anes, isna onie mair. Whit can we dae tae mak siccar thay dinna mak the same mistaks whan the big ane comes roond at Hogmanay 1999?
For us, the high-lichts o the New Year TV programs wisna the heidmaist event at aa, it wis Tony Roper's "The Steamie" on STV an "Elaine C. Smith on Hogmanay" on BBC1. Nae maitter hou aften we'v aa seen "The Steamie", it's miles aheid o onie o the ither programs we haed tae vizzie this New Year an, onless the pouers that be git a muckle IQ jag, it's shuir tae bide miles aheid in the years tae come an aa.
~~~ooo~~~
Scots Tung WITTINS
on the wab.
The Scots Tung Wittins can be vizzied or doun-loadit an prentit (nou in HTML format forbye) frae the wab-steid o :-
The Scots Speikers Curn, Glesca.
Wab-steid backin :-
http://www.ndirect.co.uk/~love/
~~~ooo~~~
Neist Forgaitherin. Mon. 8t. Februar 1999 7.30pm tae 9.00pm Conf. Rm. 1. Brunton Haa, Musselburgh,
Scots Language Resources frae Channel 4 Schuils.
BE on the kee-vee for a new five-some curn o programs airtit tae the 10 tae 14 year aulds an set tae be braidcast on Channel 4 TV in Aprile an Mey o 1999.
Haud Yer Tongue: a Scots Odyssey is a celebration o the virr an sindrie qualities o the Scots language, spaeken an screivit – frae the coort poetry o the medieval makars tae the ilkaday language o the Trainspotting generation.
~~~ooo~~~
Programme 1. (20 Aprile)
O Aw the Airts The heidmaist byleids o Scots, an hou thay affeck fowk's thochts on cless an social staunin.
Programme 2. (27 Aprile)
Coorse an Fine Raicent social history o language an the by-ordinar effeck o television on the wey fowk spaek.
Programme 3. (11 Mey)
Language o Scottish Natioun? We see hou Scots wis biggit up ower hunners o year an seek tae see gin the auld leid o the coort haes onie sib tae the ilkaday street language o the day.
Programme 4. (18 Mey)
Ti be Yersel Modren Scottish screivin cairries on a braw leeterarie tradeetion o cultural an social observe.
Programme 5. (25 Mey)
The Future Oors? Celebrates the virr that Scots haes thae days an spaeks up for its richtfu staunin in the Scotland an Europe o this in-comin neist hunner year.
Haud Yer Tongue Resources:-
Teachers' Guidal wi witterins for teachers an ongauns for the bairns. £4.95
Video kist o 5 x 15 meinit programs £14.99
Tae ken mair, contack Channel 4 Schuils on Ph:- [CENSORED: phonenumber]
~~~ooo~~~
Program anent the Scots leid tae be braidcast on Danmarks Radio P1.
HERE bits an pieces o an e-mail frae Ole Stig Andersen, a Danish radio journalist, that wis passed on tae us bi Andy Eagle in Germany:-
"A'm a journalist wi Danmarks Radio, an A'm gaun tae bide in Scotland for the neist twa months, frae 3t. Januar tae 1st. Mairch. Bidin in Edinburgh, A'll be braidcastin hame twa witterins ilka week on aa kinds o spaeks that micht descrive "Oor Unbekent Neibours", the Scots, tae us Danes.
"Our Unknown Neighbours" is a new weekly hauf-oor program tae be workit intae the thrang schedule o Danmarks Radio P1 (Danish State Radio Channel One, cultural public service, spaeken word) tae be braidcast frae the New Year on.
A wad ettle tae dae at least ae program anent the language seetiation Scotland. Aiblins that cuid be streetched tae twa tae tak in baith Scots an Gaelic or e'en three tae kivver Urdu an aa.
A wad ettle tae meet an speir fowk wi strang consaits o language chyce an identity, in the settins whaur thay uise thaim; faimlie, media, schuil, bairns an halflins, wark, pairties (soirees) an the kirks.
