SCOTS Project - www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk Document : 32 Title : The Monday club Author(s): George Hynd Copyright holder(s): George Hynd Text The bear went oot yin Monday morn Wi intent tae dae sum spreadin' But at half past ten he washed his trowel An headed fur the Steadin' He'd been oan the scud the nicht afore An my his heid wis sair Thumpin' an throbbin' wi a' that drink It wis awfy sair tae bear It wis yin o the worst kind a man kin get A Huge, "Gigantic Sooster" An the only cure fur it that the bear kent Wis fur him tae get a booster So he parked his bum on a bar stool An croaked oot "Gies a pint o heavy" Wi tremblin' hands he lifted it An sipped the precious bevy "My God this is wonderful stuff" he thought "An its poured jist tae perfection" Then he quickly cowped it ower his throat One liquid injection. "Ah'll jist hae a couple o pints" he thought "An then ah'll head fur hame" "Gies anither pint Doll" He couldnae be bothered askin' her name An slowly his body, it came back tae life His sair heid wis feelin' a bit better An as he sank a few mair pints His thrapple it got a bit wetter Dinner time it came an it went Along wi aw the bar lunches An the members o the ski slope set wir hingin' aboot in wee bunches Then came a voice that the bear kent gie weel A voice that wis fair fu' o fun "Hullo Bear, how's it gaun ma bonny lad"? Twas his pal, whae wis called Willie Lunn Now Lunny the Looney's a big likeable sowl Whae jist loves tae hear tumblers clink An when him an the bear git taegither Nae excuses are needed fur drink So they got settled in, an they swallowed the pints An' the crack that day wis brand new As big Lunny an Bear, they laughed an they joked An slowly got pleasantly fu'. "Phone us a taxi, barmaid" Lunny cried oot As a ten pence tae her he did spin "Where ur yez gaun tae" the barmaid cried back "Tell him its fur Bilston Inn" So the taxi it came, an it gied them a hurl Richt ower tae the door o the Inn Which wis packed fu o punters, whae wur a' fu a bevy An creatin a hell o a din. The pub that day wis fair heavin' The Monday club it wis in full swing An Cammy the barman wis sweatin' As the till it kept gaun ding-a-ling Bear an Lunny got settled on stools 'cos they couldnae stand very long Then lunny came out wi is favourite cry "C'mon Bear lets sing a wee song" Well the sang the songs o Auld Lang Syne An they Sang aboot their dearies Like linties they were baith gien it laldy Their een birlin' roon like wee peeries They sang shoo woody was, an doo wap was. An the Bear he crooned whisperin' grass An all fo a sudden Lunny slipped of his stool An landed right upon his arse. He jist lay on the flair an he giggled 'cos he wis as fu as a bit An a stranger whae walked ower him on his way to the toilet Wis convinced Lunny wis haen a fit Then they got lined up wi' pool cues Along wi anither twa laddies An they aw walked aboot singin' "Livin' Doll" Jist like Cliff an' the Shaddies Roon' and roon' went the hands on the clock Time flies when yer aw haen fun An suddenly the Bear an big Lunny Discovered their money wis done "Dinnae worry aboot cash" said big Lunn tae the Bear "Tonight you an' I are baith lucky" 'Cos Telford's on holiday in Tennirefe "So we'll get wursels right on the chuckie" "Gies mair drink ower here Cammy" cried oot the Bear "Fur tonight we are drinkin' wur fill" An dinnae embarass us askin' fur money" Jist mark it a' up on the till. So they drank an they drank till the last bell An by then they couldnae drink ony mair An airm in airm up the road they rolled Big Lunny an his pal the Bear Up Park Avenue the Bear crawled Well watered an now needin' fed But alas the hoose wis in darkness An the Big Yin awa' tae hir bed So he raked in the fridge, an found a cauld pie Which he ate lyin' doon on the flair Where he woke up next mornin' aboot 6 o'clock Fair stiff, a' cauld an a' sair Well the Bear he went oot on the Tuesday morn An hap tae dae some spreadin' An he still had his sair heid frae the day afore An nae money tae go tae the steadin'. This work is protected by copyright. All rights reserved. The SCOTS Project and the University of Glasgow do not necessarily endorse, support or recommend the views expressed in this document. Information about document and author: Text Text audience General public: Audience size: 1 Text details Method of composition: Handwritten Year of composition: 1995 Word count: 805 Text type Poem/song/ballad: Author Author details Author id: 611 Forenames: George Surname: Hynd Gender: Male Decade of birth: 1940 Educational attainment: None Age left school: 15 Upbringing/religious beliefs: Protestantism Occupation: Retired Plasterer Place of birth: Dunfermline Region of birth: Fife Birthplace CSD dialect area: Fif Country of birth: Scotland Place of residence: Bilston, Roslin Region of residence: Midlothian Residence CSD dialect area: midLoth Father's occupation: Plasterer Father's place of birth: Kelty Father's region of birth: Fife Father's birthplace CSD dialect area: Fif Father's country of birth: Scotland Mother's occupation: Housewife Mother's place of birth: Kelty Mother's region of birth: Fife Mother's birthplace CSD dialect area: Fif Mother's country of birth: Scotland Languages: Language: English Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Language: Scots Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: