SCOTS Project - www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk Document : 639 Title : Dipper: 27 - The Lassies Author(s): Dr James A Begg Copyright holder(s): Dr James A Begg Text Written as part of the "Toast tae the Lassies" for the Anniversary Dinner of Alloway Burns Club, 23rd January 1986. Ye men, wha think ye're God's anyntit, Tae rule the roost by Him apyntit, An rule the warld, if ye've a mind t' it, An craw sae crouse; Hark nou - ye'll sair be disappyntit, Gin I cook yer goose! I’ faith, I think ye ken whit's comin, For Weemin's Lib hae deived ye, drummin That 'hint ilk man there stauns a wumman - Sae wyce an douce - That evidence richt nou I'll summon - An let it loose! Wee hungert bairn, aicht pun at least, Bawlin awa like muckle beast, Till a soukin mou grups ticht her breist, An ye draw thegither; Whaur had ye gotten sic a feast - Forbye yer Mither? Wha chynged yer nappies, bonny wean, An mony a waukrife nicht has lain, As ye girnt awa wi grippin pain O colic bad? That tentie sowl, it gaes wi'oot sayin - Wis no yer Dad! An as ye grew, an skint yer knees, Or hame frae schule ye'd come wi fleas, Whan snotters flew wi every sneeze, Wha'd dicht ye clean? - Ne'er ance did Faither - (at his ease) Himsel demean! An throu thon lang het simmer weeks, Whan lads ran free wi girrs an cleeks, Ye'd tear the erse whiles oot yer breeks, On trees an busses; Wha'd shew them up tae hide yer 'cheeks' - An spare yer blushes? Mind, wha wis't then gied lads a pree, O joys o life that were tae be, As gethert roun wi boyish glee, An smirks an snickers; They haunstauns did, for aa tae see - Their navy knickers? There's mair tae come, if ye'd but listen, For wha, wi rosy lips a-glisten, Garrd lads fin oot whit they'd been missin, (For aa their talk!) Wi birlin heids frae aa that kissin - At Postman's Knock? Syne whiles at Pairties, whiles at Dances, Lads stuid aroun the waas like pansies, Ilk ane e'ein up the lass he fancies, But feart tae stert; O mony a callant's tint his chances, For want o hert! Whit cantraip's this maks men o muscle, Wha wi bricks an timmer tussle, Heich abune the City's bustle, As traffic passes, Tae doun their graith, an staun an whustle, At bonny lassies? - Maks laddies sclim the heichest trees, Or in the cauld Antarctic freeze, Or sail across the stormy seas, Tae win the land, Then blate, gae doun on bendit knees, Tae ask her haund. Nae man can tell juist whit beguiles, There's some wad caa it Weemin's Wiles, An blame it aa on Fashion's styles, That turn oor heids; But aye the wyce-like lassie smiles, An tends oor needs. There's aye a freshly laundert sark, Spotless white, withoot a mark, Oor meat's aye ready efter dark, If late we're hame; But is she ready for a lark? - It's aye the same! In single beds there's some wha swank it, Wi piggy, or electric blanket, But better faur, an Lord be thankit, If these ye lack! Whaur else suid icy feet be plankit - Nor a saft, warm back! Yet still an aa, we maunna grummle, Whan kists an tubes begin tae rummle, An intae bed we tak a tummle, Wi cauld or flu; Tho juist anent Daith's Door we trimmle - She'll pou us throu! Still, mind ye lads, it maks ye think, While slavin ower the kitchen sink, Nae wunner weemin tak tae drink, Tae lowse their chains, As aa their dreams o jewels an mink, Gang doun the drains! But nou's their Day o Liberation, Aflame wi richteous indignation, They've risen frae their hummle station - As weel we've seen; A Wumman even rules the Nation - An it's no the Queen! Wha else wad wrap us roun her finger, Shove us heid-furst throu the wringer, Or in a flamin temper swing ‘er Rollin-peen, An skelp us wi a real humdinger - Atween the een! Aa roun aboot the roles are switchin, Nou faithers plowter in the kitchen, Daein aa the cairryin an fetchin, (Whit dreary lives!) Wi a guidsicht mair o girnin, bitchin, Than did their wives! If truth be tellt, we're on the spot, (The hale stramash is aye oor faut) An weel deserved whit e'er we got, As like as no; Deep doun we ken they're no a bad lot - 'S faur's weemin go! Tak mithers, sisters, dochters braw, Grannies, aunts, e'en mithers-in-law, Guid-sisters, kizzens, nieces aa, Frae faur an near; Tho they micht aiblins threip awa - We lou them dear! Guid men, cast Prejudice aside, An niver true Emotion hide Frae the gentle wumman by yer side, But chairge yer tassies; An rise wi deep, respectfu Pride - Tae toast 'The Lassies'! ___ crouse/bold deived/deafened soukin/sucking waukrife/sleepless tentie/attentive dicht/wipe girr/iron hoop shew/sew callant/youth cantraip/spell timmer/timber sclim/climb meat/food piggy/earthenware hot-water bottle kist/chest skelp/smack plowter/splash aimlessly stramash/squabble guid-sister/sister-in-law threip/harp on tassies/goblets This work is protected by copyright. All rights reserved. The SCOTS Project and the University of Glasgow do not necessarily endorse, support or recommend the views expressed in this document. Information about document and author: Text Text audience General public: Audience size: 1000+ Text details Method of composition: Handwritten Year of composition: 1985 Word count: 880 General description: Anthology of prizewinning and other Scots poems, and short stories in Ayrshire Scots. This poem is the Diploma Winner (Highly Commended) Scots Section S.N.O.P.C. 1989. Text medium Book: Radio: Other: Audiocassette Text publication details Published: Publisher: Luath Press Publication year: 1991 Place of publication: Barr, Ayrshire ISBN/ISSN: 0946487227 Edition: First Part of larger text: Contained in: The Dipper an the Three Wee Deils: Tales and Poems in Ayrshire Scots Editor: Authors: Dr. J. A. Begg and J. Reid Page numbers: 64-67 Text setting Leisure/entertainment: Private/personal: Text type Poem/song/ballad: Author Author details Author id: 623 Title: Dr Forenames: James Initials: A Surname: Begg Gender: Male Decade of birth: 1940 Educational attainment: University Age left school: 17 Upbringing/religious beliefs: Protestantism Occupation: Medical Practitioner Place of birth: New Cumnock Region of birth: S Ayr Birthplace CSD dialect area: Ayr Country of birth: Scotland Place of residence: Ayr Region of residence: S Ayr Residence CSD dialect area: Ayr Country of residence: Scotland Father's occupation: Clerical Officer, NCB Father's place of birth: Sandbank Father's region of birth: Argyll Father's birthplace CSD dialect area: Arg Father's country of birth: Scotland Mother's occupation: Primary Teacher Mother's place of birth: New Cumnock Mother's region of birth: S Ayr Mother's birthplace CSD dialect area: Ayr Mother's country of birth: Scotland Languages: Language: Danish Speak: No Read: No Write: No Understand: No Circumstances: A little Language: English Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Home, socially, at work Language: French Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Holidaying in France Language: Norwegian Speak: No Read: No Write: No Understand: No Circumstances: A little Language: Scots Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Home, socially, at work