Aboot Cuddies an Camels
Author(s): Robert Fairnie
Copyright holder(s): Robert Fairnie
The Sultan cried aw his advisers thegither an got thaim telt that he wantit his country tae hae a modern transportation system an aw, foondit on thon prototype “cuddy” system. He chairged his advisors tae set up a twal man Transportation Comatee, taen frae aw the best academic brains in the country, tae design a prototype “supercuddy” that wad gie thair country the best an maist modern transportation system in the warld.
Weel the Comatee got yokit tae an first aff they got haud o some prototype cuddy design drawins an set oot tae tweek a wee bit here an a wee bit thare tae improve on the original design. Ae academic wisnae aw that taen wi the cuddy’s feet. Ithers wis o the consait that the existin feet on the prototype cuddy haed been proven in ither countries sae it micht be best juist tae leave weel alane. “Naw!” said the first yin, “Thae kind o feet micht be aw richt for in the touns or e’en in landwart airts that haes plenty o causie roads but this country haes naethin but desert sand frae ae border tae the tither. A doot thae kind o feet micht sink intae the sand an the cuddy micht end up cowpin ower. A think the contact area o the fit haes tae be made a guid bit bigger sae as tae cut doon the pressure per square centimetre on the sand an that wey the feet winnae sink sae faur in.”
Thon wis juist yin o the mony chynges the comatee cam oot wi. The middle o the cuddy’s back wis heezed up an the legs lenthened sae that the rider cuid see ower the knowes frae the fit o the howes in the sand. Coorse langer shanks meant a langer neck an then reserve watter tanks an reserve fuid stores wis fittit.
Efter mony years the super-cuddy wis feinisht an presentit tae the Sultan. The Sultan cuidnae believe his een when he first got sicht o the new prototype an speirt, “Whit in the name o the wee man is this ugsome craitur for it leuks naethin like a cuddy an ye aw ken fine it wis a cuddy that A wis efter?” The comatee set aboot pyntin oot aw the advantages the new design haed ower the auld yin an in the hinneren the Sultan, kennin there wisnae nae time tae stert ower agane, said they wad juist hae tae try it oot an mak the best o’t then he added, “But we cannae cry this ugsome thing a cuddy for it disnae leuk naethin like yin. Whit are we gaun tae cry it?”
The comatee scartit thair heids then ane o thaim proposed tae cry it a “camel”.
“A camel? Whit’s a camel?”
“A dinnae ken but it soonds aboot richt.”
“Wait a meenit, A’ve fund it in ma dictionar.” cried anither an read it oot tae awbody, “Camel – the final ootcome ilka time a comatee sets oot tae design a cuddy, whiles better kent as the ship o the desert.”
“Weel A doot it’ll hae tae be ‘camel’ efter aw.” said the Sultan, “Some bluidy cuddy this haes turnt oot tae be! Nixt time, A’d be juist as weel daein the job masel!”
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Aboot Cuddies an Camels. 2023. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved March 2023, from http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=752.
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