An epistle tae Wullie wi the broken jaw
Author(s): George Hynd
Copyright holder(s): George Hynd
A broken jaw must hiv been a terrible thing,
Tied up wi wire, nuts an bolts and wee pieces o' string.
Awbody askin if ye wir still feelin fine
and caw'n ye "The Pittenweem Farankenstein".
Wanderin' hame frae the Lodge wi yer haunds in yer pockit,
Ye tripped up on the pavement and took af like a rockit.
And just like Humpty Dumpty ye hid a great fa'
Hit yer gub aff the kerbstane an smashed up yer jaw!
They tell me ye wir stuck in a hospital bed,
So Ah wis just wonderin hoo the hell wir ye fed?
Yer body wid be screetchin oot fir some fuel
An' ye could nae survive on yon watery gruel!
But a suppose things maybe could hae been a bit wurse
Than being force fed by some big buxom nurse,
Whae wid make sure ye guzzled the wattery tripe
Wi' the aid o' a funnel and a length o'hose pipe!
Nae mince or tatties or guid auld greasy pies,
an' the sicht o' a steak wid bring tears tae yer eyes -
Nae fish or chips or a tasty bit troot,
An' whae wis the sadist that brought ye in fruit?
So Ah suppose ye'll be talkin' like a ventriloquist's dummy,
"Gi'es us a gottle o'geer an a wee dark rummy"
So tae help ye oot here's a wee gift frae me,
An make sure it's just used fur yer O.V.D.!
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An epistle tae Wullie wi the broken jaw. 2021. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved April 2021, from http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=31.
"An epistle tae Wullie wi the broken jaw." The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow, 2021. Web. April 2021. http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=31.
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