The Nyaff (Scottish Types No. 2)
Author(s): Tom Hubbard
Copyright holder(s): Tom Hubbard
Ane nebstril heezed at you gin that you were
A duggie’s tolie he had trodden on;
The N enters your lug, slaw, leesurely,
Tweestin, searin sherp and neat,
Then the YAAAAAA crescendos as ti brust your heid –
A siren warnin o invasioun –
Then, sudden, the FFff faas fortissimo,
His teeth upon his lip ti shut you oot.
O, but you’d grien ti enter wi your fist!
You yourself pronounce the word quick eneuch –
- NYAFF. A snotterie N, the Y a hint
o YOU, PISS (understuid), then AFF, git aff
o ma kintra! – YOU PRISS AFF, YE SLEEKIT NYAFF –
No that there’s ever a nyaff at wisna sleekit
As we’ve kent syne seventeen-seeven (at the least).
A Scottish type? O ay! He’s shair he’s Scottish:
It’s awfly nyice to be beck in the mutha countri,
At a taïme like this. I’d retha live in Enbra
Than any utha citi in th Yoo Kay.
So many concets, opra, prahvate views,
Bk launches – Scotland’s netional drink: chp waïne!
Chp waïne, indeed, the natives always waïning.
Nevah maïnd: I even knew the Gay Lick f Scotland,
And wen I pronyced it ELBA, I got the job.
ELBA indeed! Gin that he’s sic a Scot,
You’d lang ti drap him on a faur-oot inch
A hunner mile due west o Papa Westray.
He’s a dominator i the guise o a liberator,
He’s the verra Nyaffoleon Bonyaffarte o nyaffs:
- Tho true, that’s faur fae fair on the Empriour
Wha wisna near successful as oor nyaff.
Tho rare wad be ’s retrait fae Edinbro,
Snaw cuidna freeze him oot: he’d freeze the snaw.
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The Nyaff (Scottish Types No. 2). 2020. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved December 2020, from http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=739.
"The Nyaff (Scottish Types No. 2)." The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow, 2020. Web. December 2020. http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=739.
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