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Document 376

The lasses take the biscuit, O!

Author(s): Michael Hamish Glen

Copyright holder(s): Michael Hamish Glen

Text

1.
Two hundred years and more have gone,
Since Robert died. In vain, not one,
(They give us cause for having fun)
For still his exploits with us run.

He knew ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

2.
It's to the lads I speak tonight -
O Lord you make a winsome sight,
(Just clean your lips of that last bite!)
With waistcoats fine, and pates so bright!

But ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

3.
When anxious hands are wont to tell,
Where luscious treasure trove may dwell,
In grassy grove or ferny dell
(Where organs have been known to swell).

O! dear ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

4.
And if you long for mountain tops,
Where silken mist so gently drops
(With clefts to linger in, perhaps),
Forget old Jura with her Paps.

For ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

5.
At fall of dusk, or after dark
(Now, there's the time to make your mark),
When roaming through a bushy park,
Below her skirt you'll chance to lark.

O! yes ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

6.
When restless eyes are casting round
And fertile thoughts in you abound,
She'll pull your trousers to the ground!
(Make sure, of course, she's no gay hound.)

Yes, lads ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

7.
When overwhelmed by thoughts salacious,
Care not a docken to be gracious;
For girls in teens can be rapacious
(With parts against you quite capacious).

Devil knows ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

8.
Care not that one small lively sperm
(Its freedom might not last its term),
Could cause such awful fear and harm.
The bull in you would fill a farm!

O! Lord ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

9.
If naughty nukie's what you dare
(And every fellow likes his share),
Of whisky you must take great care
Lest nights of passion perish bare.

O! ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

10.
For, if your friend's John Barleycorn,
Go easy, for he'll shrink your horn
(Like any babe's, just newly born),
And bring out shrieks of heartless scorn.

You know ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

11.
But, when blust'ry days are memory's name,
And power to fill her womb is lame,
Look softly at your chosen dame
(In hope she's blind to all your shame).

Yes, well ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

12.
When illness hits you like a stone,
Or when you've got a broken bone
(You're shuffling, sickly, all alone),
They cosset you with tender tone.

O! ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

13.
But if they're limping on one leg
(Like Cousin Nellie's wooden peg),
They never moan or whine or beg;
A northern lass is no dull dreg.

For, remember ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

14.
When winds are cursed that blow from south
(And rattle teeth in every mouth),
To name the blast would be uncouth;
Now lads, there rests a single truth.

Yes, yes ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

15.
O! O! but, if your loins have expectation
(Of deep and sumptious penetration),
Just knuckle down - to rich temptation!
And roar in brazen delectation.

O! man ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

16.
So, stretch your hand out, trusty peers
(For now my chatter's outcome nears),
And hoist your glass with lusty cheers,
To call a toast to last for years!

Come on, you tom-cats! ...
The lasses bake ...
The lasses break ...
The lasses take the biscuit, O!

To the lasses!

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The SCOTS Project and the University of Glasgow do not necessarily endorse, support or recommend the views expressed in this document.

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APA Style:

The lasses take the biscuit, O!. 2020. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved November 2020, from http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=376.

MLA Style:

"The lasses take the biscuit, O!." The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow, 2020. Web. November 2020. http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=376.

Chicago Style

The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech, s.v., "The lasses take the biscuit, O!," accessed November 2020, http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=376.

If your style guide prefers a single bibliography entry for this resource, we recommend:

The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. 2020. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk.

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Information about Document 376

The lasses take the biscuit, O!

Text

Text audience

Other Done for fun for those not able to understand original.
Audience size 3-5
Writer knew intended audience

Text details

Method of composition Wordprocessed
Year of composition 1995
Title of original (if translation) The Lassies tak the Bannock, O!
Author of original (if translation) Michael Hamish Glen
Language of original (if translation) Scots
Word count 687
General description Translation of verse eulogy to 'The Lassies' originally in Burns' style.

Text medium

Other printed document

Text setting

Leisure/entertainment

Text type

Poem/song/ballad

Author

Author details

Author id 609
Forenames Michael Hamish
Surname Glen
Gender Male
Decade of birth 1940
Educational attainment Highers/A-levels
Age left school 18
Upbringing/religious beliefs Atheist
Occupation Writer/Heritage management consultant
Place of birth Bearsden
Region of birth Dunbarton
Birthplace CSD dialect area Dnbt
Country of birth Scotland
Place of residence Tarbert
Region of residence Argyll
Residence CSD dialect area Arg
Country of residence Scotland
Father's occupation Chartered Accountant
Father's place of birth Cambuslang
Father's region of birth Lanark
Father's birthplace CSD dialect area Lnk
Father's country of birth Scotland
Mother's occupation Lawyer
Mother's place of birth Glasgow
Mother's region of birth Glasgow
Mother's birthplace CSD dialect area Gsw
Mother's country of birth Scotland

Languages

Language Speak Read Write Understand Circumstances
English Yes Yes Yes Yes All circumstances
French Yes Yes Yes Yes On holiday, not entirely fluent
Gaelic; Scottish Gaelic No No Yes No Used in commissioned writing with help of speakers
Italian Yes No Yes Yes A little written and spoken
Scots Yes Yes Yes Yes In commissioned and personal writing and conversat

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