A speir yer heeze tae git acquaintances, fowk wi pairsonal expairience in language contack seetiations, be thay harmonious, contermacious, or baith, or naither.
A wad like fine tae fin ane or twa faimlies wi bairns at the schuil, wi braid community contacks, teacher(s) aiblins, that wad alloo me an ma recorder tae follae thaim frae time tae time ower thae twa months.
Forbye that, A wad walcome onie suggestions anent whit ye think shuid be tellt aboot the fowk o Scotland. Whit e'er you Scots think ye ken aboot Denmark, ye can be shuir that, the ither wey aboot, it's gey scant, shalla an fause. A'm leukin forrit tae gittin tae ken the real thing."
Ane or twa o wir readers haes makit contack wi Ole areddies sae we can be shuir o him gittin his wittins anent the Scots leid strecht frae the horse's mooth. Gin oniebodie else wis o a mind tae contack him an aa (aa the mair, aa the better) e-mails shuid be sent tae [CENSORED: emailaddress] or [CENSORED: emailaddress]
Tak tent:- The oreeginal e-mail wis screivit in English but owerset intae Scots bi Scots Tung Wittins tae faa in wi the editorial ettles o Scots Tung an its wittins blad.
~~~ooo~~~
A Walcome Hame-comin o Scots Language tae The Scots Magazine.
EFTER a gey scant dale o the Scots leid in December's Scots Magazine, it wis guid tae see 1999 stertin aff wi a mair growthie dale o the leid in Januar's edeetion. Tho the auld raigler, Speaking Scots, daesna shaw its face for the first time in a month o Sundays, its place wis taen ower bi Ian Smith's, A Word, Your Honour! This wis alang the same gate as Speaking Scots but dailt mair wi Scots words an eedioms uised in the law an sic. Ane or twa o the exemplars gien wis the likes o, Stouthrief, Hamesucken, Tocher Band, Backhand Rent an Whitebonnet. The hinnermaist ane wis a body at an auction that workit haund in haund wi the seller, biddin for an airticle juist tae eik up the price.
Unholy Wullie's Halloween is a by-ordinar Scots pome bi Robert Menzies Banks, screivit in a souch no unalike that o Burns hissel an awfu weel stanced bi wey o it bein prentit on the page forenent Jenny Chaplin's, A Nicht Wi Burns. Jenny's cuttie story is aa aboot Burns' veage on the gate tae Auld Reekie in 1786. The story tells o some o the guid-fowk he met up wi an wis enterteened bi on his wey tae the capital. Frae stert tae feinish, her Scots is braw an wycelik. Ann Glen haes anither cuttie story cried, The First Alford Express aa anent a brainch railway line in Aiberdeenshire an, tho the narrative is screivit in English, the dialogue haes the narrative oot-nummert twa tae ane an it's aa screivit in a guid nor-aist Scots.
Brian D. Osborne screives anent the career o Lord Braxfield in The Hanging Judge an agane, juist the dialogue is screivit in Scots tho the'r no sae muckle o it this time nor is in Ann Glen's story. For aa that tho, thare wis an awfu lot mair o Scotland in Januar nor thare iver wis in the December edeetion.
~~~ooo~~~
Geordie Jooks' Twa Feres an a Heivenlie Gowf Coorse.
TWA three weeks efter Geordie Jooks haed thon awfu stramash doun at Gullane whan his gowf baa hit a puir sowl on the heid, twa o his feres wis haein a wee crack aboot it in the club-hoose at Monktonhaugh Gowf Club.
"Ay! If a baa's got yer name on it Wullie, the'r no a lot ye can dae aboot it." quo Sandy.
"A'm awfu gled ma name's Broon an no Dunlop." reponed Wullie afore pittin a swallae o beer ower his thrapple.
Efter a guid bicker thegither thay baith gaed quiet an thochtfu for a wee while than Wullie speirt, "A wunner if thay hae gowf coorses in Heiven?"
