SCOTS Project - www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk Document : 759 Title : Tetchie Auld-timer Author(s): John Henderson Copyright holder(s): John Henderson Text Ma hurdies they’re aye achin. Ma big tae’s goat the goot. Ma hearin’s nae sae guid they days. Cam claise … ‘Nae need tae shoot’! Ma neck gits stiff syne i ma’ kip. Nae pillows mak it richt. Ah’ve tried yon rubber collars tae, But canna staun’em ticht! Ma sense o guff’s jist ribbish. Ma taste buds they’re aye dry. Nae pleesure ony mair fer me, In ma butcher’s mutton pie! Ma sicht it’s failin by the hoor. The tellie’s oot o focus. Physeeshun says its glaucoma, Oar sim sich hokus-pokus! Syne warst o a, ma back’s aye sair. Each step a tak gies gyp. Nae wunner thit ma kimmer says, “Ye’re ready fer the skip!” A soond an affa scunner me, Fair hypochondriacal. Bit niver mynd a aye can eese, Ma wee bit ‘block-an-tackle’! This work is protected by copyright. All rights reserved. The SCOTS Project and the University of Glasgow do not necessarily endorse, support or recommend the views expressed in this document. Information about document and author: Text Text audience Adults (18+): Other: Knew some recipients of text. Audience size: 1000+ Writer knew intended audience: Text details Method of composition: Wordprocessed Word count: 149 Text medium Web (webpages, discussion boards, newsgroups, chat rooms): Text publication details Published: Publisher: Electric Scotland Publication year: 2004 Place of publication: http://www.electricscotland.com/poetry/doggerels.htm Part of a longer series of texts: Name of series: Doggerels and other poems Text setting Leisure/entertainment: Text type Poem/song/ballad: Author Author details Author id: 782 Forenames: John Surname: Henderson Gender: Male Decade of birth: 1930 Educational attainment: University Age left school: 18 Upbringing/religious beliefs: Protestantism Occupation: University Lecturer (retired) Place of birth: Causewayhead Region of birth: Stirling Birthplace CSD dialect area: Stlg Country of birth: Scotland Place of residence: Emba Region of residence: Paphos Country of residence: Cyprus Father's occupation: Headteacher Father's place of birth: Dunblane Father's region of birth: E & SE Perthshire Father's birthplace CSD dialect area: Per Father's country of birth: Scotland Mother's occupation: Teacher Mother's place of birth: Falkirk Mother's region of birth: Stirling Mother's birthplace CSD dialect area: Stlg Mother's country of birth: Scotland Languages: Language: English Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Everywhere Language: Scots Speak: Yes Read: Yes Write: Yes Understand: Yes Circumstances: Where required