"Whit dae ye mean?" answert Sandy, "A aye thocht that the gowf coorse wis Heiven!"
"Ay, A ken. But efter ye dee." Wullie went on, "Daes that mean ye winna be able tae caa a gowf cleik for the hail o eternity or dae ye think thay'll hae gowf coorses in Heiven an aa?"
"A dinna ken aboot that." sayed Sandy, pouin at his lug, "But A'll tell ye this Wullie. If the'r no onie thair, A'm no gaun! A wadna ken whit tae dae wi masel if A didna hae ma gemm o gowf."
"Ay! It daesna thole thinkin aboot." girned Wullie efter anither waucht o beer, "An anither thing. The'r naebodie ye can speir on't – no e'en the meenister, for he wadna ken aither. Wad he?"
"Naw!" sayed Sandy, "He wadna ken a gowf baa frae a pan-drop. A doot the onlie wey tae fin oot is tae gaun thair yersel an mak siccar." "No me!" lauched Wullie, "A'll bide ma time. It's a ae wey road tae thon place.
Aince ye pit a fit ower the yett, the'r nae wey back."
"A didna mean it that wey Wullie. It's juist that if a spaewyfe can git wittins back frae the deid fowk, then thare maun be some wey tae fin oot if thay hae gowf coorses in Heiven or no."
"Ay! Aiblins if a gowfer we ken wis tae dee, a spaewyfe micht be able tae speir him."
"Tell ye whit oo'll dae!" Sandy sayed, "If A git taen afore you, an the'r onie wey at aa o gittin word back tae ye, A'll lat ye ken for shuir. An, for that maitter, if it's me that sees you oot, you can lat me ken. Hou's that?"
"Ay. A'm aa for that." reponed Wullie wi a girn on his face, spittin on his haund an shovin it forrit tae seal thair tryst.
Weel, efter yon day, twa three months gaed bye an a wheen mair gemms o gowf till ae day, Sandy up an dee'd. No that he haed been no weel or oniethin. He juist drappit doun deid efter his denner awfu sudden like. Three days efter, saw Wullie at the kirkyaird wi aa Sandy's ither freends an faimlie. Whan the meenister wis giein a wee prayer at the yirdin, Wullie's een wis shut, his heid wis doun an he wis greetin his hert oot whan, o a suddentie, he heard a wee whisper in his lug frae ahint. "Wullie!" it sayed. He birlt roond quick tae see wha it wis but naebodie wis thare.
"Wullie!" quo the vice agane, "It's me. Sandy!"
"Sandy? But you're supposed tae be deid!"
"Ay! Dae ye no think A ken A'm deid? A'v juist cam back for a meinit tae tell ye whit it's like in Heiven an tae keep oor tryst. Dae ye no mind?"
Wullie's face wis a sicht an he wis tremmlin frae heid tae fit as he speirt, "Is it raelie you, Sandy?"
"Ay." whispert the vice, "If it wisna me, hou wad A ken ye wis speirin on aboot the gowf coorses in Heiven?"
"Guidness! Hou ar ye Sandy?"
"Wullie, ye wadna believe hou guid it is here. The gowf coorses is oot o this warld. Ye shuid see thaim. A'm tellin ye Wullie, Monktonhaugh canna haud a caunle tae this place."
"A'm gled tae hear ye'r likin it sae weel Sandy, but oo'r aa missin ye somethin sair the nou."
"A ken, but dinna fash yersel aboot that the nou. The'r somethin A hae tae tell ye afore A gaun."
"Whit's that?"
"A haed a gliff at the teein aff times afore A cam awa, an oo'r baith beukit on the first tee for aicht o'clock the morn's mornin."
Makars's Neuk
An athort the lan
The gnash o fowk's
Thochts cam looder.
Fae sic burblins
A nation cuin
Keek oot-weys.
Andrew McNeil.
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Scots Tung Wittins 62
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